I lied… Somehow I stuck on a disclaimer on this part. My bad.
Title: The Slayer Bride Part 4/?
Author: Lora Darcy
Email: lora_darcy@yahoo.com
Feedback: Please. The more reviews I get, the better this story will be! Please review!!
Summary: The Princess Bride: the "Buffy parts" version. Not just your basic, average, everyday, ordinary, run-of-the-mill, ho-hum crossover.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the character found in the following story. The Princess Bride is the property of William Goldman, MGM, and Ballantine Books. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
A note by me, the author: Yay! I even updated this part for you guys. Some of the changes are rather minor to all these chapters, but I really think they improve the overall tone of the story.
Chapter Three: The Bride
Appearance-wise, Princess Glorificus most resembled a Prom Queen. She was fairly tall, thin, with a volumous wavy blonde hair that practically screamed for a shiny tiara. Glory, as she preferred to be called by everyone save the hired help, walked like a drill sergeant, with purposeful strides, a commanding air, and perfectly erect posture. If she had wanted to be a librarian, she would have led a miserable life. The woman was incapable of talking softly; whispers were unknown to her. She always knew what she wanted and immediately ordered that it be accomplished. Always in her loudest, most domineering voice. Luckily, she had never wanted to be a librarian. She had never really wanted to be much of anything, for that matter. Books didn't interest her. Math didn't interest her. Most sports even failed to win her approval. Even fashion, which she excelled at, failed to be her favorite pastime. No, only two things truly interested Glorificus: hunting and becoming Queen.
There wasn't too much she could do about becoming Queen. It was obvious that one day her crazy mother would die, paving the way for Glory to achieve, ahem, glory as a monarch. (Sunnydale was an unusual country where the throne was always passed from female to female. Kings would only reign as a last resort. The family had always been big on women's rights, a rarity for the times…) When the time came for Princess Glory to take her place as Queen, she'd be ready for it. As it was, she practically ruled the country anyway. (The Queen, as mentioned before, was delusional and unfit to rule over her pet birds, let alone an entire country.)
Hunting was Glory's other love. And it wasn't the hunting you see in modern times. Glory didn't go into practice fields and shoot at fake birds. She was more of a trained killer. A sick, strange, trained killer. She loved to take out individual persons and slowly and painfully kill them. All aspects of killing intrigued her. Glory would spend hours forming strategies, tracking animals, and planning her moves. No spies ever frequented Sunnydale. Glorificus always managed to track them down, torture them, and remove them from the country. (Of course, they were always dead by this point in time.) Then, she'd plan on taking out whatever country had sent the spies in the first place.
War was another thing Glory was fond of. It incorporated all the elements of life she enjoyed. In battle, Glory was able to order soldiers around, watch the suffering of enemy troops, torture spies, and even, if time allowed for it, kill a few enemies herself. And, amazingly, she did it all while wearing heels.
Unfortunately for Princess Glory, Sunnydale wasn't at war with anyone at the moment. Things were horribly quiet and peaceful. And she didn't really like it. Life was boring. So boring, in fact, that Glory had even contemplated reading a book. Before such a dreadful event occurred however, she had an ingenious idea. If she couldn't go to battles, she was going to bring the battles to Sunnydale.
So, to end her own dreary boredom, Princess Glory created the Crypt of Death. Well, technically, it should have been called the Sewers of Death. The crypt just happened to be above the entrance to the sewers. But "sewers" just didn't have the same chilling ring as "crypt." Glory had designed the Crypt herself, with the help of Count Angelus, and had stocked with some of the most ferocious creatures from around the world. It housed every type of demon and beast imaginable: hellhounds, werewolves, zombies, giant spiders, trolls, and a plethora of other demons and creep-crawly things. The Crypt was filled with things that Glory could hunt or torture whenever she had the urge to do so. Only Glory, her right-hand man Angelus, and Jonathan, the Crypt of Death's keeper, were ever allowed inside. (Jonathan had the fun task of feeding the creatures and making sure the place always smelled pine-fresh. Glory had an extremely sensitive nose and hated the usual stench associated with sewers and monsters. Jonathan constantly had to put out air-fresheners to keep the sewers from smelling foul.) They were the only people to have keys to the Crypt's entrance, and the only individuals who knew the secret entrance to the sewers.
Glory left the deepest, darkest sewer in the Crypt of Death empty. She had yet to discover any person, animal, or demon worthy of filling the cavernous sewer. But Glory was optimistic. Someday she would find something or *someone* who was dangerous and powerful enough to belong in the room. And when it arrived, Glory would be ready.
One day, Angelus interrupted Glory while she was busy killing a pesky Skilosh demon. "Sorry to bother your… fight," Angelus stated. "But I have news."
Glory frowned, her concentration on the demon. "Newsflash: I'm busy here. Can't you wait?"
"For how long exactly?" Angelus asked, rolling his eyes. As much as he enjoyed watching violence, he did have more important things to do than watch Glory fight a demon all day. He'd just purchased a new torture device and was longing to set it up.
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The Skilosh demon slammed into the ground, a knife lodged in its throat. "See? That didn't take long. Now, what are you bothering me about?" Glory asked, daintily stepping over the dead demon, careful to keep her satin pumps from being stained by demon blood. She liked these shoes, and demon goo never washed out.
"The Queen just had her annual physical," Angelus informed the princess.
"And? She does that every year. Why is this important?"
"Well, it looks like the old girl is finally dying."
"Really? Damn it!" exclaimed Glory. "Right when I was really enjoying being single. I'm going to have to get married now. That's really going to cut into my free time."