5. No More

She bites her lip because she is confused.

Because she is scared.

Because the one tiny line that bares in Arial size 10 font peoplesay has been illuminated for the past hour and yet it is still only that.

Only a line. Only a name.

And for once, she refuses to make the first move. She is paranoid that perhaps there is a reason that he is not speaking with her. That perhaps he doesn't like speaking with her, never liked speaking with her, and that all the novelty of meeting a new person has worn off and he has gone back into his own normalcy.

She bites her lip because she is jealous.

At least ten times already, her fingers have slowly driven the mouse over to his name, clicked twice, and then closed the box before writing anything. She doesn't want to disturb him if he doesn't wish to speak to her.

So she finds herself back in Chatroom 621 "Oogachucka" listening to normal people talking of what flowers they think they will buy the next day or what dress was on sale, what the first words of their children were, how they are going to pay off their mortgage.

She bites her lip because for the first time since her addiction, she is utterly bored. She is not needed. If she were to leave right now, no one would even notice.

Except for him.

She sees that his name has appeared at the bottom of the list. He is watching. Waiting to see if she still say anything or if she will merely stay bleeding in the sidelines alone. She longs to start a conversation, one lively and humorous which will make him see her personality and that, no, she hasn't grown dependant on their conversations together but her brain is numb and there are no words.

So he starts one.

peoplesay: what do you think about honesty?
fatfriar: and then i saw THE dress in the window with a 50% discount! I'm SOOOOOO happy!
chanelOBSESSION: honesty? Well... it's a virtue.
peoplesay: but you should definitely be honest with a person? Especially if the person is one that you could potentially be interested in?

Her heart rate is speeding up as she sits glued to the screen, unable to move her fingers, sitting frozen, immobilized.

princeHugh: unless it has to do with cheating of course... You never want to talk about those.
chanelOBSESSION: shut up hugh. Of course you should be honest. Hon, don't lie to people, the truth is always found and it always blows up in your face like a s*** bomb at breakfast.
fatfriar: hahaha chanel. A s*** bomb at breakfast? That one's going in my scrapbook.
peoplesay: what if the person doesn't lie, but she just doesn't open up?
whaddayamean: whaddaya mean?
peoplesay: Over the past couple of days, I've met this person and she seems funny and smart and intelligent but she refuses to share anything about her personal life, her career, even her identity.

Her mouth is close to falling open. She knows that he is only talking to her at this moment despite the chatroomfull of people.

chanelOBSESSION: she sounds like she has been hurt in the past.
princeHugh: or she's kinky and likes things incognito.
fatfriar: shut up hugh
whaddayamean: shut up hugh
chanelOBSESSION: shut up hugh
peoplesay: she has. But the thing is that I know that i should be with her and help her to trust me so that she will open up but I can also tell that she is stubborn and won't do anything she doesn't want to do.
peoplesay: and despite the fact that I am almost ashamed to be saying this, I have to. I don't think that I have the energy to pursue her if she doesn't give me any hints or clues or even blatant facts as to who she is.

She bites her lip because she is anxious.

peoplesay: I want to know her. I do. But I've been hurt in the past too and i don't think I have the energy to go down a road without a map of any kind. I have to know something about her. Even if it starts at a hometown. Or a name.

The light blinks out and he's gone.

She bites her lip so that she won't cry.



tbc...

More?


yech... ::shudders:: i think that that chapter was absolutely horrid and I'm sooo sorry for inflicting this crap onto you guys.

i wish i could promise that i would do better but unfortunately, i think that I'm a complete and utter failure and I don't want to raise your hopes.

Big surprise.