... I kind of promised myself not to do this but... apparently I am weak to my impulsive ideas. Especially ideas that traverse into unmarked territory...
FIRST! (Deliberately rips off the Crazy Train laugh... which I do not own nor claim rights to.)
But yeah... anyway.
I do not own either Brütal Legend nor Steven Universe. Respectively they belong to Double Fine (I think) and Rebecca Sugar and so on. This story is for entertainment purposes only. Why else would it be on FanFiction? On with the story!
... also, for the record, like with pirates, you can be crafty with all sorts of things but names are another matter entirely it seems.
Brütal Universe
Chapter One: First day on the job
Halvard Stadium, Jersey
"This is going to be so sick!"
Sour Cream did little to curb his enthusiasm and no one could really blame him. Certainly not Greg who had dreamed of a day like for since being Sour Cream's age and beyond. As for Steven, he was just as hyper and then some as if to make up for Sour Cream's own lack of jitters and obvious restlessness. In fact of the three, Steven was the first one out by bowling over Sour Cream in his seat the second Mister Universe parked the van.
"This is awesome!" Steven cheered from the outside of the van as he walked backwards, his body craned as far back as it could without him falling over by accident as he tried to see the very top of the stadium before them, all but ignoring the men in dark clothing, both leather and non, who looked on from the doorway with varying amounts of amusement. "I bet you could fit a bazillion people in here!"
"Certainly would be a heck of a lot more people than who showed up at my concerts," Greg half heartedly chuckled as he slide out of his van after Vidalia's son did so on his respective side of the vehicle.
"Hey, you guys the opening act?" Finally the men seen fit to leave their perch at the door, albeit at a sedate pace. In fact they didn't seem the least bit eager at the prospect of work beyond the capacity of it being their job, such was their speed.
Regardless, Greg regarded them with a smile that some of them politely returned as they languidly made their way to the back of the van where Steven was already at work, joined by Sour Cream, setting boxes down and riffling through their contents just to double check everything was there. "Yep! Well, he is," he jerked a thumb in Sour Cream's direction. "Me and my son are just helping out. I'm Greg by the way. Greg Universe," he offered as he held a hand out for a handshake to the one who had spoke up. A burly man dressed predominantly in black save for a demonic-looking chrome belt buckle, a spiked wristband on his exposed left forearm whilst a smaller sweatband adorned his similar right arm, and a white logo he couldn't discern was situated on his shirt. His hair was as dark as his clothing, and long liken to a mullet with heavy sideburns that almost look like mutton chops at first glance. He was shaved for the most part save for a shadow of a beard making its way back, and a small soul patch on his lower lip.
"Eddie Riggs," the man offered as he took and shook the offered hand. "We'll have your guy up and ready before you know it."
"Good to know!" Greg replied the moment he let go. "Thankfully though we don't have all that much."
The other man gave a good natured snort. "Yeah, well, gives us something to do... God knows we need something better to do," he grumbled.
"I'm sorry?"
"Ah nothing! Nothin'," Eddie muttered before snapping his fingers and digging into his pockets. Soon enough he fished out a backstage pass and gave it to the man. "Right. I'll set your kid and guy up in a jiffy!" he said before rounding the corner of the van and dashing down the side to round another. When he arrived at the back he couldn't help but blink in mild confusion when he found no one there. Look glanced inside the van and found it spotless... as far as equipment were concerned. It was more than obvious it was somebody's home though. A fairly messy one at that but that was besides the point. He leaned over the side and spied everyone making their way to the door, almost every carrying a box or what-have-you that was part of the Opening Act's act. Satisfied, he absent mindedly closed the doors in his pass and dashed after them with backstage and employee passes in hand.
"Whoa there! Hang on." He slipped a pass around the lanky teenager's neck. "There we go. As for you shortstuff..." After a small chase he caught up with Steven and likewise did the same for him, causing the young boy to stop and look at the pass now dangling from the lanyard on his neck. "Cool!"
"Hehe, yeah. Here, let me get that for ya." Without thinking twice Eddie reached down and took the box from Steven's hand and hefted it to his own stomach in surprise. Surprise that afflicted only him. It wasn't 'ehavy' per se, for him at least, but it was certainly of a weight to make someone of the child's stature to normally struggle. As such he couldn't help but mildly gawk at the box in his hands and to Steven who at first looked to him in evident, closed mouth confusion before seemingly realizing what was crossing the roadie's mind, causing him to grin in smug satisfaction.
"Steven Universe, Roadie Extraordinaire," the young boy offered with a cheeky smile as he flexed an arm. It was certainly enough to arouse a chuckle from the older man.
"Roadie huh?" He looked at him with half of a critical eye. "Well you definitely got the muscle for it. But you got a loooong way to go!" He didn't restrain the smirk on his face at seeing Steven pout.
"Aw... What do you mean by that?"
"Come on." He jerked his head to the door the others were currently passing through, his smile still plaster on his face. "I'll give you a few lessons and pointers on the way."
"Yay!"
XVX
Stage
There was some grumbling throughout it all but in record time the equipment had been set up, cables were installed and power cords put in place without issue besides some mild cheering and heckling from the overseeing crowd behind them. The hype man wasted no time in riling up the crowd for Sour Cream who subsequently took to the stage and got to work with a smile on his face. As such without anything pressing to do after seeing themselves off the stage, the roadies disbanded to double check the equipment, tend to their own lives or just brood in general. Brood about what however, Steven wasn't able to tell. In any event he was too busy paying rapt attention to Eddie as he gave him the finer points of repairing an electric guitar. Especially those that were allegedly "smashed to... heck." His garb in the meantime, which consisted of a red tank top with a yellow star on it, blue jeans, his flip flops and fingerless gloves, had two new additions courtesy of Eddie and the other roadies: an old gray headband and, surprisingly enough, a dark brown leather vest that actually fitted him; adjusting a headband was one thing, but everyone couldn't help but scratch their heads about a perfect fitting vest.
"Alright, as you know with any guitar, you got to check—" Eddie was saying as he was making the final adjustment on a tab when laughter of an obnoxious sort cut through their conversation. Eddie's face which was as lively as it was friendly immediately contorted to a scowl bearing a seemingly familiar contempt in regards to the one laughing. In fact it looked like he was barely a string's breadth from outright groaning in irritation as a group of teenagers made their way to them, three in total. Whatever it was that they were talking about died down as the foremost one, a teenager dressed ripped up jeans, a red and gold shirt much too small for him, a red baseball hat and a pair of gold rimmed sunglasses whirled around from walking backwards and beheld Eddie's crouching, sitting form as if he had appeared from mid air.
"Oh! Hey, Riggs!" he said while waving his arms around in the greeting. "Uh..." he crouched slightly, cringing as he did so. "Sorry I smashed your guitar last night," he said as he sucked air through his teeth... He then turned around, jerked his thumb back at Eddie and started to laugh anew, revealing himself to be the source of the noise in the first place. He was only silenced when movement caught his eye as Eddie presented the guitar in his hand with a single, mild thrust without even glancing at anyone in the group. At seeing the guitar the group of teenagers gathered around it, gawking.
"It's like new!"
"Whoa! How'd you do that?" the red one asked. Then, as if to show he honestly didn't care for the answer, snatched the electric guitar away and skulked off as fast as he could with the others following his retreat. Steven in the meantime as he frowned at them only drew his attention away from them at the sound of a metallic click. When he snapped his attention back to Eddie he had apparently fished out both a lighter and a cigarette, lit it and began to smoke it, causing him to scrunch his face up in disgust as the foul smell afflicted him. Eddie for his part glanced at Steven and cringed as he realized what he had done in the kid's presence, looked to the burning stick in his mouth and adopted a look of contemplation for just a moment before ultimately dousing the cigarette on the crate he sat on.
"Hey, Eddie, I hate to ask but our manager wanted to know..." A fourth teen in white and black wearing a half mask of white slide himself into their presence without even looking up from the handheld game pad in his hand. He only looked up for only a moment and even Steven could tell it was to see if he was in fact talking to the roadie and not something that just happened to be there. "When are you going to build us, like, a new set?" he said as he again looked away from the game in his hand to look without looking, a hand upheld at his side as if gesturing to the set Steven seen while they were working on Sour Cream's equipment... He honestly thought it was cool. Definitely bigger and more awesome than most of what he had seen thus far, and that was including Gem stuff! At any rate however the teenager swiftly brought his full attention, the majority at least, to the game he was playing. "This Stonehenge stuff was funny in a kind of ironic, retro sort of way, but..."
Glancing to Eddie, it was evident he was making a conscious effort not to grab another cigarette for himself. As much as Steven wanted to object to it after hearing all the effects of smoking had on the body between Connie and her mother, he knew enough to know that some adults leaned on them for comfort despite knowing it was bad for them, especially during stressful or deriding situations. Knowing that and seeing what he seen thus far... well, he endured worse for the sake of others and he knew it. It didn't mean he liked it though.
"Look ,Eddie, don't get me wrong. You're the best, okay?" the teen said as he waved his hand as if to flourish the point, yet didn't look up. "You're the greatest roadie in the biz. Everybody knows you can fix anything, build anything." Hand still outstretched in the same manner as before, the teenager began to pace back in forth in short but slow intervals as he spoke. Then he stopped, his hand returning to the game. "So maybe you could build something that would speak more to our tween demographic." Eddie once more looked like he was on the verge of outright groaning in annoyance. But he did fix him in what could be construed as a glare. A hard stare at most really. One the teenager managed to catch on time by luck of a glance and suitably looked defensive as if frightened if only for a moment as he said "is all I'm sayin'." A moment later however he returned his now resumed apathy back to his game, yet gave Eddie more of his shoulder as if it would shield him from the man's annoyed stare.
"Sooner or later you're going to have to join the modern world, you know?" he finally said as he began to walk backwards for only a few steps. He then whirled around, straightened a lock of his hair and practically ran for the stage which Steven vaguely noticed became much quieter while the teenager was talking.
At last Eddie sighed and his hand reached for a pocket in his pants, but hesitated. "Hey, Kid, do you mind if I..."
"Hmmf," Steven grunted as he nodded his consent. He did back up however to avoid smelling it.
"Thanks."
With a new cigarette lit and both the lighter and the cigarette pack stowed away, Eddie took swift drag from his stick. Then another one, a deeper one as the teen from before called out from the speakers to the crowd. "Alright! Do you people want to hear some Heavy Metal?" The crowd subsequently cheered all the louder in response and, with an ashen face, Steven slowly regarded Eddie after glancing toward the stage despite the customary curtain in the way. "... they're not an opening act?"
"Headliner," Eddie solemnly confirmed as the heavy music began to play. He took yet another drag from his cigarette, finishing it off and blew out the collected smoke before getting up and sauntered to the covered side of the stage more out of obligation than interest. Regardless, Steven followed him, and from the shadows another roadie joined them as well. Looking out across the stage it was more than easy to spot the teens from before were indeed the band, the "headliner," and with a little more effort he was barely able to make out Sour Cream, his dad and some of the other roadies sorting Sour Cream's belongings back into the boxes they came in.
... then the lyrics mercilessly came.
"Oooooooh Girlfriend! You really want to make my heart bend!—"
"... I never really heard Metal before but... please tell me that's not Metal."
"Only in name, kid. Only in name."
"I can fix anything, except that," Eddie ground out in a weary, agitated soliloquy.
"I think my ears are going to be sick," Steven groaned aloud. Both roadies offered him a solemn pat, both to the respective shoulders, but offered nothing else as all three watched on. From across the stage Steven was fairly sure his dad was having a similar reaction to his own only with far more confusion in comparison.
"Ever feel like you were born in the wrong time?"
"Huh?" Steven looked up at Eddie who had spoken only to see he was in fact speaking to the other roadie. He did however glance at him in acknowledgement before continuing. "Like you should have been born earlier. When music was..." He looked out to the stage yet managed to look through the band before them rather than at them. "Real?"
"Like... the seventies?" the other roadie offered in a drawl, garnering a quick glance from Eddie.
"Earlier," Eddie corrected. "Like... the early seventies."
"But... would that still be the seventies?" Steven asked in confusion as he looked up to the older roadie. He in turn looked down to Steven, mouth open in reply when an "uh oh" from the other roadie snatched his attention away. Both looked to the other man who was looking up at something else. Both followed his line of sight and soon found the red teen horsing around on one of the higher, decorative offshoots of the giant, beastly figure that was the stage's towering, all surrounding guardian of a decoration.
"Oh I told you not to climb on that, you stupid mother—!" His lips pursed in a tight seal yet a fine hiss of hair escaped through them as he looked down to confirm Steven's presence. With a heavy groan Eddie silenced himself for decency's sake. As he did so, the red guitarist lost his footing on the offshoot he was bouncing on and desperately clung to the now hung forth at an angle even Steven knew was not a part of its design, stressed or otherwise.
"Please let him fall."
"Hey! He could get really hurt!" Steven cried out. He would've dashed out onto the stage proper had Eddie not held him back. "You stay here!" he ordered before slipping off into the main stage, hanging in the back and stealthily creeping through without the band and even the crowd being any the wiser to his presence.
As he traveled through the stage, Steven couldn't help but watch Eddie in awe as he walked rather than run even as he crossed through along the lights. Due to his dark clothing it was almost difficult to spot him even though he knew where the older man was as he partially swept and collected trash in his passing as if it were second nature to him. Where he put it though the young boy couldn't tell, nor did he care as he watched the roadie climb onto the colossal prop and move swiftly enough to the beast's teeth to catch the previously stolen guitar from mid-air as it fell from above so the teenager to grasp the offshoot with both hands. With the same amount of speed and agility Eddie placed the guitar in the crook of the beast's arching tusk of a tooth and its primary, lower teeth before scaling back down the body of the prop. When he was on his feet once more he looked up, positioned himself and held out his arms and by doing so he caught the teenager long before Steven realized he had fallen from the prop's blunt spike from above. As soon as he had set him down the teenager took off running to his band and the roadie began to carefully step back into the shadow of the large prop where the lighting was concerned, unaware of the falling debris about to smash into him.
"LOOK OUT!"
FWBAAAAM!
But it was too late. The band as well as the crowd was too stunned and shocked to make a move as were some of the roadies in the shadows as well. But that didn't stop Steven, nor some of the older workers as well from rushing out onto the stage to the fallen piece that had landed on and buried Eddie Riggs. In mere moments before reaching him however an unearthly, bestial growl of metal rumbled out from nowhere and in that same moment the ground at the back of the stage where the piece of scenery had fallen was alight with an ominous red glow. From in a pair of metal claws burst forth and pushed the main body of a metal beast from the depths of the glow. Its sheer size and raw power easily brushed against the fallen prop as if it wasn't there but it did lean against the monster which was perhaps a third the size in height compared to the mountainous sculpture behind it. The beast then jerked its head up, its tusk easily knocking the debris from its resting place, and roared with such might and ferocity that it had the roadies all the eager to skitter back to the shadows in fear of their lives. Even Steven couldn't help but pause in fear when the beast lowered its head to a more natural setting and roared once more for the sake of it, its voice that of the gigantic beast naturally coupled with the roar of a car's engine. From its metal mouth came a jet of fire, and from the exhaust pipes on its back came furious flames as well.
When the beast seemed content at last it shifted its attention to the side and looked down at the bloodied body of Eddie Riggs and in doing so, in passing, Steven couldn't help but notice the startling likeness it had with the sculpture behind the beast. It was almost as if the stage was built in the beast's likeness, only lacking metal for skin, the fire in its breath and eyes as well as the molten slag that ran through each definitive crevice along its body to accentuate each muscle and limb. Regardless, he carefully made his way to Eddie, eying the chromed behemoth as it inspected the human.
As he crept closer and closer to Eddie and taking what care to avoid being seen, Steven was witness to the beast's gaze lifting from the fallen human to glare and lowly growl at a gathering of the band's members. It then looked down and pointed one of two fingers down at Eddie, looking at him as it did so. Without warning it snapped its head back up and bellowed at the band. In seconds flat their heads popped off, spewing blood and bits of bone much to Steven's body stilling horror. During his shock the beast shuffled in place and growled at something beyond Steven's vision, doubly so since its own hulking form helped serve to block what would've been seen in the first place. Yet thanks to the growl he had snapped back into focus and forsook the imperative need to sneak about the creature in favor of tending to the bleeding roadie all but directly beneath the beast. As he drew closer he stuck his tongue out and coated his hand with his saliva. Even as the creature swiftly rose one of its arms and smashed into whatever it was glaring at with enough force to rock the stage, Steven continued on.
Soon enough he was at the roadie's side and dabbed him with his soaked hand. With everything that had happened thus far he couldn't help but feel at least some relief at seeing what visible wounds close up in moments flat, yet the blood remained. He then looked up to the other end of the stage, the one closest to him where his dad and Sour Cream were last seen, could still be seen and held back of frightened roadies despite his dad's attempts to bulldoze past them to his son's side. Seeing no choice, Steven took it upon himself to position himself around Eddie's shoulders, wrap his hands around him and begin to outright drag the man to safety.
"Gwrrrrr."
Unfortunately for him he wasn't fast enough. He didn't even make it but a scant few feet when his gaze tore itself from Eddie to the hulking beast which stared back at him with its burning eyes, breathing heavily, judging him. Then it lowered its head, drawing itself closer as if to better scrutinize him... the last thing he could recall was the fiery beast opening its mouth once more and bellowing straight into his face.
XVX
Elsewhere, an unknown amount of time latter
He could feel his limbs twitching along with his eyelids as consciousness retook him. Yet he felt drained. One by one his eyes opened only to alternate between closing, drearily blinking and fighting to stay open for moments on end. Throughout it all however what was dully registered as ringing became a sharp and unmistakable clash of metal on metal as if a battle was taking place near him. There were even grunts, groans, cries of pain and battle. There was even a loud but surprisingly undisturbing crack of lightning and thunder. Yet what finally fully awoken him however was the distinctly loudreverberation like an amp blasting out pure noise. Not only to the sheer level of noise jolt him awake but the power behind it not only shook him by the building as well from the sound of it. The walls were even crumbling away from the assault!
Awake with a fresh boost of adrenaline, the boy sat up and got to his feet on what appeared to be a dais of some sort in a small alcove when another shock rattled his bones and tore the building further apart to reveal burgeoning gaps in the architecture. By the time he had hopped off and rushed to the edge of the landing just in time to see the back of none other than Eddie Riggs as he came down from a jump, electric guitar in hand and strumming it in a single stroke with such force that a shockwave blasted men in red robes, armed with serpentine-like swords, surrounding the roadie to the far walls of the room and obliterate the surrounding architecture at the same time. Thankfully none of the brickwork and stones fell inside the building, instead crumbling backwards from the force of the shock, revealing the orange evening sky beyond them. And bones. Surprisingly large bones that weren't torn away with the rest of the stonework.
As he gazed out on at the scenery readily available from the platform he stood to the blood covered stone floor inscribed with runic caricatures and symbols, the unmoving bodies of red robed men littered about what used to be the room, to a stone replica of a claw he came to be familiar with. He followed the hand as far as he could till he was forced to move when the limits of his vision and neck had been reached. Even by carefully towing the edge of the half circular platform he had stood on he couldn't see past the jaw of imposing statue, but he saw enough. Between the muscular arm and the claw that ended on it, the square jaw, the beastly physique and the tusks, he knew enough that it was but another replica of the same metal beast from before.
"Hey Steven!" The boy's head snapped back to the roadie who waved at him with a grin. "Good to see you're alright! Was worried about you for a sec—"
A rattling of bone, the crunching of skulls and mechanical grunting, became prominent enough to warrant Eddie to cut himself short to look in the direction the noise was coming from. As expected something indeed came. A mobile platform draped in red cloth and held aloft by four legs of bone crested the horizon of the floor. On each leg was a trio of golden exhaust pipes with blackened ends fastened to the side and spewing a faint but steady stream of black exhaust. Along the main body of the platform was a black strip of cloth and on it, kneeling down with their back turned against them was a thin figure in red. Though far away and kneeling, even Steven could tell there was something off about the person on the platform. If nothing else said person, despite kneeling, was easily taller than the both of them combined. Maybe even Opal's height if he were to guess. Regardless, Eddie marched to the landing before the stilled platform with a double-headed axe in hand with a black imprint of flames scrawled along the broad sides of the weapon. Both sides, on each blade an perfectly mirroring each other in a reverse fashion was a curled spike of an edge.
"Alright, nice try lady, or whatever you are," Eddie announced. "I'm suppose to think you're a nun but I know your some kind of big ugly demon so let's have it."
In response the figure looked behind her and revealed to the both of them something... almost incomprehensible: there, just beneath a large headband Steven often seen nuns wear on TV, was a large bear trap for a mouth.
"Ah ha! I knew it! Big ugly demon."
The figure stood up and as if commanded to the platform leaned down to touch the edge of the platform Eddie resided on. Lithely the 'demon' stepped off the platform and made its way to Eddie, hips swaying with each step, hands swinging in rhythm, brandishing index fingers far longer than they should have been, the tips of which reaching down to her knees like scythes. She was easily comparable to Opal's height, Steven thought, if not a little shorter. Yet she radiated no warmth in her movements. If anything there was a calculated malice that had Steven's flesh crawling as he watched her whilst Eddie murmured something he wasn't able to catch. Then, without warning once it came close enough to Eddie, the 'demon' nun lurched forward without taking a step nor jumping and roared at him, her metal mouth opening as wide as it could and flapping like it was alive. From her mouth was a spattering of blood that flecked itself on Eddie's skin whilst the nun roared.
Without hesitation Eddie flung himself at the nun in response, axe in hand and began to hack at it with a ferocity Steven only seen the Gem utilize in their more darker moments in their lives when there was little room left for decency. And though he easily drew blood, the blade did not go as deep as one would suspect with each strike. As such the nun roared once more, blood once more spewing from its mouth only with enough force to push the roadie back. As he was being forced back, to the sides four flames erupted out of nowhere without provocation. From the briefly lived flames came more men in red robes, each brandishing the weird curving swords the other fallen monks had on their persons. With weapons on hand they charged at the roadie as he fought against the current of blood for some footing, evidently blinded and none the wiser to their presence...
From his spot Steven called forth his shield with a frown on his face and let it loose like a discus at the first monk within his sight. Easily enough it caught the man and knocked him down as it bounced off him and slammed into another. From there it bounced into a third monk, a fourth, and finally into the nun, forcing her to relent as she recoiled from the blow of the now dissipating shield. In turn Eddie lunged back into the fray with a battle cry, his axe held up high. Unlike before his attacks went in deeper with each strike till eventually the nun, covered in gouges, fell over, never to rise again as she bled out much to Steven's renewed horror. Once she had fallen, Eddie, after having switched from his axe to his guitar, once more hopped into the air and landed with another strum of his strings which created yet another shockwave that sent the men away like ragdolls. He then stroked the cords with both speed and precision which called forth bolts of lightning on the men. In a matters of seconds the battle was over. All Steven could do was gape at the man and what he had witnessed as fresh blood pooled around the body of the nun whilst smoke risen off the dead monks.
"Heh-heh yeah! Wait... I think I heard killing nuns was bad luck. We better get out of here. Let's go!"
Eddie rushed over to the edge where the mobile platform resided and apparently fallen as if injured. Had he not looked over his shoulder to Steven it was more than likely he would've hopped on without ado. But seeing the paled boy stare at the grisly scene as if he was paralyzed with shock he came to a stop. "Hey Steve! At any rate we'll have to get out of here!" The boy didn't move or even flinch in response. Concerned, the man jogged back, ushered himself up the stairs and kneeled down to be at eye level with him. As he did so, he slowly reached out with a hand and gently shook him, prompting Steven to look at him with a start and even jerk away from the older roadie.
"Hey hey now, don't be scared. It's just me."
Steven worked his mouth up and down, trying to say something but couldn't. It went on for moments on end till he found his voice at long last. "You killed them."
"Well of co—" Eddier clamped his mouth shut with a thoughtful frown as he gazed at the boy in thought. He then sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Look," he said, "when I woke up I found you stone cold unconscious next to me. Then I found these dudes," he gestures to the dead monks littered across the base floor, "practically worshipping this axe," he raised a hand and nudged at the weapon strapped to his back, "and then grab a bunch of swords and start following me, trying to stab at me and whatnot. I tried to talk them out of it, I really did, but in the end I had to defend myself..."
His lips pursed. "What I'm saying though is this: this wasn't something that could be settled with words. It would have been nice if it did and believe me, I would've taken that route. But as it was though, I had to defend myself and you."
Steven somberly stared at him before looking at the blood soaked floor. "... If we find more of these guys, can you at least promise me you'll try to talk to them?"
"I'll try," Eddie readily promised. "But for now though, let's get out of here. Okay?"
Steven continued to stare out at the scene before him but replied nevertheless without any sense of his jubilant spirit behind it. "Okay..."
"Alright then. Let's get going then."
After a bit of coaxing, Steven reluctantly followed the older man through the battleground, the fallen, and carefully avoided the pools of blood as best he could till they reached the tilted platform the nun had arrived on. Both took a running start and both landed ontop of the machine which straightened in response and groaned more organically than it should have. To add to the strangeness there appeared to be some sort of... organic... hole? protruding like a dry wound in the middle of the platform where the nun once sat. In front of this 'wound' sat a small black table laden with lit candles and an open book written in script neither of them could discern. It was probably for the best however since what few pictures that were drawn within its pages were nothing short of a horror movie in their own right. The pages themselves also seem to have been stained with blood at some point as well. Setting all that aside however their attention wasn't focused solely on the platform they commandeered for themselves as they viewed the surrounding landscape. Both were quick to tell they were on, of all things, a literal mountain of bones that easily towered the winding smidgeon of land presented before them attached to the one and only traversable slope on the mountain. Like the building they had left, the land before the slope looked to have once been a temple of some sort as well. Like the building, it too had seen better days: there was no roof for the entire complex, the walls were coming down and there were more than a few broken pillars in plain view. Surrounding both the mountain of skulls, the temple before them and the trail of land which connected to a far off yet massive bridge some miles out was a dark ocean separating them from the mainland to their left. It too was some miles out; squinting his eyes, Steven was fairly certain he saw giant statues of weapons sticking out here and there on the mainland.
"Okay, alright, well, here goes. Um." Eddie kneeled down on the platform and steepled his hands in prayer as Steven was surveying the land and scenery. "Um... Dear Evil, messed up demon powers of darkness, and, uh, unimaginable evil." The platform lurched forward and began to plod its way down the hillside, causing Eddie to pause for a moment as Steven cringed in discomfort. When it began to slow down in its pace to a near stop Eddie continued his impromptu chant. "Please transport us off this awesome corpse pile. We are but a couple of visitors in your strange world which some would call hellish, but I have to admit, it's kind of badassed."
"Hey! Language!"
Eddie couldn't help but groan in response. "It's kind of true though," he grumbled more to himself than to Steven. Regardless, he continued. With mild gusto no less.
"Oh Lords of gross, leather things and S&M type wear—"
"What wear?" Steven asked, his head tilting. Eddie choked and sputtered with a heavy blush on his cheeks as he regarded Steven and dropped his praying altogether.
"I-uh... It's... Uh... You see... You know, this is the sort of thing you should ask your parents about," he offered.
"Why?"
"Um... let's say its a thing adults do—SOME adults do, not all—when their... bored. Really bored. With something only adults do."
"Like... when they drink coffee?" Steven offered.
Eddie stared at Steven with a stone blank face. "Yes. Like when they drink coffee."
Steven's face scrunched up in incredulity as the two stared at one another. Each trying to make the other break in their own way for their own purposes, harmless as they were. As they did so neither of them quite noticed that in the meantime the platform began to walk on its own accord without any further coaxing. As such they only noticed they reached land when the platform groaned as if in pain and toppled without warning, tossing the two of them into a red circle surrounded by murmuring, armed monks.
"What the..." Eddie, after getting up, cautiously approached the crimson circle encircling them and pressed his hand against it as if it were a wall. "Aw c'mon." With a sigh he gave his surroundings a quick glance and retrieved his guitar from his back. "Okay, I'm gonna give you guys a fair warning! Let's drop the magic circle of doom and let's talk about this like adults or else I'm gonna have to get rough with you guys!" The low, almost indiscernible chanting droned on unabated. "Did you hear me?"
"Hey! I got an idea?"
"Hm?"
He looked over his shoulder and saw that Steven had squatted down as if prepared to jump. His tongue was sticking out as well as his face scrunched up in determination. A second later he leapt with both surprising speed and height yet both of them failed him as he apparently smacked into an invisble roof and plopped back down into the ground.
"You alright?"
Steven held up a thumbs up.
Sighing to himself, Eddie looked out to the gathered druids once more. "Last warning! I'm going to have to force our way out if you keep this up!" he called out. He was still ignored however. With a heavier sigh he turned back to Steven who almost listlessly pushed himself back up with a frown. "Well, I did warn them."
Steven's frown deepened but he otherwise did nor said anything in response.
"Alright. Here it comes!" Eddie shouted out in good faith before he leapt up into the air. The druids continued their chant, speaking louder than before in defiance, and the shield held to the last second when the shockwave came. Interrupted, cast aside and subject to falling masonry and, interestingly enough, motor engines hanging overheard from the arches, the group was obliterated save for one armed with a pair of knives rather than the curved swords the druids seemed to favor. The figure approached them cautiously, especially once Eddie rounded on the figure with his axe in hand, Steven to his side with his shield drawn out; its sheer vibrancy upon its summoning and the stark pink clashing against the darkening world in the company of blood drew Eddie's surprised attention for a moment till it was reordered on the monk before them.
"Okay maybe your friends wouldn't listen but now it's two on one. Let's just talk about this before someone gets bloodied and beaten," Eddie sternly announced.
The druid hesitated before jerking their own head back to remove the hood to reveal dark brown tresses of a pale and slightly dirty woman wearing a black cloth collar.
"Oh man. Please tell me I haven't been slaying hot girls this whole time," Eddie practically whispered in awe.
"It's bad enough your killing people as it is," Steven groaned half heartedly.
"In my defense, little buddy. In my literal defense," Eddier countered as he glanced to him. "By the way, where did you get that shield?"
"I summoned it."
"Huh?"
"It seems you came for the axe as well," the woman announced at long last. Though her eyes betrayed her slightly but her stature and voice was even and commanding enough to be considered unflappable.
"No but these guys jumped me and I—Hang on."
"GOOF!"
Eddie was had casually switched the axe to his other hand in a mild toss and was halfway from leaning back with a languid but deadly strike when Steven's pink shield decorated with a circling thorn vine and a rose center bounced off a surviving monk, knocking him to the ground with a groan. Eddie had to look back and do a double take before looking to Steven, shield on his arm once more without any sort of strapping to it now that he noticed. "You're some sort of Captain America, aren't you?" Without looking, Eddie switched hands once more with another toss.
Steven's expression to one in open confusion. "Who?"
"I'll explain later."
"You handle it very naturally," the woman commented offhandedly as he attention drifted over to Steven. "Who are you two?"
"Uh, right shoulder."
"Grk!"
The woman stabbed at yet another monk who was trying to sneak up her this time without her even looking. Like before however he was smacked by the boomerang shield, knocking him out and essentially saving his life before the knife could plunge into his chest.
"Damn! You got a wicked throwing arm!" Eddie laughed, Steven beaming in the meantime as the woman looked at the unconscious monk to Steven in disbelief. Soon enough she shook her wonder off of her with a shake of her head.
"We got to get out of here before He arrives."
"Yeah," Eddie readily agreed as he whirled around and began to rush into the depths of the open air temple. "Wait, before who arrives?" Eddie then asked, slowing down as he did so as he craned his neck to look at the pair following him.
"Emperor Doviculus," she answered as she dashed after him.
"Who?" Steven asked.
"Emperor Doviculus! Where are you from?"
"Kind of hard to say... Uhm... We've been kind of on the road," Eddie answered for the both of them as they reached the newest group of enemies consisting of druids and a nun. Above them was an engine overhead.
"Be assured, you don't want to be here when he arrives."
"What's the big deal?" Eddie asked as he switched to his guitar. He hesitated only for a moment when the pink shield rushed forth and collided with the nun, stunning her but not knocking her over like her much smaller comrades. As such he rushed forward, leapt into the air and made use of the shockwave once more to dislodge the engine precariously hanging overhead. With its weight and the explosion of the impact, the group was wiped out.
"We're slaughtering his personal guard for one thing," the woman elaborated as they rushed passed the fallen bodies.
"Ah ha... So what did you say your name was?"
Encountering the another group liken to the previous one, the same tactic was used. Unlike before however the shield didn't lash out. When Eddie had the opportunity after unleashing the overhanging motor on their latest victims, he looked over to find Steven lagging behind, reluctantly following them and hugging his own shield to him.
"This way!" the woman ordered, forcing him to snap his attention to her as she ran to a massive pair of wooden doors that cut the temple off from the rest of the land. She was specifically running to the middle where a rectangular peephole resided, visible only thanks to the angle that caught the edge of the stone wall and the setting sun. "We have to get to the door before the—" She came to an abrupt halt as she stared out the slot. Eddie soon joined her and peered out as well to see a rectangular formation of druids marching to the door, a nun at their right and behind them and what appeared to be a giant's pair of bone legs with a cage of metal hanging between them. Whatever was in the cage was covered in a dripping miasma of dark mist. "Yeah. That's a lot of dudes," Eddie commented.
With a roar a druid appeared from underneath his own side of the slot and reached out a clawed hand to grab the head of either of the humans. Both however jolted away, yet it was the woman who stabbed the creature's hand to the door, pinning him there with a pained howl. Both turned around in time to see Steven stare at the scene with restrained fright and a paled face. Of the two only Eddie frowned in concern whilst his companion cautiously backed away, knives at the ready as if the door was on the verge of breaking open... Unfortunately he had nothing to offer to placate him at the moment given what was likely to happen should the doors indeed fail. As such he looked ahead of him and, with a raised brow, looked up at a towering spire decorated with interspaced, downward arrows till it was topped by, of all things, a sculpture of the metal beast's head. "What is this place?"
"The Temple of Ormagöden. A place of ancient power but no one knows it's true purpose."
"Hm..." Looking back down, he saw that Steven had wandered over to the base of the statue to look at what appeared to be a large tablet carved into the statue. From his spot he couldn't help but squint at it as it appeared that something was written on it as well. That and the words themselves seemed to be glowing from a distance.
"Hey! I think this is some kind of music sheet!" Steven called out. Seeing as he had nothing better to do, Eddie gave a quick glance to the door was the pounding begun before rushing over to the tablet. As he drew closer and rushed over a small step onto a higher platform than the rest of the ground, he couldn't help but notice what appeared to be a sketching of a car carefully chalked into the ground. And as he drew closer he was able to pick out musical notes from undecipherable lettering, undecipherable due to unfamiliarity.
"Welp, got nothin' better to do," Eddie half murmured as he fingered the strings of his guitar. With a grunt he cracked his neck. "Might want to step back kiddo. Not sure if this is going to do something or not."
"Okay!"
Assuming Steven had in fact given him some distance, the roadie began to stroke the cords in an experimental fashion before outright plucking the strings. Once he was confident in what he could guess was the 'musical key' as it were, or at least a sweet solo, either one would work, he begun to strum the song, striking each note with perfection. The earth shook him with each note, the sky darkened as spotlights appeared from nowhere from the ground, and with the final note lightning rushed forth from the heavens with a crack yet struck no one as spots within the raised floor opened up to reveal raising racks containing mufflers, tires, chassis, engines and everything else a car might need.
"Whoa," Steven murmured in awe, joined in by a silent gawk from the unnamed woman looking over her shoulder.
"Hey Steven!" The boy jerked his attention to Eddier as he looked over his shoulder with a hefty grin. "How about I show you how to put a car together!"
"Awesome!"
XVX
The work took but minutes between the two of them. It probably would've been faster if Eddie hadn't paused to supervise the young boy with the more delicate or advanced installations but no one minded it. During it all though their other companion only looked on with restrained interest. In fact it could barely be said she was barely impressed with what they were doing at first glance. She didn't even say anything till the two backed away so they could admire their handiwork. "Is it a mine cart?"
"Wha—it's a car! A really cool car!" Steven exclaimed as he gestured to the two seater car with a black body, orange flame decal and an exposed engine. It didn't have a roof but it only made it that much cooler in Steven's eyes.
"I call it the Druid Plow. Let me show you how it works," Eddie responded as he walked over to the car and vaulted over to the driver. "You see you slam it into go-(zip!)-oo-ho-ho hello! Looks like its working already!"
At the sound of the unzipping Steven looked over to the woman long before Eddier did and saw that her robes had fallen off. In their place, hiding beneath her robes, was a black shirt bearing an upside-down depiction of a raven with an equally upside-down picture of an ankh. She had on slightly faded blue jeans on as well, a belt with thick but thin spikes that could easily puncture someone if they were not careful, wristbands with the same sort of spikes and regular black shoes on as well. When the banging of the door increased in ferocity and tempo her attention was stolen away for but a moment until the Druid Plow roared to life. As she turned her attention to the vehicle she Brought her knives up, ready to attack. "You awakened the spirit of the Beast himself!"
"I hope so!"
The pounding grew louder as did the shouts now creeping through the door. After a moment's hesitation the woman rushed forth and hopped into the passenger's seat. As for Steven however, he held back a little longer as he stared at the door.
"Hey! Steven!" Eddie called out. "Move it or lose it!"
Hands clenched, teeth clenched and eyes shut tight with beads of shamed tears forming in the corners of which, Steven ran to the car and jumped. Alas thanks to his closed eyes he misjudged the distance and slammed into the side with a heavy "oof!"
"Whoa! You alright dude?"
"Y-yeah..."
"Come on!" The woman hopped out of the car, scooped up the young boy in her arms and plopped the both of them back into the passenger's seat. A second later the car's tires squealed as they spun from a cold start whilst the car lurched forward. In no time the car rammed through the door with such force that it swung open against the horde that gathered at the other side of the door. The druids themselves fared no better either as the door either swept them aside or else were plowed through by the aptly named car as it tore down the road and smacked into other druids, nuns and anything else unfortunate enough to be in the way; throughout entire ordeal Steven kept his eyes closed as he tried to turn away as best he could while he sat on the woman's lap, her encircling arms the closing thing to a seat belt at the moment.
"What are you doing?" she asked, her question was not directed at Steven however. As such it prompted him to peek out from his covered eyes and, to his surprise, find Eddie's hand doing its best to block out Steven's vision in midair even as the body of a maimed monk flew over them; looking up out of curiosity and regretting it, he couldn't help but notice the distorted, fanged and scarred face that the car hadn't ruined.
"Closest thing to a compromise!" Eddie retorted as he ran over yet another druid. Though he cringed at the sound of it, Steven couldn't help but form a weary smile in thanks before clamping his eyes shut once more.
"Whatever," she sighed for a moment. "We need to get to the bridge before they shut the Feeding Area gates."
"Feeding Area? What are they feeding?"
"You get there fast enough then you might not find out."
The engine continued to roar and the car continued to bump and ram into things as it drifted to one side to another. Though a good number of them were easily bodies of the very enemies they were trying to get away from thanks to the grunts and screams of the victimized, it was obvious enough to tell without looking that they were on a rough road as well. That much he was thankful for as he tried to ignore the cries of the mauled.
"Um, what's up with Crazy Legs?"
"They called in reinforcements... But why such a large force?"
"What? Because we're badasses!"
"Language!" Steven chided once more.
"Oh come on! Can't you at least give me that one?" Eddie groaned.
At this the woman chortled a short chuckle for the first time since meeting her. Before long Steven was forced against the woman's chest by the insistence of gravity as the car seemingly went up a ramp. It also promptly flew through the air apparently as a momentary weightlessness took him, causing the woman to hold him tighter to her even as they roughly landed yet kept going despite being bounced around.
"Okay I haven't mentioned it yet but this place is nuts!"
"Yes. These are dark times for our land. There are a few of us fighting to change the way things are. Is that why you've come? To join us in our fight for the liberation of humanity?"
"You know I don't really know. Haven't really thought about it yet. But, uh, that's the best explanation I've heard."
"What are you guys fighting against?" Steven asked as he opened his eyes and looked up at long last to look the woman in the eye. Likewise she looked down at him with an answer on her lips. Fate however seemed against the answer as the Druid Plow drove up another hill and was launched into the air. Eddie by then had retracted his hand to grasp the steering wheel with both hands, giving Steven an unadulterated, heart stopping view of the ground as it was rushing up to greet them from a quarter a mile below at best. With fear plaguing his mind thanks to this surprise, he instinctually formed the bubble which in turn surrounded the car, protecting it from the crash with the ground and causing them to bounce up into the air once more before smacking into the ground as the pink bubble dissipated within the ring they found themselves in. Within the ring, at the very center was a hole. Surrounding both it and scattered throughout the arena were piles of bones, some of which were promplty ran over by the Druid Plow.
"Holy crap, what was that?"
"Hey!"
"It's a legitimate question this time!" Eddie replied as he swerved the car along the outer edge of the ring they had landed in and made straight for the gate. "Seriously though. Between the pink shield and the pink bubble, you have freakin' super powers, don't you?"
"Yeah..."
"Sweet!"
"The gate's closing!"
Between two towers of stone and the arch they supported a colossal steel portcullis slammed into the ground long before they had arrived. A second glance throughout the arena was enough to discern that it was indeed the one and only exit aside from a small footpath leading back to where they came from. Regardless, before the gate a group of druids had gathered and were marching upon them.
"Aw come on! I'm getting sick of you guys!" Eddie yelled from his seat before leaning back into it with a sigh. Without looking at either of them, Eddie waved his hand and pointed at the gate as he spoke to them. "Alright. While I'm slaying these dudes, you two get that gate open!" By the time he had looked at them it was readily apparent that the both of them disappeared. In fact, after a moment's worth of frantic searching, they had secreted themselves away to the nearest pillar. Not only that but as they arrived at the foot of the tower they were closest to, Steven had somehow convinced the now skeptical woman to sit atop his shoulders. Before Eddie could even utter a "huh?", Steven crouched down and jumped several feet into the air despite the weight on his shoulders and practically hovered at the first ledge as the skittish woman hopped off him and onto the newly presented platform. In a swift turn he reached out and snatched the boy out of the air and pulled him to her, hugging him long enough so as to turn around again and deposit him safely on the ground. she then ran past him and into a doorway just out of sight. "Damn it, now I want super powers too."
XVX
"Grk!"
And another one fell to Steven's shield before he knew what hit him. Thankfully though he was the only monk within the entire room. At any rate however the unconscious demon was ignored in favor of the levers, chains and other machinery within the room.
"Let's get to work. Our chances of escaping are far greater if we can get that... car... through the gate," she said as she rushed to the first apparatus she saw that looked to have been deliberately locked.
"Okay!" Steven followed her lead by circling around it and finding that the lever was missing just that, the lever. The plate it was connected to was obviously still there. Fortunately though the missing lever couldn't have been simpler to find as it was hanging from an otherwise unused rack on the wall. Without ado he dashed over to it, grabbed it and hurried back to the plate and wedged it into the hole it belonged to. It didn't budge however beyond a difficult jingle.
"If I may ask," the woman spoke up as she wrestled with a lock on the machine, "while I understand a shield isn't great at it, why is it you won't kill?"
Steven hesitated before answering by pulling on the lever some more before giving up to see if there was something else that was sabotaged. "Because I don't like it."
"You do realize they're trying to kill both you and your guardian, right?" she asked in a grunt as she successfully dislodged the lock. When she rounded the machine she found the lever and like Steven she pulled on it. Something hidden away loudly lurched this time but the lever otherwise didn't move any more than it did as if in spite of her own efforts.
"I know..." Steven half murmured as he pulled on another lock. This one was half done however and thankfully easier to remove.
"I suppose its fine for now but don't you think your reluctance would only imperil us should circumstances allow it?" she asked as she pulled on the lever once more. This time it gave and depressed to the floor. In response the thunking from earlier returned and in succession no less. "It seems we've opened the gate. Let's go!"
She was already out the door long before Steven practically shambled to it, his face crestfallen once more at the barb against him. By the time he got to the time he came to the threshold he drew a deep breath and with renewed determination and slapped his game face on, banishing his despondent spirit and encouraging a rush of energy that carried him out the door, onto a sloping ramp and onto the ground proper to where the woman had reunited with a gloating Eddie Riggs as he stared at a serpentine creature that flailed about in pain. It's height, though hidden away by the hole it emerged from at the center of the arena, was easily comparable to the towers hanging overhead. Unlike them however they didn't have giant metal spikes spanning both sides of their respective bodies... nor did they have elongated oval heads, teeth twice as tall as Garnet or even spewed blood as it thrashed about in pain.
"Haha! You'll never French kiss again!"
"What's French Kissing?"
"Yeah, what's that?"
With a jolt Eddie turned around and looked to them as if they had appeared from thin air. Given his distracted state they may as well have. Regardless, Eddie gave a nervous smile to the woman. "Uh... It's-uh."
"The, um, gate's open," she offered with a playful smile as she pointed behind her with her knife without looking, at the first of two gates as it was opening.
"Wha—Oh! The gate!"
Before anything else could be said the worm-like creature brought its head to hover above them. Had it not growled it probably would've gone unnoticed by everyone. Its roar probably would've been all the more frightening as well as it splattered both Eddie and the ground he stood on with both black bile and dark blood.
"What's that?!" Eddie called out as he brought a grimy hand to cup his hear. "I couldn't hear you! It's like you got a lisp or something," he offered with a snarky smile.
"Over here you foul, rotten worm!"
Everyone's attention including the 'worm's' had snapped over to the woman who stood at the cusp of the opened gate. As the creature let loose a rasping, hissing snarl Steven's eyes widened in realization as to what she seemed to have in mind. And while he knew that he didn't know much of her in terms of ability, he also knew how fights against larger creatures tended to end when facing smaller ones lacking agility at the least. Already he was on the move and utterly ignored Eddie's cry of warning whilst the creature reared back and brought two prominent horns on its head to bear. When it finally lunged forth there was nothing anyone could do to knock Steven away in time. Instead they bore witness to a glow emanating from his stomach where the belly button was as he took a deep breath and spread both arms out as wide as he could. Before anyone realized it the 'worm' smashed its head against an immense pink shield that barred it entry into the gateway and with a sickening crack it whipped its head away in a daze as a horn fell off its head.
"Holy Crap!"
Both stared at the massive pink shield in awe. Both also looked at the one conjuring the shield in the first place and immediately noticed how red in the face the boy was already as his entire body shuddered.
"The car! The second gate should open soon!"
"On it!"
The beast roared once more and charged into the shield only to break off its other horn in the assault. Unlike before however it didn't retreat while Eddie got into the Druid Plow and drove for the corner gap between the shield and the tower. Instead of being bounced off like before the monster pressed into it with another roar and managed to push both Steven and the shield back even as the second gate began to climb up its railing. At any rate however the car rushed into the gap and made a sharp turn as the woman rushed to Steven, grabbed him and scampered away to the car. While the distance grew and his need to for became overpowering, the last of Steven's concentration slipped and the shield dissipated as a result of which. As a consequence of it the worm's head slipped through and rammed into the gate next only to recoil in surprise. In its own lapse of attention the trio in the car peeled out and with a boost of nitrous rushed out onto a massive highway of a bridge.
"Yeah! We did it!" Eddie exclaimed as the beast roared loudly from behind. Yet between the roar of the engine and the dwindling distance it was barely audible at best. At any rate however the older man looked down at the still red faced boy who was gasping for breath whilst cradled against the woman whose arms once more held him tightly to her. "Geez, are you alright Steve?"
"Y-yeah..." With a strained grin and drooping eyes he held up a thumbs up to the raodie. The man in turn glanced to the road for a brief moment before reaching over, folding his thumb down so Steven's hand formed a fist and dist bumped him. The boy weakly but genuinely giggled before his eyes drifted to a close and his body sagged against the woman. Before long and by listening carefully, soft snores were heard from the dark haired boy.
"Man, that must've taken a lot out of him."
"Indeed..." the woman noted with a distinctive, partially guilty frown...
CrKRACK!
"Huh?"
Before and after the vehicle the road cracked and spider webbed as far as the eye could see. It wasn't even a full moment later that the road began to collapse into the sea below. "Holy Shit!"
The knob for the nitrous recieved another pull just as one of many ramps began to form against its will as chunks of stone and rebar fell into the darkness below.
A/N: ... Fuck it. I like Steven Universe.I hope it gets a proper sense of closure unlike a grand many set of cartoons found on Cartoon Network and other such channels. That said, this story was actually inspired by "Drop Beat Dad" when Steven went on that little spiel about wanting to be a roadie. That and I played and loved Brütal Legend which hosts one particularly legendary roadie...
At any rate this idea just wouldn't get out of my head. Plus like I said, I also have a particular weakness for marking previously unmarked territories.That and if someone has gone so far as to write zombie fics in genres such as My Little Pony (a notion I find outrageously hilarious (talk about the undead horse trope), then why not?
Monkeybandit2, making off with your attention. No refunds.