Chapter 37

Conversations

Harry turned slowly, knowing that he would see Cassie standing there and dreading it. She had been crying and she was clutching a crumpled paper towel in her hands. She opened her mouth to try to say something but then closed it again. She looked at Harry and then at Ron and Hermione's shocked looks. Cassie flushed as they all stared at her. Harry wanted to put his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be all right, but he wasn't sure that he believed it himself at the moment. He knew that his tone of voice had made the word Muggle sound like it was an obscenity and he had absolutely no idea how he was going to explain what he had meant.

No one said anything for quite a few seconds. Cassie just stared at Harry. He met her eyes, trying to put all the emotions he was feeling into his gaze, but her eyes were cold. This was definitely not good. She finally sniffed, straightened her shoulders, and wiped at her face with the almost-shredded paper towel. She walked into the room and crossed to the couch where she sat down. "I'm not sure what it was you just called me, Harry Potter," she said, emphasizing his last name. He flushed a little. Cassie continued, "It didn't sound very nice, though. What is a . . . Muggle?"

Hermione sat down next to Cassie and said soothingly, "Harry didn't call you anything bad. Really. He wasn't insulting you. Muggle is just a name for people who aren't . . ." Her voice trailed off as she realized she didn't know how to finish the sentence without compromising the three of them.

Cassie turned her head and looked at Hermione, "Aren't what, Hermione?" She was calm, but Harry had known Cassie long enough to understand that this just masked her frustration and anger. She was definitely angry and probably very hurt. Harry couldn't really blame her. She undoubtedly felt like an outsider with the three of them already and now she thought that he, the one person in the room who should be standing up for her, was teasing or, worse yet, insulting her.

"It's just a name we use for people who aren't . . . .going to our school." There was another long moment of shocked silence. Cassie wiped her face with the back of her hands and stood up.

"Is that the story you want to stick with, Harry?"

"Uh, yeah. I think so. Yeah." Her eyes flashed. He felt even worse if this were possible. He was lying to her again and she knew it. He could use some back up here, he decided; he turned to his friends, hoping that one of them could contribute to the conversation. No such luck, though. Ron and Hermione were looking at him with varying degrees of amusement in their eyes. Ron was almost laughing, Hermione was looking exasperated. Ron shook his head and found something very interesting to study on the ceiling. Harry wasn't sure what to do or how to make things right with Cassie again. She wouldn't believe anything he said now, obviously, and he thought that he would feel the same had the situation been reversed.

"Well, fine then. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I hope that no one has any objection to frozen pizza and frozen chicken strips. That's all there is, I'm afraid." Cassie left the room quickly, yet again shutting the door behind her. He took two steps toward the door, anxious to go to her and at least talk about things but he knew that he needed to talk to Ron and Hermione first. He turned around and faced them again.

"Can't we heat the pizza up a little bit, Harry? At least?" Ron was looking fairly concerned. Both Harry and Hermione looked at him. Harry was incredulous.

"Look, Ron. That is the least of our worries right now. What I've been trying to tell you since you got here is much more important than your dinner." Harry was at the end of his rope. Would they never settle down and listen to what he had to say? He decided he had better just spit it out before Cassie came back. "You cannot do magic in the house. None. Not at all. Just forget you even know how until we leave tomorrow."

"What? Why?" They had identical flummoxed expressions on their faces.

"Well, the way Dumbledore explained it to me is this - the Ministry wizards notice when magic is being done where it is not expected. That's how come they can send out owls to Hogwarts students who do magic over the summer and things. Magic shouldn't be done here. If it is, someone will notice and come to investigate. That might help them find me."

"Well, yeah, I can see that," said Ron rather defensively. "But we're leaving tomorrow so who cares?"

Hermione answered this, and Harry was happy to let her. "Ron, a day could be a very long time if they found us. After all, how long does it take to cast Avada Kedavra?"

"Well yeah, but no one could find us here, even if they looked. I mean the house is Fidelius charmed and every. . . ." The door into the living room opened again and everybody stopped talking. Cassie stepped into the pregnant silence. Everybody looked at her. She looked around at everyone, sniffed, and walked over to the easy chair.

"It'll be about 10 minutes or so. What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, really." All three of them said that together. She just bit her lip in that way that told Harry she was thinking. Great. Now she would assume they were talking about her, and not in a flattering way. Harry was amazed that she had not already gathered up her purse and insisted that she be taken home immediately. He wouldn't have blamed her if she had.

"Oh." No one said anything for another couple of minutes until Harry could feel the nervous tension building up. But he could not think of a single thing to say to break the silence. Ron cleared his throat, trying to help out, obviously.

"So, what exactly have you two been doing to entertain each other?"

Cassie sat frozen for a moment. Her eyes flew to Harry's face. Then she looked at Ron and her face turned bright red. She stood up immediately.

"I'll go set the table." With that she walked back into the kitchen.

Harry thought for a second. She had obviously just had her feelings hurt again, but he couldn't think what Ron had said. He was just trying to ask what they had . . . .Oh! It suddenly dawned on him. The way Ron had asked the question, it sounded like he knew . . . . like Harry had been telling his friends . . . . Harry had thought things couldn't get worse. He realized that they just had. He turned to Ron and Hermione as he headed for the kitchen to join her, "I better help."

Harry went into the kitchen and shut the door behind him. She was standing at the open cupboard door, and her shoulders were shaking. "You don't have enough plates or cups for four. You just have two." She turned away from him. It was obvious that she was crying and that she didn't want him to see.

"Cassie . . . ." He came up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. She tried to shrug them off, but he wouldn't move them. "I'm so sorry about everything that's happened tonight."

"I can't believe what you're doing. I don't think I know you at all. It's obvious that you've been talking about me with them. Why did you tell them about this afternoon and everything? Are you purposely trying to embarrass me? I . . . I don't know what that word you called me means, but it's obviously pretty bad. I could see by the looks on their faces they were shocked."

"I didn't tell them about this afternoon, not one word. And I know that you don't have any reason to believe me but I just want you to know that we weren't talking about you. We were just talking about things that you wouldn't understand." He avoided the subject of the word "Muggle" completely. He hoped that he wouldn't have to try to explain it again - his first attempt had been bad enough.

"You must think I'm a brainless idiot! What could you be talking about that I wouldn't understand?! You keep sending me out of the room like I'm a stupid baby who couldn't possibly understand adult conversation! Did you think I wouldn't notice?" Cassie went to pull away but Harry held her firmly.

"Cassie, I really can't explain because it has to do with my hiding and if I were to tell you, then you could be in danger, too."

"But they can know?"

"Yeah. They already know."

"What do they know that you haven't told me, Harry? You told me that you had told me all the stuff about why you have to be in hiding and who you are hiding from and everything. Of course, that was probably not really the truth." Her voice was rough and Harry knew that she was trying not to cry again.

"I did tell you all about that, but there are a lot of, um, reasons why I have to be in hiding and why Voldemort is chasing me. They know all about these things. And the reason they can know and you can't is . . . . They have to know. They live with it . . . . Look, let me explain it this way, all right? If you can't believe me maybe you can at least understand a little bit, okay?" She nodded but Harry could still feel her shaking under his hands and her breathing was rough. "When I go back home tomorrow, you'll be staying here and you'll be safe here. You never have to think about me or about the people trying to hurt me ever again. Everything I tell you just makes it a little more likely that you might get hurt."

"So you're trying to tell me that I should be happy to be ignorant. That ignorance is bliss and all that." It sounded terrible when she said it. "You act like when you leave I'll just forget all about you and not care that crazy people are trying to kill you! Like I won't read the papers every day, terrified that I'll read an article saying they finally succeeded!" She turned then, and Harry couldn't tell whether she was more hurt or angry now. "You act, Harry Ev - Potter, like I will just happily go back to my life and forget you ever existed. Well that's not how it's going to be, is it?" He shrugged. That was a mistake. Fire flared behind the ice that had been her gaze in the last few minutes. "That's not how it's going to be, I can assure you! And if your friends out there deserve to hear the whole truth because they care about you and care what happens to you, then so do I!"

"Cassie. I appreciate your caring about what happens to me, but . . ."

"You appreciate it?! Do you think this is some sort of charity thing, my caring for you? Do you think that the thought of your leaving tomorrow isn't ripping my heart out and . . . ." She sobbed, then, completely overcome with all the different emotions that she didn't know how to express and Harry pulled her into his arms.

"Oh, Jeesh, Cassie. I don't know how to tell you these things. It's all just so complicated. I just know I don't want you to be hurt because of me. I don't want it to hurt more than it already does. I've been waiting to go back since I got here, and now . . . .Well, I don't know if I can stand to leave you. But I have to. I don't have any choice." He stroked her hair. " I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'm especially sorry that I've dragged you into this whole mess. I don't know right now how it's going to work out. But I can tell you one thing I'm not sorry for. I'm not sorry that I have you as a . . . friend. And I hope that you aren't sorry for that, either." She was shaking her head.

"I'm not. I'm really not."

Cassie rested her head on Harry's shoulder and slowly wrapped her arms around him. They were still holding each other a minute later when they heard someone clear their throat. They looked up and Ron and Hermione were standing in the kitchen doorway. "Do you two need some help?" Hermione asked. She looked concerned. Harry smiled and her eyes widened slightly.

"No. I think we've got things all straightened out." He looked at the table which was not set at all and then remembered what Cassie said. "We'll have to use paper plates and cups. I don't have enough real stuff." He reached into another cupboard and pulled out a small stash of plates, cups, and even plastic forks and knives. He had been using these when it was just him eating although he had never admitted it to Cassie. It saved him from having to do a lot of washing up.

The timer went off a minute later and Cassie grabbed the pizza and chicken fingers out of the oven. It was a bit of a tight fit around the little table, but no one objected too much.

Ron eyed his pizza warily for a second but finally took a bite. "Hey, this isn't frozen!" Cassie looked at him a little strangely. Harry forced himself to laugh and Hermione joined in.

"That's hilarious, Ron." Ron wasn't sure what they were laughing at but got the hint that he had said something really strange and that he needed to cover it up.

"Okay, um, I know it was a stupid joke. Sorry. But seriously, Cassie, this is pretty tasty. I was getting really hungry." She grimaced. Harry supposed that she thought the world was close to coming to an end if she was getting complimented on reheated frozen pizza. She didn't say anything, though, so Harry relaxed and said to Ron,

"Yeah, I guess you didn't get to eat dinner in the Great Hall tonight, did you?" Harry thought longingly of the wonderful meals the house elves always supplied. Not that he was starving here, but the thought of not having to cook everything he ate was certainly appealing. He took a bite of pizza.

"No, we had to leave right before dinner, unfortunately." Hermione filled in since Ron's mouth was full. "Dumbledore was quite insistent that we leave exactly at . . . ." She trailed off, a small mew of horror emerging. She looked at Cassie with wide eyes and met blue eyes equally as wide.

"Are you trying to tell me that you left your school, in Scotland, today before dinner? And you're here now for dinner? How is that possible?" There was a very long moment of complete silence around the table while all three friends tried desperately to think of a possible explanation that would make sense to the Muggle girl. Finally, Harry swallowed his pizza which now tasted like sawdust, and answered her.

"Cassie, I think this is just one of those things that is going to have to remain a secret."

"Oh. All right." She looked down at her plate. She pushed her chicken strips around with her fork a little. "I think I'll wait and eat when I get home." Harry felt nauseated. Things were going from bad to worse. He was hoping to leave her with at least a few happy memories of their time together.

After a minute or so of everyone sort of picking at their food again, Cassie looked at Hermione and Ron and said, "You must think I'm a very grumpy person who cries all the time or something. I've been acting like a real witch since you got here. I'm sorry. " Harry choked on his bite of pizza and grabbed his glass for a much-needed drink. He looked at Hermione who was sitting across from him. She scowled. Harry could see she was about to say something and he shook his head. She rolled her eyes ever so slightly but turned to Cassie.

"It's okay, Cassie. It really is. I can understand your frustration and confusion over everything going on." With that Hermione gave a kick to Ron who had been hungrily munching on his third piece of pizza. He seemed to be the only one with much of an appetite.

"Ow! What?" Ron looked at Hermione to see why she had kicked him. She looked at him and gave a quick nod toward Cassie. "Oh," Ron mumbled, turning a shade redder, "I'm sorry I said hell at you so many times. I was worried about . . . .well, I was just surprised."

Cassie smiled and Harry relaxed again. If they could just get through the next 30 minutes without too much difficulty then maybe he could make things up to her on the way home. He hoped he at least got to kiss her good-bye. They all sat in an uneasy silence again for a few minutes, everyone picking at their food except for Ron who was eating happily, seemingly unaware of everyone else's discomfort.

"So, Cassie," Hermione said, obviously struggling for something to say, "tell us a little about your family."

"Um, well. There's not much to say, really. I live with my parents and two little brothers. They're in France right now, on holiday. Well, my dad's at a meeting for work and my mum and brothers are sight-seeing." Hermione jumped on the fact that they were in France, explaining that she had been there a few years ago. They talked animatedly for a while about the joys and struggles of traveling abroad, apparently finding something in common in their enjoyment of seeing new places. Harry watched Cassie as he ate, trying not to be too obvious about it. He knew that he would be walking her home soon. He allowed himself a moment of self-pity at that thought. And then he would leave her and come back here and then tomorrow night, he would be going to fight Voldemort.

He didn't want to think about that, but his mind kept poking at it, kind of like a tongue at a loose tooth. Even assuming he would live through the battle, which was always questionable, fighting Voldemort always involved a lot of pain. Being near him was agony enough and then Voldemort had a strong penchant for using the Cruciatus curse on Harry, as well. Fighting him usually took every bit of Harry's strength and then some. Sitting here in this kitchen with his two, no three, best friends, the upcoming battle seemed far away, like storm clouds on the horizon. But Harry knew they were fast approaching and he knew that he would have to face them. There was a little part of him that wanted to stay here, safe and warm, even if he had to have frozen pizza every night for the rest of his life.

Especially if he had someone to share it with. He watched as Cassie gestured with her hand at something Hermione had said. It had been an interesting three weeks with her and he had probably taken far too many chances but he didn't regret any of it. He did regret having to leave her. She had taken up permanent residence in a part of his soul that he had never known existed before. He wasn't sure that he could stand not knowing where she was or what she was doing. Maybe he could write to her every once in a while.

Harry watched Hermione for a minute as she talked to Cassie. Then he let his eyes stray toward Ron, who was also looking at Hermione. He had noticed that Ron and Hermione's relationship, although this had not been stated out loud, had finally turned from friendship to romance. It wasn't anything he could distinctly pin down, although the way that Hermione had curled up on Ron's lap earlier had been an early hint. It was just something in the way they looked at each other and the way Ron was so protective of her. Good. It was about time.

"So, what does your dad do . . . as a job, Cassie?" Harry's eyes snapped back to Hermione at the question. Both girls were eating now although Cassie didn't look like she was enjoying it too much. Apparently, the relaxation of tensions had reawakened their appetites. Harry tried to get more enthused about his own rapidly-cooling food but couldn't. He was too nervous that someone would say something that would ruin everything with Cassie. It was already such a precarious peace.

"Well, it's all rather boring, I'm sure. He works for the government. My mum works part-time in a crafts shop, too. What do your parents do?"

"They're both dentists, actually."

"Both of them?"

"Yeah, and it's as bad as you think. Everything I eat at home has to be sugar free." Harry snorted at this, thinking that Cassie probably had the same restrictions as her mum was such a health-food fanatic. Both Hermione and Cassie threw him a funny look. He just stared at his plate.

Cassie turned to Ron, trying to include him in the conversation. "What do your parents do, Ron?" Harry gasped and tried to kick Ron under the table, but he was not paying attention, more interested in stealing a chicken strip off Hermione's plate.

"My dad works for the Ministry." Oh, no. It was as bad as Harry thought. Apparently, Ron suddenly realized what he had said because he flushed and suddenly became fascinated by a small crumb on his plate and abandoned his efforts at pilfering the chicken. Cassie looked a little surprised by this statement.

"Really? Maybe my dad would know him. Which department?"

"Um, I'm not sure I . . . ."

Harry saw that this conversation was going into dangerous territory. He decided he had better speak up. "Is everyone finished? We should probably be going, Cassie." She nodded and Harry hoped it was reluctance to say good-bye to him that was making her get up so slowly from the table. He turned to his two friends.

"Would the two of you be willing to clean up the kitchen while I walk Cassie back home?"

Ron looked at Harry in surprise. "What? You want us to clean up with no mag . . .?"

"Yes, Ron," Hermione cut in, staring at him with a no-nonsense look, "We can do that while Harry walks Cassie home. It'll be fun." Ron just looked down at her and grimaced, obviously thinking that she had gone mental.

"Okay, but may I have my ah . . . stick back?"

Harry knew that it wasn't really reasonable to take both other wands with him although it was tempting. But he also knew that if he took them, it would leave Ron and Hermione completely defenseless. He smiled at Ron. "I guess it depends on what you plan to do with your stick?"

Ron looked at Harry for a moment and glumly replied, "I guess nothing."

Harry laughed and handed the two wands to Ron and Hermione. As he did so, Cassie smiled at Ron with what Harry thought was a sly little look and asked, "So, what exactly do you do with your stick, Ron?"

Ron swallowed hard and sneaked a glance at Harry who was shooting daggers at him and then looked back at Cassie.

"Uh . . . I guess the same as Harry."

Cassie rolled her eyes. "I figured you'd say something like that." She then smiled openly at both Ron and Hermione and said, "It was nice meeting you. Maybe we can see each other again sometime." Ron and Hermione said good-bye as Harry and Cassie went into the entry hall where she grabbed her purse and he stuck the wand under his shirt. "I'll be back in about an hour or so. It's kind of a long walk - there and back. I know the password, of course, so you don't have to worry." He stepped to the front door to start unlocking it.

As Harry reached up to unlock the first lock, he looked out the window to make sure the street was free of Muggles and then did a double take. No! He thought. How could that be? He looked again and his heartbeat and breathing began to quicken. He turned around, refusing to believe what he had seen. He looked again. Cassie started to ask what was wrong, but Harry didn't know how to answer her. Instead, he went to the doorway of the kitchen. "Ron! Hermione! Come to the front door and tell me if I'm seeing who I think I'm seeing or if I'm just having a nightmare."

Ron was the first out of the kitchen, with Hermione following close behind. He put his face up to the little window in the door as the other three crowded around. It took little time for Ron to look, comprehend, and respond with unchecked alarm and intense hatred: "Malfoy!"