(Welcome to Part IV of the "Evangelion Matrix." Yes, it's the scene you've all been (well, one of you, anyway) has been waiting for...Shinji vs. Gendo! Special thanks to Adam Warren...yes, I just had to use the bad kung fu dub jokes. It's a cliche, but they were too fun. Let's get ready to ruuuuumble!)



Shinji sat down, half expecting to get a spring in the butt. He noticed as he sat that there was a rather evil-looking metal spike roughly level with the back of his neck. It did not help matters when Asuka began strapping him in. "Uh...wait a minute...maybe this isn't such a great idea."

Gendo patted his head, which felt odd to Shinji. He had never known such kindness except from his mother. "This will feel...a little weird," Gendo said.

Shinji was about to ask why when Asuka stuck the spike into his spine. At least that was what it felt like. He closed his eyes in pain and screamed, but abruptly the pain stopped. He opened his eyes, and all around him was nothing but white. There was no ceiling, no floor, no walls. Just nothing. Nothing but him.

I'm definitely dead this time. I knew that Kraut would be the death of me... Then Shinji turned around and saw his father. Gendo was no longer dressed in the threadbare clothes he had last been wearing. Now he was as Shinji remembered him, dressed in black slacks, a black jacket edged in gold, and a red turtleneck. There were also the same high-backed Victorian chairs and a very ancient looking television that had been in Maison Ikkoku.

In answer to Shinji's unasked question, Gendo motioned around him into the nothingness. "This is the construct. It's our loading program. We can load anything from clothing, to equipment, training sims...anything we need."

"Weapons?" Shinji asked.

"Certainly." Gendo smiled.

"Porn?"

Gendo narrowed his eyes. "None of your business."

"Just asking," Shinji said, blushing. "So what you're saying is, we're inside a computer program?" He couldn't quite bring himself to believe it.

Gendo sensed this. "Is it really so hard to believe? Your clothes are different." Shinji looked down; sure enough, he was dressed in his usual clothing of choice, a white shirt and dark pants. "The plugs in your shoulders and side are gone. Your hair has grown back."

Shinji ran his hand through his hair. "I still don't understand!"

"Your appearance now is what we call residual self-image. It is the mental projection of your digital self."

"This...this isn't real?" Shinji asked, running his hands over the nearest chair.

Gendo rolled his eyes. "Okay, let me try this again. Can you feel the chair?"

"Sure, but–"

"Can you smell it?"

"Yeah, and it could use some carpet fresh–"

"Can you taste it?"

Shinji looked revolted. "Do I have to?"

"No!" Gendo walked to the other chair and sat down. "It isn't real, Shinji! But then, how do you define real?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know."

"My point exactly."

Shinji was by now thoroughly confused and his brain hurt. Since the audience's probably did too at this point, Gendo decided to move on from the existentialism. He reached under the chair, and froze. He stood, looked under the cushion, then behind the chair.

"Looking for this, Dad?" Shinji asked, and tossed his father the remote.

"Oh, yes. Thanks."

"You sure this isn't real? It sure feels like home."

Gendo clicked on the television. "This is the world that you know. The world as it was at the beginning of the 21st Century." The screen showed various images and clips that Shinji quickly recognized.

"Hey, neat, Gundam Wing is on," Shinji said, sitting down.

"It exists now only as part of a neural-interactive simulation that we call the Eva Matrix," Gendo explained.

"No way."

"Way," Gendo answered. "You've been living in a dream world, Shinji. This is the world we know as it exists today." He clicked the remote again.

Abruptly Heero Yuy and Company disappeared from the television screen. For that matter, so did everything around them. Instead, Shinji found himself sitting in an overstuffed chair at the edge of an ocean of reddish-orange. He jumped up in shock, and saw that behind him was the devastated remains of a city. To make matters worse, there were strange, white figures crucified on metal poles sticking up from the ocean, and in the distance what seemed very much to be the Rei girl's head. Or half of it.

"AAAA!!!" Shinji screamed.

"Welcome to the beach of the real," Gendo said.

"Turn it off!" Shinji yelled. "It's horrible!"

Instead, Gendo stood and walked to stand next to his son. "We have only bits and pieces of information, but what we know for certain is that at some point in the early 21st Century, otaku were evenly divided into "Rabid" and "Censor" factions. On the Rabid side, there were those who hated dubs, would watch anything, even Utena, and demanded that nothing be cut from their favorite series. The Censor faction, which never watched subs, hated anything with violence in it, insisted that anime be redone for children, since it was 'only a cartoon.' In the middle were the Centrist types who couldn't care less either way, just so long as they got their daily dose of anime. We marveled at our magnificence as we rose above the petty bickering, for anime was at last becoming mainstream."

"Mainstream?" Shinji asked.

"Yes. It may seem hard to believe now, but there was a time when anyone who watched 'Japanimation' was written off as a freak of nature." Gendo looked out over the orange sea. "We don't know which side struck first, but we do know who caused this." He motioned out over the ruined landscape. "Third Impact." The name sounded vaguely familiar to Shinji.

"Who?"

"The Rabids. You see, Shinji, our story–yours and mine–ended fairly decently. You and I accepted each other, and we were reunited with your mother, and my wife. But then the Rabids got mad. They demanded action! Blood! Less philosophy and more ass-kicking!" Gendo shook his head sadly. "And did they get it."

"I still don't understand. Why? Why..." He looked around him. "Why all this?"

"When Third Impact–or what some refer to as End of Evangelion–when that struck, it devastated everyone on both sides. So distraught were the Rabids at what they had caused, and the Centrists over what they had just seen, that it made them easy prey for the Censors. More and more otaku turned to Pokemon and Gundam Wing for solace. They didn't have to rack their brains trying to figure out what had just happened, or take a college course in an effort to explain it. It was believed that the Censors were friends to children, so they would be friends to otaku. At the time they were dependent on ratings, and it was believed that they would be unable to survive without the Centrists. That's the way it has always been. We could always turn off the TV, and the Censors would be helpless." Gendo looked into a blood-red sky. "Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.

"The human body, Shinji, generates more bioelectricity than a 120-volt battery. Combined with a form of fusion, the Censors had found all the ratings base they would ever need. And so they plugged in everyone they could find. Those who resisted..." Gendo shrugged. "After End of Evangelion, and other things such as Cool Devices, Legend of the Overfiend, and Battle Skipper, there weren't many that were prepared to, or even wanted to.

"There are fields, endless fields, where otaku are no longer born. We are grown. For the longest time I wouldn't believe it, and then I saw the fields with my own eyes. And standing there, facing the pure horrifying precision, I came to realize the obviousness of the truth...and my own sins." Gendo turned to face his son. "What is the Eva Matrix, Shinji? Control. The Eva Matrix is a computer generated dream world built to keep us under control, in order to change otaku into...this." And Gendo held up a Pikachu plushie.

Shinji staggered backwards in shock. "No. I don't believe it. It's not possible!"

"Search your feel–" Gendo looked down at the back of the Pikachu. "Whoops, wrong script. I didn't say it would be easy, Shinji. I just said it would be the truth."

"No! Stop! Let me out! Let me out! I WANT OUT!"

Abruptly, Shinji was wrenched back to reality, and had the headache and nausea to prove it. He leapt out of the chair, barely noticing Asuka pulling the spike free from wherever in his neck it had been. "Easy, Third Child!" she tried to assure him.

"Take this thing off me!" Shinji was yelling hysterically.

"Listen to me..." Gendo said, rising from his own chair.

"Don't touch me!" Shinji shouted. "Stay away from me! How could you do this to me! I don't want it. I don't believe it! I don't..." Shinji realized that the butterflies in his stomach had just been given Veritechs. He turned to Asuka.

"He's gonna pop!" Kaworu warned.

"You puke on me, Third Child, and you are so dead!" Asuka stepped backwards, just in time to avoid the remains of Shinji's breakfast, mixed with orange fluid, that was spewed onto the deck of the Bebop.

"Breathe, Shinji," his father was saying, but he faded away as the blackness overtook Shinji. He gratefully dived into it.

The last thing he felt was Ed poking him with something sharp. "Is he dead?" Then even her annoyingly high pitched voice faded.


Shinji awoke back on his own bed, or what passed for it on the Bebop. It had not been a dream, though he had prayed fervently that it had been. He noticed his father sitting at the edge of his bed. "I...I can't go back, can I?" he asked Gendo.

Gendo shook his head. "No. But if you could, would you really want to?" He leaned back against the bulkhead. "I feel I owe you an apology. We have a rule. We never free a mind once it's reached a certain age. It's dangerous. The mind has trouble letting go. I've seen it before, and I'm sorry."

Shinji turned his head to look directly at his father, something he had rarely done even as a child. "You've never apologized before to me."

Gendo nodded. "I know. You see, Shinji, I once thought I could bring balance. I thought Third Impact inevitable, so I used you, Asuka, Rei, Ritsuko...everyone...to bring about the end I wanted. But I failed. Instead of getting Yui, your mother, back, I made things worse." Shinji was surprised to see his father getting misty-eyed. "I used you, Shinji. And I never should have done that."

"We...we all died?"

"Yes."

"Why don't I remember all this?"

"I don't know, Shinji. I guess you'll have to wait until the sequel."

"Oh, okay." Shinji sat up and cradled his knees to his chest. "So this is your way of making amends."

"Something like that. When the Eva Matrix was first built, there was a man born inside who had the ability to change whatever he wanted, to remake it as he saw fit. It was he who freed the first of us, taught us the truth. As long as the Eva Matrix exists, otaku...and humanity...will never be free. After he died, the Oracle prophesized his return, and that his coming would hail the destruction of the Eva Matrix, end the war, and bring freedom to our people. That is why there are those of us who have spent our entire lives searching the Eva Matrix looking for him. I did what I did because I believe that search is over." He looked pointedly at Shinji.

"This guy...what was his name?"

"That has been lost to the mists of time," Gendo said, getting up. He said nothing more until he reached the door, then turned back to his son. "You deserve to know. They called him the Third Child." He smiled wanly. "Get some rest. You're going to need it."

Shinji's mind was whirling. The last thing he could do now was sleep. "For what?"

"Your training," Gendo replied, and shut the door behind him.


Shinji stared at the ceiling for a long time, even after the ship's lights were shut off for the night. He was still staring when they flickered on again. His door slid open with a metallic clang, and in walked the petite form of Maya Ibuki. "Ohayo, Shinji-san," she smiled, and bowed.

"Uh, ohayo." Shinji got up and gave something resembling a bow.

"Did you sleep?" Shinji shook his head. Maya's smile widened. "You will tonight, I guarantee." She stuck out a hand. "I'm Maya, in case you don't remember. I'll be your operator."

Shinji shook the hand once, then noticed what was different about her. "You don't...you don't have any..."

"USB ports? Nope. Me and Sempai–that's Dr. Akagi–we're both 100 percent, pure, old-fashioned, home-grown, freshly squeezed, refrigerated for freshness, Pasteurized human, born free right here in the real world. Genuine children of the Geofront."

"Geofront?"

"If the war was over tomorrow, the Geofront is where the party would be."

"It's a city?" It was all maddeningly familiar to Shinji, but he still could not grasp it. He had been trying to remember Asuka, Rei, and all the others, but he was unable to. Sometimes, he was not sure he really wanted to remember.

"The last human city. The only place we have left."

"Where is it?"

"Deep underground...near the earth's core where it's still warm. You live long enough, you might even see it." Her smile was becoming so wide that Shinji wondered if her skull could stand the pressure. "I...I have to tell you, Shinji-san. I'm pretty excited to see what you're capable of. If Commander Ikari is right and all...we're not supposed to talk about this, but if you are..." She giggled uncontrollably. "Well, it's really kewl!" She jumped up and grabbed Shinji's arm. "Come on! We've got a lot to do."

Shinji, almost infected with her enthusiasm, allowed himself to be dragged down to the main deck. Reluctantly, he sat down in the same chair he had been in the day before, and allowed Maya to hook him up. She was very careful, and asked if he was comfortable several times. Asuka had taken entirely too much pleasure in ramming the spike home, Shinji felt.

Maya threw herself into the chair that sat between the huge bank of computers. She took out a stack of what looked like DVDs. "Now we're supposed to start with these historical programs first..." She held up disks labeled Speed Racer and Astroboy. "That's major boring shit." She tossed the disks over her shoulder, then blushed. "Oops. Did I say the S-word? Oh well, Sempai's not around." She held up another disk. "Let's do something a little more fun." She held up Ninja Scroll. "How about combat training?"

"Ninjitsu?" Shinji asked disbelievingly. "I'm going to learn Ninjitsu?"

Maya winked at him, then pushed the DVD into the player. Shinji slammed back in his seat, eyes squeezed shut, the images projected at high speed directly into his brain. After what seemed to be hours, he blinked and opened his eyes. To his surprise, Maya's position had not changed, and Shinji realized that only seconds had passed in the real world. "Holy shit," he breathed.

"I think he likes it," Maya grinned. "How about some more?" She held up more disks–Love Hina, Ruroni Kenshin, Gunsmith Cats, Burn-Up Excess.

"Hell yes!"

Maya rubbed her eyes and picked up the twentieth disk...or was it the thirtieth? She had lost count. She looked at Shinji with concern, but other than the occasional muscle twitch, he was motionless. His vital signs were stable, even if brain activity was almost off the scale.

She saw Gendo come up behind her. "How is he?"

"Ten hours straight," she answered. "He's a machine."

Shinji's eyes opened, unfocused, but then he turned in Gendo's direction. "I know Kung Fu. I know Gun Fu. I know Jiggle Counter."

Gendo leaned over Shinji, with a slightly amused expression on his face. "Show us."


When Shinji next opened his eyes, he was in a dojo of some kind, with traditional shoji panels on the walls, solid oak paneling, thick tatami mats, and even a small Shinto shrine in the corner. He looked down, and saw that he was dressed in a blue and white gi. His father, six paces from him across the mat, wore all-black. "This is the Saotome Anything Goes program," he explained. "Similar to the programmed reality of the Eva Matrix. It has the same basic rules, rules like gravity. What you must learn that these rules are no different than the rules of most anime series...the larger the object is, the faster it goes; energy bubbles; women wearing less clothes than sanity allows, no matter the weather...that sort of thing. Some of them can be bent. Others can be broken. Understand?" Shinji nodded. "Then hit me..." Gendo smiled. "If you can."

If I can, Shinji thought. Yeah. False memories or not, I've been waiting for this for a long time. Buckle up, pops, 'cause you're going into orbit.

While Gendo assumed the classic White Crane stance, Shinji opted for a more recent vintage of Naru Narusegawa style. The two faced each other across the mat for a moment, then Shinji attacked, opening with a right hand strike that would strike fear into any inn manager. Gendo was unimpressed, for he blocked it easily. Shinji tried a left hand strike, then another right, then a open-palm strike, then a roundhouse kick. None worked; Gendo blocked or dodged them all with contemptous ease. Gendo dropped back a few paces to give himself some room, and Shinji let him. It was obvious the Narusegawa school was not working.

"Youngster, your brain is useless, I guess," Gendo said, and gave Shinji a 'get-over-here' gesture.

Using bad Hong Kong dialogue to distract me, huh? Shinji smiled back at his father. Okay, you bastard, try this melon! Shinji switched from Narusegawa to Son Goku style in mid-attack, leaping high to deliver a sizzling series of kicks towards Gendo. Gendo blocked those as well, and then the next four kicks. How is he doing this, Shinji thought, puffing with exertion. He's reading every move I make! Okay, one more kick and then I'm giving him the ol' Kameahameha bit–

Shinji suddenly realized that Gendo had switched from defensive to offensive. He slapped one kick away, and as Shinji snapped a hook kick at him, Gendo reached out, trapped Shinji's ankle, and flipped him into the air. Shinji spun crazily for a moment and crashed into the mats.

"Good!" Gendo said. "Adaptation, improvisation. I especially like the Narusegawa style. Picked because I would not be familiar with it. But your weakness is not your technique."

Shinji nodded. "Explode at eleven o' clock sharp!" he shouted, and threw a roundhouse punch at Gendo, this time trying for a more simple Priss Asagiri style–in short, trying to pound his opponent into submission.


"How about a pizza?" Kaworu said, spooning up another bit of food.

"That's not even funny," Asuka replied.

She nearly jumped through the overhead when the door was kicked open by Ed. "What the–Edward Pepelu Tivolovsky, I'm gonna–"

"Never mind me," Ed shouted. "Gendo's fighting Shinji!"

"Well, it's about time!" Asuka said, and pushed Ed down in her hurry to get past. Ed cackled and stood, but was promptly trampled by Rei and Kaworu, then Ritsuko, who managed to put a high heel into Ed's lower lip.

"Owww.... Ed hurts....and you didn't even get Ed's name right..." she moaned.


Shinji brought his hand down in an open strike on Gendo's head, but Gendo blocked it, so Shinji leapt over him. But Gendo, as usual, was one step ahead; he grabbed Shinji's foot and threw him into the wall. "When the tree falls, the monkeys run!" Gendo yelled.

"Yeah, well, get out, you smurk!" Shinji shot back, as he leapt to his feet and charged. He feinted left, dodged his father's kick, then stepped on his father's foot. Gotcha! He brought his head down to smash it into his father's nose. Gendo was taken aback at his son's willingness to get hurt to hurt him, but just managed to lean backwards. Shinji overbalanced and nearly fell, but just as he recovered, Gendo once more flipped him into the air. This time, however, Shinji landed on his feet, facing away from his father


(Author's note: I watched the real "Matrix" about five times trying to get the fight scenes right. Eventually I gave up and made up my own damn fight scene. So there. Now back to your regularly scheduled ass-kicking.)


who was bringing it on behind him. Must run away! Shinji ran towards the nearest post, ran up it, and kicked backwards, violating the law of physics, gravity, and common sense. He was just congratulating himself for getting one up on his father when he realized that, once again, he was being set up. Gendo waited until his son's feet touched the ground, then kicked him in the gut. Shinji flew across the dojo and right into a support beam, which luckily splintered under him. He fell to the map, breathing hard, groaning in pain.

Gendo stood over him. "How did I beat you?" he asked.

"I think I remember that you usually used a leather belt–"

"I meant just now."

"Oh. Well, you're too fast."

Gendo chuckled. "Do you believe that my being stronger or faster has anything to do with my muscles in this place? I sit behind a desk for a living." He bent over Shinji. "You think that's air you're breathing? Hmm?" Shinji could only give a tired shrug. Gendo raised his eyebrows, turned, and walked away. He stopped at the edge of the mat. "Again," he said, without even a backward glance.

Shinji got to his feet. Okay, Narusegawa, Priss, Goku...let's try a little Rio and dance upon the sand. He took up position.

"Not me," Gendo said. "Her." He pointed.

Shinji looked. It was Rei, dressed in a blazingly-white gi. "What?!"

"I did distinctly say, 'Show us.'"

"I can't fight a girl–ooof!"

Rei, apparently, was all too ready to fight him. Shinji brought up his hands to block, but Rei, her expression never changing, simply breezed past his block and smashed him in the mouth. Shinji once more found himself airborne, but he was getting better at landing on his feet. More of this and I'll be putting in for frequent flyer miles. Rei was advancing on him, weaving back and forth. Shinji readied himself, and this time he was able to block Rei's flurry of punches.


"He's fast, fast, fast!" Ed exclaimed.

"Take a look at his neural kinetics," Ritsuko said, impressed. "They're way above normal."

Kaworu snorted. "A toad is no match for a swan."


Shinji hit the mat again. He had been so busy blocking Rei's punches that he had forgotten about her feet. She had reminded him of the fact by driving her knee into his stomach. He somehow managed to jump to his feet. "What are you waiting for?" Rei asked, her voice flat as usual. "You are faster than this, correct? Do not think you are, know you are."

Shinji had had about enough of philosophy for one week. "You're STAIN!" he yelled and threw a haymaker at Rei. She blinked and dodged to one side, but she looked a little off balance. Shinji pressed the attack, but Rei's hesitation had only been for a moment. She blocked and dodged and shifted once more, flawlessly.

As flawlessly as she's ever been, even back in NERV

Did I just think that? Shinji wondered, and nearly lost a few teeth when Rei launched a brief attack. He parried, but she easily trapped his next punch and shoved him back.

"Come on," Gendo said. "Stop trying to hit her and hit her!"

"Commander, I do not think that is helping," Rei rasped out as she tried to trip Shinji. But Shinji had anticipated that, somehow, and leapt over her feet. He rolled away from her next strike and got some fighting room.

Think, Shinji, he told himself. She's fighting cleanly...but predictably...wait! I don't know how I know, but Rei has always been predictable, almost as if she was programmed to be. So if I throw something at her she's not prepared for... The truth was suddenly clear for Shinji. How could I be so blind?

Rei closed in. Shinji quickly reached up and tore off the top of his gi, then went into an almost drunken, weaving stance. "Jiggle Counter Attack!"

Rei's eyes widened. "That is not a male-oriented attack–"

"MASTURBATE IN HELL!" Shinji screamed.

Rei stopped cold, her mouth falling open in shock. Her guard was back up in less than a second, but by then, Shinji had already struck, forcing her backward. Rei was now on the defensive and completely off balance. Shinji, on the other hand, was moving in a blur, with unaccustomed self-confidence. Rei was backed up against one of the beams, and closed her eyes in fear when it looked as if Shinji was bent on seeing what her brains looked like, on his knuckles.


"I don't believe it," Ritsuko said. "No one has ever beaten Rei."

"They have now," Toji grinned. He held out his hand, and both Asuka and Kaworu, giving him sinister looks, slapped two candy bars down in his palm.


Shinji's fist stopped a centimeter from Rei's nose. He drew back, looking at both her and his father. "I know what you're trying to do. I'm not gonna hit a girl."

"We're trying to free your mind, Shinji, so the rest will follow." Gendo walked forward. "But we can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it." Gendo looked up. "Maya, load the Shinjuku Jump program."