Author's Note: Takes place some time during season six, when Willow and Tara weren't together,
because I hate Tara, and I hate writing her. So Nyah. Just in case you weren't familiar with the characters of Scooby Doo.
I retell their story in the prologue as best as I can remember it.
The Scooby Doo Meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Chapter 1: The Box of Osiris.
It was a dark, and stormy night. The streets outside of Sunnydale California were
silent, empty, all except for a lone green and purple Volkswagon Van with the words "Mystery Machine."
scrawled on it in a red hippie font."Wow, I sure am stoked about this Billy Idol concert at the Bronz tonight."
Fred Jones said as he masterfully drove the van through the rain.. He was your typical blonde-haired pretty boy.
The kind of who was all man, but trendy enough to keep up with all the latest fashions. Fashions like tight, blue polyester pants,
white long-sleaved wool polo shirts, and blazing hot red ascots.
"Are you sure we're going the right way?" Daphne Blake asked. She was a red hot redhead, in hot pink tights, and a purple dress cut
and layered in ways that would put Judy Jetson to shame. Which she accesorized with a long, silk, lime-green scarf.
Daphne was a spoiled little rich girl, who liked to burn through Daddy's wallet like she burns through mens hearts.
She and Fred had an on again off again love affair. Daphne started seeing Freddie as a rebellion
against her silver spoon lifestyle. She was a posh debutante with a wild side and he was a hardcore
rebel with a flare for the occult. It soon blossumed into a romance that would turn out to be more beautiful than anything Shakespear or Jackie
Collins could ever write.
"I'm positive, Daph." Fred responded.
"Then why have we passed that same exit twelve times." Thelma said nasally, as she squeezed in between the two lovers.
She wore a frumpy, orange, turtleneck sweater, and a red wool mini-skirt. She was a plain girl, kind of short, and
kind of dumpy. She wore thick brown glassed, and had a moptop like a Beatle. Thelma almost felt out of place, amoungst pretty
people like Fred and Daphne, but like most ugly people she made up for it with her intellect, and witty personality.
She and Daphne had been best friends. Often Daphne would take Thelma to bars, so she could be the pretty one, and
that's how the two met Fred. A die-hard skeptic, Thelma was intrigued by Fred's passion for uncovering the
secrets of the supernatural.
"Maybe we should stop and ask for directions?" Daphne suggested.
"No way. A man never stops and ask for directions." Fred said firmly.
"I guess that's why we're always getting lost, and running out of gas in front of spooky old mansions,
and abandoned amusement parks." Thelma quipped. Fred averted his eyes from the road to glare at
her.
"Like, I'm with the girls on this one Fred. And I know the perfect place to stop. Scoob and I saw a
sign for Double-Meat Palace at the next exit." Squeaked the fourth and final member of this Montly
Crew, whose voice always went up an octave at the end of his sentences. Shaggy was a tall, thin man with a goatee,
and long, wild, unkept hair that hung down to his shoulders. He wore an oversized greent T shirt, and a pair of brown slacks.
The gang wasn't sure what Shaggy hoped to gain from joining them. They never would have met him if they hadn't accidentally left the backdoors
of the van open,when they pulled into a gas station to fill up.
While they were inside Shaggy and his great dane, Scooby had apparently crawled
inside the van and went to sleep under some old blankets. They had been with them ever since.
"We are not stopping end of story." Fred shout to the back of the van, where the shaggy hippie and
his dog were involved in a game of poker.
"Oh come on, Fred, I'm like starving!." Shaggy whined.
"Ryeah Strarving!" The dog said.
When Shaggy first told the gang that the dog talked they just thought Shaggy was tweaking again.
They knew Shaggy had a drug problem, when they noticed he was always hungry, never gained any weight,
and would do practically anything for a chance to eat dog food. But as it turned out the dog
could in fact talk, but only with a horrible impetiment.
"Hey look, we passed that exit agian." Thelma said.
"All right! Fine! Daphne give me the map." Fred yelled.
"Maybe I should read the map, since you're driving." Daphne suggested.
Fred laughed out loud.
"A woman reading a map, that's almost as funny as letting one drive! Now just unfold the map in front
of the windshield so I can see it." Fred commanded. Daphne rolled eyes, and complied.
As the van slowly and amazingly made it's way to Sunnydale.
***
Meanwhile outside the Sunnydale museum, Dr. Camden Fodder raced to his car, while
clutching a small, brown box tightly against his chest.
"Are they insane?! They send cursed box of Osaris to the museum of a town built on a Hellmouth? I
have to get this thing out of town before it falls into the wrong hands." He said as he fumbled for his
car keys.
"Yeah, like ours." A voice said from behind him. Dr. Fodder turned around to see five vampires
stepping out of the shadows.
"Now hand over the box, doc, and we promise we'll kill you quickly." Said the long haired ringleader.
He had a muscular build and a gold chain around his neck. The other vampires just stared at him
with a hungry look in their yellowish eyes. Dr. Fodder clutched harder to the box in defiance.
"Come on, Dr. Fodder, after you give us the box, maybe we could go get a 'bite' to eat." The head vampire said with his hand outstretched.
"A bite to eat, Snake?" The dark-skinned vampire asked skeptically.
"Yeah?"
" God, I hope we don't run into the slayer while we're here. With banter like that you'll end up embarassing us."
The other vampires barrelled over laughin
Snake laughed, and then pulled a wooden stake from his jacket pocket.
"So you think I'm embarassing?" Snake asked as he made his way towards his criticizer with the stake behind his back.
"Yeah a little." Smirked the vampire.
"Well I think that I don't like being belittled in front of my own gang." He said as drove the stake
through the heart of his gang member. "Get the point."
"Ugh." Cried blonde female vampire.
"What? Does it digust you that I'm so ruthless I'd kill my own kind?" He asked with a sick smile.
"No, it was that pun. I'd throw up if it wasn't for the fact that we don't have to eat food." She said.
Snake lunged at her with the stake in a fit of rage, and turned her into dust. Just then he felt a
tap on his shoulder.
"Um boss, when you're done killing your posse, you might want to try to catch the doctor befor he gets away."
Snake turned around in time to see that the doctor had made a mad dash during the fight, and was now
almost out of sight.
"Grrr! After Him!" He shouted and the vampires began their chase.
****
"Look Fred, I'm not questioning your driving skills. I just don't think it's very safe, or legal to drive with the map in
front of you like that." Daphne yelled.
"For the last time, Daphne, will you get off my back about the map ok?" Fred yelled.
"Like, can we please stop, and get something to eat? Scoob and I are wasting away back here."
"Shut-up Shaggy!" They both screamed, and soon everyone was arguing.
*Th-Thump* *Th-Thump*
The gang went silent.
"What was that?" Fred asked nervously.
"I think we just hit something." Thelma said.
"It was probably just a squirrel." Daphne said her voice wrought with tension.
"Like, that was an awful big squirrel." Shaggy squeaked.
Fred pulled the van over and got out to see what they hit. The rest of the gang followed him, and was shocked to see the
crumpled lifeless body of Dr. Camden Fodder.
"Oh-Oh God--" Fred ran over to the side of the road and threw up.
"Oh man, here Scoob swallow this bag in case the cops show up." Shaggy said stuffing a plastic bag full of white powder in the
dogs mouth.
*Gulp* The great dane swallowed.
"This is all your fault Daphne!" Fred shouted.
"My fault?"
"Yeah, if you weren't nagging me about the map I never would have hit him."
"You hit him because you had the map unfolded in front of the windshield!" Daphne shouted!
"If that were true how come I've never hit anybody before?"
"That's a good question." Daphne said perplexed.
"Ok, ok everyone stay calm we'll just dump the body in the bay, and make an oath to not tell anybody about this." Thelma said.
"I'm too pretty to go to prison!" Daphne cried. Then she noticed the brown box that lay beside him unharmed. It was made of
beautifully varnished wood, with all sorts of strange, ancient carvings on it. "Hey what's this?" She asked, picking up the box.
"Good idea, Daphne, I'll get his wallet." Fred said wiping his mouth and going over to the body. Everyone looked at him with
a disgusted expression as he picked the man's pockets.
"To check for ID." He said defensively, as he secretly slipped Dr. Fodder's cash into his pocket.
Just then an out-of-breath Snake and company had finally caught up with the late Dr. Camden Fodder.
"Well, well, well, look what we have here. A five-for-one speacial. Hey guys what do you say about having a little snack, before
we take the box back to our boss." He said, as the other two vampires began to circle around the frightened teens.
To Be Continued...
because I hate Tara, and I hate writing her. So Nyah. Just in case you weren't familiar with the characters of Scooby Doo.
I retell their story in the prologue as best as I can remember it.
The Scooby Doo Meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Chapter 1: The Box of Osiris.
It was a dark, and stormy night. The streets outside of Sunnydale California were
silent, empty, all except for a lone green and purple Volkswagon Van with the words "Mystery Machine."
scrawled on it in a red hippie font."Wow, I sure am stoked about this Billy Idol concert at the Bronz tonight."
Fred Jones said as he masterfully drove the van through the rain.. He was your typical blonde-haired pretty boy.
The kind of who was all man, but trendy enough to keep up with all the latest fashions. Fashions like tight, blue polyester pants,
white long-sleaved wool polo shirts, and blazing hot red ascots.
"Are you sure we're going the right way?" Daphne Blake asked. She was a red hot redhead, in hot pink tights, and a purple dress cut
and layered in ways that would put Judy Jetson to shame. Which she accesorized with a long, silk, lime-green scarf.
Daphne was a spoiled little rich girl, who liked to burn through Daddy's wallet like she burns through mens hearts.
She and Fred had an on again off again love affair. Daphne started seeing Freddie as a rebellion
against her silver spoon lifestyle. She was a posh debutante with a wild side and he was a hardcore
rebel with a flare for the occult. It soon blossumed into a romance that would turn out to be more beautiful than anything Shakespear or Jackie
Collins could ever write.
"I'm positive, Daph." Fred responded.
"Then why have we passed that same exit twelve times." Thelma said nasally, as she squeezed in between the two lovers.
She wore a frumpy, orange, turtleneck sweater, and a red wool mini-skirt. She was a plain girl, kind of short, and
kind of dumpy. She wore thick brown glassed, and had a moptop like a Beatle. Thelma almost felt out of place, amoungst pretty
people like Fred and Daphne, but like most ugly people she made up for it with her intellect, and witty personality.
She and Daphne had been best friends. Often Daphne would take Thelma to bars, so she could be the pretty one, and
that's how the two met Fred. A die-hard skeptic, Thelma was intrigued by Fred's passion for uncovering the
secrets of the supernatural.
"Maybe we should stop and ask for directions?" Daphne suggested.
"No way. A man never stops and ask for directions." Fred said firmly.
"I guess that's why we're always getting lost, and running out of gas in front of spooky old mansions,
and abandoned amusement parks." Thelma quipped. Fred averted his eyes from the road to glare at
her.
"Like, I'm with the girls on this one Fred. And I know the perfect place to stop. Scoob and I saw a
sign for Double-Meat Palace at the next exit." Squeaked the fourth and final member of this Montly
Crew, whose voice always went up an octave at the end of his sentences. Shaggy was a tall, thin man with a goatee,
and long, wild, unkept hair that hung down to his shoulders. He wore an oversized greent T shirt, and a pair of brown slacks.
The gang wasn't sure what Shaggy hoped to gain from joining them. They never would have met him if they hadn't accidentally left the backdoors
of the van open,when they pulled into a gas station to fill up.
While they were inside Shaggy and his great dane, Scooby had apparently crawled
inside the van and went to sleep under some old blankets. They had been with them ever since.
"We are not stopping end of story." Fred shout to the back of the van, where the shaggy hippie and
his dog were involved in a game of poker.
"Oh come on, Fred, I'm like starving!." Shaggy whined.
"Ryeah Strarving!" The dog said.
When Shaggy first told the gang that the dog talked they just thought Shaggy was tweaking again.
They knew Shaggy had a drug problem, when they noticed he was always hungry, never gained any weight,
and would do practically anything for a chance to eat dog food. But as it turned out the dog
could in fact talk, but only with a horrible impetiment.
"Hey look, we passed that exit agian." Thelma said.
"All right! Fine! Daphne give me the map." Fred yelled.
"Maybe I should read the map, since you're driving." Daphne suggested.
Fred laughed out loud.
"A woman reading a map, that's almost as funny as letting one drive! Now just unfold the map in front
of the windshield so I can see it." Fred commanded. Daphne rolled eyes, and complied.
As the van slowly and amazingly made it's way to Sunnydale.
***
Meanwhile outside the Sunnydale museum, Dr. Camden Fodder raced to his car, while
clutching a small, brown box tightly against his chest.
"Are they insane?! They send cursed box of Osaris to the museum of a town built on a Hellmouth? I
have to get this thing out of town before it falls into the wrong hands." He said as he fumbled for his
car keys.
"Yeah, like ours." A voice said from behind him. Dr. Fodder turned around to see five vampires
stepping out of the shadows.
"Now hand over the box, doc, and we promise we'll kill you quickly." Said the long haired ringleader.
He had a muscular build and a gold chain around his neck. The other vampires just stared at him
with a hungry look in their yellowish eyes. Dr. Fodder clutched harder to the box in defiance.
"Come on, Dr. Fodder, after you give us the box, maybe we could go get a 'bite' to eat." The head vampire said with his hand outstretched.
"A bite to eat, Snake?" The dark-skinned vampire asked skeptically.
"Yeah?"
" God, I hope we don't run into the slayer while we're here. With banter like that you'll end up embarassing us."
The other vampires barrelled over laughin
Snake laughed, and then pulled a wooden stake from his jacket pocket.
"So you think I'm embarassing?" Snake asked as he made his way towards his criticizer with the stake behind his back.
"Yeah a little." Smirked the vampire.
"Well I think that I don't like being belittled in front of my own gang." He said as drove the stake
through the heart of his gang member. "Get the point."
"Ugh." Cried blonde female vampire.
"What? Does it digust you that I'm so ruthless I'd kill my own kind?" He asked with a sick smile.
"No, it was that pun. I'd throw up if it wasn't for the fact that we don't have to eat food." She said.
Snake lunged at her with the stake in a fit of rage, and turned her into dust. Just then he felt a
tap on his shoulder.
"Um boss, when you're done killing your posse, you might want to try to catch the doctor befor he gets away."
Snake turned around in time to see that the doctor had made a mad dash during the fight, and was now
almost out of sight.
"Grrr! After Him!" He shouted and the vampires began their chase.
****
"Look Fred, I'm not questioning your driving skills. I just don't think it's very safe, or legal to drive with the map in
front of you like that." Daphne yelled.
"For the last time, Daphne, will you get off my back about the map ok?" Fred yelled.
"Like, can we please stop, and get something to eat? Scoob and I are wasting away back here."
"Shut-up Shaggy!" They both screamed, and soon everyone was arguing.
*Th-Thump* *Th-Thump*
The gang went silent.
"What was that?" Fred asked nervously.
"I think we just hit something." Thelma said.
"It was probably just a squirrel." Daphne said her voice wrought with tension.
"Like, that was an awful big squirrel." Shaggy squeaked.
Fred pulled the van over and got out to see what they hit. The rest of the gang followed him, and was shocked to see the
crumpled lifeless body of Dr. Camden Fodder.
"Oh-Oh God--" Fred ran over to the side of the road and threw up.
"Oh man, here Scoob swallow this bag in case the cops show up." Shaggy said stuffing a plastic bag full of white powder in the
dogs mouth.
*Gulp* The great dane swallowed.
"This is all your fault Daphne!" Fred shouted.
"My fault?"
"Yeah, if you weren't nagging me about the map I never would have hit him."
"You hit him because you had the map unfolded in front of the windshield!" Daphne shouted!
"If that were true how come I've never hit anybody before?"
"That's a good question." Daphne said perplexed.
"Ok, ok everyone stay calm we'll just dump the body in the bay, and make an oath to not tell anybody about this." Thelma said.
"I'm too pretty to go to prison!" Daphne cried. Then she noticed the brown box that lay beside him unharmed. It was made of
beautifully varnished wood, with all sorts of strange, ancient carvings on it. "Hey what's this?" She asked, picking up the box.
"Good idea, Daphne, I'll get his wallet." Fred said wiping his mouth and going over to the body. Everyone looked at him with
a disgusted expression as he picked the man's pockets.
"To check for ID." He said defensively, as he secretly slipped Dr. Fodder's cash into his pocket.
Just then an out-of-breath Snake and company had finally caught up with the late Dr. Camden Fodder.
"Well, well, well, look what we have here. A five-for-one speacial. Hey guys what do you say about having a little snack, before
we take the box back to our boss." He said, as the other two vampires began to circle around the frightened teens.
To Be Continued...