10 - "Insanity is Just a State of Mind" (quick note, Hawkeye said that
during the series)
I'm fine. I don't need Sid. I don't need Mulcahy. I just need to work. And the Army needs me. How they can keep their best surgeon in this shit-hole in the middle of a war is beyond me. There's nothing wrong with me. Though of course Sid doesn't believe me. And having Potter sending me here in the first place doesn't help. I thought we were friends. But when I pointed that out he assured me that it was in my own interest, and if he didn't send me here he wouldn't be acting like a friend. What would he know? He's never had to spend time in here. Not even one night, though I'm told I'll be here longer than that. The bus. The bus. NO! Sid keeps asking about the bus. Nothing happened. Or did it? He seems to think that I need to remember. But NOTHING happened. I would know if something did happen. Wouldn't I? Yes, I would, definitely. It's not me with the problem it's Sid. I'm fine. What could be wrong with me? I'm a great surgeon, okay, maybe I haven't had the best life, but it's been better than some of the kids I've patched up. LET ME OUT! But he won't. I know it's hopeless. I should just get up and walk out. But no, Sid won't let me. I keep telling me I'm fine but he doesn't even laugh at my jokes. He never even changed his expression. I told him he should, that's why no one likes him. But he's got more friends in this dump than I do. Nothing happened on the bus, just get over it, Sid you. I don't know, maybe I really have cracked it. He just sits there, staring at me, it's crazy - either that, or I am. Though that's why I'm here, isn't it? I'm crazy, insane, off my rocker, I've lost it. But I don't believe that. There are people here that need help, even I can see that. But I'm not one of them! I made one little mistake - so what? It doesn't matter. The bus, the bus.NO! Don't even think about it. I'm not chicken. NO! Not that either! Do I ask for it? Everything I say gives SID an opening to me.even when we're playing cards the questions won't stop. The only time I'm free of him is when I'm asleep. maybe that's what I need. to sleep forever. it wouldn't be that hard. no, I can't do that. NO, I'M NOT CHICKEN! NO! Not that word again. Maybe it would be better if I did die. it would end Sid's problems, and mine. I wouldn't have to remember anything anymore - NO, I can't do that. the bus, the bus, NO! Stop thinking about that, dammit! Or you will go crazy! That's what he really wants. reason to keep me here. but maybe not. maybe he really wants to help. I DON'T NEED SID'S HELP! Shit he's still staring at me. what should I say? I make another joke, he still doesn't laugh. I stare out the window of my prison. I can almost hear his thoughts. I joke again - his face stays the same, he doesn't move from the opposite bed. his eyes stay locked on mine. DOESN'T HE HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?! I turn and sit opposite him. Then I hear myself talking.
"Right, the bus."
I'm fine. I don't need Sid. I don't need Mulcahy. I just need to work. And the Army needs me. How they can keep their best surgeon in this shit-hole in the middle of a war is beyond me. There's nothing wrong with me. Though of course Sid doesn't believe me. And having Potter sending me here in the first place doesn't help. I thought we were friends. But when I pointed that out he assured me that it was in my own interest, and if he didn't send me here he wouldn't be acting like a friend. What would he know? He's never had to spend time in here. Not even one night, though I'm told I'll be here longer than that. The bus. The bus. NO! Sid keeps asking about the bus. Nothing happened. Or did it? He seems to think that I need to remember. But NOTHING happened. I would know if something did happen. Wouldn't I? Yes, I would, definitely. It's not me with the problem it's Sid. I'm fine. What could be wrong with me? I'm a great surgeon, okay, maybe I haven't had the best life, but it's been better than some of the kids I've patched up. LET ME OUT! But he won't. I know it's hopeless. I should just get up and walk out. But no, Sid won't let me. I keep telling me I'm fine but he doesn't even laugh at my jokes. He never even changed his expression. I told him he should, that's why no one likes him. But he's got more friends in this dump than I do. Nothing happened on the bus, just get over it, Sid you. I don't know, maybe I really have cracked it. He just sits there, staring at me, it's crazy - either that, or I am. Though that's why I'm here, isn't it? I'm crazy, insane, off my rocker, I've lost it. But I don't believe that. There are people here that need help, even I can see that. But I'm not one of them! I made one little mistake - so what? It doesn't matter. The bus, the bus.NO! Don't even think about it. I'm not chicken. NO! Not that either! Do I ask for it? Everything I say gives SID an opening to me.even when we're playing cards the questions won't stop. The only time I'm free of him is when I'm asleep. maybe that's what I need. to sleep forever. it wouldn't be that hard. no, I can't do that. NO, I'M NOT CHICKEN! NO! Not that word again. Maybe it would be better if I did die. it would end Sid's problems, and mine. I wouldn't have to remember anything anymore - NO, I can't do that. the bus, the bus, NO! Stop thinking about that, dammit! Or you will go crazy! That's what he really wants. reason to keep me here. but maybe not. maybe he really wants to help. I DON'T NEED SID'S HELP! Shit he's still staring at me. what should I say? I make another joke, he still doesn't laugh. I stare out the window of my prison. I can almost hear his thoughts. I joke again - his face stays the same, he doesn't move from the opposite bed. his eyes stay locked on mine. DOESN'T HE HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?! I turn and sit opposite him. Then I hear myself talking.
"Right, the bus."