Hey people, I hope you had some great holydays, so did Samantha :) Note: we
human beings contradict ourselves constantly.
Dear Diary,
I finally found something. I don't really know if it is that important or anything, but it makes me see some things until now I couldn't. The truth is that I've had my happy times, and even if I'm not as happy as I was then now, I'm not unhappy. Maybe I just have to wait. Patience. There's no rush. I think I've been trying to live one (or two) step before to what I'm supposed to because I was afraid of not having enough time latter. Time for what, I'm not sure. It doesn't really matter anymore. I understood that I have to take my time. When did this happen? For the holydays. I was just looking at the people around me and I noticed they didn't seem to be in a rush, or such a rush. Why should I? I've got time. And if I don't get to do or have all I ever dreamt of then I think I'm lucky for what I did have. There's only one man I love (at least for the moment), and I have never felt that way before. Jack. But it's true he's not for me to have. Not that I'm losing hope or anything. There's Martin, who likes me more than I like him and there's Danny, who seems to understand me completely. Vivian, well, we have our differences. But we're all different. Along with Erik, they are the people I want to have in my life. At the moment there's nothing or no-one else I need. It's of course in different ways that we all love each other, but we do. Funny, I never thought I would be writing something like this, considering what I've written before. :) Love, love is all we need and where there's love there's everything. Isn't that? I honestly don't know if I believe it but nothing has proven me otherwise. The benefit of the doubt. So just for you to know, I AM HAPPY. I'm happy I have the chance to see my friends and others (Jack) every day. I'm happy to make it through the day to see the sun go down and to make it through the night to see the sun go up again. And to see the world I live in grow. I AM HAPPY, I AM GLAD I have people to talk to (even if it is a therapist), people to share with. I thought I didn't but I do, I do. There's everybody. What keeps me going? I'm not certain I want to find out...what's the mystery going to be then?
Samantha Spade, 2005 (V)
Dear Diary,
I finally found something. I don't really know if it is that important or anything, but it makes me see some things until now I couldn't. The truth is that I've had my happy times, and even if I'm not as happy as I was then now, I'm not unhappy. Maybe I just have to wait. Patience. There's no rush. I think I've been trying to live one (or two) step before to what I'm supposed to because I was afraid of not having enough time latter. Time for what, I'm not sure. It doesn't really matter anymore. I understood that I have to take my time. When did this happen? For the holydays. I was just looking at the people around me and I noticed they didn't seem to be in a rush, or such a rush. Why should I? I've got time. And if I don't get to do or have all I ever dreamt of then I think I'm lucky for what I did have. There's only one man I love (at least for the moment), and I have never felt that way before. Jack. But it's true he's not for me to have. Not that I'm losing hope or anything. There's Martin, who likes me more than I like him and there's Danny, who seems to understand me completely. Vivian, well, we have our differences. But we're all different. Along with Erik, they are the people I want to have in my life. At the moment there's nothing or no-one else I need. It's of course in different ways that we all love each other, but we do. Funny, I never thought I would be writing something like this, considering what I've written before. :) Love, love is all we need and where there's love there's everything. Isn't that? I honestly don't know if I believe it but nothing has proven me otherwise. The benefit of the doubt. So just for you to know, I AM HAPPY. I'm happy I have the chance to see my friends and others (Jack) every day. I'm happy to make it through the day to see the sun go down and to make it through the night to see the sun go up again. And to see the world I live in grow. I AM HAPPY, I AM GLAD I have people to talk to (even if it is a therapist), people to share with. I thought I didn't but I do, I do. There's everybody. What keeps me going? I'm not certain I want to find out...what's the mystery going to be then?
Samantha Spade, 2005 (V)