Title: The Slayer Bride Part 7/?
Author: Lora Darcy
Email: lora_darcy@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Alas, not mine! I do not on any of the characters found in the following story. I don't own the premise. I own nothing. The Princess Bride is the property of William Goldman, MGM, and Ballantine Books. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox.
Chapter Six: The Kidnapping
Riley's emptiness consumed him. Although Sunnydale law gave Glory the right to choose her husband, he did not love her. Despite Glory's assurances (well, if any words coming from her mouth could be considered "assuring") that he would grow to love her, the only joy Riley ever found came from driving around his car (Yup! Some people did have cars. But they needed to have people follow behind them making car "grrr" noises, etc. Where do you think the guys from Monty Python got that idea? Really.)
Driving was the one aspect of Riley's life that had not changed in the years following Buffy's departure. He still loved to cruise around in his shiny automobile, and every night, no matter what the weather, he would drive alone for several hours. His rides would generally take him along the seashore and allow the car's motor, mixed with the sounds of the ocean, to lull him into a state of complete calmness. Only while driving could Riley forget his current situation, forget his upcoming nuptials, forget Buffy's long ago death. He could ponder about more light-hearted subjects.
He did all his best thinking then.
Not that his best thinking was anything impressive. Although Riley was fairly skilled in the ream of psychology, his brains failed to reach to any other sector of human intelligence. In fact, he frequently appeared to be rather dim-witted and considered slow on the uptake. Still, he tried hard to think about things.
On the evening after his official introduction to Sunnydale, Riley drove down a particularly lonely and deserted patch of road. His body refused to relax and his mind refused to concentrate on anything other than Glory. He felt a peculiar feeling in the pit of his stomach. Why did it still feel wrong to be marrying Glorificus? In an attempt to ameliorate his conscience, Riley decided to park his car along the outskirts of Sunnydale and go for a late-night walk. Perhaps a walk along the beach would do for his mind what his car could not. It seemed like a good idea to him. And so, Riley walked.
Immersed in his own feeble thoughts, Riley failed to see three people approach him. He jumped as a decidedly male voice asked, "Got a minute?"
Uncomfortably surprised, Riley looked around for the source of the voice. A few feet away from him stood three individuals on the side of the road. And these were not your everyday, commuting-home from a cubicle in the city kind of guys. Riley was starting to feel even more uncomfortable.
The man in front was dorky. He was a Geek, perhaps, but one who pretended to look cool to the outside world, as evidenced by his dark side-burns and spiked and gelled hair-do. A look, no doubt, that he had attempted to rip off from some movie or other. Or possibly an out-of-date boy band. The second was pale, probably British, and was lithe and muscular. Judging by the long black trench coat (worn despite the southern California heat) and platinum blonde hair, the man was obviously a fighter. Most likely a damned good one, too. The third, Riley noticed, had a skin problem. Now Riley didn't believe in magic (he hadn't ever since the Tooth Fairy refused to take his teeth as a child), but he could have sworn he was looking at some kind of loose-skinned demon.
"We're with an acting group," the Geek explained. "Musta gotten separated somehow. Is there a bar or gas station nearby? Any place with, you know, a telephone?"
Riley shook his head. "Nope. You're on the wrong end of town, pal. Nothing's on this end of Sunnydale. Nobody around here for miles."
The Geek took a big intake of breath. Slowly and dramatically, he said "Then there will be no one to see you disappear." He began to laugh (a low, malevolently "evil" laugh), as the Brit, with superhuman speed, ran over and punched Riley in the face. As Riley's vision faded, he noticed the Geek coughing. "Woops... Musta swallowed down the wrong pipe there. It happens with the evil laughter sometimes...." The Geek tried to laugh again. Riley's vision faded to black and he passed out.
Important: Despite my wish to have Willow be Fezzik, it didn't seem to work out. Changes have been made. Now, you will see, that Clem has replaced Willow's role. Our favorite witch will still be in the story, however….