Title: Chat
Author: Jenn
Chapter: 18.2


At Last

peoplesay: i was just joking... why... are you frustrated ?

She smiles a little, uncertainly, a little of the humor seeping through.

BleedingPhoenix: umm.. yeah I guess...
peoplesay: serves you right then. Now you know what I feel.
Bleedingphoenix: what are you talking about?
peoplesay: do you know how long I've wanted to know everything about you only to be blocked at every turn?

She pauses then.

This is it.

There's no more skirting around the issue, there's no more questions, no more doubts, no more what-ifs, no more wondering.

Because it just is.

Finally, it just is and she can barely believe it... doesn't know exactly what to do with it.

BleedingPhoenix: what? really?

peoplesay: yeah.

And a breath that she hasn't realized that she has been holding is suddenly released and she can help but wonder just how long it has been held. It could have been since Vaughn's betrayal even... not the same breath of air~ but one just as stale, just as scared... one just as unsure.

peoplesay: listen phoenix, you asked me- demanded me what my hands looked like. And I had no idea how to answer that... and the only thing that I can think of is that they're empty. And I don't want them to be anymore.

She looks at the letters on the screen, barely able to believe what is happening... all this happening from her wanting to believe in a thing called normalcy.

BleedingPhoenix: you don't even really know me. i don't even really know you.

peoplesay: That's what I'm talking about. Maybe we don't really know each other. But I want to.
peoplesay: I think we should meet.
peoplesay: and before you say no, think about it
peoplesay: this is less risk than saying yes to someone asking you out at the supermarket.
peoplesay: we do kind of know eachother.
peoplesay: or at least, I feel as if I know you. I may not have any factual information, i don't know your name or birthday or... what you even look like. But I know how you feel, how you think... what you need.

"You don't know what you want, Sydney." His words were soft, pleading, face inches away from hers, sadness pouring out of his eyes.

The tears ran down her face.

Her voice was bitter when she spoke. "Yes I do, Vaughn. What have I wanted? You... I want the chance to start my life again... to start living again with someone I can trust. I need that. And I know that you do too."

She took a breath.

"I know exactly what Iwant. It's you that's confused." Clenching her jaw, she blinked back the tears until she was composed again, the only sign of her torture being the hollowness in her eyes.

She grabbed the file from the crate, feeling her unwanted kiss burn her lips... remembered the way he had stiffened and pulled away at her touch.

The post-it fluttered to the ground.

She walked away.

Turned right before she opened the door.

Spoke, her voice almost too soft to hear.

"Or maybe you do know what you want. And you're just too afraid to take it when it's right in front of you.

"That's worse... don't you think?"

With those last wooden words, she turned around again and left.


BleedingPhoenix: you think you know what I need?

peoplesay: I have an idea. And I figure that if I'm wrong... we'll still be able to figure it out. Together.

All her doubts come flooding back.

BleedingPhoenix: How do I know you're not some 80 year old psychopath?

Her attempt at humor is lost on the screen.

peoplesay: It's a thing called trust. In the end, you'll believe what you want.



She sits, seemingly frozen to the chair, fingers stuck in their positions hovering over the letters h,j,k,l,a,s,d,f; the thumbs over the space bar.





"Can't we do this, Syd? Can't we still at least work together?"

"No."


It's a thing called trust.



"This is about our country Agent Bristow, not about your own personal whims. It is not for you to decide who you work with and what you do. That is MY job. You WILL go to Peru, you WILL work with Agent Vaughn."

"I don't feel comfortable working with Agent Vaughn."

Voice rising.

Tears rising.

Keep

them

at

bay

"Your "comfort" has very little bearing on my job description."



In the end you'll end up believing what you want to believe.



"Nothing changes our professional relationship. I'm still looking out for you, Agent Bristow. I've got your back."

You had my heart.

You broke it.

How can I trust you again?



We should meet.

I think I know what you want. What you need.



"You're a f****** pheonix Syd! How many lives do you have?"


i only have one heart

what's life without a heart?



All I know about my hands is that they're empty. And I don't want them to be.




"I love you... did you know that?"






BleedingPhoenix: Let's do it.


































tbc....


okay all~ tell me what you thought... this chapter was pretty pivotal i guess... the next might be the last chapter unless i decide to keep on going so let me know~






more?




-jenn