6.

If you feel the need

She takes a deep breath as she sits down, trembling as if she is about to go on her first mission all over again. The fear is the same, the consequences are not. The only risk here is the death of her own heart. Again.

She looked at him as she always did, thinking about the reality of things as they were coupled with the mirage that she held in her head, what she wanted desperately to be true. She watched from the doorway as he sat on the crate, leaning over the small file with that look on his face.

The look that meant that he was serious, thinking, and above all, entirely business. The worry lines appeared on his face, somehow impossibly making him even more attractive to her. He lifted his finger and brought it to the paper, underlining a line with it as his lips wordlessly mouthed the words. Double-checking. Or perhaps triple-checking.

It was then that he paused, to glance at the watch strapped to his wrist, a slight worried look coming over his face because she hadn't arrived.

Truth was she arrived ten minutes ago. And had been unable to step away from the doorway.

He looked around the warehouse and stopped, now seeing the dark silhouette outlined in the doorway of the warehouse. The one outline that he knew perfectly with every fiber of his being.

Even in the slinky darkness she could see the light of his smile as his hesitant grin enfolded her, engulfed her with warmth and something spectacularly close to love. Her heart constricted with his soft words.

"Hey."

"Hi." And she couldn't stop her own smile.

She shakes the memory away because it is with the accompaniment of these thoughts that her heart alternately hurts, swells, and scars-steeling itself from all emotion- all over again-, making her internet escapades seem cheaper and less meaningful.

It would seem so but she knows that it isn't true because in spite of the wrenching emotions that she still feels warring inside of her at the thought of the man that she had deemed perfect, her pulse quickens when her buddylist pops up. And the situation, though still comical when voiced, becomes serious and she feels, for some reason, whole again.

BleedingPhoenix: Los Angeles
peoplesay: are you serious?

Why wouldn't she be serious?

Despite the fact that she has considered lying, considered passing herself off as a 23 year old lawyer named Katie Richter living in Austin, Texas... she can't do it. She can't lie.

Not in the one situation that she doesn't have to.

BleedingPhoenix: why wouldn't I be?
peoplesay: no, it's just that... I do too.

Her heart lurches almost as if it will come crashing through her chest. She is angry that he does because of the fact that she is not. She wants to be angry, she wants this to stay a game where she can merely talk and dream of a possible romance.

The idea that this actually might be feasible is unacceptable. She is furious that she might actually have a chance at a future with this man because there is now one more chance for utter failure.

BleedingPhoenix: were you serious?
peoplesay: about what?
BleedingPhoenix: about you maybe wanting to-

She stops mid-type because she has lost her words, doesn't know what to say, how to say it, if she wants to say it, if he wants to hear it.

BleedingPhoenix: about you maybe being interested in me. Someone whom you have never met, mind you, and who might turn out to be the worst mistake of your life.
peoplesay: deadly
Bleedinghoenix: the most deadly mistake pf your life?
peoplesay: no. I'm deadly serious.

She bites her lip so hard she knows that soon it will bleed and so she stands up and lies down on the bed, releasing her grip on her bottom lip and instead covering her face with her hands, the cool bedsheets pressing against her back.

See no evil.

And suddenly she is more drained than she has ever felt after any mission, after any arguement, any warring with her own emotions... and she knows that this is because this sort of enervation has been eating at her for months. From the inside out. And now that she thinks she has spotted the cure, she can't help herself. She is utterly exhausted.

It is in this pose that she falls asleep, blind to the world, blind to herself, and blinded to what is in front of her.

Literally.

peoplesay: are you still there?

She curls up, cold in her sleep, into the fetal position, her face losing it's tension as confusion lifts and tiredness reigns.

peoplesay: hello?






more?

Tbc...

Are you there?


Hello?


i realize now that the ending is kinda weird but i "felt" it when i was writing and now i'm "feeling" too lazy to change it... yeah.