Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, never have, never will. But I wish I did. Oh well, you win some you lose some.
CHAPTER ONE
HARRY"S JOURNAL
People don't seem to see me for who I am.
Can't they see that I'm no hero?
I try my hardest just to be normal. But nobody wants me to be. I'm not sure where the whole Hero thing came from. So I lived through the killing curse, it's not even my fault; my mother was the one who died to save me. She was the one who really showed true bravery, she was the one who really vanquished Voldemort.
But now he's back, making my life a living hell. I don't sleep, hardly eat, can't concentrate in class. God knows why they made me Head Boy. I don't deserve it, I don't deserve anything. Malfoy and Snape both say I'm only Head Boy and Quidditch Captain because Dumbledore feels sorry for "Poor little Potter". I never used to take any notice to their harsh words, but now I just can't help it. Their words cut into my soul like knifes. It's not easy being hated for something you didn't do and can't change.
I feel so alone, sitting here in a dark corner pouring my heart out to a book. Maybe when Voldemort kills me some one will read this and realise that I'm only human.
Only human, it's nice to think that, even though no one else does. According to Dumbledore I'm supposed to defeat Voldemort, he says it's written in the stars. Sounds like a bloody centaur. I'm not a hero. But still, nobody believes me when I say this, 'Mione replies with something like "Don't be silly Harry, one day you'll save us all then you'll see what a hero you really are." As you can see, I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders. I don't think its fair, expecting a 17 year old boy to defeat an experienced dark lord. But then again, life isn't fair, and anyone who says it is doesn't know what their talking about. So everyday I'm dragged off to train for the upcoming "fight for the light".
Ron came up with that name when I started my training in 6th year. He and 'Mione both said that they would stay with me until the end, always friends, always supporting me. It hurts to talk about that now. You see, ever since Ron and 'Mione started going out at the beginning of 7th year, I've felt like a 3rd wheel. At first they tried to include me in their little trips to Hogsmeade and such. But after a while they became too absorbed in each other to care about me. I know that sounds bitter, but it really hurts. To see them cuddled up on a couch talking quietly. I used to be with them, I used to have them, but now I have nobody.
Sometimes I wonder when I started to feel like this. I've always been a bit sad; knowing that I had no parents always got me down. Then I came to Hogwarts, people treated me like some sort of saviour, and I hated it. Being worshipped or despised for nothing.
Of course, it got really bad in 4th year, when Ron blew up at me. That was one of the hardest times of my life, knowing that my very best friend was jealous of me. What do I have going for me? Nothing. And he, he has the one thing I've wanted my whole life, something I can never have, a family.
I don't reckon I'll live to have kids. I know that when Dumbledore sends me off to "fulfil my destiny" I'll get killed. I feel it in my bones. But nobody would care. They'd be lost for a while, having no hero would unsettle them. I think the realisation that I'm only human would shock everyone. But then, they'd move on, find someone else to be their hero. And none would remember the boy-who-lived-then-died-inspite-of-what-everyone-believed-would-happen.
Ok, so I sound like I'm wallowing in self pity here. I suppose I am. I bet no one would think that "the great Harry Potter" would ever think about just ending his life right then and there. Nah, he's too brave, bold, and courageous and all round wonderful to do that. Of course, they only think that because I'm the one their sending off to fight Voldemort. I hate my life.
But I won't give up. Even though I hate it, I'll still struggle through everyday. Until I meet my demise, I will put up the façade of being their hero; god knows they need some hope. Without hope worlds crumble. So I'll carry on. I'll be strong. I'll face my enemy, tall and proud, like my father. And I'll die at his hands, like my father.
I hope they give me a nice quiet funeral service. I've had enough fuss to last a lifetime, so in death, I hope they let me have my peace.
I better go now, Dumbledore says I have to try and get some sleep, as much as I possibly can. God knows I need it.
Well, Goodbye Journal.
Until next time,
-Harry-