A/n: its that special time kids...yes, its time for the authors note. Hope everyone is enjoying the story. I sure think I am. Not in the cocky I enjoy reading my own story over and over kind of way, but more in the its fun to write it kind of way. Anyway, please review cause you guys know how fun it is to look at your reviews and get excited about people that liked the story and take into consideration the advice people give. Plus, if anyone has any really good harry/Ginny stories they want to recommend, I would definitely be willing to check them out...so just give the submit review button a friendly click and we will all be happy.
I thought about giving this chapter a song (the postal service: The district sleeps alone tonight) cause I felt that it captured the mood. But then I realized that I was just listening to it and was changing my mind. So download it if you feel inclined, and listen to it as you enjoy the next chapter...or not! That's the joy of author's notes and a lack of lyrics.
Harry fumbled a bit with a slightly damaged muffin he had swiped from work before it was discarded. It would make a semi-satisfying dinner. Living off minimum wage with a London apartment (no matter how small and dirty) wasn't always easy. To make ends meet he had to make do with what he could find at work and buy with what little money he had. Harry squished the brown bag with circular green logo around under his fist.
Though the calendar would have deceived you, it indeed felt like winter. The winds grew steadily worse and weathermen were predicting record-breaking temperatures this year. Bright oranges and reds normally accustomed to their moment each year around this time were slaughtered for the icy blues and dark colors of winter. The temperature drop seamed to depress even those who were sunny and happy on the inside.
Harry however, was feeling slightly better than usual. It had been two days since he had seen Ginny and Dean. After that first night of dreams he hadn't had any other thoughts of wizards or villainous men with haunting eyes. It had been ages since he had felt this good. In fact, he hadn't had a craving for a cigarette in almost 24 hours. On normal days he picked up his feet only to indulge the notion of walking requiring leg movement. Today, he moved with an uncertain quickness. Of course, you could never call how Harry was feeling happy. Oh no. Happiness had been long forgotten in this young man's eyes of jade. Perhaps Harry was happy today. It had been so long maybe he wouldn't have even known what it felt like.
As these and other complex thoughts that only Harry Potter could have fluttered about in his head, someone unexpected watched and followed him scrupulously. Someone was lurking in the shadows and careful not to be seen.
He closed the door of his 4th floor apartment paying no attention to the loud bang of its closing. HE set the muffin down on the counter along with his only fork and a sketchy looking bit of water in one of his few glasses with no ice. Harry's diet and cigarette usage had let to a bit of weight loss on his part. His once attenuated body now had a skeletal appearance. As usual harry didn't care.
Just as he was about to sit down to eat the muffin that had only fallen on the floor for a mere 15 seconds, there was a knock on the door. The knock was repeated after a 30-second interval with the same hard and determined force of the first knock. Harry was deeply perplexed. He wasn't sure that anyone knew or more importantly cared that this was his home. Why would someone be knocking on his door? Whoever it was, he had a feeling it would not be someone he wanted to talk to. Since that was just about everyone he had a pretty good chance of being right.
Ginny wiggled her toes anxiously in her shoes. Following Harry home had been easier than she had thought. Now all he had to do was answer the door.
"Just answer the door Harry," she whispered to herself. Almost by command a scraggly looking male with hair more disheveled than she had remembered opened his forest green door.
For a time, there was no sound. It was silent. They both looked at each other expecting the other to speak first.
When no one did Ginny said "Hi"
Harry was angry. Why was she here? Against his hopes and with his nightmares she had come back for one final chat with him. Did she not realize that what he wanted was divine severance. "Hi?" Harry said while he squinted his eyes, still very confused and not really sure if he was stating or asking.
"Hi," Ginny repeated with more certainty.
"What should I do?" he wondered to himself as she stood there, smiling as if nothing she was up to was out of the ordinary. He hated her for standing there acting as if they were just old friends, as if nothing of the last couple of years actually happened and she was just dropping by to say hi. Even though he wished he had never known anyone from Hogwarts, he still did and still knew the personality of Ginny Weasley. If she wanted something she would achieve it. There was no way to get rid of her. He thought about slamming the door in her face, but no muggle lock could stop a Hogwarts student. He thought about running out down the hallway and just running till she was gone. Even a plan as desperate as that would never work. It seamed as though there was no way to dispose of this red head at his front door. "Want to...come in? I guess?" He had no idea why she was here. He didn't even want to find out. Although, it would seam as though he had had no choice but to let her in.
Ginny stepped through the doorway as the silence between them resumed itself. Surprisingly, Ginny found herself leaving the grimy hallway and entering into a filthy flat with what looked like one room, a bathroom and a smaller wall which probably led to some kitchen like area. There was a brown folding table with two lawn chairs loitering around it. A tiny balcony with black metal semi sturdy was just behind the bed. The small one-person bed was unmade and Ginny noticed didn't have a mattress cover either.
She thought that there might be a closet hiding on the wall to her right. Doors she assumed were once white but now wore a color of beige, closed themselves around the would-be closet. At just this moment she wanted to rush over and whisk the doors open with one big swoop. Ginny was drawn to the closet in a way that she couldn't quite explain. She wanted too reveal what was inside, and expose all of its contents for what they really were, just like Harry.
Overall, the whole flat was drafty and uncomfortable. It was small and had few windows. Its photoless walls were so naked, so bare and sad looking. Ginny almost as if the emptiness of the apartment was getting to her after mere seconds, she shuddered. All Ginny could think about was how awful it would be to live here. The whole area gave off a dark and lonely vibe. Ginny faked a polite smile.
"So this is your place?" Ginny said optimistically. "I like it. It just screams I don't need anything excess...like furniture...or heat"
Harry was confused. Was she making a joke? What she said was true but he didn't know what to make of it. Harry realized that it had been so long since he had had a one on one conversation about more than whether someone wanted whipped cream on that, that he couldn't tell the difference between sarcasm, humorless honesty, or possibly both. So he just gave a toothless smile instead. What did people do when someone came over? Perhaps he should offer her something.
"Would you like some coffee or something?" Harry said still not sure what to make of his first guest since he had owned the place. He was also quite aware that for all of his time spent at Starbucks, he did not own any coffee. There was a moment of him questioning what he was to do if she actually accepted his café contribution. Suddenly, he was quite aware he was going against his own wishes by perpetuating this kind of nonsense with her. He had to convince her to leave. "Why are you here!?" Harry said abruptly changing the tone of the conversation.
"I would love some coffee," Ginny said, pointedly changing the subject. However, now that he mentioned it, why had she come here? She realized that even she didn't know why she had come. She told herself that it was curiosity. That was partly true. It was partly due to curiosity that she had told dean she had to work late. It was also a bit of frustration with Harry that caused her to follow him home today. She was angry with him. During a time when her family needed him most he had abandoned them and all of his other friends completely. Yes, that was the reason. She kept telling herself that that was the reason. She was angry with Harry, and she had to see him to prove that he was justified in leaving.
"You didn't answer me," he said raising his voice somewhat.
"Coffee would be fine," Ginny insisted. Although at the moment she was reconsidering drinking anything mad from the water in this place.
Harry was growing more and more frustrated. Didn't she understand that he didn't want her here? "Did you follow me home from work today," Harry questioned.
"Harry! I just want to talk. Don't be frightened."
"I don't want to talk! I want you to leave" Harry yelled pointing at the door.
Ginny was partly shocked and partly saddened by Harry. How could this have once been the boy who she admired and looked up to so many years ago? Ginny looked down at her feet then strait at Harry, "Just get some coffee, all I want to do is talk".
Harry was now so frustrated that he turned around and pathetically stomped off to the short distance to the kitchen area almost like a temperamental teenage girl. (A/n: sorry temperamental teenage girls, you know how we are)
As he was rumbling through the scarce utensils in the kitchen, Ginny was allowing herself to eye his apartment more carefully. She wondered what inside that heavily guarded closet. She looked back toward Harry in the kitchen. He let out an exasperated sigh. It seamed as though he was encountering difficulties at the coffee making. Ginny glanced toward the closet. Though she had grown considerably over the years she was still curious as ever and could not deny an opportunity to uncover whatever treasure lay behind those doors. In short, she had no choice but to fulfil her intrusiveness.
Ginny tiptoed over to the right side of the room and stopped in front of the two beige doors. She fingered the doorknob for a while before she pulled both doors open freeing two years worth of dust. The closet was dark and had no light, only shadows covering shadows. There were boxes on a seemingly sturdy shelf with no markings or label. Various clothes were hanging from the horizontal bar going firm across the top, and an old cage quickly recognized as Hedwig's former home lay below.
For an instant Ginny remembered growing excited when she would see Harry's snow-white owl heading for their home. It meant that there was a chance that there was a letter from Harry from her. But no more. Her feelings for Harry had faded completely. Seeing him now in such a state only confirmed these thoughts.
Harry let out a swear word to relieve his frustration with Ginny and problems with killing a rat in the cabinet. Whatever he was struggling with seamed to be occupying his time for a little bit longer. Ginny lifted her feet and rested her weight on her toes. Slowly, she extended her arm far above her head and placed it into one of the cardboard boxes. When she withdrew it she was holding another familiar sight. It was Harry's wand. It was just as beautiful as she had remembered it. All this stuff was just going to waste in this dark closet. All of Harry's old school robes just hung there, lifeless. Ginny had seen so many depressing events and sights in her young life. Oddly, the sight of Harry's wizard time capsule ranked among the top ten. She thought about this to herself when she saw them. A group of them, all hanging between Harry's invisibility cloak and firebolt in the corner. Ginny allowed herself to gasp. 7 green sweaters all with the letter H neatly knitted the center. So many memories and associations came to mind without consciously realizing that she was remembering. Still holding Harry's wand she plucked the nearest sweater off its hanger. The soft texture was too much for her Burrow deprived mind. Ginny held the material to her cheek. Joyous nostalgia of a time when she was so naïve, Ron was still alive, and life was so much more reliable. It still smelled like all the sent that she had long forgotten. It smelled like Harry, like the burrow, she could even smell Ron.
"I'm sorry but-"Harry said as he emerged from the kitchen triumphant in terms of pest removal, but severely lacking in finding any coffee only to find Ginny going through his old things. Not just any things, the things he had kept in that closet to hide from himself. Even though he was too weak to destroy them, as he should have, he could easily put them away where he wouldn't have to look at them, smell them, and remember them.
"What are you..." Harry screeched in a hurried panic. He couldn't even finish his sentence. The mere sight of his old things caused his breathing to change dramatically.
"Harry, I'm sorry I don't know what I was doing." Ginny yelled in the same hurried fashion, but with a different tone entirely.
"You need to leave," Harry said slower and seemingly calmer.
"I'm sorry, I just-curiosity and-"
"Are you listening?" He cried
She didn't know what to say. She was so confused. She was confused both by Harry and herself. It was true. she was at fault. Ginny couldn't explain why she had followed Harry home, demanded him to keep her company and then gone through his things.
"Just go," He said in more of a whimper. Pleading for her to leave his life as he had tried so hard to leave hers.
Ginny remained still, like a deer in the headlights with no where to run.
"LEAVE" Harry yelled his chest heaving.
Ginny winced. Regaining a bit of courage she started to whisper "Who do you think you are? There was a time when you would have called me your friend. Then one day you just wake up and decide you want to leave everyone you know behind, NO!" By the end of her speech her volume had reached Harry's.
"Get out or I'll do something I don't want to do." Harry said with a stern warning. Now she was bringing up the past. It was bad enough that she had to go through his things and pull out the objects he had purposely tried to hide, but now she was trying to lecture him on how to live his life. How dare she. She was crossing the line.
"God Harry, have you talked about Ron at all?"
"Shut up, Shut up, SHUT UP"
"OR have you even visited her?" Perhaps she was crossing the line.
He knew exactly what she was talking about. He had had enough. "LEAVE," he cried with a mixture of pain and force, "I DON'T WANT YOU HERE. I JUST-I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. WHY CANT YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?"
"HARRY-," Ginny said sternly.
"GO!" He said with that anger and passion multiplied. He said it with such intensity that Ginny took a step back.
She had given up. Barely did she have time to get out of his small apartment before Harry slammed the door violently behind her. Ginny cupped her hands over her mouth. Did that really happen? Was that dissimulating shell of a man really the Harry she once knew? She wasn't even sure if she had accomplished what she had set out to do. Her heart beat quickly as she hurried down the hallway.
Harry watched the slammed door for a few minutes after that. He was halfway expecting her to come back and haunt him more. She was worse than any nightmare he had ever had. She was so much of a reminder of the past. Thank god she was gone. Everything was still; the only movement was the heaving of Harry's chest as he gasped for air to calm his nerves. Then he sat back down at his table to eat his muffin and smoke a cigarette. After two cigarettes he still had a migraine and lay down on the bed. Unlike past nights he fell asleep quite instantly, only to find himself in inevitable darkness and languor torment.
I thought about giving this chapter a song (the postal service: The district sleeps alone tonight) cause I felt that it captured the mood. But then I realized that I was just listening to it and was changing my mind. So download it if you feel inclined, and listen to it as you enjoy the next chapter...or not! That's the joy of author's notes and a lack of lyrics.
Harry fumbled a bit with a slightly damaged muffin he had swiped from work before it was discarded. It would make a semi-satisfying dinner. Living off minimum wage with a London apartment (no matter how small and dirty) wasn't always easy. To make ends meet he had to make do with what he could find at work and buy with what little money he had. Harry squished the brown bag with circular green logo around under his fist.
Though the calendar would have deceived you, it indeed felt like winter. The winds grew steadily worse and weathermen were predicting record-breaking temperatures this year. Bright oranges and reds normally accustomed to their moment each year around this time were slaughtered for the icy blues and dark colors of winter. The temperature drop seamed to depress even those who were sunny and happy on the inside.
Harry however, was feeling slightly better than usual. It had been two days since he had seen Ginny and Dean. After that first night of dreams he hadn't had any other thoughts of wizards or villainous men with haunting eyes. It had been ages since he had felt this good. In fact, he hadn't had a craving for a cigarette in almost 24 hours. On normal days he picked up his feet only to indulge the notion of walking requiring leg movement. Today, he moved with an uncertain quickness. Of course, you could never call how Harry was feeling happy. Oh no. Happiness had been long forgotten in this young man's eyes of jade. Perhaps Harry was happy today. It had been so long maybe he wouldn't have even known what it felt like.
As these and other complex thoughts that only Harry Potter could have fluttered about in his head, someone unexpected watched and followed him scrupulously. Someone was lurking in the shadows and careful not to be seen.
He closed the door of his 4th floor apartment paying no attention to the loud bang of its closing. HE set the muffin down on the counter along with his only fork and a sketchy looking bit of water in one of his few glasses with no ice. Harry's diet and cigarette usage had let to a bit of weight loss on his part. His once attenuated body now had a skeletal appearance. As usual harry didn't care.
Just as he was about to sit down to eat the muffin that had only fallen on the floor for a mere 15 seconds, there was a knock on the door. The knock was repeated after a 30-second interval with the same hard and determined force of the first knock. Harry was deeply perplexed. He wasn't sure that anyone knew or more importantly cared that this was his home. Why would someone be knocking on his door? Whoever it was, he had a feeling it would not be someone he wanted to talk to. Since that was just about everyone he had a pretty good chance of being right.
Ginny wiggled her toes anxiously in her shoes. Following Harry home had been easier than she had thought. Now all he had to do was answer the door.
"Just answer the door Harry," she whispered to herself. Almost by command a scraggly looking male with hair more disheveled than she had remembered opened his forest green door.
For a time, there was no sound. It was silent. They both looked at each other expecting the other to speak first.
When no one did Ginny said "Hi"
Harry was angry. Why was she here? Against his hopes and with his nightmares she had come back for one final chat with him. Did she not realize that what he wanted was divine severance. "Hi?" Harry said while he squinted his eyes, still very confused and not really sure if he was stating or asking.
"Hi," Ginny repeated with more certainty.
"What should I do?" he wondered to himself as she stood there, smiling as if nothing she was up to was out of the ordinary. He hated her for standing there acting as if they were just old friends, as if nothing of the last couple of years actually happened and she was just dropping by to say hi. Even though he wished he had never known anyone from Hogwarts, he still did and still knew the personality of Ginny Weasley. If she wanted something she would achieve it. There was no way to get rid of her. He thought about slamming the door in her face, but no muggle lock could stop a Hogwarts student. He thought about running out down the hallway and just running till she was gone. Even a plan as desperate as that would never work. It seamed as though there was no way to dispose of this red head at his front door. "Want to...come in? I guess?" He had no idea why she was here. He didn't even want to find out. Although, it would seam as though he had had no choice but to let her in.
Ginny stepped through the doorway as the silence between them resumed itself. Surprisingly, Ginny found herself leaving the grimy hallway and entering into a filthy flat with what looked like one room, a bathroom and a smaller wall which probably led to some kitchen like area. There was a brown folding table with two lawn chairs loitering around it. A tiny balcony with black metal semi sturdy was just behind the bed. The small one-person bed was unmade and Ginny noticed didn't have a mattress cover either.
She thought that there might be a closet hiding on the wall to her right. Doors she assumed were once white but now wore a color of beige, closed themselves around the would-be closet. At just this moment she wanted to rush over and whisk the doors open with one big swoop. Ginny was drawn to the closet in a way that she couldn't quite explain. She wanted too reveal what was inside, and expose all of its contents for what they really were, just like Harry.
Overall, the whole flat was drafty and uncomfortable. It was small and had few windows. Its photoless walls were so naked, so bare and sad looking. Ginny almost as if the emptiness of the apartment was getting to her after mere seconds, she shuddered. All Ginny could think about was how awful it would be to live here. The whole area gave off a dark and lonely vibe. Ginny faked a polite smile.
"So this is your place?" Ginny said optimistically. "I like it. It just screams I don't need anything excess...like furniture...or heat"
Harry was confused. Was she making a joke? What she said was true but he didn't know what to make of it. Harry realized that it had been so long since he had had a one on one conversation about more than whether someone wanted whipped cream on that, that he couldn't tell the difference between sarcasm, humorless honesty, or possibly both. So he just gave a toothless smile instead. What did people do when someone came over? Perhaps he should offer her something.
"Would you like some coffee or something?" Harry said still not sure what to make of his first guest since he had owned the place. He was also quite aware that for all of his time spent at Starbucks, he did not own any coffee. There was a moment of him questioning what he was to do if she actually accepted his café contribution. Suddenly, he was quite aware he was going against his own wishes by perpetuating this kind of nonsense with her. He had to convince her to leave. "Why are you here!?" Harry said abruptly changing the tone of the conversation.
"I would love some coffee," Ginny said, pointedly changing the subject. However, now that he mentioned it, why had she come here? She realized that even she didn't know why she had come. She told herself that it was curiosity. That was partly true. It was partly due to curiosity that she had told dean she had to work late. It was also a bit of frustration with Harry that caused her to follow him home today. She was angry with him. During a time when her family needed him most he had abandoned them and all of his other friends completely. Yes, that was the reason. She kept telling herself that that was the reason. She was angry with Harry, and she had to see him to prove that he was justified in leaving.
"You didn't answer me," he said raising his voice somewhat.
"Coffee would be fine," Ginny insisted. Although at the moment she was reconsidering drinking anything mad from the water in this place.
Harry was growing more and more frustrated. Didn't she understand that he didn't want her here? "Did you follow me home from work today," Harry questioned.
"Harry! I just want to talk. Don't be frightened."
"I don't want to talk! I want you to leave" Harry yelled pointing at the door.
Ginny was partly shocked and partly saddened by Harry. How could this have once been the boy who she admired and looked up to so many years ago? Ginny looked down at her feet then strait at Harry, "Just get some coffee, all I want to do is talk".
Harry was now so frustrated that he turned around and pathetically stomped off to the short distance to the kitchen area almost like a temperamental teenage girl. (A/n: sorry temperamental teenage girls, you know how we are)
As he was rumbling through the scarce utensils in the kitchen, Ginny was allowing herself to eye his apartment more carefully. She wondered what inside that heavily guarded closet. She looked back toward Harry in the kitchen. He let out an exasperated sigh. It seamed as though he was encountering difficulties at the coffee making. Ginny glanced toward the closet. Though she had grown considerably over the years she was still curious as ever and could not deny an opportunity to uncover whatever treasure lay behind those doors. In short, she had no choice but to fulfil her intrusiveness.
Ginny tiptoed over to the right side of the room and stopped in front of the two beige doors. She fingered the doorknob for a while before she pulled both doors open freeing two years worth of dust. The closet was dark and had no light, only shadows covering shadows. There were boxes on a seemingly sturdy shelf with no markings or label. Various clothes were hanging from the horizontal bar going firm across the top, and an old cage quickly recognized as Hedwig's former home lay below.
For an instant Ginny remembered growing excited when she would see Harry's snow-white owl heading for their home. It meant that there was a chance that there was a letter from Harry from her. But no more. Her feelings for Harry had faded completely. Seeing him now in such a state only confirmed these thoughts.
Harry let out a swear word to relieve his frustration with Ginny and problems with killing a rat in the cabinet. Whatever he was struggling with seamed to be occupying his time for a little bit longer. Ginny lifted her feet and rested her weight on her toes. Slowly, she extended her arm far above her head and placed it into one of the cardboard boxes. When she withdrew it she was holding another familiar sight. It was Harry's wand. It was just as beautiful as she had remembered it. All this stuff was just going to waste in this dark closet. All of Harry's old school robes just hung there, lifeless. Ginny had seen so many depressing events and sights in her young life. Oddly, the sight of Harry's wizard time capsule ranked among the top ten. She thought about this to herself when she saw them. A group of them, all hanging between Harry's invisibility cloak and firebolt in the corner. Ginny allowed herself to gasp. 7 green sweaters all with the letter H neatly knitted the center. So many memories and associations came to mind without consciously realizing that she was remembering. Still holding Harry's wand she plucked the nearest sweater off its hanger. The soft texture was too much for her Burrow deprived mind. Ginny held the material to her cheek. Joyous nostalgia of a time when she was so naïve, Ron was still alive, and life was so much more reliable. It still smelled like all the sent that she had long forgotten. It smelled like Harry, like the burrow, she could even smell Ron.
"I'm sorry but-"Harry said as he emerged from the kitchen triumphant in terms of pest removal, but severely lacking in finding any coffee only to find Ginny going through his old things. Not just any things, the things he had kept in that closet to hide from himself. Even though he was too weak to destroy them, as he should have, he could easily put them away where he wouldn't have to look at them, smell them, and remember them.
"What are you..." Harry screeched in a hurried panic. He couldn't even finish his sentence. The mere sight of his old things caused his breathing to change dramatically.
"Harry, I'm sorry I don't know what I was doing." Ginny yelled in the same hurried fashion, but with a different tone entirely.
"You need to leave," Harry said slower and seemingly calmer.
"I'm sorry, I just-curiosity and-"
"Are you listening?" He cried
She didn't know what to say. She was so confused. She was confused both by Harry and herself. It was true. she was at fault. Ginny couldn't explain why she had followed Harry home, demanded him to keep her company and then gone through his things.
"Just go," He said in more of a whimper. Pleading for her to leave his life as he had tried so hard to leave hers.
Ginny remained still, like a deer in the headlights with no where to run.
"LEAVE" Harry yelled his chest heaving.
Ginny winced. Regaining a bit of courage she started to whisper "Who do you think you are? There was a time when you would have called me your friend. Then one day you just wake up and decide you want to leave everyone you know behind, NO!" By the end of her speech her volume had reached Harry's.
"Get out or I'll do something I don't want to do." Harry said with a stern warning. Now she was bringing up the past. It was bad enough that she had to go through his things and pull out the objects he had purposely tried to hide, but now she was trying to lecture him on how to live his life. How dare she. She was crossing the line.
"God Harry, have you talked about Ron at all?"
"Shut up, Shut up, SHUT UP"
"OR have you even visited her?" Perhaps she was crossing the line.
He knew exactly what she was talking about. He had had enough. "LEAVE," he cried with a mixture of pain and force, "I DON'T WANT YOU HERE. I JUST-I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. WHY CANT YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?"
"HARRY-," Ginny said sternly.
"GO!" He said with that anger and passion multiplied. He said it with such intensity that Ginny took a step back.
She had given up. Barely did she have time to get out of his small apartment before Harry slammed the door violently behind her. Ginny cupped her hands over her mouth. Did that really happen? Was that dissimulating shell of a man really the Harry she once knew? She wasn't even sure if she had accomplished what she had set out to do. Her heart beat quickly as she hurried down the hallway.
Harry watched the slammed door for a few minutes after that. He was halfway expecting her to come back and haunt him more. She was worse than any nightmare he had ever had. She was so much of a reminder of the past. Thank god she was gone. Everything was still; the only movement was the heaving of Harry's chest as he gasped for air to calm his nerves. Then he sat back down at his table to eat his muffin and smoke a cigarette. After two cigarettes he still had a migraine and lay down on the bed. Unlike past nights he fell asleep quite instantly, only to find himself in inevitable darkness and languor torment.