He slowly sits up, leaning against the wall. I find my spot beside him. Slowly he turns his head to look at me, eyes blood shot, hair messy, face scruffy. I definitely should have seen this, or known it could be serious, not just any old problem. "I uh-" He can't seem to get anything out, he looks down at the floor, I continue staring at him though. "Hey," I reach for his hand, surprisingly he lets me. We hold hands for a few moments, the tears seemed to have stopped for now, I will be here for him though, Susan told me she will take Bryce home. "I was an addict Abby." He sniffles, and rubs his thumb against the back of my hand. "Now?" I search his face for any clues, clues of recognition of his addiction, I'm looking for anything, he gives me nothing. "I don't know. I'm tired, and my head hurts constantly." Not exactly admitting, but I'll take it. I give him a sympathetic smile, still afraid of him. I hope this fear wears off soon. "Carter- you need help." I say softly.
"I am fine." He says with a bit of force, his grip tightens around my hand, and I get the sudden urge to pull it from his grasp, I don't though. "Admitting is the first step." I look away from him, his eyes remain on me though. "Yeah."
"You were in Atlanta?" He nods slowly, "did it help?"
"Yes."
"Till you met me right?" He shakes his head slowly, a tear falling down his cheek.
"No, I don't know." He rests his head in his free hand and the sobs start up again. I pull him closer to me his head finding my shoulder, just like mine did too his when he was there for me all those times. He pulls away slowly, bring his hand up to my shoulder, and squeezing it tightly. "I uh- I love you and Bryce." He moves his hand from my shoulder and gets up, walking towards the master bedroom. His feet rub against the carpet making an ungodly sound, I cringe a bit as I watch him walk. Turning around he looks at me, staring at me, watching me. "I'm the fuck up Abby," he walks into his bedroom.
I can't stand seeing him like this. I want to do something, fix him make it all better. Bring that smile back to those lips. I walk into his bedroom. He is lying face down his face smooched into the pillow. I sit down beside him. "We both fucked up the relationship, but this is about you getting better now John." I rub his back and he looks at me.
"I'm an addict, you're an addict. What the hell kind of people are we?" He is starting to get angry, defensive even. "Yeah well we're only addicts if we let ourselves be addicts." I counter. He scoffs at this. "Yeah, well..."
"John, do you want to get better?" I say in all seriousness.
"I want things to go back to the way they were before. Before your drinking, before me hitting you, before-" he stops and looks at me, gauging my reaction, at the words I know he is about to utter. "You." He finishes, letting his head crash into the pillow moments after. I bite my bottom lip, the tears make their way to the brim of my eye and slowly, but surely they fall. "Yeah." I say quietly.
"I don't know." He sits up and looks at me. "You are- you're my world. My-" He stops and reaches for my hand. "You're everything to me, you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me, same with Bryce, but at the same time you are my biggest burden." He releases my hand and falls back against the head board. "You were- you took pills or whatever when he was here right?" I stare him in the eye, not letting him look away.
"Yes." I roll my eyes and look at him.
"That night you had the big headache?"
"Yep." He saying it very nonchalantly now.
"John-" I want him to go to therapy, rehab, anything and everything to make him better, one-hundred percent better. "Abby, just leave me alone okay? You've done your part." He spits. "Go home." He gets under the covers and turns his back to me, tossing his house coat lazily onto the ground. "John-" I try to talk to him again, before he was so open, now he's like my diary in seventh grade when I use to lock it then put it in my closet then lock the door to keep Eric out. "Abby- I don't need this shit anymore, I'm fine okay." He turns his back to me again. I get up and walk towards his washroom opening ever door and gathering all the bottles of drugs I can. "What the hell are you doing?" He gets up and follows me into the washroom. "Do you have a plastic bag or anything." I look over and notice a brown paper bag sitting on the counter, its small, but it'll do. I dump the drugs into the bag, heading out the door, "Give me those back!" He shouts.
"Why? So you can use again?" I holler, I will not back down, not now.
"ABBY!" He screams in a threatening voice.
"Goodbye." With that I storm out of the room, I can feel him on my heels this does not stop me though, I open the door, not before he can stop it with his hand though. "You're not going anywhere?" I turn around briskly, staring him in the eye, giving him a run for his money in the glare category. "Before you couldn't wait for me to get out."
"Before you didn't have-" He stops himself, he must have come to the realization that he is an addict because he stumbles back looking at the bag. His hands go to his head, over and over again he keeps repeating 'oh my god, I'm an addict.'
Walking towards him I set the bag down. He stops and looks at me. "I can't believe this."
"I know." I reach my hand out, but he just shoves it away. He crumples to the ground, just like he did earlier. I try to comfort him, but he pushes me away, causing me to fall to the floor. I whip out my cell phone and walk to the kitchen so he can't hear me. "Hello?" A groggy voice answers.
"Luka?" I whisper.
"Abby?"
"Listen, I need you to come to the Carter mansion right away,"
"What? Why?" He seems to be more attentive now.
"He is using again, pain killers or something." I can hardly keep my composure. "He needs to be in rehab."
"Okay, I will be there right away." He hangs up the phone and I cautiously walk out to where Carter is lying crying. I sit by his side and rub his arm. I can't stand seeing him like this, the tears fall and all I can see is a blurred vision of my, once stable, boyfriend that I drove into this state.
The doorbell rings after what seems like forever, but was probably only fifteen minutes or so. I get up, opening the door a tired Luka stands before me. Carter is still crying. He walks over to his side and gives me a sympathetic look. "Help me get him in the car." He says leaning down and helping a resistant John up. Eventually, and with much struggle we finally get him onto his feet. Luka doesn't reveal where we are going, he just sets Carter in the backseat, and with his head motions for me to get in the front seat. I climb in, Luka reaches his hand forward and rubs my shoulder. I glance back at Carter who is aimlessly looking out the car window. Luka doesn't have to say it, but I know we are going to county. I know they will make Carter go back to rehab, in Atlanta probably.
The drive is slow, we park the car close by and Carter walks a few feet in front of us, he is not crying anymore, but now in a daze. Luka looks down at me and wraps his arm around my shoulder, the doors to the ER open, Carter walks in and turns towards the lounge, Luka motions for Kerry, who is standing at the desk to join us in there. She enters the lounge a few moments after, Carter is lying down on the couch, and Luka still has him arm protectively around me. "What's going on?" Kerry barks.
"He's using Kerry." Luka says nodding at Carter. A look of disbelief covers her face. "What? John is this true?" He slowly sits up and then looks at her shaking his head.
"What the fuck do they know Kerry?" I look at Luka who seems shocked by this, he had just finished admitting he was an addict, now we are back at square one. "What?" Luka says. "Don't feed me that bullshit Luka, you guys think I'm addict and are going to start spreading this around the hospital to hide the truth."
"Which is?" Luka prompts.
"That you and Abby are having an affair. I saw the way you looked at her, and how you had your arm around her. You were also the first one she called. Wait till Sam finds out, she's a whore don't waste your time with her." He yells at Luka, but looks at me.
"Carter, what the hell does that have to do with you using?" Kerry asks, I look at her and then Luka, I can't stand it anymore. I have to leave, get out of this place. I know I am going to want a drink after all this, but I have to stay strong, for Carter, myself and Bryce. I head out the lounge door, and walk to an empty exam room. I push my way through the doors, I feel weaker and weaker by the second and collapse onto the bed. I cry into the pillow, I can't stand this. We are the two most fucked up people on the face of this earth. I feel a breeze on my back, and the door opens, someone walks towards the bed and sits down on it. I can't even look up, I don't want to.
"He's going." Its Sam, I know she will elaborate so I don't even bother looking up at her. "They got him to go, back to Atlanta. They are packing him up now. If you want to see him now's the time." She gets up and leaves. I want to go, I want to say goodbye, I want to say I love you and when you get back I'll be waiting here for you, I'll wait forever. I don't though. I know he doesn't want that right now. So I stay put. I cry I can feel the pillow getting wetter under my face. "I love you John." I murmur into my pillow. My hair is sticking to my face.
~*~
"Abby," A soft voice whispers.
"Huh?" I look up and there is Pratt standing over me. I hop out of bed and look at him. I push the hair out of my face and gather it to put it in a pony tail. "What time is it?"
"Ten- I'm taking over your shift, go home get some sleep." He leave the room. I must have feel asleep here. I get out of bed and walk to the admit desk, were everyone's eyes are on me. "MOM!" Bryce darts at me, and then pulls me into a hug.
"Go wait in the lounge I'll be there in a minute." He smiles then leaves. Susan approaches me. "Carter is Atlanta. Luka took him down this time. I don't know how long he will be there for." I nod and head for the lounge, I need to go home, to forget all of this. Thank god I have no alcohol in my house right now.
"I am fine." He says with a bit of force, his grip tightens around my hand, and I get the sudden urge to pull it from his grasp, I don't though. "Admitting is the first step." I look away from him, his eyes remain on me though. "Yeah."
"You were in Atlanta?" He nods slowly, "did it help?"
"Yes."
"Till you met me right?" He shakes his head slowly, a tear falling down his cheek.
"No, I don't know." He rests his head in his free hand and the sobs start up again. I pull him closer to me his head finding my shoulder, just like mine did too his when he was there for me all those times. He pulls away slowly, bring his hand up to my shoulder, and squeezing it tightly. "I uh- I love you and Bryce." He moves his hand from my shoulder and gets up, walking towards the master bedroom. His feet rub against the carpet making an ungodly sound, I cringe a bit as I watch him walk. Turning around he looks at me, staring at me, watching me. "I'm the fuck up Abby," he walks into his bedroom.
I can't stand seeing him like this. I want to do something, fix him make it all better. Bring that smile back to those lips. I walk into his bedroom. He is lying face down his face smooched into the pillow. I sit down beside him. "We both fucked up the relationship, but this is about you getting better now John." I rub his back and he looks at me.
"I'm an addict, you're an addict. What the hell kind of people are we?" He is starting to get angry, defensive even. "Yeah well we're only addicts if we let ourselves be addicts." I counter. He scoffs at this. "Yeah, well..."
"John, do you want to get better?" I say in all seriousness.
"I want things to go back to the way they were before. Before your drinking, before me hitting you, before-" he stops and looks at me, gauging my reaction, at the words I know he is about to utter. "You." He finishes, letting his head crash into the pillow moments after. I bite my bottom lip, the tears make their way to the brim of my eye and slowly, but surely they fall. "Yeah." I say quietly.
"I don't know." He sits up and looks at me. "You are- you're my world. My-" He stops and reaches for my hand. "You're everything to me, you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me, same with Bryce, but at the same time you are my biggest burden." He releases my hand and falls back against the head board. "You were- you took pills or whatever when he was here right?" I stare him in the eye, not letting him look away.
"Yes." I roll my eyes and look at him.
"That night you had the big headache?"
"Yep." He saying it very nonchalantly now.
"John-" I want him to go to therapy, rehab, anything and everything to make him better, one-hundred percent better. "Abby, just leave me alone okay? You've done your part." He spits. "Go home." He gets under the covers and turns his back to me, tossing his house coat lazily onto the ground. "John-" I try to talk to him again, before he was so open, now he's like my diary in seventh grade when I use to lock it then put it in my closet then lock the door to keep Eric out. "Abby- I don't need this shit anymore, I'm fine okay." He turns his back to me again. I get up and walk towards his washroom opening ever door and gathering all the bottles of drugs I can. "What the hell are you doing?" He gets up and follows me into the washroom. "Do you have a plastic bag or anything." I look over and notice a brown paper bag sitting on the counter, its small, but it'll do. I dump the drugs into the bag, heading out the door, "Give me those back!" He shouts.
"Why? So you can use again?" I holler, I will not back down, not now.
"ABBY!" He screams in a threatening voice.
"Goodbye." With that I storm out of the room, I can feel him on my heels this does not stop me though, I open the door, not before he can stop it with his hand though. "You're not going anywhere?" I turn around briskly, staring him in the eye, giving him a run for his money in the glare category. "Before you couldn't wait for me to get out."
"Before you didn't have-" He stops himself, he must have come to the realization that he is an addict because he stumbles back looking at the bag. His hands go to his head, over and over again he keeps repeating 'oh my god, I'm an addict.'
Walking towards him I set the bag down. He stops and looks at me. "I can't believe this."
"I know." I reach my hand out, but he just shoves it away. He crumples to the ground, just like he did earlier. I try to comfort him, but he pushes me away, causing me to fall to the floor. I whip out my cell phone and walk to the kitchen so he can't hear me. "Hello?" A groggy voice answers.
"Luka?" I whisper.
"Abby?"
"Listen, I need you to come to the Carter mansion right away,"
"What? Why?" He seems to be more attentive now.
"He is using again, pain killers or something." I can hardly keep my composure. "He needs to be in rehab."
"Okay, I will be there right away." He hangs up the phone and I cautiously walk out to where Carter is lying crying. I sit by his side and rub his arm. I can't stand seeing him like this, the tears fall and all I can see is a blurred vision of my, once stable, boyfriend that I drove into this state.
The doorbell rings after what seems like forever, but was probably only fifteen minutes or so. I get up, opening the door a tired Luka stands before me. Carter is still crying. He walks over to his side and gives me a sympathetic look. "Help me get him in the car." He says leaning down and helping a resistant John up. Eventually, and with much struggle we finally get him onto his feet. Luka doesn't reveal where we are going, he just sets Carter in the backseat, and with his head motions for me to get in the front seat. I climb in, Luka reaches his hand forward and rubs my shoulder. I glance back at Carter who is aimlessly looking out the car window. Luka doesn't have to say it, but I know we are going to county. I know they will make Carter go back to rehab, in Atlanta probably.
The drive is slow, we park the car close by and Carter walks a few feet in front of us, he is not crying anymore, but now in a daze. Luka looks down at me and wraps his arm around my shoulder, the doors to the ER open, Carter walks in and turns towards the lounge, Luka motions for Kerry, who is standing at the desk to join us in there. She enters the lounge a few moments after, Carter is lying down on the couch, and Luka still has him arm protectively around me. "What's going on?" Kerry barks.
"He's using Kerry." Luka says nodding at Carter. A look of disbelief covers her face. "What? John is this true?" He slowly sits up and then looks at her shaking his head.
"What the fuck do they know Kerry?" I look at Luka who seems shocked by this, he had just finished admitting he was an addict, now we are back at square one. "What?" Luka says. "Don't feed me that bullshit Luka, you guys think I'm addict and are going to start spreading this around the hospital to hide the truth."
"Which is?" Luka prompts.
"That you and Abby are having an affair. I saw the way you looked at her, and how you had your arm around her. You were also the first one she called. Wait till Sam finds out, she's a whore don't waste your time with her." He yells at Luka, but looks at me.
"Carter, what the hell does that have to do with you using?" Kerry asks, I look at her and then Luka, I can't stand it anymore. I have to leave, get out of this place. I know I am going to want a drink after all this, but I have to stay strong, for Carter, myself and Bryce. I head out the lounge door, and walk to an empty exam room. I push my way through the doors, I feel weaker and weaker by the second and collapse onto the bed. I cry into the pillow, I can't stand this. We are the two most fucked up people on the face of this earth. I feel a breeze on my back, and the door opens, someone walks towards the bed and sits down on it. I can't even look up, I don't want to.
"He's going." Its Sam, I know she will elaborate so I don't even bother looking up at her. "They got him to go, back to Atlanta. They are packing him up now. If you want to see him now's the time." She gets up and leaves. I want to go, I want to say goodbye, I want to say I love you and when you get back I'll be waiting here for you, I'll wait forever. I don't though. I know he doesn't want that right now. So I stay put. I cry I can feel the pillow getting wetter under my face. "I love you John." I murmur into my pillow. My hair is sticking to my face.
~*~
"Abby," A soft voice whispers.
"Huh?" I look up and there is Pratt standing over me. I hop out of bed and look at him. I push the hair out of my face and gather it to put it in a pony tail. "What time is it?"
"Ten- I'm taking over your shift, go home get some sleep." He leave the room. I must have feel asleep here. I get out of bed and walk to the admit desk, were everyone's eyes are on me. "MOM!" Bryce darts at me, and then pulls me into a hug.
"Go wait in the lounge I'll be there in a minute." He smiles then leaves. Susan approaches me. "Carter is Atlanta. Luka took him down this time. I don't know how long he will be there for." I nod and head for the lounge, I need to go home, to forget all of this. Thank god I have no alcohol in my house right now.