The Dream that You Chased

A/N: Disclaimer is in the first chapter – go there if you want to be legalistic. Now, many, many people have told me I'm evil for leaving things as they are. So I figured I'd better get a head start on this. *^^* Also, Chicha, if there was no angst where would the story be? Thanks to everyone who reviewed. You're the best.

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~*If I ever hurt you until you want to cry

At that time I'll sing for you until your tears dry up *~

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Chapter Four: If Tomorrow Never Comes

"Hello?"

He gave Sora a look that told her very firmly that he wasn't about to forget his need for an explanation of some sort.

She was kicking herself in the meantime. She knew there was no way that she could get out of this. She hadn't expected to see him, hadn't expected to need to make an explanation like this. This wasn't something that could be explained away. He would be hurt that she'd kept his son a secret from him.

How was she going to explain it? Oh it's all very simple, Yamato. That boy in the photo is your son. I just didn't think that you needed to know that. Then he would smile, nod and tell her that it was all right, he understood her need to hide his son in an apartment in Tokyo on the worst possible side of town. Simple really.

She wasn't even sure why she hadn't told him in the first place. Yui was his son after all. She would never admit her fear to him, the fear that he would take her son away from her. That was the one thing she feared the most. Yui was everything to her. She knew that he was just a baby and that he didn't deserve a life like this. She understood that he needed something more stable. But he was hers.

"Yeah, I know. I'll be back soon, I just – uh, I ran into an old friend." A small frown marred his features; obviously the voice on the other end of the phone wasn't at all welcome. "Uh huh. Okay. No, there were no problems." Another pause, then, "Bye."

It was crunch time.

"Sora, what's going on?"

There was no anger in his voice, but it was strained, as though he was forcing each word out. He already knew the answer to his question; he just needed her to confirm it.

She reached out and pulled the photo off the fridge. The magnet clattered to the floor. She stared at the picture for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Nothing's going on, Yamato." She looked him in the eye, "This is your son, Yui."

Silence.

"Wh-what?" It was more a reflex than anything, something to fill in the silence. He felt that he needed to say something. "I have a son?" Real smooth, Ishida. Now he just sounded like an idiot.

Sora handed him the photo, "No, I was just kidding around when I said that before," she replied, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

He studied the picture carefully, the boy in the photo smiled goofily, revealing small, white teeth. His auburn hair was tousled, sticking up at crazy angles. That, and the blue eyes gave the boy's parentage away.

For once, Yamato was at a loss for words. "I-"

He had a son. For the past three years he'd had a son and not known about it. There wasn't anything to describe what he was feeling, really. Anger, because Sora had kept his son from him. Regret, because he'd missed out on something that should have been a part of him. Fear, of what his manager would say, or what the fans would say. Resentment, because Sora had had more time with his son and he had not.

"Can I see him?"

~*~

He couldn't sleep. The neon lights outside shone through the curtains, casting an eerie glow over his ridiculously over-priced hotel room. It had been an interesting – for lack of a better word – night. He sighed and rolled over, trying to find a comfortable position. He needed to be up early in the morning.

Sora had point blank refused to let him see Yui – his son, it still seemed a little surreal – that night. She didn't want to disturb him when he was asleep. She had, however, agreed to let him see him the next day. In the afternoon. She had a day job in a café working a ten hour shift, eight to six. But she had a couple of hours between that and her other job.

He had almost the whole day to himself tomorrow. He was supposed to go an scout out the venue at some stage and the rest of the guys would arrive sometime that night. That meant a rehearsal of some sort – even if it was only the kind that ended up with all of them messing around and just jamming. Their jam sessions more often than not resulted in new music anyway.

He'd have to think of some excuse to ditch security for a couple of hours – no mean feat – and also he had to start thinking of a plan of attack. His manager would have to be told about Yui. If only so he could field any public relations nightmares that might arise in the future.

It just seemed way too complicated and a part of him wondered if he was even going to be able to handle it. He was a father. A father who had never met his son. A father who had no prior role models to draw on. Everything pointed to him being a failure as a father. He'd probably drop the boy on his head or something. Maybe Sora had been right to keep Yui from him all this time.

He kicked back the covers. It was too hot and he didn't anticipate himself sleeping anytime soon. He flicked the bedside light on and grabbed at the packet of cigarettes that he kept there. The hotel had a strict no smoking policy; lucky for him his room had a balcony. It wasn't much of a balcony, but it gave him a place to smoke and room to pace approximately three steps at a time. It was useful to say the least.

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She couldn't sleep. There was a part of her that was angry. Angry at Yamato. He was just so typically male. He'd just stepped in and played the big hero. Angry at herself because she hadn't been able to say no to him. She'd brought him home with her. The result? Now he knew he had a son. At least he'd handled it well. She'd expected him to be angry at her for keeping Yui hidden for so long. All he wanted was to see his son. She couldn't deny him that, not even if it meant that he'd take the boy away.

That was her great fear. That she'd lose her baby.

Yui was everything to her. He was the reason she got out bed in the morning. The reason she kept going. In the darkness of the room she traced the scars on her wrist with a slim finger. She didn't need to see them to know they were there. They would never go away, oh they faded with time, but she didn't think they would vanish completely. They were almost three years old now.

Just another part of her life that Yamato couldn't find out about. She didn't want his sympathy. She had never wanted his sympathy. Not then and not now.

She would have to face him again tomorrow; she resigned herself to that fact. She wasn't sure if she wanted to see him. A part of her wished that she could have hidden from him forever. But she knew that soon enough they'd have to meet again. She just didn't think that it would be this soon.

With a sigh, she rolled over. Better to try and get some sleep instead of thinking these depressing thoughts. Tomorrow would come soon enough and she'd deal with it then.

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A/N: Comments etcetera are all welcome. I'm not evil really. And I did get a head start on this, but I just slacked off really. Also, forgive the cheesy title, I thought it was funny. I'll get the next one out sooner, I promise. Hope everyone had a very happy new year!! J

© 2004-01-08

Abi