Guilty Gear Specials
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I do not own the Guilty Gear series, nor do I own the Simpsons, or their Halloween episodes.
I wave the right for you to sue me.
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(This one may be quite familiar to you; Axl and Sol are in said British man's apartment)
Axl: You know what? Just because I'm not in my own time, with my girlfriend Megumi, in my wonderful time period of 19-something-something, it doesn't stop me from realizing that I have some wonderful friends in this time period. Like you, chief!
Sol: Shut up, Axl.
Axl: And now, I'll make us some toast!
(puts a piece in the toaster; toaster turns on; hand is stuck in toaster)
Axl (screaming): YAH!! HOT! HOT! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!! (hits it against a wall a few times, finally dislodges it) Now that was a close one. (sits down, and…)
Sol: You dumb idiot. It's in there again!
Axl: AAAHHH!!! IT'S HOT!!!
(some time passes… Axl just fixed his toaster, put bandages on his burns, and Sol wonders why he is still there.)
Axl (amazed): Okay chief! The toaster's fixed, and it's ready to go!
Sol (not showing any care in his voice): Whoop-de-doo.
Axl: Now to take it, (takes out a piece of sliced bread) for a test toast!
(Axl pops in a toast, but it starts to glow mysteriously… the minute Axl touches it to see what's wrong, he gets caught in some blinding light, and he vanishes.)
Sol: He ****ed time over once more. (walks away) Good for him.
(Meanwhile, in some mystical dimension, Axl is twirling around)
Axl (stupefied): OH my God! I'm the first human, to correctly go back in time!
Mr. Peabody (from Rocky and Bullwinkle): Correction, you are the second.
Annoying boy who always travels with Mr. Peabody: That's great, Mr. Peabody!
Mr. Peabody (quite irritated): Quiet you!
(Axl finally gets out of strange dimension, and ends up in some time period that looks like 64,000,000 BC…)
Axl: Wow… I've traveled to the time where dinosaurs roamed freely, and Gears didn't try to ravage the Earth! But I have to remember what my Pa told me…
Memory of Axl's Pa (sounding matter-of-factly): If you ever go back in time, don't step on anything! Because even the slightest mishap can change the future in ways that you can barely even imagine! Now get a job, you druggie!
Axl: Now, to follow my pa's advice, except for the getting the job bit, if I just stand right here, and do absolutely nothing, I will not screw up the world… again… (sees an irritating mosquito) Stupid BUG! I CUT YOU NOW! (uses his weapon to expertly cut up the bug; realizes what he did) But that was… just one insignificant little insect… The future isn't going to be manipulated in horrible ways… isn't it?
(A triceratops walks behind him, shrugs its shoulders in indifference, and the toaster finally pops out the test toast; Axl travels back to his apartment)
Axl: Well, that was scary.
(goes back into the kitchen to find the entire cast of Guilty Gear X2, minus one person, sitting around doing nothing. Suddenly, a monitor appears with Slayer's face on it)
Slayer: Well hello. How are things, my denizens of the night?
All (hypnotized): All is fine.
Axl: Hey! How come that mysterious man is on TV? That dumb old geezer! (a siren goes off)
Slayer: Hm… it seems like not all of you have been indicted into the powers of the night! STOP HIM!!
Sol (hypnotized): I'm surprised at you, Axl. Don't you remember the day that Slayer became the unquestioned lord and master of the world?
Axl: … AAAAAHHHHH!!! (grabs the same piece of toast, and puts it in again; warps)
(He warps back to the Jurassic period, where he sees himself about to kill the mosquito.)
Axl #2 (annoyed): Stupid BUG! I CUT YOU NOW!
Axl: No! Don't!!
Axl #2: Who are you?
Axl: I'm you.
Axl #2: Oh, makes sense.
(A T-Rex appears in front of them, and roars at them)
Both Axls: AAAAHHHH!!!
(they start running, making sure they don't step on anything vital for the future [Both Axls: MUSN'T CRUSH! MUSN'T KILL!!]; when they reach a beach shore, they both sit down)
Axl #2: That was close.
Axl (unintentionally flailing his weapon around): That sure was. (the blades kill Axl #2) Damn it. I wish I didn't kill me… (toaster pops up, and he warps once more, leaving the other Axl to rot; confusing, ain't it?)
(Warps back to his apartment, where he finds not a single person. He walks out of his apartment to see a sunny day out, and three figures out in the distance. Remember, what happens here is an alteration of history no thanks to Axl.)
Axl: HEY! That's the chief! HEY CHIEF!!
(In the distance…)
Sol (actually happy; puts one arm around Dizzy): My daughter… (and one arm around…) and my new son-in-law… Though you, boy, have to get some new clothes! I've been alive for so long, yet I think this sight is actually putting tears of joy in my eyes!
Bridget (worried; if you didn't get it yet, Bridget and Dizzy married each other): Is he drunk?
Dizzy: Most possibly. That's how he was ever since Axl died when he fell in the Mariana Trench.
(The Mariana Trench is the deepest ocean trench in the world)
Sol (now actually crying): That dumb **** just didn't listen! He was my one true friend! All he had to do was walk over! He was trying to be cool!
Bridget: Don't worry, gramps.
Sol (normal tone): Don't ever call me that.
Dizzy: Well… I didn't want to tell you this… but I'm carrying his child.
Sol (stunned for a second; now happy once more): I'M GONNA BE A GRANDPA! Come here!! (hugs both Bridget and Dizzy)
Axl (was running over to them): Hey chief! (looks up: he altered the future so that people we're freaking giants!) WHOA!! What did I do!? What have I done!? What more will I do!!??
Sol (looks down at Axl): Hey. There's a bug that looks like Axl.
Bridget and Dizzy: LET'S KILL IT!
Sol: OKAY!!
Axl: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! (avoids a falling barrage of Fire seal, NecroWing, and Yo-yo; and warps once more…)
(… Back to the prehistoric period, where he sees the other two Axls sitting down on the beach)
Axl #2: That was close.
Axl: WAIT! DON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE!
Axl #2 and #3: Huh?
(The T-Rex appears out of nowhere and eats the other two Axls)
Axl: GOD ****ING DAMN IT! (dust was kicked up as the T-Rex was going to finish off the real Brit; his nose twitches and) ACHOOO!!
(The T-Rex's nose starts to sniffle a bit, sneezes as well, then plops over and dies; another dinosaur dies, and so forth, until it rages like a domino effect.)
Axl (disappointed): This is gonna cost me… also considering that that tyrannosaurus also ate 2 of me!
(warps back to his apartment, where he sees Sol dressed in all nice clothes, his ponytail and large hair brought down to a short draft, and Axl's apartment looking all clean.)
Axl (screaming in agony): WHY MUST THE FUTU—Huh? (impressed) Hey… this is ****ing sweet. Hey chief.
Sol: Good day to you, Axl. You were gone for such a long time that I kept the place tidy for you.
Axl (playing along): How long was I gone for?
Sol: Well, in the time span that you were gone, let's see… that girl Millia settled things with Eddie once and for all, and she's quite happily married with Venom; I found my long-lost daughter Dizzy; my best friend Ky married some Chinese waitress; and (a bit sadden) sadly, my wife just passed away. I'm heading to her funeral right now.
Axl (saddened): I'm sorry for your loss, chief.
Sol: Oh I-No… I miss you so…
Axl: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! (runs off screaming and warps once more)
Sol: Oh no… (it's raining Chipp) it's raining again…
(Axl warps to his apartment once more, where he sees Chipp.)
Chipp: You're so stupid! You're still not in the time you belong to.
Axl (confused): You mean like the 20th century or the 22nd century?
Chipp (angry): Do I really give a damn on where you actually belong!? Now shut up, and do exactly what I tell y—(gets a scythe, katana, anchor, yo-yo, scalpel, fan, and wing through his chest) AUGH!!! (dies)
Superior being speaking through Testament, Johnny, May, Bridget, Faust, Anji, and Dizzy (dark and evil voice): This is indeed a disturbing universe.
(warp back into the past, where Axl is, well, flaming pissed)
Axl (flaming pissed): Don't touch anything? I'LL TOUCH WHATEVER THE HELL I FEEL LIKE!!!
(Axl's reign of terror starts with him cutting up some foliage, then steps on a little lizard, brings a giant insect down with his weapon, and kills the T-Rex that was about to eat two Axls.)
Axl #2: Hey, thanks!
Axl #3: That's so great!
Axl #4: Kudos to you!
(Not really giving a damn anymore, he starts to cut up and kill the other three Axls, leaving their dismembered corpses rotting as he warps again. He ends up altering the world in these many ways:
- The Earth was shaped like Testament's bird
- Hot dog packages did come in 10 and Hot dog buns came in 10 as well.
- No man was born with testicles.
And etc.)
That Man: Foolish Axl…
Raven: He does not know yet the true responsibilities of time travel!
(They laugh idiotically, until… do I have to do this… their heads explode.)
(And finally…)
Axl (appears back at his apartment): I certainly hope everything is okay now… (goes to his kitchen, sees Sol) CHIEF!! CHIEF!!! (panicking) Chief, what's the color of the sky? What the hell is my name? Are you married!? HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW YOU'RE A GEAR!? FOR THE LOVE OF CRIPES, CHIEF, TELL ME!!!
Sol (slaps punches him in the face to shut him up): The sky is blue, your name is Axl, I am not married, you're a retard if you have to ask these sort of questions, and how the **** do you know I'm a Gear?
Axl: Boy, (relieved) am I relieved. Oh, (pulls something out of his pocket) here's the test toast.
Sol (takes it and bites it): It's about average.
Axl: I'm actually quite re—(interrupted by Sol kissing Axl on the lips)
Sol (ends it): Well, later. (leaves)
Axl: … … Meh. Good enough.
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Oh, there will be more. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but someday.
Review, please.