When Lance woke up, he found that he was on the ship, tied to a mast next to Scott.
"Scott, you awake?" Lance asked as he nudged Scott with his head.
"Yeah. What in the hell happened?"
"I don't know," Lance replied. "But we are on that crazy ship and there's more horrible music playing. See I told you there was pirates and pirate treasure."
Scott began to take in the surroundings. "Lance, they are not pirates. They are Magneto and his Acolytes, and they are likely up to no good nefarious deeds. I need to contact the professor."
"Stop with the professor crap! You act like you are married to the guy. Can't you think for yourself Scott?"
"I'll have to ask the professor."
In the background, the pirates were dancing happily as In the Navy, by the Village People, blared in the background.
In the Navy, yes, you can sail the seven seas.
In the Navy, yes, you can put your mind at ease.
In the Navy, come on now people, make a stand.
In the Navy, can't you see we need a hand.
In the Navy, come on, protect the motherland.
In the Navy, come on and join your fellow, man.
In the Navy, come on, people, and make a stand.
In the Navy, in the Navy.
"I always thought Magneto would have more of, you know, a secret lair somewhere under a mountain? Scott stated as he quirked an eyebrow. "But they're not exactly trying to hide are they? Everyone within a hundred miles could spot this ship."
"Who's going to bother them?" Lance snorted. "If you saw a giant gay pirate ship, would you go near it?"
They turned their attention to Magneto who was on the ship's deck barking out piratisms at an alarming rate.
"Jason, you ugly monkey. Swab the deck! "
"Long John. Ahoy Matey!"
"Russian guy. Heave Too ya Bastards!"
"Frenchie. Send that scurvy dog to Davey Jones's locker"
"Pietro. There be treasure in them thar hills."
"You big mangy teddy bear thing. Get out o' me eyes and a bottle of rum."
Magneto only stopped rapid pirating when he noticed Lance and Scott were now awake.
"Arrr!"
"What do he just say?" Scott turned to Lance who just shrugged his shoulders.
"Arrr! I see ye be awake."
"Okay Magneto, your pirate fun is over," Scott demanded in his 'I am serious Scott' face. "Let us go now."
"You call me Captain Magnetobeard on me vessel, or I make ye walk the plank in shark infested waters ye scurvy dog."
"Go ahead," Lance laughed. "Even I know there are no sharks in the Hudson River."
"Aye, but thar be far worst dangers in these here waters, like toxic sewage and medical waste. One of them nasty hypodermic needles nips ye and thar be no telling what horrible disease ye get."
Scott paused for a moment before answering, "Alright, you win Captain Magnetobeard."
"Arrr! Now I be nice to ye by letting ye have a drink of water."
"Cabin Boy!" Magnetobeard clapped. "Bring me pretties some water."
Lance and Scott's jaws dropped when they saw an almost nude Evan Daniels come up from the ship's galley. His only piece of clothing was some Calvin Klein underwear that had the words 'Jailbait' written across the back.
"Evan!" Scott cried. "What in the hell are you doing here?"
"What does it look like I am doing here?" Evan chortled. "I'm the cabin boy."
"But you went to live with the Morlocks," Scott protested. "You left to control your powers."
"No, I really just wanted to get away from all you fucked up X-Men and that creepy professor." Evan replied calmly as he adjusted his bow tie. "You guys all have serious mental problems. The Morlocks were just convenient at the time. I like it here better. So I have to be a sex slave to a bunch of sweaty pirates. It's still better than living in the sewers with a bunch of freaks."
"He's got a point Scott," Lance suggested innocently.
"Shut up Lance," Scott hissed.
Evan held a ladle to each of their lips so they could drink. "Just keep your cool and you guys will be fine. In fact, I think this calls for a pirate song."
"A pirate song!" Screamed eight lusty pirates.
Scott and Lance watched as they all they gathered on the deck and took their positions.
"I think I saw something like this in a play when I was in the third grade." Scott whispered. "There was a bunch of pirates and all they did was sing and dance."
"Hey, so you're use to this," Lance complained. "The pirates I remember from my youth were always plundering, killing and raping."
"Let's hope they stay this way Lance."
"You two, be quiet," admonished the pirate who looked like Chewbacca. "We're about to start."
Captain Magnetobeard then pulled out a triangle. Ready, three...two...one...bing.
We pillage, plunder, we rifle and loot,
drink up me 'arties, Yo Ho,
We sashshay and swish and don't give a hoot,
drink up me 'arties, Yo Ho,
We extort and pilfer, we filch and sack,
drink up, me 'arties, Yo Ho,
We'll steal all your men and won't give them back,
drink up me 'arties, Yo Ho,
Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Gay Pirate's Life for Me.
We kindle and char and inflame and ignite,
drink up me 'arties, Yo Ho,
We love Barbra Streisand with all of our might,
drink up me 'arties, Yo Ho,
We're beggars and blighters and ne'er do well cads,
drink up me 'arties, Yo Ho,
Aye, but we'll ignore your mommies and go for your dads,
drink up me 'arties, Yo Ho,
We're a rascal, a scoundrel, a villain, and a knave,
drink up me 'arites, Yo Ho,
It's really just glamour and fashion we crave,
Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Gay Pirate's Life For Me.
The revelry, debauchery, lechery, and various other words ending with ry that sound naughty, continued until the wee hours of the next mourning.
During the night Lance and Scott had tried to kill each other by repeatedly banging their heads together. Unfortunately, Lance's head was too thick, so all that resulted was a terrible concussion for Scott. They were about to give up all hope when...
"Bamf."
"Hey guys," chirped a very upbeat blue fuzzy elf.
"Kurt get us out of here!" Lance and Scott yelled in unison.
"What kind of crazy place is this." Kurt was now looking at the pirates who were performing the musical West Side Story. Pietro was playing both leads and captivating all in attendance with his voice and acting ability.
"Kurt just forget about them," Scott pleaded. "Just port us out of here now before..."
"Bonjour."
"Kurt close your ears!" Lance emphatically yelled. "Don't listen to his awful French."
"Ze Marie had a little lamb, ze fleece was white as ze snow, and everywhere ze Marie went, how do you say, ze lamb was sure to go. Gambit good, no?"
Lance and Scott watched as Kurt was now tangoing cheek-to-cheek with Gambit across the ship's deck.
"Lance, we're stuck here forever." Scott cried as the tears rolled down his face.
~END~