Title: The Slayer Bride Part 2/?
Author: Lora Darcy
Email: lora_darcy@yahoo.com
Feedback: Please. The more reviews I get, the better this story will be!
Summary: The Princess Bride: the "Buffy parts" version. Not just your basic, average, everyday, ordinary, run-of-the-mill crossover.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the character found in the following story. The Princess Bride is the property of William Goldman, MGM, and Ballantine Books. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Notes: I was going to follow the chapters in the book precisely. I have now realized, however, that they are just a little too long. So most chapters will parallel the book. Some, however, will be slightly subdivided. That way I can write more frequently without losing Goldman's overall intentions with the chapters. Also, I know a lot of you don't like Riley. Heck, I'm not his biggest fan. After a great deal of thinking, however, I realized that he was the best candidate to play Buttercup. Buffy HAD to be Westley. Buttercup is too wimpy to be played by Angel and I had plans for Spike elsewhere. Plus, doesn't Riley just sort of *remind* you of Buttercup? Seriously, think about it. Anyhoo… This will still be a good, humorous, story. Please don't let Riley factor keep you from reading…
Another Note: You'll see that this was also revised on June 26, 2003. Please send in comments! I live for them. They are great motivation.
Chapter One: The GroomRiley Finn was raised on a farm in Huxley, Iowa. After joining the military, however, he promptly headed towards the legendary land of California. (This being after the formation of California.) Soon he settled in the town of Sunnydale and took up residence in a small, modestly priced apartment in close proximity to U.C. Sunnydale's campus. His favorite pastimes were studying Psychology, working on special military operations, and helping as a teaching assistant at the university. With a 6'2" muscular body, piercing blue eyes, and sandy blonde hair, Riley was one of the handsomest men in all world. (He was by no means number one on the list of gorgeous men, but managed to squeak nicely into the top twenty.) However, Riley did not particularly care how he looked, nor did he care about beauty rankings. He wore the typical Iowa farm boy clothes and still washed his hair with Johnson and Johnson's baby shampoo. (This being before guys learned of the existence of a thing called fashion. Fashion had been around since the dawning of time. It just took men longer to catch onto it. They're still trying today.) Nothing gave Riley Finn as much pleasure as driving his car or babbling to the young blonde student in his Psychology 101 class. Her name was Buffy Anne Summers, but he never called her that.
*****
"Isn't that a wonderful beginning?" Dawn asked Giles, sighing melodramatically. Something about the book always touched her from its very start. Dawn was even a little bit glad for Giles' illness, as it provided an opportunity to re-read her favorite novel.
"Oh yes," Giles stammered, trying to sound upbeat. "It's really good." Truthfully, he found the book to be less than captivating. Perhaps it would cease to be senseless drivel at some point. He certainly hoped it would improve. But he had promised Dawn she could read to him and could not bring himself to disappoint the girl. Besides, it was better than the daytime television alternative. After blowing his nose in yet another tissue, Giles motioned for the young Summers' girl to continue.
*****
Buffy was even more beautiful than Riley Finn was handsome. Her loveliness was evident by her petite body and long flowing blonde hair. Unlike most women, Buffy possessed a unique nimbleness and strength. (Buffy, it must be noted, also happened to be one of the most beautiful women in the land. She was also the only one with any muscle or brains. The rest were so frail it seemed as though they would topple over on a windy day. Some of them even had.) Buffy lived in an average-sized house on Revello Drive within the Sunnydale city limits. Not one to be trifled with, Buffy had a personality all her own. Like any young woman, she had numerous dreams and wishes for the future. And, also like any young woman, she had yet to figure out what exactly those dreams were. (As this was before the discovery school guidance counselors and psychiatrists, all youths had to decide his or her future alone. A frightful prospect indeed.)
Riley first met Buffy during a psychology-centered conversation with Willow Rosenberg. Buffy had been forced off to the side during their discussion, due to her lack of knowledge in the realm of the social sciences. At a later meeting, Riley had forgotten her name and had embarrassingly been forced to call her "Willow's Friend." Somehow, the nickname remained in Riley's mind. He had, of course, learned Buffy's real name shortly afterwards, but, as they say, old habits die-hard. (Yup, this was after sayings too. Ben Franklin had started them long ago with his crazy almanacs.) The nickname of "Willow's Friend" stuck. Buffy would respond to the title and would always do whatever Riley told her to do. (This was long before feminists. Men went around ordering people about, just like Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre.) Granted, Buffy couldn't always exactly complete Riley's assigned tasks (she wasn't a robot after all), but would always desperately try to do so. It wasn't her fault if extenuating circumstances routinely arouse, preventing the task's success. Still, nothing gave Riley more pleasure than ordering Buffy around. "Willow's Friend. Read pages 94-115 for Psychology. I want to see a top-notch paper on it first thing tomorrow morning."
"Uh-huh. Yup. Dub me I'll-do-as-you-wish-Gal."
That was all she ever answered. "Uh-huh. Yup. Dub me I'll-do-as-you-wish-Gal." Complete this, Willow's Friend. "Uh-huh. Yup. Dub me I'll-do-as-you-wish-Gal." Do that, Willow's Friend. "Uh-huh. Yup. Dub me I'll-do-as-you-wish-Gal."
Willow's Friend, don't fall asleep during class. "Uh-huh. Yup. Dub me I'll-do-as-you-wish-Gal." One day, Buffy's green eyes remained on Riley longer than necessary. Unnerved, Riley tacked an awkward "please" onto his request. That day, he was amazed to discover that as Buffy said "Uh-huh. Yup. Dub me I'll-do-as-you-wish-Gal" what she meant was "I love you."
Even more amazing was the day that Riley realized he truly loved her back. It was a gradual emotion, (as love often is) whose forcefulness took Riley by surprise. "Willow's Friend," Riley said slowly, his mind reeling from his sudden awareness of his feelings, "umm… hand me that pen."
Buffy looked at a red ballpoint pen resting on the front desk in their Psychology classroom. Suddenly shy, her fingers delicately grasped the writing implement. With her hand extended, Buffy turned towards Riley, slowly saying, "Uh-huh…. Yup…. Dub me I'll-do-as-you…." Riley silenced Buffy's words by bending over and placing his mouth on hers. The two locked in a passionate kiss.
*****
"Ahem!" An agitated Giles exclaimed, a frown across his pale face. "Hold it! Stop, Dawn, stop. What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the magic and the fighting?" He paused for a moment, his displeasure increasing. "Is this a romance?" His frown increased, his displeasure clearly evident. "You know, I could be watching something of better quality on The Young and the Restless right now…"
"Giles! Just be patient," Dawn chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Like I said before, trust me. Just wait, just wait."
"Well, does it ever become… good?" Giles questioned, nervously. He was beginning to regret agreeing to be entertained by a teenage girl. Past experience in a high school library should have warned him about the trivial interests of adolescents. He should have known better than to enter into a situation like this. It seemed, however, that he no choice but to listen to the teenager. Dawn loved the book, so something must be pleasant about it – he hoped.
"Geez Giles. Listen much? Please just chill for a minute. It will get good. This is even better than Bridget Jones's Diary." Dawn thought she heard Giles' let out a despairing sigh. Frowning, the teenager gave Giles her sternest, most impressive, teacher-inspired glare. "Now let me read!"
*****