Chapter 6: Movie Night and a Box of Chocolates

~~~**~~~

"I brought you this," I offer, handing Roger his guitar case.

He takes if from me and silently sets it on the side of the bed, then motions for me to sit down. I slip off my shoes and sit down beside him. I lean up and kiss him, but he pulls away after just a few seconds.

"How are you?" he asks softly.

"Me?" I ask, surprised.

"No, your father," he teases, "Yeah, you."

"I'm-" I start to say I'm fine, but choke on the words and somehow can't bring myself to say it. "I'm. . .here?" I offer finally. Roger nods his understanding.

"But that should be my line," I add.

"What?"

"'How are you?' It should be my line to ask you."

"Oh. Well . . .I'm. . ." he shrugs helplessly. "What can I say, I feel like shit."

"I'm sorry," I mutter into his neck.

"For what? It's not your fault."

"I know. But I'm still sorry. I'm allowed to be sorry, aren't I? I mean it's the least I can do."

I meant it to lighten the mood, but Roger just looks saddened by it.

"If you could turn back time. . ." he says softly, "What would you do differently?"

The question takes me by surprise, and I'm not sure how to answer it.

"I. . .don't know. So many things. I mean . . .I never meant to hurt anybody but. . .look where I ended up. I guess if I could change anything. . .I would make sure I never wasted any time. I mean, even if I wasn't-even if I hadn't-" I struggle for how to say it, groping for words, "Life will always be too short to waste time on pointless arguments. Why? What would you change?"

Roger shakes his head.

"I don't know either. I've just been thinking about it a lot lately you know, with-everything."

"Yeah?"

"And I realized that I don't know. There's so much in my past that I regret and yet at the same time. . .I've gotten something good out of just about all of it. If I hadn't ended up where I did, if I hadn't left home, I would never have met you." He sighs and lets his eyes fall closed for a moment. He looks so completely vulnerable it makes me hurt inside to look at him.

"You tired?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"I'll let you sleep."

I start to get up, but he stops me with a hand on my arm.

"Wait."

"What?"

"I'm sorry. For everything I said the other day."

"It's okay. Really. Don't worry about it."

"I know. But I'm allowed to be sorry, aren't I? I mean, it's the least I can do."

I smile.

"No, Roger, you're not allowed to be sorry, only I am."

He laughs weakly.

"Okay. I'll remember that."

"I love you," I whisper, kissing him one last time.

"Love you too," he answers drowsily, already half asleep. "Come back soon."

"I will," I promise.

~~~**~~~

Mark greets me at the door when I reach the loft, with a video cassette in hand.

"What's that?" I ask curiously.

"I've decided that we both need a distraction from life," he says cheerfully, waving the tape around wildly. "It's movie night."

"Great," I mutter sarcastically, "Just what I wanted, to spend my one night off this week burning brain cells in front of the boob tube."

"Oh, come on," Mark protests, "Don't make me force you."

"Oooh, a threat," I scoff, "And just how do you plan to carry it out?"

"You really want to know?" he asks, setting the video on the counter.

"Yeah, sure, it's probably more entertaining than the movie itself.

"Hey now!" Mark teases. Then before I know it, he's whisked me off my feet and into his arms. "Like this!" he shouts triumphantly, laughing at me as I struggle.

"I'm gonna drop you if you keep that up."

"Okay, okay. . ." I whine, "I'll watch your movie, just put me down now."

"I guess so. If you promise you're not gonna back out."

"I'm *not*."

"All right then."

Mark walks over to the couch and drops me unceremoniously onto the old olive-green cushions.

"You hungry?" Mark asks.

"No. Just tired. What movie am I being forced to watch?"

" The Princess Bride," Mark answers proudly, inserting the tape into the ancient VCR Benny left behind when he moved out. "It's a classic."

"Hell yeah, it is," I agree, surprised, "I used to watch that movie all the time. "See?" Mark laughs, "All that arguing for nothing. I'm hurt by your lack of confidence in my movie selection skills."

"Well, I've never met a *guy* who likes The Princess Bride."

"Oh, so what are you saying now? That I'm a woman?"

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Are you sure you're not hungry?" Mark tempts, coming over to stand in front of me.

"Yes!" I insist, "Will you move? You're blocking the TV."

He crosses his arms and refuses to budge.

"So, even if I eat something, you won't?"

"No." I mutter, suddenly feeling stubborn.

Mark walks over to the closet, pulls something out, and comes over to sit next to me.

"What is that?" I ask curiously, attempting to look over Mark's shoulder. He moves so that my view is completely blocked.

"What *is* that?" I nag.

"You said you didn't want any."

I stand up on the sofa and lean over Mark.

"Chocolate! Where'd you get that?"

"I have my sources."

"Give me that!" I attempt to grab the box.

"You said you wouldn't eat anything! I'm not gonna let good chocolate go to waste."

"Mark!" I insist.

"What, Princess Buttercup?"

"Give me a chocolate!"

"As you wish," he whispers, handing me the box. My heart beats faster, and suddenly I don't want the chocolate anymore. I set the box on the table in front of us and turn back to look at Mark.

He locks his gaze with mine and just stares for a moment before leaning in to kiss me. I pull away from him after a few seconds.

"What?" he asks, looking scared all of a sudden. Somehow it only makes me want him more.

"Are you sure about this?" I ask.

"Hell yes," he answers, "Are you?"

I nod and kiss him again, harder this time. Mark moans softly and wraps his arms around me. My hands shake as I start to unbutton his shirt.

I feel like I'm being drawn in. My mind is completely numb. I can't stop. Everything in my life is going to pieces around me. I cling to Mark for all I'm worth. He's my life raft in the sea of grief.

~~~**~~~