Authors Note- Well despite my stupid essay, that I am still night done, I managed to post another chapter tonight and actually write like two chapters today. Yup I have perfected the art of prodrastination. But enough about me, lets get onto Carby, I realise its become pretty well angsty over the lsat 2 chapters, but as the saying goes, 'Things must get worst before they get better.' But thats what keeps up reading right? Well I sure hope it is. Anyways here it is, chapter 34! Whoa, I think we just finished writing 48 tonight, oh and we have written a Christmas Chapter, that we will hopefully post on Christmas, that would be cool, I don't know if we will get many readers on Christmas, but we'll see. And one last thing I know these authors Notes have been lengthy lately, I am posting a little preview at the bottom of each chapter for the chapter to come, you can tell me in your review whether you like this idea or not....(since we are so far ahead, its easier to do that now then it was before.)
~*~
I woke up in the hospital the next morning. Sleep wasn't exactly an option for me last night. I'm so exhausted. I couldn't sleep. I kept on trying, but I couldn't stop thinking about Abby, and how everything had fallen apart between us. I didn't want it to go back to the way it was. I felt more for this woman than I had ever, for anyone else. But being the way it was, I probably already lost her. I head towards the lounge for a cup of coffee. I still have a good six more hours left on my shift before I can go home. And attempt to sleep again. I walk in, and find Bryce sitting on the sofa. Abby must be working today too. I smile at him, but he quickly turns away from me, avoiding my gaze.
"Bryce?"
He doesn't even acknowledge me. He's just silently playing his videogame.
"Bryce?"
I try again. Maybe I can actually get his attention one of these times. Bingo. He looks up at me.
"Would you just leave me alone, okay?"
I'm a bit thrown back by this. I never expected him to be so hostile. I don't know what Abby said to him. But I know it couldn't have been anything good. I give up on trying to talk to him, because I know Bryce, and he's just like Abby: stubborn. I get my coffee and head towards the desk.
"Hey Frank, have you seen Abby?"
I need to talk to her. Not about us. About Bryce and me. I didn't want to loose him. He's such a great kid. And even though we never worked out. Or never will work out. I don't know what to make of it anymore. I just don't want Bryce to get hurt. We can always work something out. He deserves more than an ended friendship and trust because I cannot get over what's holding me back.
"She's not on yet. Try the roof."
I throw my coffee away, I don't want it anymore. It's cold and takes worse than it usually does. I head towards the stairs, the easier and faster way up. I push the door open at the top, and a rush of cold,brisk wind hits me straight in the face, waking me up entirely. It's morning, but the sun isn't up yet, and probably won't be up for a good couple hours. This is Chicago we're talking about. We should be happy if the sun ever comes up for longer than ten minutes. I see her silhoutte against the city, and start to head towards her. I just don't know what I"m supposed to say. If I'm supposed to apologize, or yell, or scream. I mean I know what I said to her last night. But it's hard to hate her. I can't hate her. It's impossible. I can try, but it'll never work.
"What did you tell Bryce?"
So I hadn't meant for to come out that strongly, but it's been a long night.
"Nothing that he didn't deserve to know."
She responds with the same tone, the same pent up anger.
"Why the hell do you want to keep on punishing him?"
She finally turned around and looked at me, giving me this look of pure hate.
"The only thing I ever did wrong was let him get close to you."
I start to shake my head. This woman is unbelieveable.
"And you..."
I added it quietly. It just fit.
"The biggest mistake of my life."
She's turned around now, her back facing me.
"You obviously didn't think that a few days ago..."
I watch her throw her cigarette over the edge of the building. I haven't yet seen her smoke. I hadn't noticed it until now either.
"I thought you were different. Obviously I proved myself wrong."
I pull my lab coat closer around me. It's freezing up here, and I didn't bring a coat.
"In what ways, Abby?"
I throw the question out at her, but I get no response.
"Just keep away from my son."
That would be impossible.
"I can't."
She turns back around, leaning against the railing.
"Don't you think you've done enough damage? Don't you think he's been through enough?"
I haven't done any damage. At least I don't think I have. I love the kid. I wouldn't do anything to hurt him.
"The only damage he has to live with is you as a mother."
I know I've hit tender ground since she instantly turns around and starts to move away from me.
"Fuck you, Carter."
I deserved that. I start moving closer to her.
"I'm sorry."
She looks back up at me.
"No, you're right. I've fucked up my son's life more than ever because I love him. And only because I love him am I asking you to stay away from him. I'm the one that's been there for ten fucking years of his life. I'm the one that gave birth to him. I'm the one that wished half the time I didn't have him because I knew I would screw up being a mother. But that's none of your concern, now is it, since you can waltz out of our lives in a heartbeat, and I'm the one that's left to put the pieces back together. What the hell do you know about heartbreak and pain?"
She shoots it out at me as a rhetorical question. I bother not to answer. I'm terrified to answer.
"Now, more than ever, do I wish I never had him. The only person that would be hurting right now is me."
I take a breathe. I just can't keep holding in everything anymore.
"So what are you assuming that I"m a heartless, cruel bastard who's only mission in life is to hurt you?"
She rolls her eyes.
"Yeah.. That sounds about right."
I hear her low smirk.
" I'm hurting more than you would ever believe because, regardless of what you may think, I love that kid more than anything in this world."
I hear another sigh from her.
"Bullshit."
I run my hands through my hair. Never have I had this type of argument before in my life.
"Just because you're fucked up doesn't mean your son has to be, too."
I'm screaming at this point. Anything to get through to her. Anything.
"I'm the fucked up one? It's always me. And your always the perfect one, right?"
I'm trying to control my temper. I can't keep doing this.
"No. I never said that."
I see her turn away from me.
"I wish I had never met you."
It feels like a thousand knives stabbing me everywhere on my body.
"The feeling's mutual."
I turn back around and see Bryce standing near the stairs, eyes red from crying. I start to head over to him, and Abby does the same. She gets in front of me, heading towards him.
"Bryce..."
He turns away from her, shoving her off. I just stand and watch. I can't do anything because it wouldn't make a difference.
"Get away from me. You don't want me..."
He looks at me. The same look he gave Abby a few minutes ago.
"I hate you... I hate you both."
We both stand in shock. He opens the door to the stairs and starts running down them. We hear his sobs from behind the closed door. I watch her collapse on the gravel roof, her body shaking from the tears and the cold. I had the sudden urge to hold her, to comfort her, to tell her everything would be okay. But I didn't do it. I started off after Bryce.
***PREVIEW***
"Where the fuck is my son?" I try to stay calm but I can't.
"He ran away." He states this as though he's talking about women's curling.
"He ran away?" I walk towards him.
"That's what I said!" He stands up
"Where'd he go" I clench my jaw.
"How the fuck do I know? Am I with him?" He tosses his coffee cup into the trash,
(this is Abby's POV for those who didn't know)
Please review! Thanks!
~*~
I woke up in the hospital the next morning. Sleep wasn't exactly an option for me last night. I'm so exhausted. I couldn't sleep. I kept on trying, but I couldn't stop thinking about Abby, and how everything had fallen apart between us. I didn't want it to go back to the way it was. I felt more for this woman than I had ever, for anyone else. But being the way it was, I probably already lost her. I head towards the lounge for a cup of coffee. I still have a good six more hours left on my shift before I can go home. And attempt to sleep again. I walk in, and find Bryce sitting on the sofa. Abby must be working today too. I smile at him, but he quickly turns away from me, avoiding my gaze.
"Bryce?"
He doesn't even acknowledge me. He's just silently playing his videogame.
"Bryce?"
I try again. Maybe I can actually get his attention one of these times. Bingo. He looks up at me.
"Would you just leave me alone, okay?"
I'm a bit thrown back by this. I never expected him to be so hostile. I don't know what Abby said to him. But I know it couldn't have been anything good. I give up on trying to talk to him, because I know Bryce, and he's just like Abby: stubborn. I get my coffee and head towards the desk.
"Hey Frank, have you seen Abby?"
I need to talk to her. Not about us. About Bryce and me. I didn't want to loose him. He's such a great kid. And even though we never worked out. Or never will work out. I don't know what to make of it anymore. I just don't want Bryce to get hurt. We can always work something out. He deserves more than an ended friendship and trust because I cannot get over what's holding me back.
"She's not on yet. Try the roof."
I throw my coffee away, I don't want it anymore. It's cold and takes worse than it usually does. I head towards the stairs, the easier and faster way up. I push the door open at the top, and a rush of cold,brisk wind hits me straight in the face, waking me up entirely. It's morning, but the sun isn't up yet, and probably won't be up for a good couple hours. This is Chicago we're talking about. We should be happy if the sun ever comes up for longer than ten minutes. I see her silhoutte against the city, and start to head towards her. I just don't know what I"m supposed to say. If I'm supposed to apologize, or yell, or scream. I mean I know what I said to her last night. But it's hard to hate her. I can't hate her. It's impossible. I can try, but it'll never work.
"What did you tell Bryce?"
So I hadn't meant for to come out that strongly, but it's been a long night.
"Nothing that he didn't deserve to know."
She responds with the same tone, the same pent up anger.
"Why the hell do you want to keep on punishing him?"
She finally turned around and looked at me, giving me this look of pure hate.
"The only thing I ever did wrong was let him get close to you."
I start to shake my head. This woman is unbelieveable.
"And you..."
I added it quietly. It just fit.
"The biggest mistake of my life."
She's turned around now, her back facing me.
"You obviously didn't think that a few days ago..."
I watch her throw her cigarette over the edge of the building. I haven't yet seen her smoke. I hadn't noticed it until now either.
"I thought you were different. Obviously I proved myself wrong."
I pull my lab coat closer around me. It's freezing up here, and I didn't bring a coat.
"In what ways, Abby?"
I throw the question out at her, but I get no response.
"Just keep away from my son."
That would be impossible.
"I can't."
She turns back around, leaning against the railing.
"Don't you think you've done enough damage? Don't you think he's been through enough?"
I haven't done any damage. At least I don't think I have. I love the kid. I wouldn't do anything to hurt him.
"The only damage he has to live with is you as a mother."
I know I've hit tender ground since she instantly turns around and starts to move away from me.
"Fuck you, Carter."
I deserved that. I start moving closer to her.
"I'm sorry."
She looks back up at me.
"No, you're right. I've fucked up my son's life more than ever because I love him. And only because I love him am I asking you to stay away from him. I'm the one that's been there for ten fucking years of his life. I'm the one that gave birth to him. I'm the one that wished half the time I didn't have him because I knew I would screw up being a mother. But that's none of your concern, now is it, since you can waltz out of our lives in a heartbeat, and I'm the one that's left to put the pieces back together. What the hell do you know about heartbreak and pain?"
She shoots it out at me as a rhetorical question. I bother not to answer. I'm terrified to answer.
"Now, more than ever, do I wish I never had him. The only person that would be hurting right now is me."
I take a breathe. I just can't keep holding in everything anymore.
"So what are you assuming that I"m a heartless, cruel bastard who's only mission in life is to hurt you?"
She rolls her eyes.
"Yeah.. That sounds about right."
I hear her low smirk.
" I'm hurting more than you would ever believe because, regardless of what you may think, I love that kid more than anything in this world."
I hear another sigh from her.
"Bullshit."
I run my hands through my hair. Never have I had this type of argument before in my life.
"Just because you're fucked up doesn't mean your son has to be, too."
I'm screaming at this point. Anything to get through to her. Anything.
"I'm the fucked up one? It's always me. And your always the perfect one, right?"
I'm trying to control my temper. I can't keep doing this.
"No. I never said that."
I see her turn away from me.
"I wish I had never met you."
It feels like a thousand knives stabbing me everywhere on my body.
"The feeling's mutual."
I turn back around and see Bryce standing near the stairs, eyes red from crying. I start to head over to him, and Abby does the same. She gets in front of me, heading towards him.
"Bryce..."
He turns away from her, shoving her off. I just stand and watch. I can't do anything because it wouldn't make a difference.
"Get away from me. You don't want me..."
He looks at me. The same look he gave Abby a few minutes ago.
"I hate you... I hate you both."
We both stand in shock. He opens the door to the stairs and starts running down them. We hear his sobs from behind the closed door. I watch her collapse on the gravel roof, her body shaking from the tears and the cold. I had the sudden urge to hold her, to comfort her, to tell her everything would be okay. But I didn't do it. I started off after Bryce.
***PREVIEW***
"Where the fuck is my son?" I try to stay calm but I can't.
"He ran away." He states this as though he's talking about women's curling.
"He ran away?" I walk towards him.
"That's what I said!" He stands up
"Where'd he go" I clench my jaw.
"How the fuck do I know? Am I with him?" He tosses his coffee cup into the trash,
(this is Abby's POV for those who didn't know)
Please review! Thanks!