DISCLAIMER:I don't own any of this. Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling,
except any original characters I make up.
Please read and review, but please be kind.it's my first fic.
Chapter 1- The worst in Snape
It was the dead of night. Severus was wide awake after having such an unsettling dream. It wasn't exactly a nightmare but disturbing nonetheless. "Why am I dreaming of her now?" he whispered to himself. Of course he still dreamed of her now and then, but nothing as vivid as the dream he just had. No, this dream was like the ones he had just after she had left when her absence was felt so sharply and his mind was foggy with regret of not telling her so many things he should have. The dreams of late, he knew, were a sign of something to come.
But what could it be? It couldn't be that she was coming back. And although his heart leaped in his chest at such a notion, he knew that her return would bring terrible things to Hogwart's and the entire wizarding world. And she knew this, too. Or, at least he hoped she knew this.
No-it couldn't be. They had given up their love and their lives together. They had given up each other to save everyone else. All their sacrifices would be in vain if she came back now. 'Surely' he thought, 'She knows this.'
So after half-heartedly convincing himself that the dream was not a "sign" and rather just a product of the previous evening's dinner of Shepherd's Pie, he laid back down. He pulled the covers over his head and tried to block all thoughts of her. But all he could do was remember the smell of her hair and the smile in her eyes whenever she looked at him. He could remember so vividly the shape of her hands, the curve of her hips, and the glide in her step. He could hear the exquisite sound of her voice as she whispered promises of undying love in the dark....and sleep escaped him as memories flooded his mind....
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Professor Snape, the very idea. This turn of events was most unexpected, indeed. Severus, nonetheless, was grateful that things turned out this way. All known Death Eaters that were caught were tried and sent to Azkaban. He, on the other hand, was more use to the Ministry of Magic as a double agent than sitting, wasting away in a prison. Lucky for him that Albus Dumbledore, whom he trusted and respected, knew of Severus's many gifts and convinced the Ministry to be lenient on him. And although a teaching position would surely prove not to be the path to fame and glory that Severus once craved, it assured him of relative safety at Hogwart's. and it reassured the Ministry to have the ex-Death Eater under the watchful eye of Albus Dumbledore.
Severus had thus far provided the Ministry with vital information of Death Eater activities and in turn was given just enough information to give the Dark Lord as to not make him suspicious of Snape's loyalties. Not to mention hours upon hours spent with Dumbledore perfecting his skills at Occlumency and Legilimency.
Severus had come to Dumbledore an abused and broken man. He was bogged down with guilt and shame over his actions as a Death Eater. He came to turn himself in to Dumbledore. He knew he would be prosecuted but for once in his life he wanted to do the honorable thing. He was tired of cursing and killing and raping for no justifiable reason. Voldemort had told his Death Eaters that these things were necessary for the "cause", that doing these things proved their loyalty to the Dark Lord and assuring them of their rightful place in the wizarding community. And having just graduated from Hogwart's, so driven to achieve glory and power that he blindly followed a mad man. Voldemort had made it seem that it was revolution, standing up for wizards' rights, and not hiding from the muggle word like scared rodents; ruling the muggles and having the power over them that rightfully belonged to wizards.
And, to an eighteen-year old boy (and that's what Severus was at the time) driven to succeed at any cost, this all seemed to make sense. So he followed blindly, believing the Dark Lord when he had told the young Severus that he must prove his power by using his power. And the Death Eaters were forced to prove their power in any malicious way they could, whether it be torture, rape, murder, or all of them. And, in time, the Dark Lord would prove his own power over his precious Death Eaters, whether it be torture, rape, murder, or all of them.
The Dark Lord was obsessed with proving his own power. He executed his followers that he was displeased with; they were the lucky ones. The ones that were more use to him alive rather than dead, he made examples of by way of the Cruciatus..over and over again. And his Death Eaters, being so close to him, were not only made to endure the Cruciatus over and over, but were also made Voldemort's whore..over and over. That was Voldemort's favorite presentation of his power over his beloved Death Eaters, rape and the Cruciatus. These two things simultaneously brought the Dark Lord great pleasure.
Severus never let Dumbledore know that it was those facts and not just the guilt that drove him to beg Dumbledore for some reprieve. Of course the down side to that being him having to spy on Voldemort and that meant still being in the Dark Lord's "service". But Severus, racked with guilt and remorse, excepted his punishment. After all, he couldn't expect to get off scot-free. And besides, he would have a respectable teaching position at the only place he thought of as home, Hogwart's. Although he desired the Defense against the Dark Arts position more than anything, he was to be Potions Master instead. He argued with Dumbledore stating that who better than an ex-Death Eater could teach the students Defense Against the Dark Arts? But Dumbledore, in his wisdom, believed it would bring out the worst in Snape, being newly converted. 'Perhaps' Severus thought, 'next year, when things are a little more settled, I will apply for the DADA position and be more likely to get it after proving my loyalty to Dumbledore.' Being consoled with this thought, Severus was able to gladly except the position of Potions Master. He was, after all, well versed in the subject, having been brought up in a family that specialized in potions some twelve or thirteen generations back. And brewing potions seemed to be the only thing that afforded him any pleasure anymore.
So Severus Snape was to be Potions Master at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, double agent for the Ministry of Magic, and completely alone and scorned for his Death Eater activities. He began to wonder if it was all worth it...
Please read and review, but please be kind.it's my first fic.
Chapter 1- The worst in Snape
It was the dead of night. Severus was wide awake after having such an unsettling dream. It wasn't exactly a nightmare but disturbing nonetheless. "Why am I dreaming of her now?" he whispered to himself. Of course he still dreamed of her now and then, but nothing as vivid as the dream he just had. No, this dream was like the ones he had just after she had left when her absence was felt so sharply and his mind was foggy with regret of not telling her so many things he should have. The dreams of late, he knew, were a sign of something to come.
But what could it be? It couldn't be that she was coming back. And although his heart leaped in his chest at such a notion, he knew that her return would bring terrible things to Hogwart's and the entire wizarding world. And she knew this, too. Or, at least he hoped she knew this.
No-it couldn't be. They had given up their love and their lives together. They had given up each other to save everyone else. All their sacrifices would be in vain if she came back now. 'Surely' he thought, 'She knows this.'
So after half-heartedly convincing himself that the dream was not a "sign" and rather just a product of the previous evening's dinner of Shepherd's Pie, he laid back down. He pulled the covers over his head and tried to block all thoughts of her. But all he could do was remember the smell of her hair and the smile in her eyes whenever she looked at him. He could remember so vividly the shape of her hands, the curve of her hips, and the glide in her step. He could hear the exquisite sound of her voice as she whispered promises of undying love in the dark....and sleep escaped him as memories flooded his mind....
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Professor Snape, the very idea. This turn of events was most unexpected, indeed. Severus, nonetheless, was grateful that things turned out this way. All known Death Eaters that were caught were tried and sent to Azkaban. He, on the other hand, was more use to the Ministry of Magic as a double agent than sitting, wasting away in a prison. Lucky for him that Albus Dumbledore, whom he trusted and respected, knew of Severus's many gifts and convinced the Ministry to be lenient on him. And although a teaching position would surely prove not to be the path to fame and glory that Severus once craved, it assured him of relative safety at Hogwart's. and it reassured the Ministry to have the ex-Death Eater under the watchful eye of Albus Dumbledore.
Severus had thus far provided the Ministry with vital information of Death Eater activities and in turn was given just enough information to give the Dark Lord as to not make him suspicious of Snape's loyalties. Not to mention hours upon hours spent with Dumbledore perfecting his skills at Occlumency and Legilimency.
Severus had come to Dumbledore an abused and broken man. He was bogged down with guilt and shame over his actions as a Death Eater. He came to turn himself in to Dumbledore. He knew he would be prosecuted but for once in his life he wanted to do the honorable thing. He was tired of cursing and killing and raping for no justifiable reason. Voldemort had told his Death Eaters that these things were necessary for the "cause", that doing these things proved their loyalty to the Dark Lord and assuring them of their rightful place in the wizarding community. And having just graduated from Hogwart's, so driven to achieve glory and power that he blindly followed a mad man. Voldemort had made it seem that it was revolution, standing up for wizards' rights, and not hiding from the muggle word like scared rodents; ruling the muggles and having the power over them that rightfully belonged to wizards.
And, to an eighteen-year old boy (and that's what Severus was at the time) driven to succeed at any cost, this all seemed to make sense. So he followed blindly, believing the Dark Lord when he had told the young Severus that he must prove his power by using his power. And the Death Eaters were forced to prove their power in any malicious way they could, whether it be torture, rape, murder, or all of them. And, in time, the Dark Lord would prove his own power over his precious Death Eaters, whether it be torture, rape, murder, or all of them.
The Dark Lord was obsessed with proving his own power. He executed his followers that he was displeased with; they were the lucky ones. The ones that were more use to him alive rather than dead, he made examples of by way of the Cruciatus..over and over again. And his Death Eaters, being so close to him, were not only made to endure the Cruciatus over and over, but were also made Voldemort's whore..over and over. That was Voldemort's favorite presentation of his power over his beloved Death Eaters, rape and the Cruciatus. These two things simultaneously brought the Dark Lord great pleasure.
Severus never let Dumbledore know that it was those facts and not just the guilt that drove him to beg Dumbledore for some reprieve. Of course the down side to that being him having to spy on Voldemort and that meant still being in the Dark Lord's "service". But Severus, racked with guilt and remorse, excepted his punishment. After all, he couldn't expect to get off scot-free. And besides, he would have a respectable teaching position at the only place he thought of as home, Hogwart's. Although he desired the Defense against the Dark Arts position more than anything, he was to be Potions Master instead. He argued with Dumbledore stating that who better than an ex-Death Eater could teach the students Defense Against the Dark Arts? But Dumbledore, in his wisdom, believed it would bring out the worst in Snape, being newly converted. 'Perhaps' Severus thought, 'next year, when things are a little more settled, I will apply for the DADA position and be more likely to get it after proving my loyalty to Dumbledore.' Being consoled with this thought, Severus was able to gladly except the position of Potions Master. He was, after all, well versed in the subject, having been brought up in a family that specialized in potions some twelve or thirteen generations back. And brewing potions seemed to be the only thing that afforded him any pleasure anymore.
So Severus Snape was to be Potions Master at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, double agent for the Ministry of Magic, and completely alone and scorned for his Death Eater activities. He began to wonder if it was all worth it...