Boromir awoke to find himself in a new room.  As he opened his eyes, he screamed.  The room was psychedelic pink!  Someone clasped a hand over his mouth.

"Don't make a sound!"  it hissed.  Boromir turned to find Sam glaring at him.  "You'll wake the baby!"

"What baby?" Boromir asked, looking around the room.  Why the hell would someone put a baby in a room with these psychos?!

"Duh!  That baby!" Sam said, pointing at the roof.

"Ok…" Boromir said, slowly edging away from the hobbit.  He ran to the safety of Aragorn's corner.

"Aragorn!  Sam's scaring me and so is Gimli and I wanna go home and-"

He suddenly noticed Aragorn wasn't moving.

"Aragorn?"

Aragorn continued to stare ahead unblinkingly.

"Honey?" Boromir asked tentatively.

There was no response.  Boromir screamed.

"Aragorn's dead!"

Legolas rushed over.

"WHAT?!"

"Aragorn's dead!"

Legolas poked him frantically.

"He's alive," he said finally, sighing with relief. 

"How can he be?!  Look at him!"

"Well he's still breathing!"

"Why is he like that then?!"

They both looked at Aragorn, who was still in a catatonic state.  Legolas shrugged. 

"He hasn't been himself since the arrival of the baby."

"That's right.  The baby…."  Boromir slowly edged away from Legolas.  Suddenly.......

A BABY FELL THROUGH THE ROOF!

A baby that resembled….

ARAGORN!

            Aragorn leapt up and flew through the air, managing to catch the baby in his mouth before it hit the ground.  Everyone clapped at his skill and sexy body.  Carefully placing the baby on the ground, he barked and instantly began licking himself.  Aragorn's baby stood up and morphed into…A MINI FEMALE SMITH!  She looked around and straightened and dusted off her perfectly tailored suit.  When she was sufficiently spotless, she pulled a pair of sunglasses from her breast pocket and placed them on.  Smithette then walked up to Gimli and slapped him hard across the face.

"I take it you know what that was for."

Gimli looked up at Smithette, shaking his head in hunger.

"Well you ARE the ruffler of hobbit hair, are you not?"

"Uh, that would be me!" Boromir mumbled, not realising he was digging his own grave as he stepped out of the six foot hole he had dug.  What was going to happen to him now?!

"YOU?!  When I first heard about this atrocious crime, I was certain that only a DWARF would be foolish enough to do such a thing.  But a MAN?!  You bring shame to your race!"  She stroked her chin.  "Now to think of a sufficient punishment…."

"Hey!  Galadriel already punished me!  She looked me in here with these….things!"

"Hey!"  Legolas cried, outraged.  "I'm not a thing.  I'm an elf!  And a sexy one at that!"

Boromir scoffed.

"Sexy?  YOU?!"

Legolas attempted to throw his tampon at her, only to let go at the wrong moment, hitting himself in the face instead.  Smithette smirked.

"Your punishment?  Your punishment it to make my precious daddy fall in love with Legolas."

"NEVER!  Aragorn's MY sexy bitch!"  Boromir cleared his throat and looked around shiftily.  "I mean, you can't make me!"

"If you don't, I will tell daddy that you stole his eyebrows!"

"Ok, OK!  I'LL DO IT!!!!!!!!"

Smithette tapped her kneecap and disappeared into fat air.

            Boromir looked at Legolas.  He was trying to untangle himself from his oversized fishnet stockings.  He sighed.  This was going to be a LONG task……