Authors Note- Howdy all!!! Okay, so I am a geek! Hehe, here is chapter what are we at now 38? Amazing! Anyways, I know we have some folks who are pushing for Carby Fuzz and are sorta itching to get away from the angst, well I think we start something right here... So take a look tell me what you think! Please read and review!!!! Oh and about the obession with the 'F-word', you may find it more in mine I'm not really sure though hehe, but we both have an obession with that word for the mean time. We will try to keep it out of the fic as much as possible. I can't help it though, it can be very powerful at moments lol. Anyways crude or not, we hope you like the fic, and you find something in the fic that you don't like or offends you just send an email or leave it in your review and we will do our best to switch that up abit!!!!
I show up at Abby's door, waiting to pick Bryce up. I promised him we could go out and do something tonight. I really hadn't planned anything so whatever he was up for, I was game. I've had a long day. Too long of a day, and the last thing I needed to the awkwardness between Abby and me. I could feel it all through work. I ended up leaving her, mid-trauma, because I couldn't be in there. I didn't expect to see her. I mean I know I shouldn't be jumping to conclusions. But he was her ex-boyfriend. And they obviously seemed happy and content with each other. I don't know what I"m supposed to think. The door finally opens and Abby's standing there, in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Bryce comes running towards me, coat in hand. I give him a hug, and I choose to ignore Abby. Or the voice inside the apartment. I refuse to even think about who it is, and what they might be doing. We never got to it. The first time is the most memorable, the most important, the point where you either make it or break it. And we never got to that point because it wasn't right. And they had, just by looking at them. God knows what they might be doing while Bryce and I are away. Bryce doesn't look too happy either. I look up at Abby, who's extremely tempted to get back into the apartment.
"How about Bryce stays the night with me? It's late, and maybe we can just go to my place, and swim for a while or something. I can drop him off at school in the morning."
I watch her mentally debate with herself. I know she wants to say yes. I also know she wants to punish me and say no. She looks behind her for a second, and I see Ted standing in her doorway. She turns back around and nods her head yes. I hear a sigh of relief from Bryce, and his mood instantly lightens.
"Come on, kiddo. Let's go."
He kisses Abby good bye and doesn't acknowledge Ted's reply. We start heading towards the L since I hate driving to work. The rush hour traffic on the Dan Ryan or the Kennedy is unbearable. We walk in silence for a while, until Bryce decides to break it.
"I hate him."
I look at him, and he's got this unusual expression on his face.
"Who?"
Of course I knew the answer. I just wanted to make sure.
"Ted."
I wanted to know more about them. It was eating me alive from inside. But I couldn't. I knew I would end up regretting it the next day. We got onto the train and we chatted about hockey scores and basketball plays. The usual stuff. We got home, and we decided to take a quick swim, then watch a movie. The pool was heated so it was really nice and we both relaxed on floating rafts.
"Carter?"
I scan the water, and find him behind me.
"What's up?"
He paddles his way towards me, and we both being heading towards the edge to get out.
"What happened between you and mom?"
I take a second to think, and I don't know. I just don't know. I shrug my shoulders and it doesn't' seem to satisfy him.
"If I knew, I would have fixed it already."
He pulls the towel over his head and heads upstairs to change. I do the same a few moments later. But I cannot stop thinking. What happened between me and Abby? Everything had been going so great, and even through the roughest times we had stuck together. So what if it hadn't been a long time? It had been the best time of his life. I change and head back downstairs. I end up meeting Bryce in the kitchen.
"Do you mind if I just go to bed? I'm tired."
I shake my head.
"No, it's fine."
I walk back upstairs with him, and make sure he's comfortable and settled before I leave him alone. I head back down to the den, and I find something to do for a while. It's only about 9:30 and I'm wide awake. I lie down on the couch and close my eyes. After a few minutes, I hear rustling footsteps.
"Couldn't sleep?"
He sits down the sofa across from me.
"I'm tired but I can't sleep."
I give him a small laugh. I know that feeling too well.
"Give your body time to relax."
He spreads out on the sofa and gets comfortable.
"So what were you thinking about?"
I close my eyes again, and lean my head back.
"As if it wasn't obvious enough?"
He starts to laugh, and I shoot him smile.
"So... Do you think..."
I know what he's going to ask. And I don't' know if I can give him an answer.
"I don't know, Bryce. Your mom looked pretty happy today with Ted."
I whisper the last words of my statement, somehow hoping they weren't true.
"But I don't want Ted. I want you."
I look back at him. I love this kid. I really truly do.
"I know Bryce. But it's not that easy."
Bryce had begun to sit up.
"What's so hard? You love mom, mom loves you. Done deal."
He seems so motivated, so determined. And I'm only bringing him down.
"You've got to think about your mom in this. She doesn't... She knows what she wants."
He's starting to get agitated now.
"And she married Richard. And look how that turned out."
I ran my hand through my hair. This was going out of control, for me at least.
"Bryce, listen to me. If there was anything I could do to change things, then I would. But there's not. You've just got to realize that your mother and I are never going to be together. We're not right for each other."
The biggest beyond biggest lie I have ever had to say.
"Do you love her?"
That was thrown at me, completely off guard. I want to lie to him. I want to lie to him so badly. So maybe he can start to get over the fact that we're not going to work out, so he can help me get over it. I probably never will anyway. I had my one chance. And I blew it.
"Carter, do you love her?"
I shake my head no gently. He starts to get up and heads towards the door.
"Liar."
The door slams behind me, and I hear him pound his way up the stairs. This is going to be one long night. Why do I get the feeling I've just been taught a lesson by a ten year old about love? And why does he have a point? I knew the road from hate to love was rocky. And I thought it could only happen once. I was wrong. It gets worse the second time around. And I don't think I'm ready to go back to hate. I can't give up. But that choice is only half mine. The other half belongs to the woman that holds my heart in her hands. And decides to tear it apart slowly and carefully, paying attention to every small detail.
***PREVIEW***
Carter- "What happened with you and Ted?" His jaw is clenched.
Abby- "We had sex." He shakes his head, and releases a bitter laugh. "What, you're mad now? You are ashamed and mad. We weren't even together, not now not then."
I show up at Abby's door, waiting to pick Bryce up. I promised him we could go out and do something tonight. I really hadn't planned anything so whatever he was up for, I was game. I've had a long day. Too long of a day, and the last thing I needed to the awkwardness between Abby and me. I could feel it all through work. I ended up leaving her, mid-trauma, because I couldn't be in there. I didn't expect to see her. I mean I know I shouldn't be jumping to conclusions. But he was her ex-boyfriend. And they obviously seemed happy and content with each other. I don't know what I"m supposed to think. The door finally opens and Abby's standing there, in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Bryce comes running towards me, coat in hand. I give him a hug, and I choose to ignore Abby. Or the voice inside the apartment. I refuse to even think about who it is, and what they might be doing. We never got to it. The first time is the most memorable, the most important, the point where you either make it or break it. And we never got to that point because it wasn't right. And they had, just by looking at them. God knows what they might be doing while Bryce and I are away. Bryce doesn't look too happy either. I look up at Abby, who's extremely tempted to get back into the apartment.
"How about Bryce stays the night with me? It's late, and maybe we can just go to my place, and swim for a while or something. I can drop him off at school in the morning."
I watch her mentally debate with herself. I know she wants to say yes. I also know she wants to punish me and say no. She looks behind her for a second, and I see Ted standing in her doorway. She turns back around and nods her head yes. I hear a sigh of relief from Bryce, and his mood instantly lightens.
"Come on, kiddo. Let's go."
He kisses Abby good bye and doesn't acknowledge Ted's reply. We start heading towards the L since I hate driving to work. The rush hour traffic on the Dan Ryan or the Kennedy is unbearable. We walk in silence for a while, until Bryce decides to break it.
"I hate him."
I look at him, and he's got this unusual expression on his face.
"Who?"
Of course I knew the answer. I just wanted to make sure.
"Ted."
I wanted to know more about them. It was eating me alive from inside. But I couldn't. I knew I would end up regretting it the next day. We got onto the train and we chatted about hockey scores and basketball plays. The usual stuff. We got home, and we decided to take a quick swim, then watch a movie. The pool was heated so it was really nice and we both relaxed on floating rafts.
"Carter?"
I scan the water, and find him behind me.
"What's up?"
He paddles his way towards me, and we both being heading towards the edge to get out.
"What happened between you and mom?"
I take a second to think, and I don't know. I just don't know. I shrug my shoulders and it doesn't' seem to satisfy him.
"If I knew, I would have fixed it already."
He pulls the towel over his head and heads upstairs to change. I do the same a few moments later. But I cannot stop thinking. What happened between me and Abby? Everything had been going so great, and even through the roughest times we had stuck together. So what if it hadn't been a long time? It had been the best time of his life. I change and head back downstairs. I end up meeting Bryce in the kitchen.
"Do you mind if I just go to bed? I'm tired."
I shake my head.
"No, it's fine."
I walk back upstairs with him, and make sure he's comfortable and settled before I leave him alone. I head back down to the den, and I find something to do for a while. It's only about 9:30 and I'm wide awake. I lie down on the couch and close my eyes. After a few minutes, I hear rustling footsteps.
"Couldn't sleep?"
He sits down the sofa across from me.
"I'm tired but I can't sleep."
I give him a small laugh. I know that feeling too well.
"Give your body time to relax."
He spreads out on the sofa and gets comfortable.
"So what were you thinking about?"
I close my eyes again, and lean my head back.
"As if it wasn't obvious enough?"
He starts to laugh, and I shoot him smile.
"So... Do you think..."
I know what he's going to ask. And I don't' know if I can give him an answer.
"I don't know, Bryce. Your mom looked pretty happy today with Ted."
I whisper the last words of my statement, somehow hoping they weren't true.
"But I don't want Ted. I want you."
I look back at him. I love this kid. I really truly do.
"I know Bryce. But it's not that easy."
Bryce had begun to sit up.
"What's so hard? You love mom, mom loves you. Done deal."
He seems so motivated, so determined. And I'm only bringing him down.
"You've got to think about your mom in this. She doesn't... She knows what she wants."
He's starting to get agitated now.
"And she married Richard. And look how that turned out."
I ran my hand through my hair. This was going out of control, for me at least.
"Bryce, listen to me. If there was anything I could do to change things, then I would. But there's not. You've just got to realize that your mother and I are never going to be together. We're not right for each other."
The biggest beyond biggest lie I have ever had to say.
"Do you love her?"
That was thrown at me, completely off guard. I want to lie to him. I want to lie to him so badly. So maybe he can start to get over the fact that we're not going to work out, so he can help me get over it. I probably never will anyway. I had my one chance. And I blew it.
"Carter, do you love her?"
I shake my head no gently. He starts to get up and heads towards the door.
"Liar."
The door slams behind me, and I hear him pound his way up the stairs. This is going to be one long night. Why do I get the feeling I've just been taught a lesson by a ten year old about love? And why does he have a point? I knew the road from hate to love was rocky. And I thought it could only happen once. I was wrong. It gets worse the second time around. And I don't think I'm ready to go back to hate. I can't give up. But that choice is only half mine. The other half belongs to the woman that holds my heart in her hands. And decides to tear it apart slowly and carefully, paying attention to every small detail.
***PREVIEW***
Carter- "What happened with you and Ted?" His jaw is clenched.
Abby- "We had sex." He shakes his head, and releases a bitter laugh. "What, you're mad now? You are ashamed and mad. We weren't even together, not now not then."