Disclaimer: You know the drill. I don't own em. I'm just borrowing their
characters, ok? I'll give em back. Maybe.
A/N: Can you stand one more angsty chapter? One more, I think, and then some comic relief. I think.
"Oh, what is the point of my being here?" Kagome yelled in exasperation. She and Sango were bathing in the river, which didn't do much for Kagome's mood. She had never been able to get used to the cold water. But being dirty was even worse. She held off as long as possible, but finally gave in after asking Kaede to keep Miroku and Shippou busy so they wouldn't come and watch or try to join them.
Sango just looked at her, not sure what to say. Kagome went on, "I mean, my only real function here is to find the shards of the jewel. But Inuyasha seems to have completely forgotten about that! I mean, where is he? I thought it was the most important thing in the world to him ~ to complete that jewel so he can have his wish."
In reality, she didn't miss seeking out homicidal demons and monsters bent on killing her and her friends. But her exasperation was fueled by other anxieties. For one thing, she needed to go back home. She still had two tests to take ~ one on Friday and one on Saturday. And her friends had roped her into being on the Prom planning committee, so she was supposed to go to some meeting for decorations. Ugh! Like she had time for that! But somehow they had managed to guilt her into it. She couldn't wait forever for the stubborn hanyou to return. He couldn't really be that angry that she left, could he?
And the deeper worries. She was pretty sure Inuyasha had gone off to be with Kikyo. Where else would he be? Try as she might, she just couldn't get over being jealous about that. But he had chosen Kikyo, so what could she do. But if they were together, had she already sucked him into hell with her? She had almost managed to do that once. Only this time, Kagome wouldn't have been around to break her spell. 'Oh, gods! Where is he?'
Sango watched the parade of emotions playing across her friend's face. She watched as something amounting to despair settled there, and finally asked, "Kagome, what happened the night you left?" She had asked once before, but Kagome had just told her about the scene that happened between the grassy hill and the well. Sango couldn't see that that was much different than any of the hundreds of other arguments they had had over the last almost three years. That couldn't be why he was gone.
"I already told you. He was probably a little angry that I left without arguing with him, but normally he would just yell at me or ignore me when I got back."
"Or follow you down the well."
"Yeah, I've been thinking about that. But I didn't see him all night. And can you imagine him just following me around all night without making his presence known? He didn't come and criticize my dress when I was getting ready, he didn't go anything about my going out to dinner, and he didn't try to rip out Houjo's throat when he touched me." 'Or kissed me' she added only to herself. "Does that sound like the half-demon we know?"
"No, it doesn't. But I know you're not telling me something. I know something happened while you were back home. I could see it in your eyes when you came back. You looked sad, almost guilty about something. You don't have to, of course, but I'll listen if you want to talk about it."
Kagome shivered, and began to wade toward the shore. She looked back at the woman she had come to think of as a sister. "Am I really that transparent?"
Sango followed her out of the water. She handed Kagome a towel and and wrapped the other around herself. Compared to the sack cloth she used before Kagome entered their world, it was absolutely heavenly. So soft and warm! She sat down on a rock and began to squeeze the water out of her hair.
"Kagome, what happened?"
Kagome sighed. "Oh, Sango! It doesn't have anything to do with why Inuyasha is gone. It can't. He can't have been there, and even if her were, why would he care?" She toweled her hair, and then wrapped up again and sat on a rock across from Sango. Sango just waited. "Ok, well I had a really nice time with Houjo. I mean, he's a really nice guy. And he's cute. And he's nice to me. So very nice. Anyway, we went to dinner, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it was fun. We talked about school, and he did some funny impressions of some of our teachers. And it turns out he likes to camp, which I have a lot of experience in. And he bought me a rose from a Gypsy who was selling them from table to table. And he danced every dance with me. No complaints ~ he danced them all. It was great. But then a slow song started. You remember how I showed you guys how we dance to those songs?"
Sango nodded. Kagome had used her and Miroku to demonstrate. It was very nice, if a little embarrassing, until the monk had to ruin it by groping her backside.
Kagome continued, "Well, the music was soft, and I was getting sleepy, and he had his arms around me. And the song was saying something about "once in a blue moon." She sang that line for Sango. "Only, I started hearing "new moon" instead of blue moon. And....I just couldn't help it. I started thinking about Inuyasha. And that I was dancing with him. And then, Houjo kissed me. And it was great! Only, my eyes were closed and it wasn't Houjo I was kissing. And then I heard a howl in the distance, and realized where I was and who I was with....and I just freaked out. I don't know why. He's a nice guy! Why couldn't I just be happy I was kissing him? Why? Why can't I just accept the fact that Inuyasha doesn't want me and move on?" The tears were coming now, flowing freely down her cheeks.
Sango, not sure what else to do, just hugged her friend. Her sister. She finally spoke, "Kagome, why don't you think Inuyasha cares for you? He protects you with his life. He nearly goes insane when you're in danger. He's impossible to live with when you're gone. And he nearly tears apart any man that comes near you. Doesn't that tell you he that he cares for you?"
That just resulted in a fresh deluge of tears. She drew back and ejaculated bitterly, "Of course he protects me, Sango! None of you can see the shards of his precious jewel! It's the only thing that matters to him! Well, that and his dead girlfriend!" She was so angry with herself! Why couldn't she be strong and hold this in? Inuyasha would not be impressed with her outburst. She could just hear him, "Stop crying!"
"Oh, gods, Sango! I'm sorry! What is wrong with me?"
Sango just hugged her tighter. "Nothing is wrong with you. We don't choose who we love. Our heart does. I know it hurts, but it's better than having no feelings at all."
"Is it? Is it Sango? Right now I wouldn't mind trying the "no feelings" thing."
**************************************************************************** ******
"M'lord, you really must eat something. You haven't eaten for four days now. Even you need to eat to keep up your strength." Myoga begged him.
Inuysha didn't move from his spot on the cave floor. The same spot he had been in since he got there four days ago. When he left the monk, he had just fled in a random direction, not caring where he ended up. When he finally could go no farther, he found a cave, curled up in a ball on the floor, and there he stayed. He had no intention of ever moving from that spot.
"What's the point?" he muttered. He knew the gnawing, aching feeling in his gut had nothing to do with food, and besides, he had no interest in going on. He would just lie here and wait till the earth reclaimed him. Why bother? Kagome had given him a reason for living, even made him like himself for who he was. With her, he didn't care that he was a "half- breed." She didn't, so why should he? But now he knew she wouldn't stay with him. She would leave just as soon as they completed that stupid jewel. Leave to spend her life with that human boy. To give him her smiles, her kisses. Her body. Oh, gods, that was painful.
Pictures of them together flooded his mind ~ not just the kiss. That was the worst. But she had looked so happy all night. She laughed and smiled and tipped her neck back in ecstacy. Why couldn't he have made her that happy? Why did he have to be such a jerk? Why had he said all those mean things to her all the time, instead of telling her how he really felt? That she was beautiful. That she made him happy. That her friendship was the most important thing in his life. That her voice calling out to him in battle made him feel powerful, invincible. That even as he acted as if she annoyed him, her praise was what he lived for.
That her scent brought him peace and joy and contentment. Most of the time. Sometimes it nearly drove him insane with desire.
He sighed, and was amazed to find that a tear had slid down his cheek. He hadn't cried since his mother died.
"Lord Inuyasha! I think we have company!"
His head shot up and he looked around. "Kagome?" had she come for him? Had she really found him?
Instead, a silent figure entered his sanctuary. She shook her head, and looked sadly upon his figure. "See, Inuyasha, what my incarnate has done to you. Come with me now. Come with me and you can escape your pain."
He regarded the animated figure of his dead lover. He realized with some surprise that he couldn't remember the last time he had thought of her. He still cared for her, of course, that she was doomed to wander the earth sucking souls to stay alive. But he knew in his heart that she wasn't who he belonged with.
But then, the one he knew he needed had chosen someone else. Why not go with Kikyo now instead of waiting to die. Now or later, it didn't matter. Even as a half demon he couldn't go for too long without nourishment. Why postpone it and suffer more agony?
'Because I deserve it? I do deserve the agony. But I want it to end.'
He slowly rose from his spot in the dirt. He brushed off as much of the grime as he could, out of respect for Kikyo. She held her arms out to him, and he went to her.
He hesitated a couple of steps away from the waiting miko and gazed into her sad, dead eyes. He didn't see forever. He was amazed that he had ever seen her in Kagome. Kagome would be yelling at him to snap out of it, telling him how strong and brave he was, how much he had to live for. She would sit him and tell him not to be so stupid. He reached up and touched the beads around his neck ~ at first a curse ~ but now his link to her.
Kikyo stepped towards him and reached to remove the beads, but he said sharply, "NO! They stay!" causing her to step back again.
He continued to finger them. Kagome hadn't used them in awhile. Except once to tug on them to get him into hugging range. They had been battling yet another shard coveting monster, and she had nearly been killed by his giant talons. After it was over, Inuyasha had yelled at her about staying out of the way where it was safe. Telling her that she was such a bother. But she saw through him and knew that he had just been afraid of losing her. So after he had dodged her a few times, she finally grabbed a hold of the beads and, with the threat of the "s" word ever present, tugged on them to get him close enough to hug. And hug they did. Once his arms were around her, he didn't let go for a very long time. Not till he heard her soft, even breathing, and knew she was asleep. And even then, he held her and gazed down at her face. He pulled the picture out of his Kimono and knew when it had been taken. He gazed down at it, memorizing every line, every curve, every color. Her pink cheeks, the peaceful face she wore when she was safe in his arms.
But she had chosen someone else. He tucked the photo back into it's hiding place and stepped forward into the waiting miko's arms.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~
Oh! Ouch! (Ducks onslaught of rotten tomatoes, rocks, spears, angrily drawn swords.) Oh, come on! You didn't want paradise without a price, did you? Do you hate it? Well, then let me know!
A/N: Can you stand one more angsty chapter? One more, I think, and then some comic relief. I think.
"Oh, what is the point of my being here?" Kagome yelled in exasperation. She and Sango were bathing in the river, which didn't do much for Kagome's mood. She had never been able to get used to the cold water. But being dirty was even worse. She held off as long as possible, but finally gave in after asking Kaede to keep Miroku and Shippou busy so they wouldn't come and watch or try to join them.
Sango just looked at her, not sure what to say. Kagome went on, "I mean, my only real function here is to find the shards of the jewel. But Inuyasha seems to have completely forgotten about that! I mean, where is he? I thought it was the most important thing in the world to him ~ to complete that jewel so he can have his wish."
In reality, she didn't miss seeking out homicidal demons and monsters bent on killing her and her friends. But her exasperation was fueled by other anxieties. For one thing, she needed to go back home. She still had two tests to take ~ one on Friday and one on Saturday. And her friends had roped her into being on the Prom planning committee, so she was supposed to go to some meeting for decorations. Ugh! Like she had time for that! But somehow they had managed to guilt her into it. She couldn't wait forever for the stubborn hanyou to return. He couldn't really be that angry that she left, could he?
And the deeper worries. She was pretty sure Inuyasha had gone off to be with Kikyo. Where else would he be? Try as she might, she just couldn't get over being jealous about that. But he had chosen Kikyo, so what could she do. But if they were together, had she already sucked him into hell with her? She had almost managed to do that once. Only this time, Kagome wouldn't have been around to break her spell. 'Oh, gods! Where is he?'
Sango watched the parade of emotions playing across her friend's face. She watched as something amounting to despair settled there, and finally asked, "Kagome, what happened the night you left?" She had asked once before, but Kagome had just told her about the scene that happened between the grassy hill and the well. Sango couldn't see that that was much different than any of the hundreds of other arguments they had had over the last almost three years. That couldn't be why he was gone.
"I already told you. He was probably a little angry that I left without arguing with him, but normally he would just yell at me or ignore me when I got back."
"Or follow you down the well."
"Yeah, I've been thinking about that. But I didn't see him all night. And can you imagine him just following me around all night without making his presence known? He didn't come and criticize my dress when I was getting ready, he didn't go anything about my going out to dinner, and he didn't try to rip out Houjo's throat when he touched me." 'Or kissed me' she added only to herself. "Does that sound like the half-demon we know?"
"No, it doesn't. But I know you're not telling me something. I know something happened while you were back home. I could see it in your eyes when you came back. You looked sad, almost guilty about something. You don't have to, of course, but I'll listen if you want to talk about it."
Kagome shivered, and began to wade toward the shore. She looked back at the woman she had come to think of as a sister. "Am I really that transparent?"
Sango followed her out of the water. She handed Kagome a towel and and wrapped the other around herself. Compared to the sack cloth she used before Kagome entered their world, it was absolutely heavenly. So soft and warm! She sat down on a rock and began to squeeze the water out of her hair.
"Kagome, what happened?"
Kagome sighed. "Oh, Sango! It doesn't have anything to do with why Inuyasha is gone. It can't. He can't have been there, and even if her were, why would he care?" She toweled her hair, and then wrapped up again and sat on a rock across from Sango. Sango just waited. "Ok, well I had a really nice time with Houjo. I mean, he's a really nice guy. And he's cute. And he's nice to me. So very nice. Anyway, we went to dinner, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it was fun. We talked about school, and he did some funny impressions of some of our teachers. And it turns out he likes to camp, which I have a lot of experience in. And he bought me a rose from a Gypsy who was selling them from table to table. And he danced every dance with me. No complaints ~ he danced them all. It was great. But then a slow song started. You remember how I showed you guys how we dance to those songs?"
Sango nodded. Kagome had used her and Miroku to demonstrate. It was very nice, if a little embarrassing, until the monk had to ruin it by groping her backside.
Kagome continued, "Well, the music was soft, and I was getting sleepy, and he had his arms around me. And the song was saying something about "once in a blue moon." She sang that line for Sango. "Only, I started hearing "new moon" instead of blue moon. And....I just couldn't help it. I started thinking about Inuyasha. And that I was dancing with him. And then, Houjo kissed me. And it was great! Only, my eyes were closed and it wasn't Houjo I was kissing. And then I heard a howl in the distance, and realized where I was and who I was with....and I just freaked out. I don't know why. He's a nice guy! Why couldn't I just be happy I was kissing him? Why? Why can't I just accept the fact that Inuyasha doesn't want me and move on?" The tears were coming now, flowing freely down her cheeks.
Sango, not sure what else to do, just hugged her friend. Her sister. She finally spoke, "Kagome, why don't you think Inuyasha cares for you? He protects you with his life. He nearly goes insane when you're in danger. He's impossible to live with when you're gone. And he nearly tears apart any man that comes near you. Doesn't that tell you he that he cares for you?"
That just resulted in a fresh deluge of tears. She drew back and ejaculated bitterly, "Of course he protects me, Sango! None of you can see the shards of his precious jewel! It's the only thing that matters to him! Well, that and his dead girlfriend!" She was so angry with herself! Why couldn't she be strong and hold this in? Inuyasha would not be impressed with her outburst. She could just hear him, "Stop crying!"
"Oh, gods, Sango! I'm sorry! What is wrong with me?"
Sango just hugged her tighter. "Nothing is wrong with you. We don't choose who we love. Our heart does. I know it hurts, but it's better than having no feelings at all."
"Is it? Is it Sango? Right now I wouldn't mind trying the "no feelings" thing."
**************************************************************************** ******
"M'lord, you really must eat something. You haven't eaten for four days now. Even you need to eat to keep up your strength." Myoga begged him.
Inuysha didn't move from his spot on the cave floor. The same spot he had been in since he got there four days ago. When he left the monk, he had just fled in a random direction, not caring where he ended up. When he finally could go no farther, he found a cave, curled up in a ball on the floor, and there he stayed. He had no intention of ever moving from that spot.
"What's the point?" he muttered. He knew the gnawing, aching feeling in his gut had nothing to do with food, and besides, he had no interest in going on. He would just lie here and wait till the earth reclaimed him. Why bother? Kagome had given him a reason for living, even made him like himself for who he was. With her, he didn't care that he was a "half- breed." She didn't, so why should he? But now he knew she wouldn't stay with him. She would leave just as soon as they completed that stupid jewel. Leave to spend her life with that human boy. To give him her smiles, her kisses. Her body. Oh, gods, that was painful.
Pictures of them together flooded his mind ~ not just the kiss. That was the worst. But she had looked so happy all night. She laughed and smiled and tipped her neck back in ecstacy. Why couldn't he have made her that happy? Why did he have to be such a jerk? Why had he said all those mean things to her all the time, instead of telling her how he really felt? That she was beautiful. That she made him happy. That her friendship was the most important thing in his life. That her voice calling out to him in battle made him feel powerful, invincible. That even as he acted as if she annoyed him, her praise was what he lived for.
That her scent brought him peace and joy and contentment. Most of the time. Sometimes it nearly drove him insane with desire.
He sighed, and was amazed to find that a tear had slid down his cheek. He hadn't cried since his mother died.
"Lord Inuyasha! I think we have company!"
His head shot up and he looked around. "Kagome?" had she come for him? Had she really found him?
Instead, a silent figure entered his sanctuary. She shook her head, and looked sadly upon his figure. "See, Inuyasha, what my incarnate has done to you. Come with me now. Come with me and you can escape your pain."
He regarded the animated figure of his dead lover. He realized with some surprise that he couldn't remember the last time he had thought of her. He still cared for her, of course, that she was doomed to wander the earth sucking souls to stay alive. But he knew in his heart that she wasn't who he belonged with.
But then, the one he knew he needed had chosen someone else. Why not go with Kikyo now instead of waiting to die. Now or later, it didn't matter. Even as a half demon he couldn't go for too long without nourishment. Why postpone it and suffer more agony?
'Because I deserve it? I do deserve the agony. But I want it to end.'
He slowly rose from his spot in the dirt. He brushed off as much of the grime as he could, out of respect for Kikyo. She held her arms out to him, and he went to her.
He hesitated a couple of steps away from the waiting miko and gazed into her sad, dead eyes. He didn't see forever. He was amazed that he had ever seen her in Kagome. Kagome would be yelling at him to snap out of it, telling him how strong and brave he was, how much he had to live for. She would sit him and tell him not to be so stupid. He reached up and touched the beads around his neck ~ at first a curse ~ but now his link to her.
Kikyo stepped towards him and reached to remove the beads, but he said sharply, "NO! They stay!" causing her to step back again.
He continued to finger them. Kagome hadn't used them in awhile. Except once to tug on them to get him into hugging range. They had been battling yet another shard coveting monster, and she had nearly been killed by his giant talons. After it was over, Inuyasha had yelled at her about staying out of the way where it was safe. Telling her that she was such a bother. But she saw through him and knew that he had just been afraid of losing her. So after he had dodged her a few times, she finally grabbed a hold of the beads and, with the threat of the "s" word ever present, tugged on them to get him close enough to hug. And hug they did. Once his arms were around her, he didn't let go for a very long time. Not till he heard her soft, even breathing, and knew she was asleep. And even then, he held her and gazed down at her face. He pulled the picture out of his Kimono and knew when it had been taken. He gazed down at it, memorizing every line, every curve, every color. Her pink cheeks, the peaceful face she wore when she was safe in his arms.
But she had chosen someone else. He tucked the photo back into it's hiding place and stepped forward into the waiting miko's arms.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~
Oh! Ouch! (Ducks onslaught of rotten tomatoes, rocks, spears, angrily drawn swords.) Oh, come on! You didn't want paradise without a price, did you? Do you hate it? Well, then let me know!