James sat silently with the rest of the Marauders. Remus and Peter were
bickering over their chessboard while the pieces grew angry at their
masters. Sirius was sitting beside James on the comfy couch grinning
broadly hoping to attract the attention of some girls sitting across the
room. James was playing with a snitch in his pocket going over the events
of the past day in his head. It was true that James had given up on bugging
Lily at the beginning of the sixth year, but only because she'd finally
lost her temper and hexed the shit out of him. He still thought of her
frequently, remembering the first time he'd rested his eyes on her. In
truth he thought of her more now than ever. His friends still heard about
her but all-in-all he left her alone with her books. Sirius had immediately
taken over because Lily always flirted back, but soon Sirius got bored with
her and they both turned sour. Normally Lily had awful things to say to the
Marauders, especially Sirius, but yesterday, on their way to Dumbledore's
office when he said that rude comment, she stared at him. James had watched
her unusually dull eyes fill with realization as she stuttered unable to
speak. He'd watched her eyes fill with tears before she dashed away. James
spent more then one third of his time at Hogwarts watching Lily, as freaky
as that sounds but he was so intrigued by her, and never before had he seen
her cry.
"Hey," Sirius whispered nudging James out of his thoughts, "Check this out,"
He grinned broadly at James as James looked up to see Mirinda Mincent, a super hot blonde seventh year walking towards them. She walked right up to Sirius and reached down grabbing his tie and pulling him up towards him. With a wink Sirius walked off his drool practically falling off his chin. James looked back at Lily as she shifted on her chair and quickly looked down at her book. Had she been looking at him? James caught her eye again as she looked up and over at him brushing her hair behind one ear. He let out a sigh as Peters queen stabbed at Remus's rook.
Lily buried her nose in a book like she normally did when something was wrong. Over the past months Sirius had become her escape but now her books were back. She stared at the page for a while longer before she glanced over at the Marauders corner. Sirius was sitting on their couch beside James who was deep in though. Sirius was grinning, the grin that made her heart melt. It had only been a day without him and she couldn't stand it. She was so used to his touch, his whisper, his kiss. She followed his gaze and realized it was set on a few girls who's dress shirts were unbuttoned a little too low, and were giggling very flirtatiously. She had half a mind to go over and yell at them for flirting with her man, but she couldn't. Alice was no where to be found, but when was she ever? The dark circles that hung around Lily's eyes showed her lack of sleep. She rubbed her finger where Sirius's promise ring had sat and then glanced back over at him. She could see it glinting on his hand in the light from the fireplace. She let out a sigh turning the page. She swallowed the sob that was aching in her throat. Movement caught her eye again and she looked up to see Mirinda Mincent, a super sluty fellow seventh year head towards The Marauders corner. She watched in horror as she reached down for Sirius's tie seductively and pulled him up towards him. Sirius needed a bucket to collect the drool that was dripping down his chin. Lily's large eyes looked away only to find James staring at her. She looked at him for a moment, thinking about the new relationship she had to start and then quickly looked down at her book. The page blurred with tears as she thought of how much affect the people around you must have. Look at the way Sirius was behaving, when he was with Lily he never acted like that. And it was true. Sirius was now walking around making fun of everyone he considered less than him, which was surprising to Lily, because she always figured he would sympathize since he was considered less at home. The sudden weight on the couch beside her made her look up from her book. James was sitting beside her.
"Hey Evans," James smiled.
"Hello, James." she replied without enthusiasm. He frowned slightly.
"Look, I was just thinking about yesterday, you know? when we saw you in the hall by yourself?"
"Yea what about it?" she said looking back to her book.
"Well, you were different," James told her.
Lily's stomach flopped.
"What are you talking about?"
"I mean, you acted so weird, I've bugged you so many times before, and said way worse stuff about you, and I've never seen you speechless or seen you cry..." he trailed as she looked at him, "Is anything wrong?"
"N-no," she whispered staring into his almond eyes. The problem with being with James wasn't that she wasn't attracted. She always had been, but her heart belonged with Sirius. James was searching her eyes, he didn't believe her, "Well, look James its pretty complicated, its a long story," she finished.
"I've got time," he said leaning back.
She let out a sigh closing her book,
"I just found out this summer that my dad, really isn't my dad." She let out, "And so now I feel like I'm an orphan you know? I feel like I don't even know who I am, and I'm just a little emotional," she was relieved at how easy it was talking to him, even if she wasn't telling him the full truth.
"That wasn't long," he commented. She snickered and rolled her eyes, "Hey I'm just kidding, that must be pretty tough. I guess I could relate though, my parents..." he faltered. Lily's eyes grew big; James's parents must have still died.
"James you don't have to talk about them, I know it must be hard, with them gone and everything," She whispered.
"H-how did you know that?" he asked scrunching up his eyebrows.
"I just heard about it," she said taking a deep breath.
"It wasn't made public," he told her.
"Maybe I overhead someone then?" Lily whispered.
James shook his head still staring at her confused, "Anyway it doesn't matter, the point is, I am an orphan,"
"You've got you're friends, Sirius is a good friend." Lily commented, "They are like you're family."
"You are right," He looked at her again, "They are."
There was an awkward silence. James was a bit confused. It was like she knew him, more than he thought she did. It was bugging him, because when he had tried to kill himself over the summer he had sworn he'd heard his voice inside his head, but that was impossible. He stared at her a moment longer,
"So are you okay?" they asked each other at the same time. James grinned at her, and Lily smiled slightly.
"Yes I'm okay, just a little tired lately," she told him.
"Me too, all this emotional stress," he laughed, but his face became serious once more, "Maybe you should go to bed Evans, you look horrible,"
"Thank-you James," she said irritably.
"I didn't mean it like that," he said truthfully as she stood up, "Do you need any help?"
"No, I'm fine, goodnight." and with that she began to make her way towards the stairs that lead to the girls dormitory.
"Hey Evans," James called. She turned, "Maybe you'd want to go to Hogsmede with me, and we can talk some more," he suggested.
She laughed, "You never give up do you?" she asked him as he approached her once more.
"I thought I did good for the last year and a half," James smiled lopsidedly. She looked at him inquisitively.
"You know, leaving you alone, barely talking to you and all?" he asked.
"Oh, right," she said going red, "I guess you have,"
"Goodnight James." she said again.
"Goodnight Evans," James replied watching her disappear up the stairs.
While Lily lie in bed she thought about how James had sort of asked her out on a date, and how Hogsmede was the first place her and Sirius had gone. She wondered what Sirius was off doing right now, and she cringed at the thought of him touching somebody else.
"I don't want him to love you like I do," Sirius had whispered the night before.
"He can't" She'd told him, but now she wondered if Sirius was off loving some other girl the way he loved her. 'If he can even love at all,' she thought sadly reminding herself of his new personality. She turned over, but after five minutes of holding her eyes shut, she just couldn't sleep. She just kept repeating moments with Sirius over in her head. She tried to re piece her new history hoping to tire her brain. James's parents had still died. Lily was hoping that wouldn't have happened. James had left her alone for a year and a half. Wow. She was back to being the bookworm know it all. She smiled as she thought of Sirius in the library almost a year ago. But last years memories were different from him. In fact she was the only person in the world with them. She wondered as she remember the Time- Turner still in her bag if she couldn't just go back almost 18 years ago when her mother had slept with Voldemort and stopped her from doing so somehow. She let out a sigh. This was what happened the night before. Random thoughts: revolving around Sirius. She rolled over again smashing her face into the pillow. 'Maybe when I wake up,' she thought, 'My life will be a horrible bad dream,'
You, you're everything I know
I'm happy when I'm sad
Through all the times we shared
I never felt alone
Now, I still can smell your skin
I still can taste your kiss
And that I'll always miss
And everything we've ever been
Now I'm broken... without you
I'm broken, ... broken without you
I'm broken, ... broken without you
I cannot fall asleep
Lying in my bed
Spinning in my head
Thinking how it used to be
Now I'm broken... without you
I'm broken, ... broken without you
I'm broken, ... broken without you
I'm sick of crying it's all I do
Been counting days to just get through
I'm trying to be strong but it's just no use
I'm broken over you
I'm broken, ... broken without you
I'm broken, ... broken without you
You, you're everything I know
I still can taste your kiss
And I'll always miss
Everything you've ever been
And I'm broken... without you
-Angela Ammons
"Hey," Sirius whispered nudging James out of his thoughts, "Check this out,"
He grinned broadly at James as James looked up to see Mirinda Mincent, a super hot blonde seventh year walking towards them. She walked right up to Sirius and reached down grabbing his tie and pulling him up towards him. With a wink Sirius walked off his drool practically falling off his chin. James looked back at Lily as she shifted on her chair and quickly looked down at her book. Had she been looking at him? James caught her eye again as she looked up and over at him brushing her hair behind one ear. He let out a sigh as Peters queen stabbed at Remus's rook.
Lily buried her nose in a book like she normally did when something was wrong. Over the past months Sirius had become her escape but now her books were back. She stared at the page for a while longer before she glanced over at the Marauders corner. Sirius was sitting on their couch beside James who was deep in though. Sirius was grinning, the grin that made her heart melt. It had only been a day without him and she couldn't stand it. She was so used to his touch, his whisper, his kiss. She followed his gaze and realized it was set on a few girls who's dress shirts were unbuttoned a little too low, and were giggling very flirtatiously. She had half a mind to go over and yell at them for flirting with her man, but she couldn't. Alice was no where to be found, but when was she ever? The dark circles that hung around Lily's eyes showed her lack of sleep. She rubbed her finger where Sirius's promise ring had sat and then glanced back over at him. She could see it glinting on his hand in the light from the fireplace. She let out a sigh turning the page. She swallowed the sob that was aching in her throat. Movement caught her eye again and she looked up to see Mirinda Mincent, a super sluty fellow seventh year head towards The Marauders corner. She watched in horror as she reached down for Sirius's tie seductively and pulled him up towards him. Sirius needed a bucket to collect the drool that was dripping down his chin. Lily's large eyes looked away only to find James staring at her. She looked at him for a moment, thinking about the new relationship she had to start and then quickly looked down at her book. The page blurred with tears as she thought of how much affect the people around you must have. Look at the way Sirius was behaving, when he was with Lily he never acted like that. And it was true. Sirius was now walking around making fun of everyone he considered less than him, which was surprising to Lily, because she always figured he would sympathize since he was considered less at home. The sudden weight on the couch beside her made her look up from her book. James was sitting beside her.
"Hey Evans," James smiled.
"Hello, James." she replied without enthusiasm. He frowned slightly.
"Look, I was just thinking about yesterday, you know? when we saw you in the hall by yourself?"
"Yea what about it?" she said looking back to her book.
"Well, you were different," James told her.
Lily's stomach flopped.
"What are you talking about?"
"I mean, you acted so weird, I've bugged you so many times before, and said way worse stuff about you, and I've never seen you speechless or seen you cry..." he trailed as she looked at him, "Is anything wrong?"
"N-no," she whispered staring into his almond eyes. The problem with being with James wasn't that she wasn't attracted. She always had been, but her heart belonged with Sirius. James was searching her eyes, he didn't believe her, "Well, look James its pretty complicated, its a long story," she finished.
"I've got time," he said leaning back.
She let out a sigh closing her book,
"I just found out this summer that my dad, really isn't my dad." She let out, "And so now I feel like I'm an orphan you know? I feel like I don't even know who I am, and I'm just a little emotional," she was relieved at how easy it was talking to him, even if she wasn't telling him the full truth.
"That wasn't long," he commented. She snickered and rolled her eyes, "Hey I'm just kidding, that must be pretty tough. I guess I could relate though, my parents..." he faltered. Lily's eyes grew big; James's parents must have still died.
"James you don't have to talk about them, I know it must be hard, with them gone and everything," She whispered.
"H-how did you know that?" he asked scrunching up his eyebrows.
"I just heard about it," she said taking a deep breath.
"It wasn't made public," he told her.
"Maybe I overhead someone then?" Lily whispered.
James shook his head still staring at her confused, "Anyway it doesn't matter, the point is, I am an orphan,"
"You've got you're friends, Sirius is a good friend." Lily commented, "They are like you're family."
"You are right," He looked at her again, "They are."
There was an awkward silence. James was a bit confused. It was like she knew him, more than he thought she did. It was bugging him, because when he had tried to kill himself over the summer he had sworn he'd heard his voice inside his head, but that was impossible. He stared at her a moment longer,
"So are you okay?" they asked each other at the same time. James grinned at her, and Lily smiled slightly.
"Yes I'm okay, just a little tired lately," she told him.
"Me too, all this emotional stress," he laughed, but his face became serious once more, "Maybe you should go to bed Evans, you look horrible,"
"Thank-you James," she said irritably.
"I didn't mean it like that," he said truthfully as she stood up, "Do you need any help?"
"No, I'm fine, goodnight." and with that she began to make her way towards the stairs that lead to the girls dormitory.
"Hey Evans," James called. She turned, "Maybe you'd want to go to Hogsmede with me, and we can talk some more," he suggested.
She laughed, "You never give up do you?" she asked him as he approached her once more.
"I thought I did good for the last year and a half," James smiled lopsidedly. She looked at him inquisitively.
"You know, leaving you alone, barely talking to you and all?" he asked.
"Oh, right," she said going red, "I guess you have,"
"Goodnight James." she said again.
"Goodnight Evans," James replied watching her disappear up the stairs.
While Lily lie in bed she thought about how James had sort of asked her out on a date, and how Hogsmede was the first place her and Sirius had gone. She wondered what Sirius was off doing right now, and she cringed at the thought of him touching somebody else.
"I don't want him to love you like I do," Sirius had whispered the night before.
"He can't" She'd told him, but now she wondered if Sirius was off loving some other girl the way he loved her. 'If he can even love at all,' she thought sadly reminding herself of his new personality. She turned over, but after five minutes of holding her eyes shut, she just couldn't sleep. She just kept repeating moments with Sirius over in her head. She tried to re piece her new history hoping to tire her brain. James's parents had still died. Lily was hoping that wouldn't have happened. James had left her alone for a year and a half. Wow. She was back to being the bookworm know it all. She smiled as she thought of Sirius in the library almost a year ago. But last years memories were different from him. In fact she was the only person in the world with them. She wondered as she remember the Time- Turner still in her bag if she couldn't just go back almost 18 years ago when her mother had slept with Voldemort and stopped her from doing so somehow. She let out a sigh. This was what happened the night before. Random thoughts: revolving around Sirius. She rolled over again smashing her face into the pillow. 'Maybe when I wake up,' she thought, 'My life will be a horrible bad dream,'
You, you're everything I know
I'm happy when I'm sad
Through all the times we shared
I never felt alone
Now, I still can smell your skin
I still can taste your kiss
And that I'll always miss
And everything we've ever been
Now I'm broken... without you
I'm broken, ... broken without you
I'm broken, ... broken without you
I cannot fall asleep
Lying in my bed
Spinning in my head
Thinking how it used to be
Now I'm broken... without you
I'm broken, ... broken without you
I'm broken, ... broken without you
I'm sick of crying it's all I do
Been counting days to just get through
I'm trying to be strong but it's just no use
I'm broken over you
I'm broken, ... broken without you
I'm broken, ... broken without you
You, you're everything I know
I still can taste your kiss
And I'll always miss
Everything you've ever been
And I'm broken... without you
-Angela Ammons