Growth of an Individual

Chapter Two

I surveyed the scene with a growing amount of annoyance. My entire family had barged into the small hospital room the second that I was allowed visitors. I loved my family, honestly I did, but that didn't change the fact that this was not some social hour and they were all standing around talking, laughing, and having a great time. Fred and George looked as though they were about ready to bust out some alcohol, just to complete the party scene.

And the worst part was the most that anyone had said to me thus far was "don't worry Gin, you'll look better in a few days." Yeah, there's the compliment of a lifetime. I had always thought that new mothers were supposed to have a 'glow' about them…I suppose that particular healthy glow skipped over me. Figures. Mother Nature was a bitch anyway.

As I was cursing Mother Nature in my slightly demented head I must have been making unpleasant faces -something I am prone to do when in a irritable mood- because Harry suddenly looked very concerned across the room. I felt a vague sense of smug satisfaction as he quickly made his way to my side, at least someone had been paying attention to me.

"This is too much for you isn't it dear," he whispered sweetly into my ear. "Is it upsetting you to have this many people around?"

I put on my best pathetic face and nodded compliantly. "They are rather loud."

Harry nodded understandably and quickly made rounds throughout the room, asking politely but sternly for my family to continue their visit once Audrey and I had been discharged. I accepted a kiss and compliment -on how beautiful my daughter was- from each member of my immediate family before I was left in a peaceful bliss with Harry and Audrey.

As it should be, in my opinion. I was starting to feel homicidal with so many Weasleys and Weasley spouses surrounding me. I would see them all at the next family gathering. That very thought brought a scowl to my face, we had family gatherings far too often. I am not even being a bad child when saying that my mother was a bloody dictator about them. Every Saturday and Sunday every single member of the family was required to be at the Burrow for dinner and 'visiting.' This originated shortly after Bill got his girlfriend pregnant, out of -gasp- wedlock. She must have assumed that horrible things happened on weekends, so we should spend them at home, playing things like Guess That Weasley. A game that was thought up by my father, I would tell you the details of it but they are far too boring to repeat.

Harry handed me Audrey as it was time for me to feed her once more. I had begun breastfeeding, it wasn't quite as painful as I had imagined, but it was nonetheless just plain awkward. Just flop you breast out there for the world to see, you're a mother now so social etiquette is out the window. I'm serious, my mother -bless her overbearing soul- brought me a book completely devoted to the subject. They said if you were in public and you're new baby was hungry, well don't hesitate to begin feeding, no one minds. I mind!

As soon as she was done, Audrey began to cry before she was handed over to her father. I felt used. I carried her for nine months of my life, went through extricating pain to bring her into this world, sacrificed my breast so she could continue living and she picked Harry over me. I looked at Harry as he smiled and cooed at her, smug bastard.

Nurse Porno Film came in shortly after that to take Audrey back to the nursery. Harry handed her to her and I glared protectively. My protection of my daughter quickly turned into irritation as she didn't cry when the home wrecker carried her! She just looked blissfully peaceful. I watched her being carried off in her peace and burst into tears yet again.

Harry placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder, "I know how you feel Gin, but don't worry she'll only be gone for a few hours."

I swallowed back my tears, I would not voice my suspicions that my own child already hated me. He'd been around, he would probably agree with me being the honest bloke that he is. Feeling self-sacrificing I briefly considered bowing out of my own family so my daughter and husband could be with Nurse Breast Enhancement Charms; they would be better off. This idea was quickly scrapped though as the thought made me ill…they would just have to be stuck with fat, ugly, child-hated me. Lucky them.

Harry placed his arm around me and pulled me into a hug. "Cheer up doll, we all get to go home tomorrow."

Home. This thought did brighten up my day somewhat. I loved my house with such a passion that I swear I would kill myself if it were ever torn down. My home growing up was full of love and had a wonderful atmosphere; as a house itself though, it left something to be desired. Of course I always felt like an ungrateful bitch when I thought this, but it was the truth.

My own home though, was what dreams are made of. Harry has played professional Quidditch ever since the war ended and being the best seeker in the league brought home very healthy paychecks. Not to mention that he was rich before that anyway. Our home was huge, beautiful, loving…everything that I had ever dreamed of when I was a little girl. I felt a surge of love for Harry as I thought about how he built the house specifically for me, even though I know for a fact that he preferred something on smaller scale.

Oh, and the baby room. I just knew that Audrey would not be able to hold out on her hatred for me when she saw the room that I designed for her. It was absolutely gorgeous, any baby would feel blessed to get to live there. Yes, everything would be fine as soon as I got out of this damn hospital.

I smiled up at Harry, "I think that you're right. Everything is going to be wonderful."

Early the next morning I awoke with a start. Panting and close to hyperventilating I looked down in relief at my non-pregnant stomach. Whatever intelligent individual that said that the miraculous joy of motherhood made you instantly forget whatever "minimal" pain you had to endure during childbirth should be drug out into the street and hung. This was the second nightmare that I'd had about it!

I'm serious, there must be something off in my mind. In my dream I would still be pregnant, only even bigger and more pregnant than I was before. I could literally feel the harsh contractions and the unbearable urge to push…only no one would help me, they all just stood around with smiles on there faces saying "it's not that bad, now is it?" I would push and push and push until I felt like I was going to die, and then I would wake up in a panic. That cannot be a natural afterbirth occurrence. I was going to be a horrible mother, I could just feel it. I couldn't even get over the pain of giving birth! Why wasn't I smiling and carrying on, "it's not that bad when you think about it, I mean just look at what you get out of it. In fact I would gladly go through it all over again."

I didn't care if this made me abnormal, I was not having another child. We could adopt, but pregnancy was out of the question.

I hung my head in shame, I was a horrible person. Tears filled my eyes, Audrey had every right to hate me.

With a defeated sigh I looked up at the clock, it was only six. I had sent Harry home so that he could get some sleep and clothes for me. He wouldn't be here for another few hours at least.

Now bored, depressed, and unable to sleep I got out of the bed. My eyes widened at the pain of just moving out of the bed. God hated all women, I decided.

Grimacing with every strained movement I put my robe on, the only way to get over this current pain was to walk to off. Lying in bed would do me no good. Feeling slightly proud of myself for having this positive line of thinking I left the room and took an extremely slow stroll down the hall. When I neared the birthing rooms my pace quickened, despite my pain, as I heard the too familiar moans and screams.

I eventually reached one of the waiting rooms and noticed a pile of new fashion magazines with glee. Glee soon turned to irritation though as I flipped through one and noticed the skinny models and was only reminded of my own bulging stomach.

I tossed the magazine aside and took notice for the first time to a woman sitting on the opposite end of the waiting room. She had her knees pulled protectively to her chest and was crying loudly.

I bit my lip and felt out of place. When she began a fresh batch of tears I was ready to leave the poor woman alone when she raised her grief-stricken head.

Unable to flee beneath her bitter stare I stayed and looked at her uncomfortably across the room.

"You just had a baby, didn't you?" She asked through her sobs.

I nodded and walked towards her, she obviously needed someone to comfort her. I always hated being alone when I was sad.

I sat down next to her and noticed her wistful gaze. "You are so lucky," she choked out, "it's just not fair!"

"What's not fair?" I asked tentatively.

She threw out an exasperated arm, "that you can have a baby and I can't!" She shook her head bitterly and turned to look me in the eye, "do you know what it's like to have a miscarriage?"

I cast my eyes down to the floor, "no."

"I do. I've had five. And every time I have to see people like you walking around without a care in the world, just shoving their babies in everyone's faces."

"I'm sorry," I offered feeling even more depressed.

She laughed resentfully, "everyone's sorry. I don't want your pity, just leave."

I stayed for a minute, wishing there was something that I could do, or say to make her feel better. Realizing there was nothing to compensate for her losses I did as she requested.

I felt absolutely horrible. She was right, I was lucky to have a baby. And even if she did spend her whole life hating me, I would still love her.

I walked to the nursery and spotted my daughter with ease. She looked like an angel, asleep in her pink and white bassinette. I placed a hand to the glass and felt closer to her. Today we would go home, and I swore that everything would be better. I would be the perfect mother, I vowed, I would prove worthy of having the ability to have a child.

Little did I know, that Audrey had other plans in store for me.