Dismal Angel 2010 - Episode 6

Chapter 3:  I Had a Feeling

             "Professor?" Jean asked softly as she entered Professor Xavier's office, the door was already open, the Professor sat behind his desk with a large book in front of him, pouring over the pages intensely.

             "Ah, Jean, I had a feeling you would be coming to see me this evening," he raised his piercing blue eyes up and glanced towards her, he gave a slight welcoming smile, "about Gambit no doubt?"

             Jean sighed, closed the door behind herself and crossed the dark wooden floor, took a seat on the leather chair near the fireplace, "I took a brief look in his mind Professor, and everything was so vague, but I didn't see a sign of any of the memories that should have been somewhere there…"

             Professor Xavier left the desk, moving over to near the fireplace, sitting with his back straight in the wheelchair, "what did you see in his mind, Jean?"

             Jean slouched in the chair a little, crossing one leg over the other, folding her arms comfortably, "confusion…a lot of it.  Everything was so hazy and unclear, and even the sound of his thoughts seemed to echo as if his mind were empty like a large room."

             Professor Xavier took a poker from the fireside and reached over to stoke the fire as the flames were burning low to the glowing embers, "I've telepathically asked Hank to join us in this conversation, this is something we should talk about in depth to try and determine some possible solutions to the problem."

             "The only solution I can think of is trying to telepathically jump into his mind and yank out the memories," Jean stated.

             "If only it were that simple," Professor Xavier sighed as he put the poker back, "Remy's mind is rather frail, and he is weak, treading around in his psyche could permanently damage him to the extent he might never retrieve any memories back…"

             Jean watched the flames pulsing upon the embers, "what other options are there?"

             The door opened and Hank McCoy slipped in, his glasses slightly low on his nose, "good evening," he said softly, he walked over to warm by the fire, "chilly night, don't you think?"

             "Very," Professor nodded, he offered Hank the other chair by the fire, which sat opposite Jean, "please sit," he said gently to Hank.

             Hank took a seat, sitting slightly upon the edge to lean closer to the fire, "would I be right in assuming that this discussion is to determine any possible treatments for Remy's amnesia?"

             Professor Xavier took a moment to reply, "you would be correct in that assumption," he admitted, "I have spent the day pouring over information regarding amnesia with very little result, most suggestions include trying to 'jog' the memory as it were, there are other treatments that include drugs, but I would like to try and keep as far away from this as possible…"

             "I was thinking perhaps we could ask Kitty to spend some time with Remy to try and help him remember things.  She and him were close friends…"

             "Why not Rogue?" Hank asked, seeming to think Rogue might be the better candidate, "she was closer to Remy even than Kitty was, and still seems to genuinely care – however much she tries to deny it."

             "That's certainly true, she does still care for Remy – and yes, she knew him better than any of us, but we have to also taken into account of her past history with him," Jean pointed out.

             Professor Xavier gave a firm nod, "yes, Rogue might feel tempted to leave out certain factors of Remy's past – the numerous times he hurt her emotionally for instance, or his engagement and child – which in the end could be far more damaging if he should find about these things accidentally from someone else much later…"

             Jean nodded.

             Hank paused for a moment, "either way these things could damage him even more than you realise," he admitted, he paused again, as if thinking deeply, then he reached into his pocket, bringing out an orange bottle, "When you brought him to the hospital bay for treatment, I found these in the pocket of that old trenchcoat he was wearing," he said, handing the bottle over to Jean.

             Jean looked at the bottle, turning it around in her hands, "Lithium…" she frowned a little, "yes I remember reading in the paper that they had found various prescriptions in his apartment for what they had deemed various mental disorders…" she nodded.

             "Kitty came to me not long before you brought Remy to us, Remy had told her he was a manic depressive…and this concerns me a great deal – this could make anything we tell him all the more damaging…"

             "How long do you think this has been going on for, Hank?" Jean asked softly, she coiled a lock of her hair absently around her finger as she watched him closely, listening attentively.

             "I'm unsure really, I don't even think Kitty knows the answer to that – otherwise I think she might have mentioned.  She did seem concerned."

             "Does Rogue know about this?" Professor Xavier asked of Hank.

             "I doubt it…if she knew I think she would seem even more concerned than she is now…" Hank admitted softly, "besides, she's been asking questions that seem to indicate that she doesn't really understand what 'mental disorder' he has…but like everyone else she read about it in the newspaper, and has been asking," he scratched his chin thoughtfully, "I think this should remain between us for now.

             "Are we agreed that Kitty would be the best candidate to help Remy?" Jean asked, bringing up the subject they'd only recently discussed but had never been agreed upon.

             "Under normal circumstances I would encourage that idea, but Kitty is grieving, and it might not be the best idea to have her take on Remy's problem when she's barely dealing with her parents death as it is," Professor Xavier pointed out.

             "No, I have to disagree," Hank said to Professor Xavier, "When Kitty spoke with me about Remy she admitted that her concern about Remy was helping her take her mind off of her grieving – perhaps having this project might do her the world of good?" he queried.

             Professor Xavier spent a few moments thinking about this, "very well…I have no reason to question your judgement on this.  Would one of you like to speak with Kitty on the subject or would you prefer me to do it?"

             "I think perhaps you'd be the best to do it," Hank suggested, "if I were to ask her to do this she'd think it was out of pity that I was giving her a task in this situation."

             "Oh, Hank, I'm sure Kitty wouldn't think that," Jean shook her head, but smiled, "shall I contact her telepathically Professor?" she asked, "to advise her you want to talk to her?"

             "I'll do that myself, Jean," Professor Xavier smiled, perhaps a little wearily, but genuinely nonetheless.  "Thank you for your time."

             Kitty was cleaning through her closet when Professor Xavier contacted her telepathically asking her to come see him in his office on the first floor.  Wondering what the Professor could possibly want with her at eight pm, she pulled herself up, closed her closet door for the time being, and headed downstairs to the first floor.

             The halls where noisy, the students of the mansion rushed by, one of them on rollerblades, the other flying through the air, arms outstretched.

             "Hey you guys!" Kitty called after them, "c'mon, you know no one's meant to be flying in the mansion – or blading."

             "I've seen Rogue flying through the mansion," a young student turned, her hair long and sleek black set against her soft brown skin.  She had a tendency to be quite hoity-toity most of the time and this bugged Kitty a great deal, she could do without Monet St Croix's attitude for tonight.

             "Rogue is an adult," Kitty responded, "and don't talk back to me," she added wearily, and wandered off down towards Professor Xavier's office.  She knocked upon the thick four panelled mahogany door, and waited for a reply.

             {Come in, Kitty,} she heard echoing in her head, and rather than use the effort of turning the handle, she phased herself through, ending up on the other side of the office.

             "Good evening, Professor," Kitty said rather humbly, she had barely spoken to him since her return to the X-Men and realised this made for an awkward silence she wasn't used to experiencing in his presence. 

             "Please, sit down," Professor Xavier smiled, he was by the fire in his wheelchair, a fine dark green tartan blanket covering his legs. 

             Kitty took a seat in one of the plush brown leather wing backed chairs near the fire, and leaned back, sinking in, "am I in trouble?" she asked, she had strange memories of having done something wrong and being brought into the office to discuss punishment.  Usually, however, those times didn't involve being offered a chair by the fireside. 

             "No, no, of course not," Professor Xavier gave a soft smile and chortled slightly, "How have you been feeling, Kitty?"

             Kitty gave a sigh, and thought for a moment, "how do you expect me to feel?" she shrugged, "I've just lost my mom and dad…everything in my life is a mess…"

             "Of course," Professor Xavier nodded, "I would like to remind you that you need not suffer the feeling of loneliness that mourning can bring upon you, we are all here for you," he said softly.

             "So…what, is this some kind of 'cheer up, Kitty' pep-talk?" Kitty asked, she leaned slightly forward, resting her elbows on her knees.  She could see the Professor studying the tearstains on her cheeks.

             "No, of course not…" Professor Xavier smiled again, then became rather serious, "You're close with Gambit, yes?"

             Kitty thought about this, she guessed in some way she could consider herself somewhat close to him, "in a way, I guess," she admitted feebly, she rested her cheeks upon her hands, looking at him.

             "Jean and I have been discussion possible means of treatment for Remy – to help him gain his memories back," Professor Xavier admitted, he rested his hands in his lap and watched her face for any slight twitch that would suggest her awkwardness.  When no sign came, he continued, "And as you are close to him…it might be in his best interests if you were to aid him – teach him things about himself, try and remind him of things…"
             "But professor," Kitty interjected, she sat up straight now, "Yes, I guess I'm close to Remy – but for seven years we didn't even see each other – how am I supposed to remind him things about himself when all I know are things that he probably had forgotten before his amnesia even kicked in…?"

             "This is a valid point," Professor Xavier admitted carefully, "however, in the time you spent with him in Illinois, surely you must have learned some things about his present way of life…things that might help him get back on track?"

             Kitty shrugged, "very vague things, Professor…I'm not sure I'm the best person to do this, y'know," she chewed on her fingernails absently for a moment, then mentally kicked herself for doing so, "how about Rogue?  She knows Remy better than he knows himself."

             "I doubt that is true…" Professor Xavier grinned slightly, "and I did consider Rogue at first, but…with her past history with him, with some lingering emotions and some slight resentment for things in the past he may have done, this might not be good for either of them…I have noticed Rogue's behaviour of late has been reminiscent of her old ways," Professor Xavier explained, "and I would not want to reverse the years it took to help her recover from her own past if she tried to help him rediscover his." 

"Oh…" Kitty mouthed.

Professor Xavier set his eyes on Kitty's, and held her attention.  "If you do not want to help Remy, I cannot make you…if you do not want to, you only have to say so and I'll let you leave the room with no further discussion upon the subject."

             Kitty paused for a moment, and slumped in the chair, she twisted her hands together in frustration, she didn't know the first thing she could say to Remy – a man who wouldn't even remember her – to help him become the man he was before any of this had ever happened.  But the more she thought about it the more she realised that helping Remy was what she needed to help take her mind off of her own sorrows – and besides, she wanted to help him.  She wanted to see the old Remy back in the Mansion, making jokes, and smirking like always. 

             But then she began to think about her frame of mind when Rogue had first told her about the amnesia.  Maybe Remy's amnesia was the best thing for him, maybe with his mind a clean slate he could start his life all over without the past to come back and bite him.  Maybe the amnesia really was the best thing that could have happened to him.  He'd finally gotten what he'd wanted after all…to forget about Rogue.

             "Kitty?" Professor Xavier asked, there had been three minutes of silence.

             Kitty shook herself to her senses, "Sorry…" she stood up.  "Fine…I'll give it a try," she finally decided, "but I gotta be honest…I'm kind of having my doubts about it…"

             "Why?" Professor Xavier asked in concern.

             "Because if his memories return, he might not be as happy as you'd think," she sighed, and with those final words, left the room.