Boromir awoke to find himself lying on a comfortable bed.  He immediately knew something was wrong.  His eyes flung open.  Where the hell was he?!

"Do not worry," a sweet voice murmured behind him.  "You are safe here."

Boromir turned around to find a gorgeous elf-lady adjusting her clinging robe over her curvy body.  He was flabbergasted by her beauty.  She had to be the most divine elf he had ever seen and he politely told her so.

"Considering the only other elves you have ever see are Legolas and Elrond, that isn't much of a compliment," she replied.  Boromir blushed.  Suddenly he remembered who he was.

"Where am I?" he asked.

"You are in Lothlorien," she responded.  "And the Lady is waiting to meet you."

Boromir was filled with a sense of dread.  He had heard many bad things about this place.  Nevertheless he followed the elf to the Lady's chambers.

"By the way, all the bad things you have heard about this place and merely dwarf lies, and they were probably about some other place," the elf-lady said in one breath and passed out.

            Boromir stood outside the room for a while, not knowing whether or not he was supposed to enter.  So he stood there and stood there.  And stood there.  And stood there.  And stood there.  And stood there.  And stood there.  And stood there.  And stood there.  And stood there.  And stood th-

"WHERE THE HELL IS BOROMIR?!" someone screamed from inside.

"Eeep!"

"IS THAT YOU?!" 

No response from Boromir.

"I CAN SEE YOU!"

Boromir stood silent, hoping that the scary person wouldn't notice him standing out here.

"Come in, please."

"There is no way in hell I am going in there!" Boromir muttered as he waled through the door.

            Inside was a tall, noble looking elf-lady with very funky hair.  She looked him up and down, then licked him arm.  Her breathe smelt of processed meats.

"Hello Boromir," she crooned.

"H-how do you know my name?"

"I know many things, son of Denethor."

She gazed at him for a very long time, and her look seemed to penetrate his very shoe.  Boromir blushed and giggled nervously.

"But, Steward of Gondor, I do not know how the fellowship came to be so….disturbed…."

Boromir yawned.

"Well Frodo started sobbing, and then Aragorn started wailing, so then Legolas began weeping, and then-"

"Wait a second.  Why did Frodo start sobbing?"

"Coz I ruffled his hair."

"YOU RUFFLED A HOBBIT'S HAIR?!" she glared menacingly at him.  Boromir was reminded of the time he had gotten overly drunk and tried to make out with the peanut butter.  His cat had given him the EXACT same look.

"SO IT WAS YOU WHO SENT THEM MAD?!"

"NO!"
"IT SO WAS YOU STUPID POOPY!!! YOU ARE SENTENCED TO IMPRISONMENT WITH YOUR COMPANIONS FOR ONE WEEK!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-wait a second, you can't lock us away.  We have to go destroy the ring."

Galadriel looked perplexed.

Oh THAT ring!" she said finally, laughing heartily.  "That was just a ruse to get Aragorn off his sexy ass so Elrond could spend some quality time with Glorfindel- I mean Haldir- I mean Arwen," she giggled.  "Yeah that's it, so he could spend some time with his "daughter".  We destroyed the real one years ago."

"So you mean I came ALL this way and went through ALL of that just to help some elf get some randomn ranger out of the house?!"

"To help the Lord of Rivendell get his foster son, Isildur's heir, out of the house." Galadriel added "helpfully".  Boromir collapsed and began vibrating with self pity.  Galadriel poked him for a while, then laughed remorsefully and threw him into a "room" with the rest of the fellowship.