Author's Notes: Another chapter, some more interesting stuff. Nothing much to say. I'll be building the foundations for Taito/Yamachi in the next few chapters so try not to be stressed that everything's moving very slowly. Reviews always cheer me so please do. =)
Thanks to Ayla, Yagamigirl (Taito's in a few chapters), Becci'D.
Disclaimer: Digimon is not my intellectual property.
ReoccurrenceChapter 3: Clean Slate
Always images. Single split second flashes of a scene, and then blankness. A glimpse of something when my eyes shut for a blink, but then nothing when I open them. There wasn't a connection between them, nothing that I could hold onto and string them together with. They were like a deck of cards flying every which way, taunting me to try and pick them up and put them in order. I bit into another round, red fruit, its bittersweetness like a tangy jolt.
It'd been a long time since I woke up at the beach, resurfacing to that scary stillness of water. Moon and sun rising and falling forever, and I started walking, thinking suddenly of scenes that were important to me, but I didn't know why. Hundreds of miles I've gone so far, lost, searching for something, someone? And what was worse was I was afraid, more afraid that anything in my life. The night with its strange noises, the trees with their sudden eyes, the monsters… I ran from them; they chased me, weird things with stones for heads or fire for skin. They called after me, strange names, digidestined or chosen one, but I never stopped to listen. They weren't who I was searching for. They were frightening.
I stopped by a brook and gulped in the cold water, taking a glance at my rippling reflection. Here I was, wild brown hair, small dirty face, goggled. I was looking for others that looked like me, that had the same kind of eyes spaced apart by a small nose, with five fingered hands and two legs and arms. Flashes of people would come to mind, maybe brown hair, or reddish eyes, or blue eyes or some floppy hat. But the more I searched, the more I didn't find them. What was worse was that I was afraid to find them, to stop them and say that I don't know who I was or who they were, and maybe scare them away, to leave me alone again.
I dug into my pockets for another fruit, my reflection grimacing in distaste. That's all I've had to eat all this time traveling. Lots of fruits, red and yellow and sometimes orange, spicy or sweet or salty. It was that or starve. Months I guess, though I can't even remember which. I've been searching for months completely tired and frightened. All these little messages from deep down kept telling me that I couldn't let myself die because others were counting on me, or that I couldn't cry because to show weakness was to lose. Lose what? I didn't know, and that made it so much worse.
Aimless. I followed the stream down to somewhere, not as if it mattered in the least. The little necklace thing bumped against my chest as I trotted. I had wondered about the meaning of this little sun symbol the first week. It was strangely comforting, but out of place, something that I felt, more or less, wasn't something I'd always had. I guessed it meant something big and important, occasionally glowing for a few seconds, but I've never found out why it glowed or what it means. I might've found out if there was someone to talk to, but I've never come across anyone else.
I didn't know how much longer I was going to try and search; I wanted to give up and sink to my knees. I was at a peaceful lake, a lake that shimmered with the sun and moved with the fish. This could be my new home, or my resting place; either way, I didn't want to leave it. Instead, I sipped a few mouthfuls of cool water and laid on the warm grassy shore. Eyes closing, I could almost smell something different, a mixture of food and inhabitance, like home. I fell asleep.
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Someone was shaking me, quite harshly. Snapping my eyes open, I jerked from the grasp, ready to crawl away, even if I was on my back. My heart leapt into my throat; it was a monster, I knew it was. Looking around wildly, I landed on the face of an old man, an old man… I was scared but I couldn't bring myself to run; he was like me. He looked very surprised, eyes very wide and his arm trembling slightly. I couldn't find my voice, his image flashing across my eyes, the same person, different landscape, long time ago. "Y-You…"
He smiled brokenly, very, very happily. He even let a few tears escape his eyes, stretching out an arm to help me up. "Taichi…"
I looked around, the name very familiar. But there was no one behind me. "Who's Taichi?"
He didn't answer my question, his face clouding over with a deep sadness, murmuring low under his breath. "But the portal is closed now…forever…."
I shivered. I didn't know what portal he was talking about, but the way he said 'forever,' my stomach dropped. It was final, and spread cold all over my body. "Who are you?" I tried to move away, but my hand struck into the water; there was no escape.
Blinking, his face closed into confusion, taking a long look at me again. "You don't know who I am, Taichi?"
He called me that name again. Was I Taichi? "You're familiar somehow…I'm Taichi?"
"Yes, you're Taichi." As if struck by some memory, he chuckled. "Definitely Taichi. I'm Gennai."
"Oh." Anticlimax as it was, that was the first word from my mouth. His name didn't really mean anything. Gennai…
He straightened into his small figure, even shorter than me. "Come on; don't dawdle." A light flickered, and the water disappeared from around my sunken arm.
"Wow…" It was amazing; the lake parted into two walls of water, my hand pressed against the first step of a deep staircase that led down to a large house. Gennai merely stepped over me and continued along down to the building. I hastily got up and followed him. It was strange, going down; I had this sudden fear of the tall water walls, as if they'd crash over the barrier and rumble toward me, or if the stairs would suddenly crumble and drop me into the unknown. I shook my head, and nothing happened. I reached Gennai's waiting form. "How? What?"
He only smiled. "You don't remember…this is my home."
Home? Living with fish in a lake? "Oh." He led me into the interior, the sparse furnishing a little worn but comfortable looking. As the door closed, a loud rushing sound startled me. Instinctively, I had grabbed for my waist, hand clasping around the fabric of my shorts. But there was nothing there and I didn't know why I'd reached down. Peering out a window, I reeled as fish drifted past the panes, water swirling just outside. This was so strange…
Gennai's voice drifted from down the hall. "Are you hungry?"
I automatically reached into my pockets, bringing out a bunch of red berries. "Do you have something not fruit?"
There was something awfully familiar about this place, something that was reassuring to me, even more reassuring when his voice came back from down the hall. "There's fish…"
Fish? Pounding down the hall, I skidded into a modest dining room, a plate of steaming fish and rice on the low table. I could swear my eyes were tearing up with joy. "Can I?"
Gennai chuckled again. "Go ahead." Jumping down into a sitting position, I ate, more like inhaled, shoveling the delicious food into my mouth and down my throat. It was so good, my body aching for more as if I hadn't eaten something like this for even longer than a few months. I heard Gennai's quiet laugh over my loud eating, saying something like 'same old Taichi.'
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I was full and it was nighttime, as far as I could tell. The lake no longer clear blue was opaque and dark, all the windows blackened, the only light coming from artificial bulbs overhead. I was definitely curious. He knew me and was willing to help me. "Gennai?"
His slow form made its way toward me from another room, carrying something that looked like a laptop. "Yes?"
"You knew me right? Before whatever that made me forget right?" It was strange to use the term 'forget' because it implied I had to know I knew something before. And I couldn't even be sure of that.
He nodded. "Oh yes, I knew you. You were the leader after all." His eyes lost something as he sat down and stared in front of him. "We all thought you were dead…"
Dead? We? "Who's we? There's others?"
Flat and regretful. "Not anymore I'm afraid."
My throat closed up, attacked by concern that shouldn't have been there. "Are they dead?"
"Oh no, no. They just went home, back to your world."
"My…world?"
"Through the portal."
It was panic that swept me; that finality in his voice again. "The-The one that closed permanently?"
He nodded sympathetically, not talking. It was odd again. A part of me just hurt, hurt a lot but my brain was telling me there was no reason. How could I miss home if I didn't remember it in the first place? If that was the case, then this world would be home, my new home. And yet that didn't that make me feel better. His voice was sympathetic, soft. "I'm very sorry Taichi."
I shook my head dismissively. "It's not that much of a problem is it? I mean I don't even remember home."
He opened the small computer, clicking a few keys. "How much do you remember?"
"Nothing at all. I woke up on the beach a while ago and everything was just blank. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting something, but it disappears."
He turned the screen towards me. "Would you like to know?"
I would've been screaming 'yes' if not for that doubt in my mind. If I knew home, I'd miss it, wouldn't I? And then I'd never be able to be happy here. But the more I thought about it, I just couldn't let go of the urge to know. I've been so lost for so long; I needed this. "Yes." Gennai clicked a key and the screen lightened, leaving eight photographs of people in front of me. I was there, in the middle, some other people around me. If I was expecting a cascade of memories, it didn't come. Vaguely, some images did surface as I scanned their photos. This girl had the hat I remembered, and the other girl had the reddish eyes, and the blond guy had the blue eyes. I thought perhaps, I should stop at his face for an extra moment and wait for something to come but nothing did. I went through them all, this feeling of warmth as I looked at the last picture of a little girl. Somehow I knew her, and she was really important to me. Then a name flashed to mind. "Kari."
Gennai brightened considerably. "She's your sister."
Sister? I have a sister? A sour thought shook through me. I had a sister. I'd never see her again, or any of these people as a matter of fact. I brooded for a little, pushing the need to cry away. I was stuck here and there was no chance. "Is the portal really closed Gennai?" He frowned uncomfortably but nodded. "Oh." Definitely no hope then. A moment of silence. "Can you tell me about these people?"
He smiled again, something I'm sure he's fond of doing. "Of course; you were all my responsibility." A wave of nostalgia passed across his face. "And you all lived up to more than my expectations."
I couldn't help but grin; he was proud of me. For doing something I couldn't recall, but it was something good. I was hanging on every one of his words as he went through them all, Takeru, Mimi, Sora, Hikari, Yamato, Jyou, Koushiro. And then more about digimon, the Digiworld, some of big battles we all had. It sounded like a wonderful adventure; I really wanted to remember it, but my mind wouldn't give me anything more than a few dim scenes of trees and lakes and caves. In the end, I resigned myself to think of it all as some big fairy tale or dream you half forget when you wake up.
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I settled into a comfortable bed, the softness wonderful against my back. No more hard stone ground or thin leaves. I was home now. Gennai was kind to offer me the choice to stay with him, to learn more about how good fought evil and all that, and tell me some more about my lost friends. I thought of them with some sadness, but it was a removed sadness, remote. When he was talking about them, I could tell he really cared for them, for us. I can't help but think how much I must've cared for them all, especially Kari. That would probably be my only big regret: to have Kari grow up without a brother, but she'd cope eventually. And will probably be really happy too. I smiled, if not a little sadly. This was my new life. A shuddering breath and I pulled the blankets up to my nose. My new life…
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Author's Notes: Okay, just bear with me and first person point of view for another chapter. Then all will be well. *laughing nervously* yes, everything will be hunky dory.