Dawn is my sister and I love her. I take care of her. I make her lunch and go to her school. We have a father somewhere but I have not spoken to him. We have not heard from him since before our mother died. Dawn tells me this as she lays in bed next to me at night. She likes to talk to me until she is so tired she has to fall into a dreamless sleep. I know all about dreams even though I do not have them. She thinks I can't hear her when I am recharging but I can. I worry about her. I know that she knows I am not her real sister but I think that part of her can not accept that. I think a part of her wants to and needs to think I am the other Buffy. The one that died a few months ago. In the daytime when I am moving around she looks at me with such sadness in her eyes. If only I could make her happy and really be that Buffy. I do not tell them but part of me longs to be the other Buffy. Willow did not program that into me and I fear that if I mentioned it she would get worried like she did the other day when I told her I loved Dawn.
We were in the living room and I was sharpening my stakes because that is what a good slayer does and I am good slayer. Spike who was looking very sexy in his leather coat had come to pick up Dawn. He has done that often since the other Buffy died. Dawn told me that they will go for walks and talk about the other Buffy. Spike does not look at me anymore and it hurts. I do not think it is supposed to hurt but it does. I love Spike very much and no matter what Willow does she can not take that away from me. I do not tell Willow that either. She would be even more worried about me. So that day after Dawn left I put down my stake and looked at Willow. "Willow", I said "Dawn is my sister and I love her very much." Willow looked up at me from the book she was reading. "You were not programed to love Dawn. You were programed to protect her but not to love her." I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess loving and protecting are one and the same."I said and went back to sharpening my stakes. Willow then got a worried look on her face and later that night opened me up. I am assuming she did not find anything because after tinkering with me for a little bit she gave up. I have decided I will not tell her too much anymore though. I like Willow but I have decided that I do not like her tinkering with me. I shall try not to say nice things to my sexy Spike anymore as well because I do not like to be opened up unless it is for maintenance. It is not pleasant to have someones hands inside you trying to change the way you think and feel. I really think that is not fair to me.
I find it interesting the way everyone talks to and treats me. Each person treats me a different way. Giles, who is my watcher and I have been training. He seems to get very frustrated with me. It must be very hard to try and train a robot to fight when I was created to love. It would be nice to be a real girl for Giles. A slayer that could really learn a lot from his training. I believe it is even harder for him then for a normal watcher because the other Buffy was like his child. One day after I was dismissed I was half way out of The Magic Box when I realized that I forgot to thank Giles for the training. A good Slayer must always thank her watcher. I went back but he did not see me. He was sitting there with his glasses off cleaning them and then he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. I should have gone to him but I think I would have made him uncomfortable. I do not want to do that. I sometimes think I do and say the wrong things. Maybe that is why Spike gets so very mad at me.
Xander really does not pay me much attention and I find that amusing. I think that Xander is one of the few that really never lets himself forget what I really am. He even refers to me as Buffybot. I do not like that. I am Buffy. The only Buffy now.
I really like Anya a lot. She talks like me and says many of the wrong things that I tend to say. I like it when she says something inappropriate because all my friends give her the kind of look they give me when I say something wrong. I would much rather they look at her that way. Anya talks to me often. There are times when I am left in The Magic Box with her alone and that is when she talks to me the most. She tells me about her and Xander. They are getting married but she is very hurt and mad at Xander because he does not want to share the good news with everyone else. She tells me that if everyone knew then no one would be as sad anymore. They would have a joyous occasion to plan and celebrate. I offered to tell everyone for her and at first she told me too but as I started to leave to spread the good news she stopped me. Anya then told me I must keep it a secret. She does not want Xander to be mad at her. I told her okay but that she could talk to me about it whenever she wanted to. She has taken me up on it many times. I like that actually. I have begun to think of Anya as my best friend even if she does not think of me that way.
I like Tara too. She is Willow's girlfriend and she is very nice to me. When Willow sometimes gets frustrated with me Tara calms her down. I also like Tara because she takes good care of Dawn. I think that after Willow, Dawn is her favorite person. She makes Dawn pancakes with funny shapes that have even made Dawn laugh. I like that because it is very rare to see my sister laugh. Sometimes Tara even takes Dawn and me out for ice cream. I don't eat but I go along with them so that people will see the slayer which is me out in public. It is very important that I make public appearances to keep the demon element to a minimum. I also patrol at night and I find that to be very fun. I like killing vampires except of course my sexy Spike whom I could never kill. I don't think I would kill Angel either even though he is a pansy who could never beat my sexy Spike in a fight.
Something is going on that I am supposed to not know about. I don't think Dawn or Spike are supposed to know either. There have been secret meetings going on. I came home one day from patrolling with Spike and I heard them talking in the living room. Dawn was visiting Janice and Giles was not there. I heard them saying something about Buffy. At first I thought it was me but then I realized they meant the other Buffy. Willow told Anya that she needed to find and Urn of something. I wish I could have heard what but a cat made a funny noise outside so I could not hear. I think that Willow should improve my hearing because for a robot I don't have very good hearing. Willow then said something about only having one chance to get it right. They decided to try soon and not to tell Giles. I wonder what it could be. What are they doing that has to do with the other Buffy? She is dead and once a person dies they stay dead unless they become a vampire or a zombie. I don't think they want to turn the other Buffy into a zombie and they can not turn her into a vampire it does not work that way. I am confused. The other Buffy is not like me. I can come back over and over again. Willow just fixes me up.
Giles has left town. They told me today when I asked if I could go and train with him. That made me feel very sad. I had to go and sit in the other room and think about it. I did not get a chance to talk to him and say goodbye. I would have liked being able to thank him for being a good watcher for me. I also had wanted to ask him a question. I have been thinking about the way I feel about Dawn and Spike. How I love them both so much even though Willow tried "fix" my feelings for Spike and I am not programed to love Dawn. I think that perhaps somehow living on the Hell mouth has interfered with my wiring and has allowed me to begin to have real feelings.I feel happy and sad. I feel love and I am sure that given the chance I could feel hate. Sometimes I feel so sad for Dawn that I want to cry but the tears never come. I guess that is the one thing that even the Hell mouth can not change. I will never be able to cry. I wish that I could because the maybe I could be more like the other Buffy and Spike would love me. If I could cry then I could be a real sister for Dawn as well. No matter what there are some things that I can not do. I just can not be exactly like the other Buffy. I want to very much. I have decided that the other Buffy could not have loved Spike and Dawn more than me. I love them a lot.
There are bad demons here tonight. They are on motorcycles and I have to fight them all alone. I do not know where anyone is. They left me to patrol all by myself and I am a little scared. I have felt a little funny since I got hurt the other day. I think I must feel the way Dawn did when she had the flu. I am lucky because I do not regurgitate like she does though. I wish I were programmed to hide from them but I am not. I am the slayer and because of that I must fight the demons all alone. They are pushing me around tossing me back and forth between them. I am not able to fight them off. Why are they connecting me to the motorcycles? I feel this stretching and pulling.What am I going to do? Is that the other Buffy I see? She is here? How? I do not understand. Maybe she can help me. I shall scream her name and see if she can help. She does not help me though. She gets scared and runs. I under stand. Perhaps though I am the better slayer. I did not run. I fought them even as I was ripped apart. I feel very funny now. Everything is starting to get dark. I see Dawn. I must tell her about The other Buffy. I feel that I will not be able to talk soon. Will Dawn and Spike be okay with out me? The other Buffy will take care of them I am sure. I did not get to tell Dawn I loved her. Once she heard about the other Buffy she left me. Something is dripping down my cheek. Is it a tear? Am I crying? I think I will go to sleep now. Maybe I will have a dream. I always wanted to dream. Good night.
We were in the living room and I was sharpening my stakes because that is what a good slayer does and I am good slayer. Spike who was looking very sexy in his leather coat had come to pick up Dawn. He has done that often since the other Buffy died. Dawn told me that they will go for walks and talk about the other Buffy. Spike does not look at me anymore and it hurts. I do not think it is supposed to hurt but it does. I love Spike very much and no matter what Willow does she can not take that away from me. I do not tell Willow that either. She would be even more worried about me. So that day after Dawn left I put down my stake and looked at Willow. "Willow", I said "Dawn is my sister and I love her very much." Willow looked up at me from the book she was reading. "You were not programed to love Dawn. You were programed to protect her but not to love her." I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess loving and protecting are one and the same."I said and went back to sharpening my stakes. Willow then got a worried look on her face and later that night opened me up. I am assuming she did not find anything because after tinkering with me for a little bit she gave up. I have decided I will not tell her too much anymore though. I like Willow but I have decided that I do not like her tinkering with me. I shall try not to say nice things to my sexy Spike anymore as well because I do not like to be opened up unless it is for maintenance. It is not pleasant to have someones hands inside you trying to change the way you think and feel. I really think that is not fair to me.
I find it interesting the way everyone talks to and treats me. Each person treats me a different way. Giles, who is my watcher and I have been training. He seems to get very frustrated with me. It must be very hard to try and train a robot to fight when I was created to love. It would be nice to be a real girl for Giles. A slayer that could really learn a lot from his training. I believe it is even harder for him then for a normal watcher because the other Buffy was like his child. One day after I was dismissed I was half way out of The Magic Box when I realized that I forgot to thank Giles for the training. A good Slayer must always thank her watcher. I went back but he did not see me. He was sitting there with his glasses off cleaning them and then he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. I should have gone to him but I think I would have made him uncomfortable. I do not want to do that. I sometimes think I do and say the wrong things. Maybe that is why Spike gets so very mad at me.
Xander really does not pay me much attention and I find that amusing. I think that Xander is one of the few that really never lets himself forget what I really am. He even refers to me as Buffybot. I do not like that. I am Buffy. The only Buffy now.
I really like Anya a lot. She talks like me and says many of the wrong things that I tend to say. I like it when she says something inappropriate because all my friends give her the kind of look they give me when I say something wrong. I would much rather they look at her that way. Anya talks to me often. There are times when I am left in The Magic Box with her alone and that is when she talks to me the most. She tells me about her and Xander. They are getting married but she is very hurt and mad at Xander because he does not want to share the good news with everyone else. She tells me that if everyone knew then no one would be as sad anymore. They would have a joyous occasion to plan and celebrate. I offered to tell everyone for her and at first she told me too but as I started to leave to spread the good news she stopped me. Anya then told me I must keep it a secret. She does not want Xander to be mad at her. I told her okay but that she could talk to me about it whenever she wanted to. She has taken me up on it many times. I like that actually. I have begun to think of Anya as my best friend even if she does not think of me that way.
I like Tara too. She is Willow's girlfriend and she is very nice to me. When Willow sometimes gets frustrated with me Tara calms her down. I also like Tara because she takes good care of Dawn. I think that after Willow, Dawn is her favorite person. She makes Dawn pancakes with funny shapes that have even made Dawn laugh. I like that because it is very rare to see my sister laugh. Sometimes Tara even takes Dawn and me out for ice cream. I don't eat but I go along with them so that people will see the slayer which is me out in public. It is very important that I make public appearances to keep the demon element to a minimum. I also patrol at night and I find that to be very fun. I like killing vampires except of course my sexy Spike whom I could never kill. I don't think I would kill Angel either even though he is a pansy who could never beat my sexy Spike in a fight.
Something is going on that I am supposed to not know about. I don't think Dawn or Spike are supposed to know either. There have been secret meetings going on. I came home one day from patrolling with Spike and I heard them talking in the living room. Dawn was visiting Janice and Giles was not there. I heard them saying something about Buffy. At first I thought it was me but then I realized they meant the other Buffy. Willow told Anya that she needed to find and Urn of something. I wish I could have heard what but a cat made a funny noise outside so I could not hear. I think that Willow should improve my hearing because for a robot I don't have very good hearing. Willow then said something about only having one chance to get it right. They decided to try soon and not to tell Giles. I wonder what it could be. What are they doing that has to do with the other Buffy? She is dead and once a person dies they stay dead unless they become a vampire or a zombie. I don't think they want to turn the other Buffy into a zombie and they can not turn her into a vampire it does not work that way. I am confused. The other Buffy is not like me. I can come back over and over again. Willow just fixes me up.
Giles has left town. They told me today when I asked if I could go and train with him. That made me feel very sad. I had to go and sit in the other room and think about it. I did not get a chance to talk to him and say goodbye. I would have liked being able to thank him for being a good watcher for me. I also had wanted to ask him a question. I have been thinking about the way I feel about Dawn and Spike. How I love them both so much even though Willow tried "fix" my feelings for Spike and I am not programed to love Dawn. I think that perhaps somehow living on the Hell mouth has interfered with my wiring and has allowed me to begin to have real feelings.I feel happy and sad. I feel love and I am sure that given the chance I could feel hate. Sometimes I feel so sad for Dawn that I want to cry but the tears never come. I guess that is the one thing that even the Hell mouth can not change. I will never be able to cry. I wish that I could because the maybe I could be more like the other Buffy and Spike would love me. If I could cry then I could be a real sister for Dawn as well. No matter what there are some things that I can not do. I just can not be exactly like the other Buffy. I want to very much. I have decided that the other Buffy could not have loved Spike and Dawn more than me. I love them a lot.
There are bad demons here tonight. They are on motorcycles and I have to fight them all alone. I do not know where anyone is. They left me to patrol all by myself and I am a little scared. I have felt a little funny since I got hurt the other day. I think I must feel the way Dawn did when she had the flu. I am lucky because I do not regurgitate like she does though. I wish I were programmed to hide from them but I am not. I am the slayer and because of that I must fight the demons all alone. They are pushing me around tossing me back and forth between them. I am not able to fight them off. Why are they connecting me to the motorcycles? I feel this stretching and pulling.What am I going to do? Is that the other Buffy I see? She is here? How? I do not understand. Maybe she can help me. I shall scream her name and see if she can help. She does not help me though. She gets scared and runs. I under stand. Perhaps though I am the better slayer. I did not run. I fought them even as I was ripped apart. I feel very funny now. Everything is starting to get dark. I see Dawn. I must tell her about The other Buffy. I feel that I will not be able to talk soon. Will Dawn and Spike be okay with out me? The other Buffy will take care of them I am sure. I did not get to tell Dawn I loved her. Once she heard about the other Buffy she left me. Something is dripping down my cheek. Is it a tear? Am I crying? I think I will go to sleep now. Maybe I will have a dream. I always wanted to dream. Good night.