Dismal Angel 2010 - Episode 6

Chapter 6: No Traces

             Rogue turned the corner towards the hospital wing, and started down the hall, her Nike sneakers making a soft tap along the marble floors.  The hall was quiet, and she expected Remy might be asleep in the hospital wing, she hadn't been to the war room to check on the monitor if he was or not.

             It didn't matter if he was, she just wanted to see him again – and after all, he'd asked her to come back and see him. 

             She was glad so far she hadn't bumped into anyone on her way to the hospital wing.  She knew how they'd react, she knew they'd tell her it was a bad idea, she knew they'd remind her that Remy had no memory of her, no love for her.  Rogue didn't want to hear it.  She had to believe his memory would come back.   She wanted his memory to come back, so that she could have one last chance of a relationship with him.

             There isn't any chance, Scott said it himself, Rogue thought dully as she continued slowly down the hall, she kept the noise to a minimum in case someone might hear her and try to stop her from seeing him. 

             Scott Summers was probably right.  Remy couldn't remember Rogue, why should she focus all her love and attention on the hope that he might one day be alright again when that day might never come. 

             Rogue thought bitterly back to the day where she'd moved over to embrace him and he'd pushed her away.  She'd wanted him back so badly right at that moment, wanted to feel him close, feel his heart beating through the flimsy fabric of his t-shirt against her cheek, feel those strong arms around her in the way he used to hold her. 

             She stopped halfway in the hall, to ask herself what she was doing.  The man didn't remember her, what was the point of going to see him, how could she explain to him that she was in love with him even when he could never remember loving her.  It seemed so hopeless.

             Rogue stood for some moments, maybe Scott was right, maybe Bobby was right, maybe they all were, maybe she should just give up and move on.  Scott had said there were plenty of men out there who could easily fall in love with her…men who would do what it takes, and Remy hadn't been willing.

             In fact, Remy had pushed her away because he wasn't willing to forgive her for her labelling him a murderer.  But if that was so, why had Kitty told her that Remy still wanted to be with her?  If Remy still wanted to be with her, why had he pushed her away?

             Rogue leaned against the wall, she glanced down the hall where the door to the hospital wing was, and then down the other direction, the way she'd just come from.  The question now was if she should continue walking towards Remy, and let herself be hurt once again if he didn't remember her, or once he did remember and decided not to take her back, or to walk away and avoid the pain.

             But then she realised if she walked away she'd always find herself wondering, always find herself thinking 'what if…'.  She sighed and continued to walk slowly down the hall towards the door, what would she say to him once she got in there?

             What can I say? Rogue asked herself feeling rather downhearted.  Hi, I'm your ex-girlfriend from seven years ago and you don't remember me but I was wondering if we could get back together?

             Rogue scolded herself for how stupid it would be to walk in there without clearly thinking about what she could say.  Why say anything about it though? She suddenly asked herself.  Why not just act natural and spend some time with him?  Then maybe as they spent more time together his memories of her might return…

             For all I know, a subtle smile might open the flood gates, Rogue thought hopefully, she now stood opposite the door into the hospital wing, she reached forward turning the handle slowly and opening it.  The moment she did, voices seemed to flow out, she realised someone was already in there with him. 

             It was Jean's voice.

             "Don't worry, Remy, it won't hurt a bit, you will feel a little lightheaded, perhaps even feel like you're asleep…" Jean was saying.

             Rogue stayed still at the door, leaving it hanging slightly ajar, listening carefully.  What were they doing, she wondered.

             "All we're going to do is go deep into your mind and see if we can find any memories lingering, and try to bring them forward," Professor Xavier said softly.

             "Alright…" Remy sounded quite unsure about all this.

             "Just calm yourself now, close your eyes, relax your breathing," Professor Xavier said, "You may have a strange sensation as if you're falling, but don't worry, you're perfectly safe," he promised.

             Rogue peered through the crack in the door, watching carefully.  All three of them, Remy, Jean and Professor Xavier, had their eyes closed lightly.  The Professor was at one side of the bed in his wheelchair, Jean was sitting on the bed at Remy's left side, Jean had two fingers upon Remy's left temple, Professor Xavier had two fingers upon Remy's right temple, Remy looked as if he might be asleep, while Jean and the Professor seemed deep in concentration.

             Rogue shivered.  They were in his mind, and it left her uneasy, there were many things that they didn't know about her and Remy that they might stumble upon in his mind, like the incident in the shower perhaps.  The Professor would have a heartattack if he saw that in Remy's mind. 

             For fifteen minutes there was nothing but silence in the room, and Rogue could not tear herself away from watching, just in case something extraordinary happened, hoping that perhaps Remy would sit up and say he remembered everything.

             "Professor, I think he's sleeping…" Jean's voice was soft, finally breaking the deafening silence, Rogue gazed over at them, Remy indeed was asleep, he looked so peaceful lying there.

             "Yes, he is, he's drifted into sleep…it would be best not to disturb him – he has gone through a lot, and probing of the mind can exhaust someone considerably," Professor Xavier responded, he moved away from the bed.

             "I didn't find anything out," Jean gave a deep sigh, she stood up and stretched a little, and then moved her hair out of her face, "did you?"

             "No…nothing…his mind…is like a vast empty room…not even the speck of dust of a memory…" the Professor sounded deeply concerned, the expression on his face alone made Rogue's heart thud so hard she thought it might burst within her chest.

             "Perhaps we should try again, when he's stronger?" Jean asked, her voice very quiet.  "After all he's so weak from the wound…that could be affecting his mind, couldn't it?"

             "I doubt this would help – Jean, what did you see in his mind?" Professor Xavier asked, matter-of-factly, his frown building slightly.

             Jean paused for thought, she folded her arms insecurely, "I saw nothing…nothing at all, not even memories of school, or family…not of friends…not of places he'd been or things he'd done…not even pieces of broken memories, nothing…" she frowned a little, "this doesn't make sense, if he has no memory…no information in his brain what so ever, how can he be able to communicate with us…its almost as if he's literally brain dead – but isn't."

             Rogue listened closely, how could someone be brain dead but still communicating so perfectly?  Jean was right, it didn't make sense at all.

             "I was thinking this too," Professor Xavier stated, "with the condition his mind is in, Remy should have the mindset of an infant, he should only understand the food in his mouth and not much more…" he frowned in concentration, "yet, he clearly understands everything…he's clearly not in the mindset of an infant…how can this be?" The Professor looked down at Remy.

             "Perhaps there's something we're overlooking, is it possible we missed a section of his mind where all the memories could be hidden?"

             "No…we were thorough, Jean…" the Professor assured, "his mind was completely open…"

             Rogue felt herself trembling with anxiety at learning this information, her heart was pounding even harder now, she could hear it in her ears.

             "I thought Remy's mind was never completely open…" Jean responded in a low voice, her voice was so soft now, Rogue could barely even hear it from the slightly opened door.

             "Up until this point…but now…there's nothing concealed in his mind at all…its as if everything were wiped blank," Professor Xavier explained.

             "How do we explain the fact he's still able to think and speak as he was before?" Jean asked firmly.

             "I'm unsure," Professor Xavier sighed, rubbing his forehead.

             "Are you alright?" Jean asked concernedly, she moved over to him, looking at him with wide, worried green eyes.

             "A slight headache, but nothing I cannot endure," the Professor assured, he smiled a little at Jean's almost daughterly concern.

             Rogue stood deep in thought.  How could this be?  How could Remy have no memories in his head, how could his mind be open?  How could he be able to speak and think as he was when he should have the mental capacity of a baby?  Her head was swimming, thoughts whirling around inside her head.

"You know…when Remy first gained consciousness when we brought him here, when he looked at me I was sure I saw some recognition…the same when he looked at Rogue…" Jean sighed.

"That may be, but if this were true we would have seen that in his mind – which we did not.  Apart from the things he has learned today from Kitty, he knows absolutely nothing of himself…or us."

"Surely there must be some sort of hope that he can gain those memories back somehow…" Jean tried, "if he can recognise me then there must be some hope."
             "He cannot gain back what is not there anymore, Jean," Professor Xavier sounded rather upset.

Rogue's heart suddenly felt as if it had stopped as the Professor had spoken those words, she felt her breath catch in her throat and she watched through the door, standing ever so still.

Jean chewed her lip, "Surely you don't mean…"

Rogue stood silent, tears threatening to spill as she listened to Professor Xavier's final words on the matter.

"Jean, there are no traces of his memories anywhere in his mind…I'm afraid Remy will NEVER gain back his memories…"

- The End (Or is it? Dun dun Dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn).