CHAT

11.

Unsure


She walks into the doorway without lifting her head because she knows that she doesn't need to. The atmosphere in this room is immensely different than the feeling of any other room she has ever been in.

And she knows in every pore of her that this is only because it is only this room, at this moment, that contains one very important component.

Michael Vaughn.

She doesn't have to look up when she enters the room because she knows he's there. She can feel him.

She finally lifts her head, her eyes purposefully dodging his gaze. "Hey." His soft greeting- the only thing about him that she doesn't see differently- echoes in the room.

"Hi." Her reply is clipped.

"Well, I'm sorry that it's so late-"

"-That's all right"

"-but," he looks at her strangely before moving on, "But news came up about the mission in Peru."

He can see her mind clicking away, remembering the facts and details of that Peruvian mission, trying to figure out what more could have been done or what could possibly have been deduced. This is the aspect of her that perhaps fascinates him the most. The way she throws herself into her thoughts and how her concentration becomes utterly evident and enticing across her face. She gives up. "What new information?"

"Remember how at 10, the heli-"

"-Vaughn?"

He looks up from his file. "Yes?"

"Could you stand up for a second?"

He looks confused but obliges her and stands. "Sure... why?"

He is standing up now, directly in front of her just like she remembers and she is painfully aware of the fact that she has to look up to see his face- that he is always so much more handsome than she can remember perhaps not just because of forgotten features but because of the look of perfect empathy always in his eyes that she just can't seem to fully emulate in her thoughts.

He looks at her, uncomfortable. "Sydney, what are you doing?"

"I'm just seeing..."

"Seeing what?"

She shakes her head a little, smiling softly, a slight embarassed flush crawling along her cheekbones. When she speaks, the words are spoken hushed and towards the ground. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

Her answer answers nothing and the furrows in his forehead deepen. "Are you alright?"

It is strange how people are only aware of her when she is hurt.


BleedingPhoenix: you should stop talking to me. I'll probably end up destroying your life.
peoplesay: I can't stop.
BleedingPhoenic: why not?
peoplesay: because you're bleeding.


"Nothing's wrong with me, Vaughn." She looks up, her gaze potently meeting his. "Can I ask you a question?"

"I told you before you could talk to me about anything, Syd. Work-related or not."

She nods slowly, stops, shakes her head, and meets his gaze-looking at him. "Nevermind, It's not important."

He raises his eyebrows, giving her a dubious look but gives her a little nod of his own before he continues.

Her mind is moving with his, listening to his words and taking them in even as she is rememorizing the tone of his voice and the texture of his hands. The tracking device she had placed inside the briefcase of Leif Marshall has been activated and he is currently making his way towards the South of France. That is what he is saying to her. These are the words coming from his mouth, not the ones she has been longing to hear for months now.

The words are wooden as they come from her mouth. Her ambition has been drained from her a long time ago but she keeps on going, keeps on fighting for God knows what reason.

Maybe it's because- despite the chaotic hours, the danger of the missions, the adrenaline that never ceases to pump through her systen and illuminate her entire body- life with the CIA is normal. It's routine that there is no set routine. She may not know when or where or even who but she is still always in control.

When did she lose it all?

Her work is the only thing she has control over now. "What's in South France?"

His brow furrows again as he fingers the pages, wearing out the edges until they are thin and fragile and soft to the touch. One of the many habits about him that she had loved.


She watched him silently as she sat on the crate, watching as his delicate fingers ruffled and strummed the papers in the file, watching as tiny flecks of the edges flew off with each tiny flick and drifted towards the ground. It was always obvious which files belonged to Michael Vaughn.

She felt his gaze on her head, her face, as he spoke, his words careful and measured, unsure of how to read her emotions and mood.

He knew it was awkward, could not deny that until yesterday, he could not have stated plainly with absolute conviction which he would choose, given the choice: loyalty to his country and, ultimately, to his father's memory... or love with Sydney.

And yesterday, it had been made. He was still doubting, still questioning, still beating himself up pver the look of hurt and utter humiliation in her eyes... but now he knew.

It was unbelievable to think that the kiss had only been yesterday. The lack of kiss. The un-kiss to be exact.

She hadn't lifted her had, hadn't stopped looking at his hands. He looked downwards and saw the slow and quiet shredding of the paper and stilled his movements, flushed.

He's shredding the paper like he's shredding me. Slowly and unintentionally. But he is.



"We have certain ideas and clues and we think that Rambaldi might have hinted at it at some point but we are still trying to figure it out. "

She nods. "Keep me posted." She turns to walk away and out of the warehouse, back to her car, back into the safety of her home but is stopped by the sound of his voice before she can take three steps.


"Are you?"


She turns slowly, confusion lighting her eyes. "Am I what?"


His eyes burn into her, a desperation longing for knowledge and something else... an undefinable sweetness is searing through her.


"Are you sure of me?"


She smiles softly and kisses him on the cheek. The expression and motion indicate "Always".

But the three words rolling around in her head are


I





DON'T





KNOW











tbc...




more??






-jenn

Quick enough for you??? Lol… you guys DO know that reviews spur me on right? As in more reviews= more chapters in a quicker amount of time… not that I'm black-mailing you or anything… it does seriously motivate me ;)

Thank you all so much for all of your wonderful reviews so far… you don't know how happy they make me J