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12.

Bring Me to Life Part One

*The lyrics of Evanescence's "Bring Me to Life" are used in this chapter*
(Which is also the recommended song to listen to when reading the chapter)


[think angst. think desperation]


Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real

Bring me to life

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to Life

Frozen inside
Without your touch
Without your love
Darling, only you are
The Life among the Dead

All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more

Bring

Me

To

Life



~:~

The darkness crowds over everything, resides everywhere, is crawling and smothering and choking the life out of me.

But just as it is strong, it is also intangible. My movements, my struggle, my fighting is useless, pointless, absurd. Because everything goes through the mist unharmed and lacking any power.

And I have never felt so utterly helpless in my life. My mind has left me. My heart has left me.


And I'm ready to give up.


There seems to be no point in struggling against something you can't fight back. In something that is forever stronger than you, something that makes you feel more alone than you have ever been before.

There is no point to living if this is what life is.

There is no point to breathing if there is no sweetness in the air.

There is no point to feeling when all you feel is pain.

There is no point to wishing things could change when you know in the deepest portions of your heart that it will not change. That it cannot change. That it would not change.

There is no point to living if this is what life is.

And so I take my breath- presumably my last- and I close my eyes and black mist swirls instantly, rushing in over my head and eyes and body and it's cold and I'm more tired than I've ever been in my entire life and I'm ready to let it all go-

When I see a break in the darkness and a part of my soul is screaming at me and telling me to ignore it, to let go, to finally leave all struggles behind. But it's a hand, masculine and strong, backed by a voice so pleading and full of love that I can't help lifting and opening my mouth to ask a question...

And sweet air rushes in and I open my eyes to blinding brightness and the silhouette of a man so utterly familiar to my very being.

So familiar that I cannot place him.

~:~


The air rushes into her mouth and her lungs as sweet as... as... as nothing she has ever known before. There are no words to describe the feeling of utter relief and amazement that one feels when it is realized that one is still alive. And there is no telling just how sweet that first breath of fresh air feels when it reminds the rest of the body that it is still functioning.

That it can still feel.

She wants to know what hand it was- whose hand it was that brought her back-


Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to Life



Flushed and energized with a sort of crazy frenzy, she pushes off the covers, throws them away from her and jumps off of the bed, racing to the computer and turning it on. Moving so quickly that she is dizzy.

Filled with an emotion that she can only call desperation.

She doesn't know what she will do if he isn't there.

He has to be.

For her.




BleedingPhoenix: tell me one thing.
peoplesay: hello to you to and okay.
BleedingPhoenix: tell me what your hands look like.
peoplesay: what?
BleedingPhoenix: Why are you talking to me?
peoplesay: What?!
peoplesay: I believe that you started this conversation- because you asked me to tell you something.
BleedingPhoenix: No. NO That' not what i mean.
peoplesay: are you okay?
BleedingPhoenix: I mean why do you talk to me? What compelled you to ever start speaking to me? What? BEcause I wasn't talking? BEcuase you felt sorry for me? WHat?

Her fingers fly across the keyboard, becoming a blur to her eyes. She feels like crying, screaming, laughing, knowing.

Knowing.

She has to know.






this is the end of the first [half?] of the 12th chapter. Was it okay? Let me know if I can fix anything.

To those of you who asked: Yes... Vaughn DOES do something that makes Syd so hurt and angry at him and it's not that he didn't do anything (i.e. kissing her). It's pretty bad. And I haven't written it yet but i plan to do it soon... maybe in the next half of the chapter.

Sorry if only giving half of a chapter messed up the flow and the ending sucked or something. If it did... don't think of it as an ending.

Thanks~


tbc...


more?


-jenn


*now with the continuation of the chapter (with the original half quoted for your viewing and refreshing ease *

peoplesay: hey... hey... calm down, okay?

It's almost as if she can hear his voice in her head, as if her body is listening and reacting already because she can hear the soothing tones and loving words.

And then she realizes that she has.



"Sydney... SYDNEY! Please calm down... please," the voice is pleading with her despite the fact that there is a note of frenzy in his voice too.

She struggled against his grip, tears flooding down her face in great rivers, distorting her vision. Voice erupting from her already parched and burned throat, she screamed, "No... NO! Let me go- let me go..." She pounded against his chest, forcing him to envelop her whole body into his arms so that she couldn't hurt him. Or herself.

She screamed into his chest, the moves from a hundred different martial arts flashing through her head. She could have him flat on his back in a second if she wanted.

But that was the question.

Did she?

She didn't let herself answer... didn't allow herself to think, in any part of her, that she might want to stay in his arms rather than go back.

She had to go back.

Futile though it was, she squirmed against his grasp and grip, finally giving up and sweeping her leg until it came crashing into his own. Forcing him to fall on his back with a loud thud onto the pavement.

She ran back into the building, hearing his shouts in her ear. "Sydney! Wait! Stop!- don't go back in there!"

Her jaw clenched in concentration- blocking out his voice was harder that she thought it would be. She knew that their mission had failed, knew that there was no intelligence in her decision to go back in there when there was basically no chance that she would make it back out unscathed.

But she also knew that her father was in there and that he needed her. So she had to go.

The room was dark and her footsteps hit the tile with a thud that echoed eerily throughout the hall, as if there was no one else in the entire building. Staying close to the wall, bathed in shadows, she inched along its borders, tensed and coiled, ready to fight.

But nothing happened.

She heard the approach of another person behind her, knew instinctively that it was Vaughn because she had known, even as she was running from him, that he would follow her. That he would watch her back, keep her safe.


Her guardian angel.


He was so close to her now that she could feel the heat and nervous energy coming off his body next to her.

"Syd?"

It was only a whisper.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know where we're going?"

"No. If I did, we would already be there."

"All right then."


Then all sensation dimmed, blurred, and was lost with the feel of rough cloth.

She struggled for a moment and heard Vaughn fighting next to her but it was no use. The hands holding the cloth to their mouths were strong.


And they were out within the minute.


The world was black.

And then

There was no world.





...hmmm...... how did you find that??? Was it okay?

well... if it was {hopes that it was} fasten your seatbelts... the next two chapters (at least) will be in flashback format... to fully explain what Vaughn did as opposed to having it just come out in conversation or dialogue or something and have it mean less.


[crosses fingers] i'm trying to internalize... "mentalize"...personalize...i have to shut up....[/crosses fingers]

hey you guys…THIS IS A QUICK A/N: I would LOVE to have 20 reviews for this chapter… I know that this makes me sound greedy and mean but after this chapter, I don't have any more ready prepared (yes, I admit it… I had another site where I updated a TEENSY bit faster and with my hectic opera schedule *I'm going to be in La Damnation de Faust with the L.A. Opera with Placido Domingo!!! [ends the annoying bragging]* and so if you could, reviews ARE a huge motivation and inspiration.

I've gotten complaints before that asking for reviews was really cheap and that a person didn't need to get reviews in order to write. That's true but what is ALSO true is that though a person writes first for him/herself, when they decide to take the risk and put it somewhere where people can see it, response is a really nice gift. I'm DEFINITELY NOT complaining about the response I've gotten so far… you guys are all too wonderful for me. This paragraph was just an explanation for past experiences… anyway, I'll shut up now. *prays that they don't think I'm a bitch…*

Thanks for reading and liking this little fic~

-jenn