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A/N: The song in this small fic, 'Mad World', is the property of Tears for Fears and NGE of Gainex studios. Although the original song is by above mentioned band, the version I planned this to was sung by Gary Jules and is a lot more morose: to find it, watch the excellent film Donnie Darko.
Thanks to Gryphon (parasectman@hotmail.com) for his pre-reading skills
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The Mad Mad World of Shinji Ikari
By Optimus Magnus
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All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
Shinji sat morosely in his seat at school and let his sorrow filled gaze waft around the room and took in all the familiar faces around him. To Shinji these faces seemed worn, less so than his own but they were tired of the fighting he and the others had to engage in. A look out of the window confirmed that the faces of his fellows weren't the only things that were worn out: the buildings were all damaged and worn.
Shinji had been up early that morning and seen a sunrise: one of the few naturally beautiful things left on the Earth. After a brisk breakfast and said sunrise, Shinji sort of wondered out of the house and walked aimlessly for a few minutes until he came across one the most upsetting places in Tokyo 3: not Nerv, nor a graveyard but the casualty list building. It displayed the injuries and deaths that were caused every time an Angel attack was stopped.
"All these people are crying, they have lost so much. It isn't fair: I should be on that wall" Shinji whispered to himself as he walked away
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No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
Shinji looked over at Rei through a comm window during their daily sync test: as usual her face was as blank as Shinji's walls at home. He'd seen a smile on that face once before and by all that was good in the world, he cherished that memory as if it were a precious jewel.
"SHINJI, IDIOT. We're being spoken too, listen up and stop staring you perv" Asuka bellowed at him
Shinji just drew himself back into his seat as best he could and lowered his head, and for one perverse moment Shinji wondered if it was possible for him to drown in the LCL. Shinji's eyes widened at this thought; he wanted to drown all his sorrows to be sure but did he really want to drown with them?
"What would it be like, to have no tomorrow?" Shinji wondered
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And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Shinji sat in his bedroom: he'd been having dreams of late that he found somehow sad and funny at the same time: problem was, those dreams all involved him dying in some way or another. Yet he can't recall any other dreams in his past that made him feel good when he woke up. A knock at the door refocused him to reality
"Shinji, are you okay: you haven't been sleeping well according to Ritsuko" Misato said through the door
[I can't tell her what I've been dreaming about: I won't be able to take what they do when they find out] Shinji thought
"I'm okay, just a few rough nights Misato" Shinji lied
"Okay" Misato brightened up and went for a beer
It never failed to amaze Shinji what a circular existence he lived: get beaten up by Asuka, fight an Angel, win, go to school, go home, watch/listen to Misato get hammered on her beers. He felt as if he and a lot of other people were running in circles. The fact that he and two other children were responsible for saving this planet, and many other events he saw on television led him to one simple conclusion: the world was mad.
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Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
It was Asuka's birthday and of course a huge party had been planned for the event. Although Misato invited Toji and Kensuke so Shinji wouldn't feel outnumbered by all the female friends Asuka invited. He watched the proceedings with a depressed detachment.
[A birthday; the one day in a year that any kid with a home would feel good about] Shinji thought as everyone sang happy birthday to Asuka
All Shinji could do was sit, and listen to the joyous and jubilant noises: even Toji and Kensuke were cutting Asuka some slack on her special day.
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Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
Shinji remembered the first day he went to school in Tokyo 3: it was unlike all the other times he was a first time student at his old schools. Now he was someone famous and someone important. No one knew him; and Shinji wasn't just talking about those at school on his first day, no, even now after living in this God forsaken city for nearly a year no one knew who he was behind the Eva pilot, behind the son of Gendo Ikari. His teacher was the most self obsessed man he'd ever met and their relationship had degenerated to the point where he'd ask for lessons in something to avoid spending personal time with the man
"Stupid teacher. And everyone else can go to hell: they treat me as if I'm nothing and look over and through me. Then when they need me they do the honey potion trick" Shinji sobbed in his room that night
With these parting words, Shinji stabbed himself in the gut with a kitchen knife.
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And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Shinji arrived at the hospital with the most peculiar look on his face; it was like a sad yet amused grimace as he pressed his hand to his wound and looked at the blood. It was a rich red colour that reminded him or Rei's eyes. He remembered one of his dreams went like this, although he was sure something else happened before he actually shifted off the mortal coil.
"Hmm, I wonder what has to happen?" he thought morbidly as Misato ran in and hugged him as hard as she dared given his delicate condition
"Why didn't you tell me if something was bothering you?" she asked through tears
"I find the answers a little difficult to accept when the problem isn't me, it's you. You're all running in circles" Shinji muttered, feeling his strength leave him.
"What?" Misato stammered
"It's a mad world, Misato. And I guess I'm a victim of that madness" Shinji, without reason or resistance then fell into a coma.
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The End