Aria: It's so nice to be back at school! I think...Anyway, here I am to begin the pivotal eighth chapter of "Secrets" and as I've received no suggestions, I plan to continue with my original idea. But first...
All: *groan*
Aria: *brightly* Yes! Time for...the disclaimer! Now, who to read it today...?
All: *hide*
Aria: Hmm...I've had Lorrie, Darcy, Aragorn, Kaiba, Tristan and Yugi do it so far...ah! *snaps fingers*
All: *look around*
Kaiba: There's no one here, you twit.
Aria: That's what YOU think.
Joey: You mean you're letting the people in your head do it?
Aria: Quiet, you.
Kaiba: You're not serious.
*sound of running footsteps*
Luke: *bursts in* I'm Luke Skywalker and I'm here to resc---Wait. *goes over to Kaiba* This ISN'T the Death Star detention block, is it.
Kaiba: *withering glare*
Luke: And I don't see the Princess...
Aria: Don't worry---I'll send you back in a minute. Would you mind?
Luke: *takes paper* Aria Marier doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Utena...or Star Wars? What's Star Wars?
Aria: Never mind. Now, go save Leia!
Luke: *brightens* yes! And then we'll get married and...
Aria: Um, you may want to rethink that. Bye! *Luke disappears* Also, I'm taking a certain amount of liberty with the timeline and the actual episodes here, so bear with me. Okay, moving on...
SECRETS OF A ROSE
Chapter 8: Duel
The grass was warm and soft under him; almost, almost he could resist
the urge to put down his computer and lie back in it, relax, close his eyes, forget
the world and the business and---
Well. Just relax, because he never did get to do that anymore. His eyes
narrowed at the bland screen before him, the laptop warm on his thighs, and
almost, almost sighed. And if he did, no one hear, would they?
But the temptation was too exquisite, too perfect after nights of tossing
and turning and vibrant dreams in gold and blue and red. Usually his dreams
were colorless---dramatic neural firings, certainly, but always forgettable. They
never meant anything.
And these might not, either. Just because he woke up with colors bursting
before his eyes these days didn't necessarily mean anything. But he closed the
laptop anyway, and if he sighed when he lay back in the grass, under dappled
sunlight, well---
Who would tell?
Nights and days and weeks and months and years of---what?---cold
repression and emotional jail, all catching up in the same few days. All because
of that damned mutt---
Not that he understood that, to be perfectly honest. And fair. To be
perfectly honest and fair, he couldn't explain away the way he steamed when he
saw that stupid grin, or heard that laugh or the tail end of some stupid joke that
the kid obviously thought was funny---especially when he was with that girl.
That brown-eyed one, the one who hung on Joey like he was some kind of god
and simpered at his jokes, ran her fingers through his hair, kissed his cheek.
Even now he could feel his heart thudding a little harder than normal, his
breath coming a little faster, his eyes flitting behind the red-black of his lids. Red
eyes. Black eyes. Blue eyes. Brown eyes.
He exhaled slowly, heavily, wanting to calm down, trying to find that
coolness he'd always been able to depend on before, and he almost got there
when he remembered that he couldn't explain it away, not a bit of it, and the
knowledge made him so angry that he wanted to open his eyes, sit up out of the
damnably soft, relaxing grass, out of the lethargy he'd fallen into, out of his own
inane ramblings in his head and back to solid work; cold and calm and efficient.
And yet---
And yet he didn't. Instead, he went farther into his own thoughts,
following their circles in and down and around and further in. He reacted to the
way the puppy was acting around the girl---or the way the girl was acting
around Joey. The name rang in his head like a slightly uncomfortable tone, a bell
that had been struck too near the listening ear.
And then last night---
Oh God. He didn't want to think about last night---he didn't like the way
his body seized up when he thought about the expression in those honey-clear
eyes, when he thought about the way he'd pushed Joey back how he'd pushed
how he'd---
No.
He flung an arm across his eyes and retreated further.
* * *
"You've got to be kidding me." Joey's voice went flat, and his knuckles
whitened slightly. Wakaba winced.
"You're hurting me."
He let go immediately, his hands clenching and unclenching sporadically,
his teeth showing whitely as he attempted to grin easily.
Don't scare her, stupid.
"Okay. Okay, Wakaba. It's okay."
Am I really talking to her? Or me?
"Oh-Joey." It came out a hiccup, one word, but her eyes were already
swollen with tears and he didn't think she had any left in her.
Awkwardly he stroked her hair. "Hey. Okay."
A hiccupping sob, and then her breathing steadied. He led her over to a
bench. "Alright," he said, his arm solidly around her back. "What happened?"
She shook her head slowly. "I don't know," she said. "I was just---but he-
--and then she hit me."
He wanted to say something, but since the only rational response---what?-
--wasn't very soothing, he kept quiet. She looked up with a small smile.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm not being very helpful, am I?"
He shrugged, and hated that his arm was now so awkward around her.
Had so much changed, really, in one night?
Slowly, through many pauses and hiccups and incoherent sentences
blurred---first by sobs, then by anger---he got the story. How she'd gone to cheer
Utena up at lunch, because she'd seemed so down, how Touga had come over,
the arrogant prick, with Himemiya tagging along, and asked Utena out and she
didn't even do anything, no jokes no flash of temper, nothing. Just stared at
Himemiya.
Finally Wakaba couldn't take it anymore, hauled back and slapped
Himemiya---months of repressed jealousy acting up? Wondered Joey as she told
him this, and then---and then---
And then Utena hit Wakaba. Hard. With finality. And Wakaba, her hand
to her cheek, ran away in stunned disbelief, anger, pain.
She sighed against his chest, the storm through. "It makes me so angry,
the way she obsesses over that girl," she said. "And then the way Touga just---
and she didn't even care!"
Not at all the Utena people knew and loved. Joey nodded again. And
stroked her hair.
And wondered.
* * *
Music--- beautiful and relaxing and liquid---flowed through the room.
Miki bent his head back, closed his eyes. He suspected that he should be
troubled by the turn of events of the night before, but at this moment, with this
music and the memory of petal-soft lips---
Click.
Milkshakes.
Click.
He smiled. Let the music wash over him, calm and blue and fluid. Liquid
sunshine. Golden rain. Clear clean notes falling like drops of water onto his
face, his eyelids, his mouth.
His mouth. Yugi's mouth...He opened his eyes, frowning. What had
happened? Yami's meltdown andYugi's dismay. The moment shattered.
Click.
Dark halves, light halves. And something about Yugi that he found clear
and calm and deep, a pool with shifting stones at the bottom.
He closed his eyes.
* * *
/Yami?/
He wandered through the maze of his own mind, surrounded by the
coldness of stone that was his soul. Thick walls and slabs of cold, solid,
unbreakable stone. Like him.
Unbreakable.
/Yami?/
He ignored it. That voice---so sweet and innocent and unassuming---it cut
worse than anything. The pity in it---the pity in Yugi's eyes when they'd looked
at each other the night before was unbearable. It could break him, if he were, in
fact, unbreakable.
/Why won't you let me in?/
He was standing in front of a door, where light spread to his toes from the
area outside. He leaned his forehead against it, listening now to the voice on the
other side. He could almost see Yugi standing there, could, in fact, see the
shadow where the smaller boy stood in the light that came under the door.
Ironic, how his light was casting a shadow---apparently he wasn't that pure after
all.
And as long as he could believe that, he could believe that it didn't hurt
keeping Yugi out of his mind, out of his soul. He ran a hand along the cold stone
of the door, wishing he could open it, knowing he never would, or could. Yugi
couldn't know.
He turned to wander again through his memories.
* * *
/Yami?/
Yugi was worried. Yami had never shut him out like this, never. They'd
always been two halves of the same whole, and now---
He walked through the gardens of Ohtori, lost in thought, and almost
tripped over Utena, sitting against a wall.
"Ow," she said, without interest.
Trying to regain his balance, Yugi turned.
"Utena? What are you doing here?"
She shrugged.
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
She shook her head, hesitated. Then nodded.
He sat down beside her.
"Tell me."
* * *
"You."
Miki opened his eyes, and started. Yami was standing before him, arms
crossed and a look of fury on his face. Music skittered through his mind as he
saw the coldness in the eyes that were so like Yugi's.
Click.
"What is it?"
"I want a duel."
All: *groan*
Aria: *brightly* Yes! Time for...the disclaimer! Now, who to read it today...?
All: *hide*
Aria: Hmm...I've had Lorrie, Darcy, Aragorn, Kaiba, Tristan and Yugi do it so far...ah! *snaps fingers*
All: *look around*
Kaiba: There's no one here, you twit.
Aria: That's what YOU think.
Joey: You mean you're letting the people in your head do it?
Aria: Quiet, you.
Kaiba: You're not serious.
*sound of running footsteps*
Luke: *bursts in* I'm Luke Skywalker and I'm here to resc---Wait. *goes over to Kaiba* This ISN'T the Death Star detention block, is it.
Kaiba: *withering glare*
Luke: And I don't see the Princess...
Aria: Don't worry---I'll send you back in a minute. Would you mind?
Luke: *takes paper* Aria Marier doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Utena...or Star Wars? What's Star Wars?
Aria: Never mind. Now, go save Leia!
Luke: *brightens* yes! And then we'll get married and...
Aria: Um, you may want to rethink that. Bye! *Luke disappears* Also, I'm taking a certain amount of liberty with the timeline and the actual episodes here, so bear with me. Okay, moving on...
SECRETS OF A ROSE
Chapter 8: Duel
The grass was warm and soft under him; almost, almost he could resist
the urge to put down his computer and lie back in it, relax, close his eyes, forget
the world and the business and---
Well. Just relax, because he never did get to do that anymore. His eyes
narrowed at the bland screen before him, the laptop warm on his thighs, and
almost, almost sighed. And if he did, no one hear, would they?
But the temptation was too exquisite, too perfect after nights of tossing
and turning and vibrant dreams in gold and blue and red. Usually his dreams
were colorless---dramatic neural firings, certainly, but always forgettable. They
never meant anything.
And these might not, either. Just because he woke up with colors bursting
before his eyes these days didn't necessarily mean anything. But he closed the
laptop anyway, and if he sighed when he lay back in the grass, under dappled
sunlight, well---
Who would tell?
Nights and days and weeks and months and years of---what?---cold
repression and emotional jail, all catching up in the same few days. All because
of that damned mutt---
Not that he understood that, to be perfectly honest. And fair. To be
perfectly honest and fair, he couldn't explain away the way he steamed when he
saw that stupid grin, or heard that laugh or the tail end of some stupid joke that
the kid obviously thought was funny---especially when he was with that girl.
That brown-eyed one, the one who hung on Joey like he was some kind of god
and simpered at his jokes, ran her fingers through his hair, kissed his cheek.
Even now he could feel his heart thudding a little harder than normal, his
breath coming a little faster, his eyes flitting behind the red-black of his lids. Red
eyes. Black eyes. Blue eyes. Brown eyes.
He exhaled slowly, heavily, wanting to calm down, trying to find that
coolness he'd always been able to depend on before, and he almost got there
when he remembered that he couldn't explain it away, not a bit of it, and the
knowledge made him so angry that he wanted to open his eyes, sit up out of the
damnably soft, relaxing grass, out of the lethargy he'd fallen into, out of his own
inane ramblings in his head and back to solid work; cold and calm and efficient.
And yet---
And yet he didn't. Instead, he went farther into his own thoughts,
following their circles in and down and around and further in. He reacted to the
way the puppy was acting around the girl---or the way the girl was acting
around Joey. The name rang in his head like a slightly uncomfortable tone, a bell
that had been struck too near the listening ear.
And then last night---
Oh God. He didn't want to think about last night---he didn't like the way
his body seized up when he thought about the expression in those honey-clear
eyes, when he thought about the way he'd pushed Joey back how he'd pushed
how he'd---
No.
He flung an arm across his eyes and retreated further.
* * *
"You've got to be kidding me." Joey's voice went flat, and his knuckles
whitened slightly. Wakaba winced.
"You're hurting me."
He let go immediately, his hands clenching and unclenching sporadically,
his teeth showing whitely as he attempted to grin easily.
Don't scare her, stupid.
"Okay. Okay, Wakaba. It's okay."
Am I really talking to her? Or me?
"Oh-Joey." It came out a hiccup, one word, but her eyes were already
swollen with tears and he didn't think she had any left in her.
Awkwardly he stroked her hair. "Hey. Okay."
A hiccupping sob, and then her breathing steadied. He led her over to a
bench. "Alright," he said, his arm solidly around her back. "What happened?"
She shook her head slowly. "I don't know," she said. "I was just---but he-
--and then she hit me."
He wanted to say something, but since the only rational response---what?-
--wasn't very soothing, he kept quiet. She looked up with a small smile.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm not being very helpful, am I?"
He shrugged, and hated that his arm was now so awkward around her.
Had so much changed, really, in one night?
Slowly, through many pauses and hiccups and incoherent sentences
blurred---first by sobs, then by anger---he got the story. How she'd gone to cheer
Utena up at lunch, because she'd seemed so down, how Touga had come over,
the arrogant prick, with Himemiya tagging along, and asked Utena out and she
didn't even do anything, no jokes no flash of temper, nothing. Just stared at
Himemiya.
Finally Wakaba couldn't take it anymore, hauled back and slapped
Himemiya---months of repressed jealousy acting up? Wondered Joey as she told
him this, and then---and then---
And then Utena hit Wakaba. Hard. With finality. And Wakaba, her hand
to her cheek, ran away in stunned disbelief, anger, pain.
She sighed against his chest, the storm through. "It makes me so angry,
the way she obsesses over that girl," she said. "And then the way Touga just---
and she didn't even care!"
Not at all the Utena people knew and loved. Joey nodded again. And
stroked her hair.
And wondered.
* * *
Music--- beautiful and relaxing and liquid---flowed through the room.
Miki bent his head back, closed his eyes. He suspected that he should be
troubled by the turn of events of the night before, but at this moment, with this
music and the memory of petal-soft lips---
Click.
Milkshakes.
Click.
He smiled. Let the music wash over him, calm and blue and fluid. Liquid
sunshine. Golden rain. Clear clean notes falling like drops of water onto his
face, his eyelids, his mouth.
His mouth. Yugi's mouth...He opened his eyes, frowning. What had
happened? Yami's meltdown andYugi's dismay. The moment shattered.
Click.
Dark halves, light halves. And something about Yugi that he found clear
and calm and deep, a pool with shifting stones at the bottom.
He closed his eyes.
* * *
/Yami?/
He wandered through the maze of his own mind, surrounded by the
coldness of stone that was his soul. Thick walls and slabs of cold, solid,
unbreakable stone. Like him.
Unbreakable.
/Yami?/
He ignored it. That voice---so sweet and innocent and unassuming---it cut
worse than anything. The pity in it---the pity in Yugi's eyes when they'd looked
at each other the night before was unbearable. It could break him, if he were, in
fact, unbreakable.
/Why won't you let me in?/
He was standing in front of a door, where light spread to his toes from the
area outside. He leaned his forehead against it, listening now to the voice on the
other side. He could almost see Yugi standing there, could, in fact, see the
shadow where the smaller boy stood in the light that came under the door.
Ironic, how his light was casting a shadow---apparently he wasn't that pure after
all.
And as long as he could believe that, he could believe that it didn't hurt
keeping Yugi out of his mind, out of his soul. He ran a hand along the cold stone
of the door, wishing he could open it, knowing he never would, or could. Yugi
couldn't know.
He turned to wander again through his memories.
* * *
/Yami?/
Yugi was worried. Yami had never shut him out like this, never. They'd
always been two halves of the same whole, and now---
He walked through the gardens of Ohtori, lost in thought, and almost
tripped over Utena, sitting against a wall.
"Ow," she said, without interest.
Trying to regain his balance, Yugi turned.
"Utena? What are you doing here?"
She shrugged.
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
She shook her head, hesitated. Then nodded.
He sat down beside her.
"Tell me."
* * *
"You."
Miki opened his eyes, and started. Yami was standing before him, arms
crossed and a look of fury on his face. Music skittered through his mind as he
saw the coldness in the eyes that were so like Yugi's.
Click.
"What is it?"
"I want a duel."