Author's Notes: Hello there. Memory again with yet another depressing Minako fic. It takes mostly from the anime, with bits of her past coming from the Sailor V manga. Enjoy.
On my own
A Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon song fic by: Memory Dragon
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi and Kodansha. The song On My Own oringally appeared in the musical Les Mesérable, lyrics writen by Herbert Kretzmer. I do not own either and make no claim to.
Warnings: Very depressing.
And now I'm all alone again,
No where to turn, no one to go to
Aino Minako waved her friends and fellow senshi good night. It had been a hard battle. The youma seem to be getting progressively harder to beat. But her senshi were becoming stronger too. So was her princess.
Without a home, without a friend
Without a face to say hello to
She had been watching them for awhile, even though they didn't know it. Tonight was the first night she had ever made contact with them. They still thought she was the moon princess... All the better. That meant she could protect the real princess more easily.
And now the night is near,
And I can make believe he's here...
Artemis had gone off to talk to Luna. She didn't think that the talk would only consist of senshi business either. To be separated for a millennia and finally meet again... Minako knew only too well how that felt. When she saw him again...
And when I'm all alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
It was getting dark now, but she didn't go home. It was too nice of a night to stay indoors. She transformed back to her human form and started walking. No where in particular in mind. Just started walking, letting her feet take her as they willed.
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The pale moon above shined down on her, making her hair glisten. No one was with her now; the streets were empty. Perfect time to let her imagination run away with her. To show the side she never let anyone else see because of her duty. Duty meant much to her. Her duty to her friends, to her princess.
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head...
But at times like these, she could forget her duty. She could imagine herself as an idol with a fabulous romance. Of course every time she tried to picture her prince, he always turned out looking like him. But she didn't mind. Not on nights like this.
On my own, pretending he's beside me...
He was walking next to her now. She could feel his presence standing next to her. She could picture his mid length silver hair blowing in the wind. His piercing blue eyes full of gentle love watching her every graceful movement. He wore a white button up shirt that had the top two buttons undone and a pair of faded jeans. Because he wanted a haven from his duty too...
All alone, I walk with him till morning...
"Kunzite! You came!" She laughed. He scowled at her. Of course he came. Did she think he wouldn't? But under the scowl were signs of the pure love they shared. Of course he came. He always did. She ran up and hugged him. It started to rain softly.
Without him, I feel his arms around me...
He was surprised but not for long. Soon she felt her embrace returned as his strong arms wound around her back. He smelled so nice. He'd been out lying in the grass again. She'd often find him like that, looking up at the sky. Thinking of his prince. Thinking of her. Dreaming of the clouds and a moon where she lived. Showing the side of him that had to remain secret.
They both had their own safe havens. Minako was the only one who knew how to find Kunzite when he was in his secret place. And he was the only one able to find her. A well kept secret that they shared. She held him tighter thinking of the past happiness.
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me
She closed her eyes, letting memories take her. But soon enough they went to the sadder ones. Was her life really that full of pain? That the bad memories out numbered the good? She was getting lost in the memories... She heard someone call her name. Hm? "Kunzite..." He had pulled back in order to look her in the eyes.
He brushed back a strand of wet hair from her face, hands and eyes ever gentle. Let's stay away from sad memories. Think of the happy ones. The ones where he loved her. "How silly of me! Of course, Kunzite!"
In the rain the pavement shines like silver...
The rain made the sidewalks glisten. They walked along, hand in hand. She had never been so happy before. The Earth weather just made the walk that much more romantic. She loved the rain. It never rained on the moon. She felt like she was walking on the clouds that flew above her...
All the lights are misty in the river...
They came to the ocean. "It's beautiful..." Minako said softly. The lights of the city reflected in the water. And there was the moon softly glimmering on the waves. "Nothing could be more perfect..." Then Kunzite corrected her. Of course there was something more beautiful and perfect. It made the sights tonight seem pale in contrast. "What is it?" What could possibly be better? More perfect than this moment? Her. She blushed slightly.
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight...
They moved to one of the nearby parks. The trees surrounding them glowed faintly as if the stars from the heavens wanted a better look at the two perfect lovers. In reality it was the lights from the city, but she tossed that thought aside with all the sad ones. Slowly, he turned to face Minako and pulled her closer. He loved her. Never forget that. He could never love another woman again like he did her.
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
They kissed. The sailor senshi felt as if she were melting. Her legs threatened to give out from under her at any given second. Kunzite seemed to realize this as he held her closer to support her. A sudden sadness filled her heart. It wouldn't last. It never did.
But I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
He was the enemy. She was living in a daydream. This image in front of her was nothing but an illusion. He would never actually say those words again. He would never look at her with a heart full of love and kindness. Gentle eyes reserved only for her never more. Please, just a few more moments...
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us...
Kunzite was in love with someone else now. Blind to her and her grief. If was as if Minako didn't even exist. Never even looking her way. But... There was a small part of her that always rebelled. She could make him remember. She could make him forget that other man. Never love another woman, hm? Well, where there's a will; there's a celery stick. Or something. The senshi could do it if she tried hard enough. Then they could be happy again...
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Had she really been out for that long? Time passed so quickly. The sun was slowly rising in the east. That cursed sun coming up with its rays to destroy her moonlight memories and daydreams. One more day out on her own. One more day of him not caring. She hoped someone got a good laugh at this cosmic joke. Because he never saw her standing there, willing to take him back. Even after the betrayal. Maybe she really was cursed by Kaitou Ace. No, Adonis. To never have to make the ultimate choice between love and duty...
Without him,
The world around me changes
The illusion was gone now. The trees seemed dead and bare. Just like her romance. Tears fell down her cheeks as she left the park, mixing with the rain drops. The rain was now making her cold, freezing her heart. There would never be any love for her. She would always be alone. Always.
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers
People started filling the streets, going to their work. None of them took any notice of her. Not one. Of course they wouldn't. They were all strangers. It was just going to be another day for them. Just slightly more miserable than normal because of the rain. Why should they care about one lonely teenaged girl? One who was doomed to live without a man's touch or soft embrace for the rest of eternity.
I love him
But everyday I'm learning
They would never recognize her once she put on her mask anyway. Funny. Minako always wore masks to pretend. She wore a mask as Sailor V to pretend she was a super hero. An idol. She wore a mask of cheerfulness at school and around her friends to pretend she was happy.
All my life
I've only been pretending
At least now she had her princess. She could live for her princess's happiness. For her duty. Never for love. For all that Artemis claims she is the reincarnation of the goddess Aphrodite, she would never live for love. Only for that of her princess. To see her princess smile again...
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known
Besides, he was happy right now. Evil, yes. Maybe in constant fear of Beryl. But happy. He had moved on. Found someone else to love. Someone else who returned his feelings. Someone else to comfort him as she once did. As she longed to do now. His life now was lived for the sole happiness of that person. Happiness that she would not know ever again. Why should she ruin it?
I love him...
She loved him.
I love him...
Really loved him. Loved him enough to throw away her duty if he had asked her too. But he would never have done that. Just as she would never ask it of him.
I love him...
So she would love him by herself. On her own. She would keep her friends around her. So she could forget. Even just for a little while. Maybe one day her friends would remember enough to share her pain. Maybe one day her princess could find her happiness. And Minako's duty would be fulfilled. Maybe one day...
She would always love him. Maybe one day he'd come back. And she would still love him. Despite what happened. She loved him. But for now...
But only on my own
Only on her own.
FinOkay, didn't turn out half as well as I hoped it would. But what's done is done. And I really felt the need to write something for this absolutely beautiful song. And several episodes of the live action Sailor Moon put me in a Minako mood. Oh, and for those of you Les Mis fans, you might have noticed several lines from another song in there. Couldn't help it. Hope you liked it.
And now... The quote of the fic:
"Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved."
--Victor Hugo, Les Miserables