A/N: I have stolen quotes/ideas from Undead, lotr, the Simpsons, MGF's "The girl of my dreams is giving me nightmares", Ice Age, my sis' and my defamation of a poster of the Australian Idols, Scary Movie 3, swimming, all aussie adventures, rugrats, matrix and mars attacks. I dedicate this chapter to my friend and father, Sarah, aka Thranduil, who had the nerve to suggest that Aragorn was my mother.
Boromir dazed under a tree, absolutely exhausted. Estel slept soundly in his arms. Legolas shook him roughly.
"Go away!" Boromir groaned.
"We must move. It is not safe here. A shadow and a threat have been growing on my mind."
Boromir removed a cap from the elf's head which read "Springfield Nuclear Power Plant" and threw it into the river. The three-eyed fish greeted the cap like their long-lost father.
"Better?"
"Much," Legolas answered. He sat down. "Still, we must keep watch for anything unusual."
The pair instantly fell asleep.
Boromir awoke to find Pippin walking towards him, contentedly licking the moss off a rock.
"Where's Gimli?" he asked. Boromir gently moved Estel and instantly leapt up. He really didn't want to find the dwarf, but he knew that if he didn't watch his back, then Gimli would soon be chewing on it. He soon found Gimli standing on his head. Boromir stared for a bit, open-mouthed, before remembering what he had come for.
"Gimli, we have to go," he announced. Gimli made no response.
"Gimli? GIMLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, annoyed that he was being ignored. Nothing happened. Gimli was as motionless as the rock Pippin had been licking. Cautiously, Boromir poked the dwarf. Gimli smoothly toppled over. Picking himself up, he glared at Boromir.
"Really, that was quite unnecessary. I heard you the first time."
Boromir blinked.
"I was in the midst of my essential meditation. It is vitally important that-"
"Gimli, why are u speaking in a British accent?"
"Do not call me Gimli. That name has too many plebeian connotations. Instead, I may be referred to as…Giml."
Boromir slowly backed away, turned, and ran for his life. He knew he was supposed to look after his fellow companion, but frankly, he didn't care. That 'dwarf' was scary. And if he didn't get away now, he would never be able to fulfil his dream of having a dream. And so he ran and ran and ran for a full thirty seconds before finally reaching the others. He never thought he'd be so glad to see Legolas in his life. He picked up Estel and announced,
"We're going."
Legolas cocked his head and looked at him plaintively.
"We can't leave without Gimli. Where is he?"
"He's indulging in his fetish for sponges," Boromir declared, not skipping a beat.
"Never liked the dwarf anyways," Legolas quickly said and followed Boromir. Pippin struggled to keep up with the two, but soon gave up and fell a few paces behind.
The sky opened up and poured down on them. Boromir scowled and picked up his pace a little. Legolas frowned.
"This rain comes at an inappropriate time."
"No shit."
Legolas turned to Boromir.
"This is no ordinary rain. This is acid rain."
Boromir opened his mouth to say something brilliant, but was untimely struck on the head by a fish. He glared at it.
"Why you little-"
The fish leapt up at hi from the ground and tried to bite him.
"ZOMBIE FISH!" Boromir yelled. He ran as fat as he could, all the while trying to avoid the fish plummeting from the ground. Behind him, he heard Pippin scream, but he knew that it was too late to save him. Boromir followed the blonde figure in front of him, who seemed to know where he was going.
Legolas dashed into a cave, with Boromir hot on his heels. He leant against the wall, panting heavily. Suddenly he heard another familiar panting sound.
"Pervy hobbit fanciers!" Boromir cried. Legolas slapped him on the head and corrected,
"ZOMBIES!"
Realising Legolas was right, Boromir pouted. Damn zombies. But as the zombies came closer, Boromir visibly brightened up. Except that it was dark, so no-one could see him brightening up. Anyways, he realised that it was time for slashing.
"Do not let them kill us," Legolas whispered. "For then we will be dead."
And with that, he valiantly charged forward. Unfortunately he tripped over his pointy shoes and fell to the mercy of the zombies. The lead one leapt onto him, punched through the elf's skull, drew out his brains and proceeded to eat them. The zombies behind began moaning softly.
"Brains…brains…"
"Use your brains to help us!" one cried cheerily.
"Brains…brains…delicious brains…"
Legolas stood up and up and joined in on the chant. Placing Estel on a ledge, Boromir drew his sword and sliced of Legolas' head, grinning as he did. He had grown fond of the elf. He shook up and can of soft drink that was conveniently sitting in his hand and threw it at the nearest zombie. He caught it easily and began to drink. Boromir pulled his trusty stick out of his pocket and threw it at the can. It exploded on impact, taking out the zombie with it. Boromir was spattered with blood and what he hoped was gore. Two more dashed at him. He deftly tore off the first's head and sliced the second's torso in half. A pair of legs tottered around for a bit, before collapsing like the diaphragm of the zombie next to it.
Boromir sung joyfully as he slashed and sliced his way through the zombies,
"The girl of my dreams is giving me nightmares
I don't know what it means, but she's got multi-coloured hair,
When she stands in the sand I dream of peaches,
I don't know what that means either…"
With a start, he realised that his efforts were to no avail. Too late, he remembered that zombies could not be killed by any means available to men. The zombies, now enraged beyond belief, began to surround him. Boromir's stomach growled dejectedly. He would never be able to laugh at a sheep again.
Suddenly a half-elf, wearing a black, tailored suit burst in.
"Ada!" Estel cried happily. The half-elf strode purposefully through the crowd of zombies and picked up his son.
"Estel!" he smiled. Estel hugged him, delighted. Elrond hugged him back, murmuring something in elvish that Boromir wasn't sure that the child should be hearing. Or agreeing to. Around him, the zombies shuffled impatiently, wanting to exact their revenge on Boromir, but not willing to break up the reunion. Elrond turned to the two elves that had flanked him and ordered in a monotonous voice,
"Destroy them."
As Boromir watched, the elves pulled out something that vaguely resembled a harp from their suits and began to 'sing',
"A Elbereth Gilthoniel,
Silivren penna míriel
O menel aglar elenath!"
The zombies began to wail hideously and cover their ears.
"Na-chared palan-díriel
O galadhremmin ennorath,"
The head's of the zombies began to bulge.
"Fanuilos, le linnathon
Nef aear, sí nef aearon ! »
And with that, the zombies' heads exploded. The two elves put away their harps and walked outside. Elrond, adjusting his sunglasses and swinging Estel onto his back, gingerly stepped over the zombie chunks scattered on the floor. Boromir followed.