Authors Note- Okay, so I guess I lied, instead of saying Fuzz I should have said 'the beginning!' Okay I think we get some where with this chapter. I think. Just read and please review- just a note, i love the reviews that are all about hating Ted, hehe I got the funniest one haha musta taken alotta work to write I hate TED a billion times, but it was enjoyable ... heres the chapter...
I realise I name this chapter after Sheryl Crows Song... I was listening to it while posting lol!! Next chapter We'll try to start responding to reviews... Thanks so much for reviewing, they make our days!
I'm lying in bed next to one of the most gorgeous men I have ever laid eyes on. Sam and Susan saw him earlier, I thought they were going to pass out just from one look at him. He loves me, he loves my son, although my son may not love him. So why do I feel so... Gross. I pull the sheet up closer around my body, his chest rises and falls. God I wish I could sleep, just sleep away all this confusion. He rolls over and his arm lands on my stomach. I sigh, this is not what I want, I mean Ted, he's great, and the sex was like, Oh My GOD! I have needed that for so long, so why when I was doing it, did I feel so dirty? I wasn't even thinking about Ted, I was thinking about Carter. The sex wasn't as good as it could of been if it was with... I'm doing it again.
Right after sex Ted feel asleep. No cuddling, or anything. With Car-, oh boy. I have to stop thinking about him. I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him. I roll over and look at Ted. He's great, but not the one. I just wanted a casual fuck, next time I choose someone who doesn't have emotional ties to me.
~*~
"Let's go... I have to be at work for Four." I say rushing Bryce. I went and picked him up from school today, that's rare for me. He is still angry at me. He seems overly hostile today though. "What's wrong?" I ask reaching for his hand as we cross the street.
"Nothing." He says dryly. I look down at him, he is walking slower then usual, I sigh, and stop. I reach down and zip his jacket up and fix his hat. "Bryce... Did something happen at school?" I ask, he walk away from me in a huff.
"At Carters?" I yell chasing after him.
"Why can't you two just be together?" He throws his hands in the air.
"Bryce... You have to know something." I walk closer to him. "Carter loves you, I love you. We may not be together, but we are-" I take a deep breath and close my eyes, I can say this. "We are your parents Bryce." I knew no matter what, that Carter would be there for Bryce and if I were to die tomorrow he would be the guy I would want to take my son. He swallows then looks me in the eye. "Okay. I just know how in love you are-"
"Bryce," I stop him, smiling soothingly, "This isn't your problem, Carter and I are going to do everything in our power to build a friendship, or at least a truce, okay?" He smiles at me, I grab his hand and walk towards the hospital now. "Maybe you guys can make your truce today?" Bryce adds nonchalantly...
"Bryce-" I snap.
"I'm just saying, he's working- you're working." "Bryce Rupert!" He raises his hands surrendering.
I pull him into the hospital, him laughing. I miss this sort of relationship with my son, its refreshing to be the one who makes him laugh not cry. We walk into the lounge, Bryce still yammering on how Carter could come over for dinner, Christmas dinner even. I might have to invite him to that, I know Bryce will want to spend some time with Carter over Christmas, but who knows. Bryce swings open the lounge doors. "Mom? Mom are you listening to me?" I look down at him,
"Of course." He rolls his eyes at me, and spots Carter sitting on the couch reading a paper and drinking coffee. "Hey Carter!" Hey says nervously. I know something went on between these two last night, and I have a feeling it has something to do with Carter and my relationship. "Hey Bryce." He pulls his paper down a little, smiling at him. "Mom, has to work today, so I am stuck here." He sighs plopping down next to John. "But, next week Uncle Eric is coming down for Christmas, so I won't have to come in here as often." Carter laughs... I walk over to my locker, I have another ten minutes until I start my shift, I was going to sit in here and go over some medical books, but I could always do that at admit. "Bryce." We all look over to see Alex storming into the lounge, "Let's go get ice cream." Alex has a mischievous smile on his face, as though he is up to something and ice cream is just a cover up, Bryce looks at me, eyes wide, I nod for him to go, although I know they are up to something Bryce has had a bad last couple of weeks so this will be nice for him. I watch as they scurry out the door. I look over at Carter that minute, I want to know what happened between he and Bryce last night. He looks up from his paper. "What?" He's not being very friendly.
"What happened?" He raises his eye brows at me, not knowing what I am talking about.
"What happened with what?" His paper is now on the table beside the couch.
"With you and Bryce last night..." He shrugs and reaches for his paper, I know he wants to avoid this, but I really need to know. I reach out and grab his arm placing it in his lap. "John-" I say softly.
"It was over you okay?" He says forcefully, getting up off the couch. "Are you happy now? Your son is miserable, because you won't open up... But you know as long as it makes Abby happy."
"Must we always fight?" I shout
"Well there is no other way to get through to you!" He hollers.
"How would you know? You haven't tried anything else!" I grit my teeth. "Maybe-" I lower my voice. "Maybe if you just gave me time, you need everything now, right when you want it. I'm not use to this whole 'I love you' thing, not with men. Not when it comes to dealing with my heart." He nods, I think he might understand.
"Sometimes, its not always about what you need or want Abby." He shakes his head, I think he is going to leave, please don't leave John, he turns towards the door. I have one chance. One only. "Okay- fine lets talk!" I state firmly. He turns to look at me shocked. "Okay." He walks towards me, and we walk towards the couch, he puts his hand on the small of my back, god I love it when he touches me... anywhere. I sit down first and he stares at me intently. "What?" I am getting a bit uncomfortable with all the staring.
"What happened with you and Ted?" His jaw is clenched.
"Carter-"
"No Abby. You know what happened between Bryce and I, and frankly I think that's a minor detail to compared to what I KNOW I am about to hear." He raises his voice a bit. "Fine, I guess you deserve to know." He nods his head in agreement.
"We had sex." He shakes his head, and releases a bitter laugh. "What, you're mad now? You are ashamed and mad. We weren't even together, not now not then."
"So if you have no feelings for me then why the fuck are we sitting here right now?" He asks a good question.
"I- I,"
"That's what I thought." His head drops and he start to shake it again.
"I never said I didn't have feelings for you."
"If you have feelings for me why would you sleep with someone else?"
"I don't know, I'm lonely, scared, hurt. I don't know what the hell is going on between us, up until now all we ever did was fight. We never talked about us, not even when we were together, it was always Bryce."
"So you sleeping with someone else-"
"Don't say it like I committed infidelity. Because, I did not." I say angry.
"Then why does it feel like you did?" I can tell he is hurting bad, I can't blame him. I don't know what I would do if I found out he slept with another women. "Do you love me?" He looks me in the eye. "What?"
"Well, I need to know, is this going anywhere? Or are we just running in circles, because to be honest with you Abby I am tired of running."
"I- I" "Yeah, well-"
"Carter-" I reach for his hand, but he pulls away.
"No- Just, I need to move on. I love Bryce, I will never get over him. He's like my child, but you. To you my heart is just like a toy. Like one of those Tonka trucks I had when I was little I thought it was funny to smash it into the wall over and over again, and one day the truck just went- ka boom!" He pause for a second. "Bye Abby." He smiles, but I can tell he's hurt. "I can't play this game." I wipe the tears from my eyes. He stands up and places a small kiss on my head. "We are over. No watching you, wanting you. I still- I want to hang out with Bryce- We are just, well just I don't know." I am almost full on crying, but I am trying to hold it all in. "Bye." He says as he walks through the door.
"I love you." I whisper when he is gone.
***PREVIEW***
I realise I name this chapter after Sheryl Crows Song... I was listening to it while posting lol!! Next chapter We'll try to start responding to reviews... Thanks so much for reviewing, they make our days!
I'm lying in bed next to one of the most gorgeous men I have ever laid eyes on. Sam and Susan saw him earlier, I thought they were going to pass out just from one look at him. He loves me, he loves my son, although my son may not love him. So why do I feel so... Gross. I pull the sheet up closer around my body, his chest rises and falls. God I wish I could sleep, just sleep away all this confusion. He rolls over and his arm lands on my stomach. I sigh, this is not what I want, I mean Ted, he's great, and the sex was like, Oh My GOD! I have needed that for so long, so why when I was doing it, did I feel so dirty? I wasn't even thinking about Ted, I was thinking about Carter. The sex wasn't as good as it could of been if it was with... I'm doing it again.
Right after sex Ted feel asleep. No cuddling, or anything. With Car-, oh boy. I have to stop thinking about him. I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him. I roll over and look at Ted. He's great, but not the one. I just wanted a casual fuck, next time I choose someone who doesn't have emotional ties to me.
~*~
"Let's go... I have to be at work for Four." I say rushing Bryce. I went and picked him up from school today, that's rare for me. He is still angry at me. He seems overly hostile today though. "What's wrong?" I ask reaching for his hand as we cross the street.
"Nothing." He says dryly. I look down at him, he is walking slower then usual, I sigh, and stop. I reach down and zip his jacket up and fix his hat. "Bryce... Did something happen at school?" I ask, he walk away from me in a huff.
"At Carters?" I yell chasing after him.
"Why can't you two just be together?" He throws his hands in the air.
"Bryce... You have to know something." I walk closer to him. "Carter loves you, I love you. We may not be together, but we are-" I take a deep breath and close my eyes, I can say this. "We are your parents Bryce." I knew no matter what, that Carter would be there for Bryce and if I were to die tomorrow he would be the guy I would want to take my son. He swallows then looks me in the eye. "Okay. I just know how in love you are-"
"Bryce," I stop him, smiling soothingly, "This isn't your problem, Carter and I are going to do everything in our power to build a friendship, or at least a truce, okay?" He smiles at me, I grab his hand and walk towards the hospital now. "Maybe you guys can make your truce today?" Bryce adds nonchalantly...
"Bryce-" I snap.
"I'm just saying, he's working- you're working." "Bryce Rupert!" He raises his hands surrendering.
I pull him into the hospital, him laughing. I miss this sort of relationship with my son, its refreshing to be the one who makes him laugh not cry. We walk into the lounge, Bryce still yammering on how Carter could come over for dinner, Christmas dinner even. I might have to invite him to that, I know Bryce will want to spend some time with Carter over Christmas, but who knows. Bryce swings open the lounge doors. "Mom? Mom are you listening to me?" I look down at him,
"Of course." He rolls his eyes at me, and spots Carter sitting on the couch reading a paper and drinking coffee. "Hey Carter!" Hey says nervously. I know something went on between these two last night, and I have a feeling it has something to do with Carter and my relationship. "Hey Bryce." He pulls his paper down a little, smiling at him. "Mom, has to work today, so I am stuck here." He sighs plopping down next to John. "But, next week Uncle Eric is coming down for Christmas, so I won't have to come in here as often." Carter laughs... I walk over to my locker, I have another ten minutes until I start my shift, I was going to sit in here and go over some medical books, but I could always do that at admit. "Bryce." We all look over to see Alex storming into the lounge, "Let's go get ice cream." Alex has a mischievous smile on his face, as though he is up to something and ice cream is just a cover up, Bryce looks at me, eyes wide, I nod for him to go, although I know they are up to something Bryce has had a bad last couple of weeks so this will be nice for him. I watch as they scurry out the door. I look over at Carter that minute, I want to know what happened between he and Bryce last night. He looks up from his paper. "What?" He's not being very friendly.
"What happened?" He raises his eye brows at me, not knowing what I am talking about.
"What happened with what?" His paper is now on the table beside the couch.
"With you and Bryce last night..." He shrugs and reaches for his paper, I know he wants to avoid this, but I really need to know. I reach out and grab his arm placing it in his lap. "John-" I say softly.
"It was over you okay?" He says forcefully, getting up off the couch. "Are you happy now? Your son is miserable, because you won't open up... But you know as long as it makes Abby happy."
"Must we always fight?" I shout
"Well there is no other way to get through to you!" He hollers.
"How would you know? You haven't tried anything else!" I grit my teeth. "Maybe-" I lower my voice. "Maybe if you just gave me time, you need everything now, right when you want it. I'm not use to this whole 'I love you' thing, not with men. Not when it comes to dealing with my heart." He nods, I think he might understand.
"Sometimes, its not always about what you need or want Abby." He shakes his head, I think he is going to leave, please don't leave John, he turns towards the door. I have one chance. One only. "Okay- fine lets talk!" I state firmly. He turns to look at me shocked. "Okay." He walks towards me, and we walk towards the couch, he puts his hand on the small of my back, god I love it when he touches me... anywhere. I sit down first and he stares at me intently. "What?" I am getting a bit uncomfortable with all the staring.
"What happened with you and Ted?" His jaw is clenched.
"Carter-"
"No Abby. You know what happened between Bryce and I, and frankly I think that's a minor detail to compared to what I KNOW I am about to hear." He raises his voice a bit. "Fine, I guess you deserve to know." He nods his head in agreement.
"We had sex." He shakes his head, and releases a bitter laugh. "What, you're mad now? You are ashamed and mad. We weren't even together, not now not then."
"So if you have no feelings for me then why the fuck are we sitting here right now?" He asks a good question.
"I- I,"
"That's what I thought." His head drops and he start to shake it again.
"I never said I didn't have feelings for you."
"If you have feelings for me why would you sleep with someone else?"
"I don't know, I'm lonely, scared, hurt. I don't know what the hell is going on between us, up until now all we ever did was fight. We never talked about us, not even when we were together, it was always Bryce."
"So you sleeping with someone else-"
"Don't say it like I committed infidelity. Because, I did not." I say angry.
"Then why does it feel like you did?" I can tell he is hurting bad, I can't blame him. I don't know what I would do if I found out he slept with another women. "Do you love me?" He looks me in the eye. "What?"
"Well, I need to know, is this going anywhere? Or are we just running in circles, because to be honest with you Abby I am tired of running."
"I- I" "Yeah, well-"
"Carter-" I reach for his hand, but he pulls away.
"No- Just, I need to move on. I love Bryce, I will never get over him. He's like my child, but you. To you my heart is just like a toy. Like one of those Tonka trucks I had when I was little I thought it was funny to smash it into the wall over and over again, and one day the truck just went- ka boom!" He pause for a second. "Bye Abby." He smiles, but I can tell he's hurt. "I can't play this game." I wipe the tears from my eyes. He stands up and places a small kiss on my head. "We are over. No watching you, wanting you. I still- I want to hang out with Bryce- We are just, well just I don't know." I am almost full on crying, but I am trying to hold it all in. "Bye." He says as he walks through the door.
"I love you." I whisper when he is gone.
***PREVIEW***