Disclaimer:I own nothing of Super Smash Brothers Melee.Sad isn't it?
Super Smash Brothers Melee in Road Trip
Once upon a time in a battle far,far away........
Link was fighting Master Hand in a battle to end all battles,because it was a
battle unlike any other...because other battles are...not like...this battle..o.O'
Link:HEY LOOK!PORN!::points off somewhere in the distance::
Master Hand:Where?!::follows Link's finger::
Link:DIE!::throws boomerang::
MH:AAAAAAAHHHHH SHIT!::is hit by the boomerang::
As anyone here who's ever played the game knows Master Hand started to fly up to
the top of the screen and Link got ready to celebrate.But as MH's finger tips
reached the top of the screen,he promptly......fell to the ground.::THUD::
Link::staring at the limp hand:: '_'
Little did Link know that Crazy Hand had been watching the entire thing.
Crazy Hand:Iknowwhatyoudid!::flies off::
Link:No don't tell Nintendo or Hal Laboratories!
LATER
Fox:What he just fell over dead?
Link:Yup.
Fox:Excuse me,is that even a word?
CH::crashes through the ceiling,crushing a few people with the debris from the
roof::HIYA!
All:It's the end of the world!
AFTER IT WAS UNDERSTOOD THAT THE WORLD WAS NOT ENDING
CH:Like most people who die MH left a will...somewhere.
All:......
CH:Oh here it is....::clears throat::This is the last will and testament of
Master Hand....blah blah blah...to the important stuff!Um...to all the smashers,
I leave 50,000 pounds of-
Ganon::thinking::Let it be power,let it be power,let it be-
Peach::thinking::Let it be money...
Link::thinking::Let it be cotton candy!
CH:-of SHIT!
Link:So you mean...it's not...cotton candy?
CH:Litterally shit!
All:What?
AFTER CH LEAVES
Marth:Now why would he leave us 50,000 pounds of shit?
Roy:He loves us!
In the background,the HUGE pile of shit can be seen and Link runnning around it
looking like an ant.
Marth:What can anyone do with all this shit?
Roy:Smell it?
Link runs out of sight,away from the pile.
Marth:.........true....::heroically::But onto more important matters!::strikes
determined pose::We must sell the shit!It is our civic duty!
Roy:Doody?Hey,you said doody....::laughs::
Marth::eyes Roy doubtfully::
Link now comes back with a huge ladder,stands it up next to the pile of poop and
starts to climb.Pichu follows him curiously.
Marth::continues his speech::To keep such a pile of....of...
Roy::helpfully::Shit?
Marth:WOULD YA STOP INTERRUPTING ME?!
Roy::turns around to see Link at the top of the ladder and preparing to jump::
Good Lord man!
Link::waves at Roy::Wheeeeee!!!::jumps and slides down the side and hits the
bottom of the pile::I think I got something somewhere I don't want to get stuff....
Zelda:Make yourself decent!God!::walks off::
Pichu::jumps off,like Link,but instead sinks in the pile of shit:: Piiiiiiiii!!!!
::sinks::
Marth:What do you say we do?
Roy:Aren't there poopsmiths?
Marth:Yes!A poopsmith!Now where to?
Link::now clean::I know where to find a poopsmith!
Marth+Roy:GAH!
Link:Hi.
Marth::grabs Link by the collar::Where?Where do we find a poopsmith?!
Link:Heheh...you grabbed my collar...
Roy::snort::
AT THE POOPSMITH...PLACE...THING...::blink::
Link::no longer clean::Thanks!::watches as the poopsmith carries away all the shit::
Roy:Finally...
Link::sniffle::I already miss the shit...
Marth:Now that we are rid of the offensive shit....how much did we make?
Roy::shrugs::About...50,000....
::silence::
Marth:50,000?!WHERE IS IT?
Link::finds something and is immediately happy again::Oooh..it must be mine.
Roy:It's right...::looks at where he placed the piggy bank::...here...::blink::
Where'd it go?
Marth:YOU LOST THE MONEY?!::hyperventilates::
Roy::stares at limp Marth::Ooh...
BACK AT SSBM HQ(or whatever you call it...)
All smashers::insanely mad at Roy::
UPSTAIRS
::soft rumbling sound::
???:Ow.
::thud::
???:Ow.
::thud::
???:Ow.
::thud::
???:Ow.
::thud::
::the rumbling stops for a second::
???:When will it be my turn?
::rumbling continues::
::thud::
???:Ow.
::thud::
???:Ow.
::thud::
???:Ow.
DOWNSTAIRS
Pichu::looks up at ceiling::London bridge is falling!::runs off::
::rumbling gets louder::
Ganon:It's bringing down the house!
Samus:I'll say!
A giant RV crashes through the wall!
All:AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
As the smoke is clearing,the Planet of the Apes song starts playing and the RV
door slowly starts to open.
Ness:It's an alien invasion!....again!
The outline of someone can be seen trying to get out the door.
???:AAAHHH!!!!::thud::
The smoke clears completely and a crippled Link is seen on the ground.The music
dies abruptly.
Marth::picks Link off the ground and shakes him::Tell me you saved some money!
Link::reaches in his pocket::!7 cents..::holds up 17 cents::
Marth::sounds of madness::
Um...out of nowhere....the uh...house collapsed!
Link:Cool!!!Do it again!!
A WEE BIT LATER
Marth::is nowhere to be seen...probably for a while...::
All::really mad at Link and still mad at Roy::
Link:It's not that bad is it?::offended::
Narrator::standing in front of RV::Three years later they finally got the idea
to go on a road trip.
::engine starts up::
Narrator:And it is there our story begins!And-::is hit by the RV::
Bowser::comes running out::Are you Stephen King?
Narrator:No I'm John Deer...
Bowser:Oh.In that case..::goes running back into the RV and backs up over the
narrator::
THE FIRST TRIP(THAT NIGHT AT DINNER)
Pichu:So what's there to eat?
Pikachu:Well we were supposed to get the food...
Pichu:It's too late right?
Pikachu:One big dammed up duh!
THE FIRST STOP:AUSTRALIA
The wee early hours of the morning...
Fox:There's gotta be food somewhere here.
Link:There is......somewhere.
::a vulture cries::
Link::in a small voice::Somewhere...
::Fog sets in::
Falco:Strange weather here.
Link::sits under a tree::What the hell?
Falco:Is it food?
Link:Maybe...
So Falco started climbing up the tree only to see a cute little monkey.
Falco:Aaww it's so cute..::eyes get big and watery::Fox isn't it cute?::tries to
pet the thing::
But the beast bit and scratched him,then it knocked him out of the tree.
Falco:AAAHHHHH!!!::thud::
Fox:My God I think he's dead!
Falco::groan::I am officially afraid of heights..
Fox:At least you're ok.
LATER THAT DAY(NIGHT)
Falco:It was such a cute monkey too.
Fox:I'm sure it was.::puts a bandage on Falco's head::You should be more careful
with monkeys,they attack for no reason.
Link:Hey Mario found mushrooms!
All:Yay..::unenthused::
Mario:Ohh...::clutches stomach::God...::eyes go the opposite way of eachother...
unnaturally...::Gahhh...::falls over::
Link:Mario?
Mario::throws up::Ahhhh!Ohh.....::throws up more::
All:Ewwwwww!
LATER
Dr.Mario:He'll be okay,but I might feel it later.
Y.Link:Who's cleaning that?
45 seconds later
Y.Link:Me and my big mouth.
Y.Link had to clean it.
A LITTLE LATER
Link:Zelda I'm thinking I should grow a beard..
Zelda::gasp::
Link:It's just a beard.
Zelda::gasps yet again::
Link:You want to bang?
Zelda:Can you get me so high I won't remember?
Link:Whatever gets you preg-......uh sure.
They go off together.
TO WHERE EVER THE HELL FOX AND FALCO ARE
Fox:Zzz..(he's dreaming,in his dream)
Fox's Mom:I want you to look after Fox for awhile.I'll be only a few hours but
if I find one hair out of place....I'll eat you with this spork!::holds up a spork::
Babysitter::gasp::
(end of dream)
Fox:Ahhhhhh!!!!!That's the last time I drink ocean water,right Falco?
It's raining.
Fox::very small voice::Falco?
So Fox took off to find Falco.
Wherever the hell Falco is.
Falco:I'll eat that monkey if it's the last thing I do.::starts climbing the
tree::Hahahahahahahahaha!!!
Back to Fox.
Fox:Falco,oh Falco come out come out wherever you are.::sits::Damn bird.
Falco:I heard that.
Fox:Holy shit!::looks up::Falco don't do it!
Falco:I have to,I'm hungry!
Fox:No I mean don't do the monkey!
Falco:Oh..::starts to grab the monkey::
But out of nowhere a gigantic lightning bolt hit the monkey and Falco.
Monkey::monkey sounds::
Falco:Ahhh..::out of nowhere Falco fell to the ground ten times faster than the
speed of light::
Monkey::explodes into bits::
Fox::looking at Falco::Maybe it's a sign.A sign saying the monkey should not be
touched but be fre-::gets hit by a lightning bolt::Uhhhh....
LATER AT BREAKFAST
Link::still with the idea of growing a beard::Monkey bits taste kinda good for guts...
Zelda:That's not all guts.
Luigi::slowly puts down a suspicious looking peice of monkey::I think I'll skip this..::walks off::
Mario:He thinks he's too good to eat it.
Peach::walks in,picks up the piece that Luigi put down::Mmm?::puts it in her
mouth and chews::Mmm?::walks off::
All:o.O'
THE END OF CHAPTER 1
Super Smash Brothers Melee in Road Trip
Once upon a time in a battle far,far away........
Link was fighting Master Hand in a battle to end all battles,because it was a
battle unlike any other...because other battles are...not like...this battle..o.O'
Link:HEY LOOK!PORN!::points off somewhere in the distance::
Master Hand:Where?!::follows Link's finger::
Link:DIE!::throws boomerang::
MH:AAAAAAAHHHHH SHIT!::is hit by the boomerang::
As anyone here who's ever played the game knows Master Hand started to fly up to
the top of the screen and Link got ready to celebrate.But as MH's finger tips
reached the top of the screen,he promptly......fell to the ground.::THUD::
Link::staring at the limp hand:: '_'
Little did Link know that Crazy Hand had been watching the entire thing.
Crazy Hand:Iknowwhatyoudid!::flies off::
Link:No don't tell Nintendo or Hal Laboratories!
LATER
Fox:What he just fell over dead?
Link:Yup.
Fox:Excuse me,is that even a word?
CH::crashes through the ceiling,crushing a few people with the debris from the
roof::HIYA!
All:It's the end of the world!
AFTER IT WAS UNDERSTOOD THAT THE WORLD WAS NOT ENDING
CH:Like most people who die MH left a will...somewhere.
All:......
CH:Oh here it is....::clears throat::This is the last will and testament of
Master Hand....blah blah blah...to the important stuff!Um...to all the smashers,
I leave 50,000 pounds of-
Ganon::thinking::Let it be power,let it be power,let it be-
Peach::thinking::Let it be money...
Link::thinking::Let it be cotton candy!
CH:-of SHIT!
Link:So you mean...it's not...cotton candy?
CH:Litterally shit!
All:What?
AFTER CH LEAVES
Marth:Now why would he leave us 50,000 pounds of shit?
Roy:He loves us!
In the background,the HUGE pile of shit can be seen and Link runnning around it
looking like an ant.
Marth:What can anyone do with all this shit?
Roy:Smell it?
Link runs out of sight,away from the pile.
Marth:.........true....::heroically::But onto more important matters!::strikes
determined pose::We must sell the shit!It is our civic duty!
Roy:Doody?Hey,you said doody....::laughs::
Marth::eyes Roy doubtfully::
Link now comes back with a huge ladder,stands it up next to the pile of poop and
starts to climb.Pichu follows him curiously.
Marth::continues his speech::To keep such a pile of....of...
Roy::helpfully::Shit?
Marth:WOULD YA STOP INTERRUPTING ME?!
Roy::turns around to see Link at the top of the ladder and preparing to jump::
Good Lord man!
Link::waves at Roy::Wheeeeee!!!::jumps and slides down the side and hits the
bottom of the pile::I think I got something somewhere I don't want to get stuff....
Zelda:Make yourself decent!God!::walks off::
Pichu::jumps off,like Link,but instead sinks in the pile of shit:: Piiiiiiiii!!!!
::sinks::
Marth:What do you say we do?
Roy:Aren't there poopsmiths?
Marth:Yes!A poopsmith!Now where to?
Link::now clean::I know where to find a poopsmith!
Marth+Roy:GAH!
Link:Hi.
Marth::grabs Link by the collar::Where?Where do we find a poopsmith?!
Link:Heheh...you grabbed my collar...
Roy::snort::
AT THE POOPSMITH...PLACE...THING...::blink::
Link::no longer clean::Thanks!::watches as the poopsmith carries away all the shit::
Roy:Finally...
Link::sniffle::I already miss the shit...
Marth:Now that we are rid of the offensive shit....how much did we make?
Roy::shrugs::About...50,000....
::silence::
Marth:50,000?!WHERE IS IT?
Link::finds something and is immediately happy again::Oooh..it must be mine.
Roy:It's right...::looks at where he placed the piggy bank::...here...::blink::
Where'd it go?
Marth:YOU LOST THE MONEY?!::hyperventilates::
Roy::stares at limp Marth::Ooh...
BACK AT SSBM HQ(or whatever you call it...)
All smashers::insanely mad at Roy::
UPSTAIRS
::soft rumbling sound::
???:Ow.
::thud::
???:Ow.
::thud::
???:Ow.
::thud::
???:Ow.
::thud::
::the rumbling stops for a second::
???:When will it be my turn?
::rumbling continues::
::thud::
???:Ow.
::thud::
???:Ow.
::thud::
???:Ow.
DOWNSTAIRS
Pichu::looks up at ceiling::London bridge is falling!::runs off::
::rumbling gets louder::
Ganon:It's bringing down the house!
Samus:I'll say!
A giant RV crashes through the wall!
All:AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
As the smoke is clearing,the Planet of the Apes song starts playing and the RV
door slowly starts to open.
Ness:It's an alien invasion!....again!
The outline of someone can be seen trying to get out the door.
???:AAAHHH!!!!::thud::
The smoke clears completely and a crippled Link is seen on the ground.The music
dies abruptly.
Marth::picks Link off the ground and shakes him::Tell me you saved some money!
Link::reaches in his pocket::!7 cents..::holds up 17 cents::
Marth::sounds of madness::
Um...out of nowhere....the uh...house collapsed!
Link:Cool!!!Do it again!!
A WEE BIT LATER
Marth::is nowhere to be seen...probably for a while...::
All::really mad at Link and still mad at Roy::
Link:It's not that bad is it?::offended::
Narrator::standing in front of RV::Three years later they finally got the idea
to go on a road trip.
::engine starts up::
Narrator:And it is there our story begins!And-::is hit by the RV::
Bowser::comes running out::Are you Stephen King?
Narrator:No I'm John Deer...
Bowser:Oh.In that case..::goes running back into the RV and backs up over the
narrator::
THE FIRST TRIP(THAT NIGHT AT DINNER)
Pichu:So what's there to eat?
Pikachu:Well we were supposed to get the food...
Pichu:It's too late right?
Pikachu:One big dammed up duh!
THE FIRST STOP:AUSTRALIA
The wee early hours of the morning...
Fox:There's gotta be food somewhere here.
Link:There is......somewhere.
::a vulture cries::
Link::in a small voice::Somewhere...
::Fog sets in::
Falco:Strange weather here.
Link::sits under a tree::What the hell?
Falco:Is it food?
Link:Maybe...
So Falco started climbing up the tree only to see a cute little monkey.
Falco:Aaww it's so cute..::eyes get big and watery::Fox isn't it cute?::tries to
pet the thing::
But the beast bit and scratched him,then it knocked him out of the tree.
Falco:AAAHHHHH!!!::thud::
Fox:My God I think he's dead!
Falco::groan::I am officially afraid of heights..
Fox:At least you're ok.
LATER THAT DAY(NIGHT)
Falco:It was such a cute monkey too.
Fox:I'm sure it was.::puts a bandage on Falco's head::You should be more careful
with monkeys,they attack for no reason.
Link:Hey Mario found mushrooms!
All:Yay..::unenthused::
Mario:Ohh...::clutches stomach::God...::eyes go the opposite way of eachother...
unnaturally...::Gahhh...::falls over::
Link:Mario?
Mario::throws up::Ahhhh!Ohh.....::throws up more::
All:Ewwwwww!
LATER
Dr.Mario:He'll be okay,but I might feel it later.
Y.Link:Who's cleaning that?
45 seconds later
Y.Link:Me and my big mouth.
Y.Link had to clean it.
A LITTLE LATER
Link:Zelda I'm thinking I should grow a beard..
Zelda::gasp::
Link:It's just a beard.
Zelda::gasps yet again::
Link:You want to bang?
Zelda:Can you get me so high I won't remember?
Link:Whatever gets you preg-......uh sure.
They go off together.
TO WHERE EVER THE HELL FOX AND FALCO ARE
Fox:Zzz..(he's dreaming,in his dream)
Fox's Mom:I want you to look after Fox for awhile.I'll be only a few hours but
if I find one hair out of place....I'll eat you with this spork!::holds up a spork::
Babysitter::gasp::
(end of dream)
Fox:Ahhhhhh!!!!!That's the last time I drink ocean water,right Falco?
It's raining.
Fox::very small voice::Falco?
So Fox took off to find Falco.
Wherever the hell Falco is.
Falco:I'll eat that monkey if it's the last thing I do.::starts climbing the
tree::Hahahahahahahahaha!!!
Back to Fox.
Fox:Falco,oh Falco come out come out wherever you are.::sits::Damn bird.
Falco:I heard that.
Fox:Holy shit!::looks up::Falco don't do it!
Falco:I have to,I'm hungry!
Fox:No I mean don't do the monkey!
Falco:Oh..::starts to grab the monkey::
But out of nowhere a gigantic lightning bolt hit the monkey and Falco.
Monkey::monkey sounds::
Falco:Ahhh..::out of nowhere Falco fell to the ground ten times faster than the
speed of light::
Monkey::explodes into bits::
Fox::looking at Falco::Maybe it's a sign.A sign saying the monkey should not be
touched but be fre-::gets hit by a lightning bolt::Uhhhh....
LATER AT BREAKFAST
Link::still with the idea of growing a beard::Monkey bits taste kinda good for guts...
Zelda:That's not all guts.
Luigi::slowly puts down a suspicious looking peice of monkey::I think I'll skip this..::walks off::
Mario:He thinks he's too good to eat it.
Peach::walks in,picks up the piece that Luigi put down::Mmm?::puts it in her
mouth and chews::Mmm?::walks off::
All:o.O'
THE END OF CHAPTER 1