Why am I updating? Well, simple answer: math class is tomorrow. ^^

Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine. This is just a fic that comes from the eternal mystery that is my mind. ^^

Please R and R. It's not illegal ya know. Also if you notice any typo or plot holes or mistakes of any kind, please tell me so I can fix it. ^^

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Title: Please Let It Not Be True
Chapter 9: Waking Up
By: BurningWaters Beep…

Beep….

Beep….

Beep…

A steady beeping reached my ear. Grayness filled my vision. My mouth felt dry. My arms hurt. I felt something in it. My shoulder ached more. My vision cleared. I didn't know what I was looking at. Everything was so unfamiliar. White walls clouded my vision. A window to my right and a door to my left. I was laying in an unfamiliar bed. Different types of machines surrounded me. Chairs sitting two different places of the room. In one I saw Taichi sleeping. The other was empty, but it looked like someone was sitting in it before. 

The door opened and Sora walked in. I looked at her questioningly. Sora gave me a smile. In each of her hand, she held a steaming cup. She walked to Taichi and tapped him with her foot. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She gave him a cup and gestured to me. "He finally woke up." 

"Yama…." He said, take a sip and scooting his chair closer to me. Sora pulled her chair next to Taichi. Both of them are on my left. "How are you?" he said, gently.

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. Taichi reached to the bed stand next to my bed and poured me a cup of water. I took it gratefully and drank deeply. Then tried again, "I don't know…what happened? Every part of me hurts…" Then I remembered something, "Where's Takeru?"

Taichi and Sora looked at each other, their eyes are filled with dread and…something else I cannot place….sadness? They look like they had been crying. I haven't noticed it. Taichi took a deep breath and told me what had happened, "You've been unconscious for two days now…" I listened to what he was saying…but I felt dread…

I didn't know if I heard right. I felt oddly numb. It didn't sink in on what they had just told me. "W-what?" I asked again.

"We're sorry, Yama...but Takeru wasn't as lucky as you," Taichi said for the fifth time. I stared at him. Not knowing what to think. Sora and Taichi was sitting next to my hospital bed. Taichi was in his soccer outfit and Sora was in her tennis outfit, both of them looked sad and didn't know what to day. Their eyes are glossy from the tears.

I kept staring numbly at them and then suddenly reality hit. Everything came crashing down onto me, like a bullet train that came seconds too late. "Oh god..." I said, "Oh, god, oh god..." Over and over...the scene replayed in my head, "Oh god..." Tears formed and started to fall. The sounds echoed all around me. 'Please,' Takeru's voice echoed, 'you don't want to do this....'

"Oh god! Why did I insist that he comes with me?! To that particular liquor store?" I sobbed incoherently, "Why didn't I go back for your keys....we could have been in and out and...an- and-...." I shook with pain and sadness. I could feel the place where the bullet has entered my shoulder blade. It hurt a lot. But ...Takeru wasn't beside me, which hurt more than words can express. I...I don't even want to think about it but...Oh god, Takeru....I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! This is all my fault! I should have done something more! I saw it happened...time and time again, but I never said anything....I'm sorry...Please forgive me...TAKERU!!!! I cried. Taichi and Sora were crying too. I was the only one crying loudly..."Why? Why...Why does it have to happen to *my* brother?" I sobbed, even harder, "oh god, it's all my fault."

"I'm sorry, Yama..." Taichi said, moving closer to my bed. He put his hand on my hand. It brought me back to reality, as if someone threw a bucket of ice water on me. I pulled my hand away from his. He looked hurt. "It's not your fault," he tried again.

"Yes it is!" I sobbed, I couldn't stop. I know I was wrong, but I can't help but feel that I made it happen, "It's all my fault!"

"Yama..." Taichi said sadly. Sora spoke up, after not speaking for a while, "No it's not. It's not your fault at all. It just hap--"

The tears wouldn't stop. My brother is gone. *My* brother is gone...My little brother....dead...gone...forever....I had convinced him to come. I insisted he go with me that night. That last night. "Get out," I said, in a small flat voice. My voice shook with sadness. Everything hurt. I didn't want to deal. They did not move but looked at me sympathetic.

"Get out," I said again, a bit louder, "Get out, get out, GET OUT!!" I was being hysterical. I was yelling. I knew this was wrong. But I couldn't stop myself. It was just too much.

"Yamato..." Sora tried to reason with me. I was done. I was through. I turned away from them and stared blankly through my tears at the bright day outside. Tears fell down my face. A moment later, I heard them leave. Leaving me alone. My brother is gone...I feel so alone....

How did it ever come to this?

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Three Days Later

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Even though I had kicked Taichi and Sora out that day, they, along with everyone else, comes to visit me. Sometimes I felt like seeing them, other times I didn't. But the only person who has not come and visited me is Hikari. Tacihi told me that she's not doing so well. She cries every night, barely sleeps or eat…I know exactly what she is going through.

I'm trying my best to move on. *sigh* It's hard to do daily things now. Everything that I do or think of, it reminds me of Takeru. I thought it was hard when I lost Nika, but losing Takeru is more than I can bare. And I don't know what I'm going to do once I get released tomorrow. The doctor told me that as long as I don't do anything to put pressure on my shoulder, then I'd be fine…but the scar and the bullet that reminds inside of me is the only reminder of what had happened that night. That fateful night.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to go home…but I don't think I can bare going home…even if dad is there, home still reminds me of Takeru. Mom and Dad aren't doing so well either…but they are doing a very good job at moving on.

"C'mon, Kari," I heard Taichi's voice through the semi-closed door. It interrupted my thoughts. Hikari is here. I don't know what to say to her…I…It's hard to think of anything to say to my longtime friend and my brothers' fiancé.

"No…I can't…." Hikari's voice answered. Her voice quivered, "I wanted to visit Yamato…but I can't…"

"Ok, I understand," Taichi quietly answered back, "I'll be just a minute then. Why don't you go get something to drink in the cafeteria?"

"Te-…tell Yamato that I'm sorry I can't see him," Hikari's voice reached my ear. "I will," Taichi answered.

Then I heard a quiet knock at my door. I didn't answer. I just turned and stared out the window. My window overlooks the main street and the main way where the ambulances drive in to the ER. Sometimes watching people rush around takes my mind off things. Today was no different. I hated the way the sun is shining brightly as if nothing had happened.

The door opened slowly, "Hi, Yama…" his unsure voice came after he had closed the door. I stayed quiet. I couldn't answer. I felt that if I answered, I'd start crying again. He set something on the bed stand. The scent of flowers reached my nose. "How are you?"

I sniffed, feeling tears coming and whispered, "I can't do this, Taichi…" I still did not turn and look at him.

~*~AN: Frodo: "I can't do this, Sam…." ^^ Sorry, LOTR is my current obsession~*~

"I know," he told me quietly, "it's wrong, it's all wrong. This shouldn't even be happening. But it is. It's like in the great stories, Yama. The ones that really mattered. They were full of darkness and danger. And sometimes you don't want to know the end. Because how could the end by happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?

"But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.

"Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if our role in the world is too small to understand why. But I think, Yamato, I do understand. I know now. Folks in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. Because they there holding on to something."

He paused. "What are we holding on to, Tai?" I turned and look at him, trying my best to hold back the tears that were already there.

"That there's some good in the world, Yama….and it's worth it to move on with our lives…even if it's hard…" he looked at me and smiled, "after all, it is what Takeru would have wanted right? He wouldn't want us to be…unhappy forever."

I smiled, he was right…he had a great point, "Heh, where did you come up with that?"

He shrugged, nonchalantly, "I wanted to say something to Hikari…and that's what I came up with…that's why she's here with me now." He reached forward and took my hand in his. "I'm sorry…I truly am. Other than that, I don't know what else to say…to take away the pain."

"Don't cry Taichi," I said, my own tears falling. "I can't help it, Yamato," he said, tears falling onto our joined hands, "I tried being strong. It worked for a while, but I don't…I don't know how long I can continue be strong. I hate seeing you and Hikari, two of the people whom I love the most, in so much pain."
I bit the bottom of my lips to calm my voice, "Have courage, Taichi…have courage…There's a part of Takeru always with us, remember. As long as we have hope we can get through this together." He sniffed and looked at me. "You're right…I…I should go…Hikari is waiting for me." I nodded. We both dried our tears as Tai stood up, "I'll be back later, k?" He leaned down and gave me a kiss. "I promise, I will be back later." He said again, as if reassuring himself.

"I'll be here waiting." He went to the door and turned the knob, "Taichi?"

He stopped and turned around, the doorknob still in his hand and partically opened. "Hm?"

His eyes are still red from crying. I'm sure mines are too, "I love you."

He gave a small sincere smile, " I love you too, Yama." He turned and opened the door and stopped. Hikari was standing at the door. She had heard us saying those final words. The look of shock just told us so. She looked at Taichi, then me, and then back at Taichi. Her bottom lip quivered. I didn't know what to say. This surprised me as much as it did Tai. "Hikari," Taichi said, finding his voice, "what's wrong?"

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A bit long….but I reckon that there will be two more chapters left….the next one will be Kari's reaction ((Ooh, what will happen?)) and the final chapter will be the epilogue. …Hm… ^^ Review! Plus that dialougue between Tai and Yama is the same between Sam and Frodo. I just changed it so that it fits with the character a bit. I love that scene!! Yes…LOTR isn't mines…but I wish it was. ;.;