A/N: for those who wanted to know what the time frame was, I'm actually not absolutely sure. It's before Syd and Vaughn got together, it's alternate universe, I do use clips from the show… there's no "telling" and that's about all I can tell ya~


CHAT

8.

Beautiful Morning… Finally



She wakes up on her own, without the aid of any annoying ringing thing, and happy for the first time in a long time. It feels as if the constraints that have held so tight and hard on her heart are finally giving way. She thinks that now, she can begin to let Vaughn- or at least the idea of Vaughn for she never really did have him in person- go and forgive him for not wanting her as much as she did him.

She has never realized how much anger she has been living with every day.

All because Agent Michael Vaughn followed the rules.

But it doesn't matter anymore and she squashes the inevitable rush of hurt and humiliation flat before it can affect her mood and this strangely beautiful day. Saturdays did tend to be more clear.

As if needing affirmation, she reaches under her pillow and looks at the page she had scribbled out the night before, wanting- no needing- to know that what she wrote last night was real. That she had finally confided… even if it was only to herself.

The Beginning- for nothing else- no date, no time, to place- matters

Peoplesay I bleed.
Peoplesay I need to confide.
Peoplesay I'm hiding.
Peoplesay they can help heal me. Stop my bleeding, let me scar, and start over.

Peoplesay may not be God.

But I am beginning to believe what peoplesay.

She can't help but shudder slightly.


It's as if she's being set free.

The light hum of the computer brings her back from her thoughts and she sits up from deep inside her comforters to listen to the soft humming and watch the screen glow from where she is sitting.

And her heart stills.

Because oh Lord he's there.

And she can't deny it now. Not when it's here blatantly in front of her. She can't deny the fact that her heart is beating faster and he eyes are a little wider and despite the fact that there is a screen and most probably an entire city separating them, she is now terribly conscious of what her hair must look like.

She makes her way slowly over to the table, the sudden rush of cold air on her skin uncomfortable so she picks up her blanket and takes it with her, piling it all around her in her chair.

BleedingPhoenix: Hey
peoplesay: hey!
BleedingPhoenix: whoa there… why are you so happy?

She's already feeling happier herself. That stupid grin that she tends to wear in certain situations- all of them which had previously included Vaughn- wouldn't leave her face.

"You… you look really pretty," Vaughn's words seemed to come out as soft as a whisper, eliciting a soft smile from her face as she grinned in utter happiness.

She shakes her head, rubs her eyes to keep them focused as she looks back towards the screen.

peoplesay: well… why don't you take a look at who I'm talking to and maybe it will help to alleviate your confusion

God. She's blushing. She's actually stupidly blushing because of what a [most probably] slobby, fat, unkempt, stupid, dull, balding man is telling her. Worst Case Scenario. Except that he isn't dull… and he isn't stupid either. And the other aspects don't matter, not at this point. And maybe that is all that matters. The chances of this happening are, after all, rather close to nil.

BleedingPhoenix:
peoplesay: made you blush
BleedingPhoenix: You don't even know what I look like.
peoplesay: it doesn't matter.

She laughs.

BleedingPhoenix: it matters. At least a little bit.
peoplesay: trust me. I'm not worried about it.

She's unsure of how to react, what she's supposed to feel, how she's supposed to convey these emotions, if they can be conveyed, if they are meant to be conveyed in the first place.

BleedingPhoenix: so what are you doing up so early anyway? It's ungodly.
peoplesay: I mention the fact that you are also up at this "ungodly" hour, and I also have a secondary reason… I figured that since you went away so unexpectedly during our last conversation – in order to cushion the blow to the ego I will tell myself that you fell asleep- and so decided that if you fall asleep at such completely inappropriate time, then you might wake up at them too, no?
BleedingPhoenix: you woke yourself up at 5:30 in the morning on the chance that I might be here?
peoplesay: you weren't last night.
BleedingPhoenix: I was going through some emotional stuff last night.
peoplesay: closure?

Her heart skips a beat. How does he know so much? Understand so much?

BleedingPhoenix: yeah, something like that.
peoplesay: me too.

It's completely illogical and even crazy but with the 'me too' it's almost as if she can hear his voice saying this, can hear the tone and the inflection, the key and range of his voice as he speaks to her.


"Me too."

She looked over to him, a little confusion spreading in her eyes and throughout her gaze. "Me too what?"

It was then that she noticed the tears coming near the surface of his eyes. He turned his head and looked at her, not bothering to hide them or hide from her. "I know what it's like to lose a parent too." His slight, sad grin was given to her and she could feel the floundering of her heart already. She wanted to walk over to him, to caress his cheek with her hand, hug him.

Her own eyes watering, she nodded at him, sending him a smile of her own. And then she did walk over, enveloped him in her arms, watching and feeling as his body tensed and then relaxed, his arms coming around her back in mutual comfort.

It was strange how well she seemed to fit in this space, as if the contours of his body were made for her to ease into. And it was right the way both were comforting one another. Inexplicable on method but so completely right.

She shakes her head of the memories. She has too many memories of Vaughn being kind and sweet, sharing, giving, and warm. If she thinks about them all, she will only be on the road to destruction again. With only her own heart on the line. Vaughn didn't want her.





She was only a bird to him.





She was broken out of her reverie with the sound of the little bells announcing a new reply.

peoplesay: can I ask you a question?

She feels her blood freezing up inside of her as this simple line pops up on her screen. Normally – if this situation could ever be contrived as normal- she would have replied no and stated that the asking of question was also off limits. The reason being that she was a wall and wanted to keep it that in order to protect both herself and whoever was trying to reach her. She wasn't lying when she said that she destroyed the lives of the people she loved. In the same way that they destroyed her. The way Vaughn had destroyed her.

But the promises she made to herself are still clear in her mind.

It's only when the consequences outweigh the risks that one truly knows who and what they are. What one can become. And this is what she is about to do. She turns around once in her swivel chair for no real reason at all than to feel the slight breeze whip across her face.

And then she takes a deep breath.


It felt like it was the first breath she had ever taken in her life.

The first real breath she was ever conscious of taking.




tbc…

more?

forgiven03: congrats on the puzzle solving~
elephants in a blue kazoo
LOVE MY FLOWERS and the people who were in the LIVE CHAT~~ hehe, 'twas fun