Authors Note- Okay so I didn't get to update yesterday... because my computer was being a bitch, so you will get three chapters today! Am I insane? Probably hehehe I hope you all like these chapters!!! The rest of the reviews are in the next chapter, I divided them up a bit.
~*~
I'm screwed up. I knew it all along, but now its escalated. I'm more then slightly mangled, I'm definitely not just messed up, I'm probably passed the screwed up stage too, on the brink of totally fucked. Not only have I screwed up my life, but my sons, and Carter. Jesus Christ, I can't do this anymore. I just- I can't be in such a fucking rut. I walk into my bedroom, in a daze, flopping down on the bed I reach in my night stand drawer and pull out a big bottle of tequila, I open the bottle, and bring it up to my lips, the smell causing a shiver through my body. I down the alcohol. It burns my throat, but this doesn't stop me. I need this, I don't think I can live without it. Maybe this is my new Carter. My new source of comfort, my new love. Sure the sex won't be as good with it, but hell I can have whom ever I want if I'm drunk enough. Or whom ever wants me. They will probably take my son away now, but I don't deserve him anyways. I continue to drink, drink till I can't even sit up straight. The bottle falls out of my hands and crashes to the floor.
~*~
"Mom," I feel a nudging at my side. "MOM!" I push my hair out of my eyes, groggily opening them. "Bryce." I say in a raspy voice.
"Mom." His face falls, disappointment written across his face. "I thought you said you weren't going to do this anymore." He whispers.
"I'm sorry, don't worry I'm fine." My stomach churns and I can feel it all coming up. I reach out grabbing on to Bryce's arm, I charge towards the washroom, collapsing on the floor in front of the toilet. I can feel Bryce standing over me watching as I vomit. Its a retched sound, I can tell he is cringing. Once the contents of my stomach have been emptied I look up at his face. "I bet it taste a lot better going down then it did comin' up." He spits, walking away. I lean my head against the cool toilet bowl, normally I would be disgusted by such an act, but right now I can't feel anything but sick.
I sit there for awhile, I am not sure how long, moments maybe. I can't help but wonder what has come of my life? One minute I am happy in love, the next I am vomiting, while my ten year old watches over me making snide remarks. Oh god I'm Maggie. I can feel it coming up again, I lean my head into the toilet, except this time is different, this time a soft hand holds my hair back. "Don't give her sympathy." Bryce yells slamming the bathroom door. I look up, Carter is leaning over me frowning. "You did exactly what you said you wouldn't do." He scolded.
"So did you." I counter. "You left, you prick." My voice is scratchy, the sound of it makes me even sicker. I am a sad excuse for a mother, a doctor, and a girlfriend. "Yeah." He nods, examining me closely. He comes up from behind me and lifts me up slowly, he hold me until my feet are secure on the floor. "Did he call you?" I reach my hand out to get support from the sink. I push Carter away from me, not wanting his help right now. "Yup." John answers walking away, he tosses his coat on the chair in my bedroom. I steady myself and slowly walk towards the room. The door is shut in my bedroom, I collapse on the bed. John stands over me watching. "Feel better?"
"No." I answer, I put my hand up to my forehead, he hands me a glass of water and some pills, sitting down behind me, he lets me rest up against him while I drink the water and swallow the drugs. "I feel like shit."
"No kidding, you have one hell of a hang over." He says standing up, so I can crash on to the bed. "Ugh." I sigh. He knells beside me, lifting up my sleeve, I can tell he is inspecting my bruise. "Still feel guilty about that?" I say bitterly, looking him in the eye. He pulls my sleeve down. "It will be fine." He spits standing up.
"I know, I'm a doctor too yah know?" I sass.
"You're not acting very Doctorly right now." He runs his fingers through his hair angrily. "I'm calling children's services." I sit up looking him in the eye, I blink once then reach for a hair elastic from the top of my dresser. I tie my hair into a pony tail. "Don't you fucking dare." I get up and push him, just like last night, accept this time he falls into the dresser, it shakes and a few things fall into his lap. "What's going on in here?" Bryce runs in, looking at us both, he sees Carter sitting on the floor. "Are you okay?" Carter nods.
"Bryce, go get your coat-"
"NO!" I shout at Bryce and Carter. "Bryce, don't you dare. Go to your room."
"No, Sam and Luka are going to watch him for the day." Carter explains. Bryce looks at us. "You guys are really fucked up. You know that? I use to want you together, but now I wish you were apart." He slams the door. Carter stands up and looks at me, he reaches forward, I take a step back, but then he wraps his arms around my waist pulling me into a hug. The tears flow freely from my eyes. "He's right you know?" Carter whispers.
"We have to get better John. We have to make this work." I look up at him.
"There's a meeting, lets go. One step at a time." He assures me. I nod, and look him in the eye. "Let me get dressed." I push away from John and make my way into the shower, I am a sad excuse for a mother. I push open the door of the shower, and fall into it. Not trying to steady myself, my head is spinning I have no clue what I am doing. All I know is that I have a head ache. Carter bursts through the door, staring me up and down. "Abby, you take your clothes off before you get into the shower." He says between gritted teeth.
"I know- I'm just a little." I wave my hand in the air, not sure exactly what I am, or what I am trying to say I am at the moment. "Can we do the meeting thing another day?" I plead.
"No." He states firmly.
"Well, seeing as I am my own person, I decide not to go." I try to get out of the shower, I manage to sit up straight, then slowly stand up. "You are screwing yourself Abby." He shakes his head at me. "Screw you Carter." I walk by him. I don't know what caused this sudden rage. "That's it." He flies out of the room, I follow wondering what he is going to do. He walks over to Bryce and grabs his coat, tossing at him. "Let's go, your staying with me." He walks through the hall Bryce and I on his heels. "Pack your stuff, you can back here when your mom is better." He glares at me. Bryce looks confused and turns to look at me. "No, Bryce you aren't leaving." I am calm now, well sort of.
"Uh- I think I should mom." He quickly brushes by me throwing a few things into a bag,
"Bryce, Carter and I are mad with each other, he is just acting out of hate for me." I say looking my son in the eye. "No mom, your a drunk." With that they leave. I want to follow, hell I want to chase them down the streets demanding Carter stay the hell away from the both of us. But I don't. I can't. I know John's right, I am a drunk, he'll go to court if he has to, to get sole custody of him. I hope he lets me see him. I won't drink anymore, maybe I could go to that meeting. I need my life back, my life in order. I am going back to where I was five years ago, I don't even know why I am like this now. I am happy, so happy. Happy with my job, happy with my son, happy with Carter. So why do I act like this? Why am I acting like this? I push my hair out of my eyes heading for that shower, I can start there at least. Then later I will dispose of the rest of the alcohol, that's right I'll call it steps to a better Abby.
***REVIEW RESPONSES***
honeybear1- Thank you, we do our best to make each subject we deal with fresh and orignial, so its not the exact same thing as other fics have included.
hyperpiper91- Thanks dude, yeah Carter is an ass for lets say... 15 chapters or. lol nah I'm not really sure. Ernie hmm??? I'll I have to look into that one.
ER-Carby-Luva- Yeah they have hit a rut in their relationship, but unlike the Carter and Abby on the show, our characters are sort of able to talk and communicate, even though its in a violent sort of way lol. Yeah the show is sucking ass right now, I'll be sure to tell you if there are any good Carby moments :D!
MrsWyle- I wouldn't go as far to say Carter would never hurt abby, certainly not intentionally, but sometimes his temper gets the best of him. Abby is a little ungrateful over the next little while, but the tables do turn.
Kaitlin- Well today we have decided to give you three I'm-sorry-that-you-have-to-get-up-at-six-in-the-morning-present... hehe I get up at 7:20 :P
IDontWriteIJustRead- Haha sorry you will get your multiple chapters of happiness... eventually.
smilez4eva- Thanks I am glad you liked it :D
Amanda- Haha yes it is. Here are three more :D
carbylobsterandavrilfan- Don't worry this too shall end...
Tilde8884- Yeah Carter is pretty emotionally distraught over the recent events.
***PREVIEW***
"Have you called to check up on your mother?"
He shakes his head no in response. I hand the phone to him, and he quickly dials the number and lets it ring. No response for a
while, and then he flips it shut.
"She's not answering."
I'm a bit concerned. Her cell was on, she's just not answering it.
~*~
I'm screwed up. I knew it all along, but now its escalated. I'm more then slightly mangled, I'm definitely not just messed up, I'm probably passed the screwed up stage too, on the brink of totally fucked. Not only have I screwed up my life, but my sons, and Carter. Jesus Christ, I can't do this anymore. I just- I can't be in such a fucking rut. I walk into my bedroom, in a daze, flopping down on the bed I reach in my night stand drawer and pull out a big bottle of tequila, I open the bottle, and bring it up to my lips, the smell causing a shiver through my body. I down the alcohol. It burns my throat, but this doesn't stop me. I need this, I don't think I can live without it. Maybe this is my new Carter. My new source of comfort, my new love. Sure the sex won't be as good with it, but hell I can have whom ever I want if I'm drunk enough. Or whom ever wants me. They will probably take my son away now, but I don't deserve him anyways. I continue to drink, drink till I can't even sit up straight. The bottle falls out of my hands and crashes to the floor.
~*~
"Mom," I feel a nudging at my side. "MOM!" I push my hair out of my eyes, groggily opening them. "Bryce." I say in a raspy voice.
"Mom." His face falls, disappointment written across his face. "I thought you said you weren't going to do this anymore." He whispers.
"I'm sorry, don't worry I'm fine." My stomach churns and I can feel it all coming up. I reach out grabbing on to Bryce's arm, I charge towards the washroom, collapsing on the floor in front of the toilet. I can feel Bryce standing over me watching as I vomit. Its a retched sound, I can tell he is cringing. Once the contents of my stomach have been emptied I look up at his face. "I bet it taste a lot better going down then it did comin' up." He spits, walking away. I lean my head against the cool toilet bowl, normally I would be disgusted by such an act, but right now I can't feel anything but sick.
I sit there for awhile, I am not sure how long, moments maybe. I can't help but wonder what has come of my life? One minute I am happy in love, the next I am vomiting, while my ten year old watches over me making snide remarks. Oh god I'm Maggie. I can feel it coming up again, I lean my head into the toilet, except this time is different, this time a soft hand holds my hair back. "Don't give her sympathy." Bryce yells slamming the bathroom door. I look up, Carter is leaning over me frowning. "You did exactly what you said you wouldn't do." He scolded.
"So did you." I counter. "You left, you prick." My voice is scratchy, the sound of it makes me even sicker. I am a sad excuse for a mother, a doctor, and a girlfriend. "Yeah." He nods, examining me closely. He comes up from behind me and lifts me up slowly, he hold me until my feet are secure on the floor. "Did he call you?" I reach my hand out to get support from the sink. I push Carter away from me, not wanting his help right now. "Yup." John answers walking away, he tosses his coat on the chair in my bedroom. I steady myself and slowly walk towards the room. The door is shut in my bedroom, I collapse on the bed. John stands over me watching. "Feel better?"
"No." I answer, I put my hand up to my forehead, he hands me a glass of water and some pills, sitting down behind me, he lets me rest up against him while I drink the water and swallow the drugs. "I feel like shit."
"No kidding, you have one hell of a hang over." He says standing up, so I can crash on to the bed. "Ugh." I sigh. He knells beside me, lifting up my sleeve, I can tell he is inspecting my bruise. "Still feel guilty about that?" I say bitterly, looking him in the eye. He pulls my sleeve down. "It will be fine." He spits standing up.
"I know, I'm a doctor too yah know?" I sass.
"You're not acting very Doctorly right now." He runs his fingers through his hair angrily. "I'm calling children's services." I sit up looking him in the eye, I blink once then reach for a hair elastic from the top of my dresser. I tie my hair into a pony tail. "Don't you fucking dare." I get up and push him, just like last night, accept this time he falls into the dresser, it shakes and a few things fall into his lap. "What's going on in here?" Bryce runs in, looking at us both, he sees Carter sitting on the floor. "Are you okay?" Carter nods.
"Bryce, go get your coat-"
"NO!" I shout at Bryce and Carter. "Bryce, don't you dare. Go to your room."
"No, Sam and Luka are going to watch him for the day." Carter explains. Bryce looks at us. "You guys are really fucked up. You know that? I use to want you together, but now I wish you were apart." He slams the door. Carter stands up and looks at me, he reaches forward, I take a step back, but then he wraps his arms around my waist pulling me into a hug. The tears flow freely from my eyes. "He's right you know?" Carter whispers.
"We have to get better John. We have to make this work." I look up at him.
"There's a meeting, lets go. One step at a time." He assures me. I nod, and look him in the eye. "Let me get dressed." I push away from John and make my way into the shower, I am a sad excuse for a mother. I push open the door of the shower, and fall into it. Not trying to steady myself, my head is spinning I have no clue what I am doing. All I know is that I have a head ache. Carter bursts through the door, staring me up and down. "Abby, you take your clothes off before you get into the shower." He says between gritted teeth.
"I know- I'm just a little." I wave my hand in the air, not sure exactly what I am, or what I am trying to say I am at the moment. "Can we do the meeting thing another day?" I plead.
"No." He states firmly.
"Well, seeing as I am my own person, I decide not to go." I try to get out of the shower, I manage to sit up straight, then slowly stand up. "You are screwing yourself Abby." He shakes his head at me. "Screw you Carter." I walk by him. I don't know what caused this sudden rage. "That's it." He flies out of the room, I follow wondering what he is going to do. He walks over to Bryce and grabs his coat, tossing at him. "Let's go, your staying with me." He walks through the hall Bryce and I on his heels. "Pack your stuff, you can back here when your mom is better." He glares at me. Bryce looks confused and turns to look at me. "No, Bryce you aren't leaving." I am calm now, well sort of.
"Uh- I think I should mom." He quickly brushes by me throwing a few things into a bag,
"Bryce, Carter and I are mad with each other, he is just acting out of hate for me." I say looking my son in the eye. "No mom, your a drunk." With that they leave. I want to follow, hell I want to chase them down the streets demanding Carter stay the hell away from the both of us. But I don't. I can't. I know John's right, I am a drunk, he'll go to court if he has to, to get sole custody of him. I hope he lets me see him. I won't drink anymore, maybe I could go to that meeting. I need my life back, my life in order. I am going back to where I was five years ago, I don't even know why I am like this now. I am happy, so happy. Happy with my job, happy with my son, happy with Carter. So why do I act like this? Why am I acting like this? I push my hair out of my eyes heading for that shower, I can start there at least. Then later I will dispose of the rest of the alcohol, that's right I'll call it steps to a better Abby.
***REVIEW RESPONSES***
honeybear1- Thank you, we do our best to make each subject we deal with fresh and orignial, so its not the exact same thing as other fics have included.
hyperpiper91- Thanks dude, yeah Carter is an ass for lets say... 15 chapters or. lol nah I'm not really sure. Ernie hmm??? I'll I have to look into that one.
ER-Carby-Luva- Yeah they have hit a rut in their relationship, but unlike the Carter and Abby on the show, our characters are sort of able to talk and communicate, even though its in a violent sort of way lol. Yeah the show is sucking ass right now, I'll be sure to tell you if there are any good Carby moments :D!
MrsWyle- I wouldn't go as far to say Carter would never hurt abby, certainly not intentionally, but sometimes his temper gets the best of him. Abby is a little ungrateful over the next little while, but the tables do turn.
Kaitlin- Well today we have decided to give you three I'm-sorry-that-you-have-to-get-up-at-six-in-the-morning-present... hehe I get up at 7:20 :P
IDontWriteIJustRead- Haha sorry you will get your multiple chapters of happiness... eventually.
smilez4eva- Thanks I am glad you liked it :D
Amanda- Haha yes it is. Here are three more :D
carbylobsterandavrilfan- Don't worry this too shall end...
Tilde8884- Yeah Carter is pretty emotionally distraught over the recent events.
***PREVIEW***
"Have you called to check up on your mother?"
He shakes his head no in response. I hand the phone to him, and he quickly dials the number and lets it ring. No response for a
while, and then he flips it shut.
"She's not answering."
I'm a bit concerned. Her cell was on, she's just not answering it.