Authors Note- Hey guys, another chapter will be posted tonight, I promise you that!!! I hvae a lot of review responses at the bottom, and the preview is up, its a bit longer then usual, but I thought it fit. Anyways enough rambling heres your chapter...
"Stay out of it Carter." I snap back at him. He has no business getting involved in this, so what I was an alcoholic 5 years ago it doesn't mean because of one night of drunkenness I am going to fall back into that never ending circle. "I can't stay out of it, especially when I bring YOUR son home at nine o'clock in the morning and walk into see you passed out. What do you think would have happened if he had walked in to see you like that?" He shouts at me, I grab my head, god I don't need this, not right now. "I don't know." I whisper. "God damn it Abby, you're only thinking of yourself lately." He tosses the empty bottle and it breaks in the sink, he turns and looks at me, pure hate is written all over his face. "What the hell would possess you to do something like this? Were you even thinking? Do you ever think?" He screams.
"YES! Yes, I was thinking." I screech, he stands looking at me, waiting for answers. Answers I am not sure I am ready to give him. "Did you not check your voice mail?" I scream. "What?" He asks confused and angry.
"I left you a message on your answering machine, I needed to talk to you and maybe if you just-" I try to finish, but before I can he cuts me off.
"NO! Don't you fucking dare, don't blame this on me Abby." He yells, his face beet red, I am afraid he will pop a blood vessel in his neck. "Don't blame your pure STUPIDITY on me." He looks at me, we are both out of words, we ran out of things to scream at each other, all that is left is raw emotions, that neither wants to be the first to touch base on. It's the truth, the truth that deep down we know will kill us both. He shakes his head at me. "I have a shift." He spits.
"So you are just going to leave? Just like that?" I ask in a barley audible whisper.
"What's left to say?" he turns to look at me. "You aren't giving me anything Abby, you are just- just like, I don't know looking at a painting I've seen a million times and you know, I know, I know this painting is beautiful, god you're beautiful, and perfect, but under the superficial parts of the painting, is this pain, the pain the painter is trying to convey and I can never seem to get to the bottom of the pain. You're just like that. I don't know your pain. You won't let me." He shrugs and laughs and bitter laugh. "I get off at ten tonight. I will come pick Bryce up then." He says it more like this has been arranged.
"No." I say firmly, he can rip me to shreds, we can break up hate each other, but he will not take my son away from me. "No?" He says moving forward getting right in my face. "He's my son John." I don't look at him, my gaze is glued to the floor.
"Yeah, your son. The son that you are going to screw up because of- god I don't even know why you did it Abby, whatever your reasons let it affect and wreck you not him."
I kick at the floor, he turns but before he can leave completely I grab his arm. "It was one night. One fucking mistake. I am not an alcoholic anymore!" I grit my teeth and squeeze on his arm, thinking this will help get the point across. "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." He walks away, taking a moment to look back at me, "He can spend the night at my place tonight and then we can talk."
"I am going to work. He can spend the night at Sam's. I would rather that then with you." I say bitterly.
"Fine." He slams the door. My head spinning, I reach out for the side of the counter and regain my balance. The worst of all is he still does not know about the kiss. The reason the drinking started again, my fear of loosing him. I think I have lost him though and it wasn't even the kiss that did it. God I am such a fuck up, it seemed like a good idea at the time though.
~*~
I walk into work, knocking the snow off my boots, I can feel everyone's eyes on me. What has he told them? Probably nothing, this probably because of the kiss, with what was his name? Jerry? No. Jess? Nope, I don't even care. "Lewis needs you in one." Frank says tossing a chart at me. I take a moment to look over, I should have let Carter call in for me. Not only do I feel like shit, but I have to spend twelve consecutive hours with him. I walk into the lounge, quickly discarding all of my belongings. I walk out five minutes later, ready to get down to business. Heading over to exam one, I hear Chuny and Yosh talking about me. "Think Carter knows about the kiss?" He whispers.
"How could he not? He's been her five minutes and already that's the only thing people are talking about." She whispers back. I just roll my eyes ignoring both of them, I reach into my pocket pulling out two aspirin I grabbed from home. Walking over to the vending machine I put my money in and out falls a bottle of water. I crack the top off and take a long sip before popping the aspirin into my mouth. I hurry over to Exam One and swing the door open, Susan standing there examining a man. "Hey." She says friendly.
"Hi." I say back uninterested, not particularly excited for the conversation I know we are about to have, "Chuck told me Jamie kissed you?" She looks at me now. That was his name. Jamie. I knew it started with a J. "Uh- unfortunately, it was not mutual though." I glance at her, and she nods sympathetically. "He's a sleaze. I didn't even want him there, but Chuck insisted, saying that they were 'such good buds' that he could not do that to him." Susan sympathizes. I nod and try to smile, she notices how fake it is. "Have you told Carter?" I shake my head no.
"Uh- other stuff, came-" I clear my throat. "Came up that we had to deal with."
"Well knowing John, he will understand. It may take a few tries to convince him that it was nothing, but he's a good guy and he loves you, so I am positive it will all work out." She explains. I am not so sure, not anymore.
Two hours left on my shift, I have arranged for Bryce to stay with Sam overnight, that way he will not get suspicion when spending time with either Carter or I. I walk up to admit and dump off my chart. "Carter needs you in Exam Three." Frank snorts as I look through another chart. "He wants me?" I ask surprised.
"Well any resident, but I am sure you will do." He says acting smug.
"Find someone else." I continue flipping through the chart.
"This isn't my job, he needs a resident, you are the first one who walked by here, go do your thing." He says shooing me away from the area. I walk over to the exam room, inhaling deeply before entering. "What do we have?" I ask business like. He turns and looks at me, obviously not expecting me. "What are you doing here?"
"Frank, told me you needed a resident." I take the chart away from him and start to flip before he grabs it back and looks at me sternly. "Not you." He spits. He knows. He must. I have no clue who told him, but he knows. "Carter-" I say reaching for the chart. The patient looks some what shocked at our 'unprofessional' behaviour. Carter looks over and makes eye contact with the man, "One moment sir." He says grabbing me roughly by the wrist and dragging me out of the exam room. He looks at me, biting on his bottom lip, trying not to spas at me. "Get me Pratt." He is trying to stay calm, its not working.
"I am here Carter." I will not let one little fight get in the way of my job.
"I don't give a shit whether you're here or not Abby, I want Pratt." His face inches away from mine. I throw the chart at him violently. He tries to bat it down, but it still hits him in the shoulder before falling to the ground. "Don't ever do that again." He yells as I walk away, everyone watching us. They all know, we all know. He walks into the exam room, as I stumble into the lounge, trying not to cry. I make my way over to the couch and fall back onto it. The tears burning my eyes. God why am I such a screw up? Maybe this is what gets me into trouble my self pity? All I ever do is wallow in self pity. I have like a billion self pity parties a day. Well no more. I am going to work this out with Carter its not going to end up like the last time did. I will make sure of that. This will be my New Years resolution, and on top of that I will Never, EVER drink again.
***REVIEW RESPONSES***
Caitlin- Okay, okay, okay. Your welcome :)
vicki- I know I truly believe men have some sort of period that we don't know about... hmmmmm
Ashley- awww :( I hope you feel better. Thank you, we do our best!
Kaitlin- thats okay, we love that you review at all :)... I am trying to update twice a day now, because we are so far along with the story!!!
Tilde8884- Yep we are right back at square one angst ville. Sex makes everything go bonkers... yeah she shouldnt have drank though... stupid abby..tsk tsk!
CamilaC- YAY! You can review again WHOOOOOOOOO! hehe, anyways yeah damn abby, poor carter is right, well for now at least.
Caroline25- Sorry I didnt get to update last night, it was a rather busy night for me. I don't remember if we see jealous Carter, I think we see Semi- Jealous Carter, but not totally jealous Carter. We actually have a chapter coming up soon (by soon i mean in like 30 chapters) that was 10 pages long on word....
kate- hehehe Ernie, fuzz and Ernie, I'll see what I can do for you!
hyperpiper91- haha you hit the nail right on the head, Carter is a bit of a jerk for a while I will tell you that much, but we all have our jerky moments, don't we?
carbylobsterandavrilfan- don't be scared, the next couple of chapters are exciting:D
ER-Carby-Luva- haha I know its all about the word 'fucking' it really is. Haha, don't worry things can only look up.
MrsWyle- :( Abby has to smarten up.
***PREVIEW***
I hear the key in the door and it turning. I forgot one minor detail for a while. I would have to face Abby. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"So Sam called you?"
Why is she so surprised. Obviously I"m the more reliable, responsible one in this big mess.
"Yeah."
A look of dejection crosses her face for a brief minute and then anger overthrows it. I look back at the door, and she seems to follow my gaze. She walks up to it, closes it, and starts to head towards the living room. I follow her for the sake of having one less thing to argue about.
"Stay out of it Carter." I snap back at him. He has no business getting involved in this, so what I was an alcoholic 5 years ago it doesn't mean because of one night of drunkenness I am going to fall back into that never ending circle. "I can't stay out of it, especially when I bring YOUR son home at nine o'clock in the morning and walk into see you passed out. What do you think would have happened if he had walked in to see you like that?" He shouts at me, I grab my head, god I don't need this, not right now. "I don't know." I whisper. "God damn it Abby, you're only thinking of yourself lately." He tosses the empty bottle and it breaks in the sink, he turns and looks at me, pure hate is written all over his face. "What the hell would possess you to do something like this? Were you even thinking? Do you ever think?" He screams.
"YES! Yes, I was thinking." I screech, he stands looking at me, waiting for answers. Answers I am not sure I am ready to give him. "Did you not check your voice mail?" I scream. "What?" He asks confused and angry.
"I left you a message on your answering machine, I needed to talk to you and maybe if you just-" I try to finish, but before I can he cuts me off.
"NO! Don't you fucking dare, don't blame this on me Abby." He yells, his face beet red, I am afraid he will pop a blood vessel in his neck. "Don't blame your pure STUPIDITY on me." He looks at me, we are both out of words, we ran out of things to scream at each other, all that is left is raw emotions, that neither wants to be the first to touch base on. It's the truth, the truth that deep down we know will kill us both. He shakes his head at me. "I have a shift." He spits.
"So you are just going to leave? Just like that?" I ask in a barley audible whisper.
"What's left to say?" he turns to look at me. "You aren't giving me anything Abby, you are just- just like, I don't know looking at a painting I've seen a million times and you know, I know, I know this painting is beautiful, god you're beautiful, and perfect, but under the superficial parts of the painting, is this pain, the pain the painter is trying to convey and I can never seem to get to the bottom of the pain. You're just like that. I don't know your pain. You won't let me." He shrugs and laughs and bitter laugh. "I get off at ten tonight. I will come pick Bryce up then." He says it more like this has been arranged.
"No." I say firmly, he can rip me to shreds, we can break up hate each other, but he will not take my son away from me. "No?" He says moving forward getting right in my face. "He's my son John." I don't look at him, my gaze is glued to the floor.
"Yeah, your son. The son that you are going to screw up because of- god I don't even know why you did it Abby, whatever your reasons let it affect and wreck you not him."
I kick at the floor, he turns but before he can leave completely I grab his arm. "It was one night. One fucking mistake. I am not an alcoholic anymore!" I grit my teeth and squeeze on his arm, thinking this will help get the point across. "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." He walks away, taking a moment to look back at me, "He can spend the night at my place tonight and then we can talk."
"I am going to work. He can spend the night at Sam's. I would rather that then with you." I say bitterly.
"Fine." He slams the door. My head spinning, I reach out for the side of the counter and regain my balance. The worst of all is he still does not know about the kiss. The reason the drinking started again, my fear of loosing him. I think I have lost him though and it wasn't even the kiss that did it. God I am such a fuck up, it seemed like a good idea at the time though.
~*~
I walk into work, knocking the snow off my boots, I can feel everyone's eyes on me. What has he told them? Probably nothing, this probably because of the kiss, with what was his name? Jerry? No. Jess? Nope, I don't even care. "Lewis needs you in one." Frank says tossing a chart at me. I take a moment to look over, I should have let Carter call in for me. Not only do I feel like shit, but I have to spend twelve consecutive hours with him. I walk into the lounge, quickly discarding all of my belongings. I walk out five minutes later, ready to get down to business. Heading over to exam one, I hear Chuny and Yosh talking about me. "Think Carter knows about the kiss?" He whispers.
"How could he not? He's been her five minutes and already that's the only thing people are talking about." She whispers back. I just roll my eyes ignoring both of them, I reach into my pocket pulling out two aspirin I grabbed from home. Walking over to the vending machine I put my money in and out falls a bottle of water. I crack the top off and take a long sip before popping the aspirin into my mouth. I hurry over to Exam One and swing the door open, Susan standing there examining a man. "Hey." She says friendly.
"Hi." I say back uninterested, not particularly excited for the conversation I know we are about to have, "Chuck told me Jamie kissed you?" She looks at me now. That was his name. Jamie. I knew it started with a J. "Uh- unfortunately, it was not mutual though." I glance at her, and she nods sympathetically. "He's a sleaze. I didn't even want him there, but Chuck insisted, saying that they were 'such good buds' that he could not do that to him." Susan sympathizes. I nod and try to smile, she notices how fake it is. "Have you told Carter?" I shake my head no.
"Uh- other stuff, came-" I clear my throat. "Came up that we had to deal with."
"Well knowing John, he will understand. It may take a few tries to convince him that it was nothing, but he's a good guy and he loves you, so I am positive it will all work out." She explains. I am not so sure, not anymore.
Two hours left on my shift, I have arranged for Bryce to stay with Sam overnight, that way he will not get suspicion when spending time with either Carter or I. I walk up to admit and dump off my chart. "Carter needs you in Exam Three." Frank snorts as I look through another chart. "He wants me?" I ask surprised.
"Well any resident, but I am sure you will do." He says acting smug.
"Find someone else." I continue flipping through the chart.
"This isn't my job, he needs a resident, you are the first one who walked by here, go do your thing." He says shooing me away from the area. I walk over to the exam room, inhaling deeply before entering. "What do we have?" I ask business like. He turns and looks at me, obviously not expecting me. "What are you doing here?"
"Frank, told me you needed a resident." I take the chart away from him and start to flip before he grabs it back and looks at me sternly. "Not you." He spits. He knows. He must. I have no clue who told him, but he knows. "Carter-" I say reaching for the chart. The patient looks some what shocked at our 'unprofessional' behaviour. Carter looks over and makes eye contact with the man, "One moment sir." He says grabbing me roughly by the wrist and dragging me out of the exam room. He looks at me, biting on his bottom lip, trying not to spas at me. "Get me Pratt." He is trying to stay calm, its not working.
"I am here Carter." I will not let one little fight get in the way of my job.
"I don't give a shit whether you're here or not Abby, I want Pratt." His face inches away from mine. I throw the chart at him violently. He tries to bat it down, but it still hits him in the shoulder before falling to the ground. "Don't ever do that again." He yells as I walk away, everyone watching us. They all know, we all know. He walks into the exam room, as I stumble into the lounge, trying not to cry. I make my way over to the couch and fall back onto it. The tears burning my eyes. God why am I such a screw up? Maybe this is what gets me into trouble my self pity? All I ever do is wallow in self pity. I have like a billion self pity parties a day. Well no more. I am going to work this out with Carter its not going to end up like the last time did. I will make sure of that. This will be my New Years resolution, and on top of that I will Never, EVER drink again.
***REVIEW RESPONSES***
Caitlin- Okay, okay, okay. Your welcome :)
vicki- I know I truly believe men have some sort of period that we don't know about... hmmmmm
Ashley- awww :( I hope you feel better. Thank you, we do our best!
Kaitlin- thats okay, we love that you review at all :)... I am trying to update twice a day now, because we are so far along with the story!!!
Tilde8884- Yep we are right back at square one angst ville. Sex makes everything go bonkers... yeah she shouldnt have drank though... stupid abby..tsk tsk!
CamilaC- YAY! You can review again WHOOOOOOOOO! hehe, anyways yeah damn abby, poor carter is right, well for now at least.
Caroline25- Sorry I didnt get to update last night, it was a rather busy night for me. I don't remember if we see jealous Carter, I think we see Semi- Jealous Carter, but not totally jealous Carter. We actually have a chapter coming up soon (by soon i mean in like 30 chapters) that was 10 pages long on word....
kate- hehehe Ernie, fuzz and Ernie, I'll see what I can do for you!
hyperpiper91- haha you hit the nail right on the head, Carter is a bit of a jerk for a while I will tell you that much, but we all have our jerky moments, don't we?
carbylobsterandavrilfan- don't be scared, the next couple of chapters are exciting:D
ER-Carby-Luva- haha I know its all about the word 'fucking' it really is. Haha, don't worry things can only look up.
MrsWyle- :( Abby has to smarten up.
***PREVIEW***
I hear the key in the door and it turning. I forgot one minor detail for a while. I would have to face Abby. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"So Sam called you?"
Why is she so surprised. Obviously I"m the more reliable, responsible one in this big mess.
"Yeah."
A look of dejection crosses her face for a brief minute and then anger overthrows it. I look back at the door, and she seems to follow my gaze. She walks up to it, closes it, and starts to head towards the living room. I follow her for the sake of having one less thing to argue about.