Guilty Gear Specials

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I do not own the Guilty Gear series, nor do I own the Simpsons or their Halloween episodes.

I own nothing except this fic, therefore you can't sue me.

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(Here's episode eight; Johnny is wandering the Mayship without a good reason.)

Johnny: God damn, I'm so bored.

Testament: I'd say the same as well.

Johnny: How'd you get on?

Testament: Duh. It's obvious: I'm the s***, man.

Johnny: (giving Testament an odd look) Go to bed.

Testament: You're no fun Johnny... (walks off to bed)

Johnny: I wonder what's on the TV?

(Johnny makes a miraculous journey, fraught with no peril and little emergency [he had to go]; he heads to the cockpit, and decides to watch TV)

News broadcaster: It appears that, due to a hilarious incident from one Sol Badguy and his infamous "frogs' leg with Chinese sauce" joke, new head of the Holy Order Ky Kiske has plotted to assassinate the rogue American.

Johnny: Lousy frog. Wait... Ah, I'm going down to the surface.

(Johnny embarks on a repeat journey to the hangar)

Johnny: I'm going down.

April: Be careful, Johnny.

Johnny: If I don't come back, avenge my death.

April: You say that everytime, Johnny.

Johnny: I know. And, please tell May that I always thought of her, as that annoying little sister I might have had when my family was still alive.

May (happy): OH GOD, TAKE ME NOW! (clings onto Johnny's arm)

Johnny (scared): Get this thing off me! (throws May off) Well, now, I'm off to Zepp for a few mins. Okay? (grabs a small ship, and flies down to the city of Zepp)

Testament: Um, May, why would you want him to "take you" if he just referred to you as a younger sister?

May: I'm just happy that Johnny acknowledges me!

Venom: Yes indeed, and now if you'll excuse me, I'll go away. (Venom jumps down the hatch) GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--(splat)

(Johnny walks around where he landed; he sees a fall-out shelter store)

Salesman: Hey, good sir. I have to tell you some news!

Johnny: Me? Of what?

Salesman: I heard because of that joke, Mr. Ky Kiske is going to hit Sol with a nuclear bomb! Today!!

Johnny (panicking): Oh my god!! (runs into a shelter) ... So, what can you tell me about this puppy here.

Salesman: Well, this baby can withhold a 600 Megaton blast, no more, no less.

Johnny: So logically speaking, a 601 Megaton bomb would obliterate this place like a girl losing her virginity, and a 599 Megaton bomb would crumple this thing like a piece of paper?

Salesman: Afraid so.

(Meanwhile...)

Ky: So, Sol thinks that he can insult me and my dear Jam with that tumultuous insult? Well, (crazy) When I bomb his sorry ass, he'll then learn not to insult a Frenchman! (laughs evilly, his cheeks moving like a frog croaking; total Simpsons rip-off right here)

Soldier: Sir! We have found out that Sol Badguy is in Zepp somewhere!

Ky: Fire the bomb!

(a hidden bomb is revealed, and launched)

Soldier: Or maybe he's leaving Zepp, I don't know exactly.

Ky (shock): ... ... ... Crap...

(The missile heads straight to Zepp, and skids right past an airplane)

Sol (looks from his seat): F***. I bet I'll get blamed for that.

(In an area of Zepp)

Justice (happy and evil): Ah, the time was right! And now, I'll have vengeance on the one Gear that killed me! Now, where's the nearest orphanage that I can obliterate? (looks to his left) Ooh, chalupas!

(The missile heads straight for Justice)

Justice (saddened): Oh, I wasted my revival.

(Explodes right on Justice; hell has officially broken loose on this floating continent; but is everyone dead? Some time passes)

Johnny (comes out of the shelter unharmed; not aware that death is around every corner): That felt good. Well, I'll give you one thing: if you want people to live, then actually can *good* food. Bleh...

(Johnny walks on a barren street and appears at a cross-walk; the sign turns to walk, but the unknown-to-Johnny corpse is not moving)

Johnny: Excuse me. The sign is walk, jackass. (unsheathes his katana) Maybe a nice stab in the back will get you going! (cuts the corpse in the back) I still got it!(now he notices) Hey... what's with all this death? It couldn't have happened yet! Could it?

(He looks to a newspaper stand; on the papers, it says that "NUCLEAR BOMB THAT OCCURRED YESTERDAY INSTILLING FEAR")

Johnny: Oh my God! I've slept through this nightmare!

(Johnny realizes something; he falls to his knees)

Johnny (heart-broken): The girls! Were they in the vicinity!? OH MY GOD! I'VE LOST MY GIRLS!! AND TESTAMENT! April... Testament... even that little May... I'VE LOST THEM ALL! (starts crying; stops) No... the girls wouldn't want to see me cry...

(as if on cue, some triumphant trumpets start playing)

Johnny: It's time for this Johnny to laugh again! HEEHEEHEEHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I'M THE ONLY PERSON ALIVE IN ZEPP, AND (aside) until the authorities come, (normal) I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT! I can even live out my fantasy!

(Johnny is walking around the streets... in only his shoes, holding all his clothes; other than making sweet love to every single beautiful lady he could, this is his basic fantasy: walking around nude in the streets)

Johnny: Oh, (singing) I'm walking on sunshine! Hey-e-hey. I'm walking on sunshine! And I'm feeling good too! OOH! (he walks into a diner) Maybe there are survivors here.

Mysterious voice: YOU SIR ARE RIGHT!

(A flaming torch almost burns Johnny in the back, but luckily he dodges it)

Johnny: Who the!? (turns around) AAA!!

Horribly disfigured and hooded figure: SILENCE! AND PUT ON SOME UNDERWEAR AT LEAST!

Johnny: Sorry. (puts on some undies) Wait a minute... (looks) You're MUTANTS!

Hood #4: The term, 'mutant', is just too harsh. Can't you call us freaks? Or monsters?

Johnny: Okay... You sick freaks.

Hood #4: Thanks.

Disfigured May: Johnny!!!

Johnny (happy): MAY! You're alive! (grossed out) And part of your skin is coming off! What happened to you!? I thought you were on the ship!

May: Well, you see, I heard of the nuclear missile/bomb, and I took a ship to locate you; luckily, even though I'm horribly disfigured, I survived the explosion! See how devoted I am to you! (Johnny is about to say something) And don't give me anything about I'm like your little sister, Johnny!

Johnny: Well... what do you want with me?

May: Well, after the explosion, only a grand few of us survived the blast.

REALLY disfigured Faust: In Zepp, we are merely trying to rebuild a new society! A society, where the mistakes of the past are to be eradicated.

Dark Potemkin (super-deep voice): And now, you must die.

(Johnny grabs the torch, and almost instantly, his katana was well-endowed with flames)

Johnny: You want a piece of this Johnny? Then come and get me! (starts to run off)

(He could not believe how he had to run from this marauding group of mutants; he suddenly spies a car; he breaks through the back window, makes a nice roll into the front seat, stabs his katana into the machine, and it somehow hot-wires itself)

Johnny (trying to put on his clothes at the same time): Awesome! (drives off) So long, suck--(looks back and sees all of them riding a demonic ride) AW, F*** OFF, YOU LOUSY MUTANTS!!

(The vehicle drives up to his driver's seat)

May: Aw, C'mon Johnny! (demon-sounding) Can't your 'little sister' just nibble on your delicious meaty neck?

Johnny: Go to hell, May! You know that's sick! (stabs her face with his katana)

May: OW!

Faust: You're not (jumps onto Johnny's windshield) being a good patient!!

Johnny: Outta my way, freakies! (he pops the car hood up, sending Faust onto the road behind him)

Faust (saying his death quote as he's rolling all over the freeway): Sekai saidai no watashi ga yande shimau to ha anyoninyuni[To think the greatest in the world, me, would get injured blah blah blah]--(explodes)

Johnny: ... HAHAHAHA!! That was--(Faust's head appears on his lap) AUGH!!!

Faust's head: I'M DEAD BEFORE DAWN! I'M DEAD BEFORE DAWN! (gets thrown onto the street by Johnny again; explodes) OUCH!!

(he takes a right turn, losing the demon car, and sees a van; that van belongs to none other than the band who plays the Guilty Gear music, A.S.H. Sadly...)

Johnny: Get out of my way, you sick gaggle of mutant scum!!

(Johnny plows right through them)

An A.S.H. band member: GAH!!!

(He sees a familiar ship at the other side of town)

Johnny: The Mayship! Testament and the girls might still be safe!!

(He breaks the car to a skidding halt; this Johnny gets out only to find that the mutants were still after him; he reaches a door, and closes it behind him)

Johnny (breathing heavily): *pant* *pant* Well, *pant* that *pant* was close. (door knock) That better not be the freak mutants. (opens the door behind him; mutants see him) GAH!

Girl's voice: Johnny?

(Johnny turns around, he sees April, Testament, and the rest of the Jellyfish Pirates)

Johnny: Ladies! You're all alive! I'm so happy!

Testament: AHEM!

Johnny: Oh, and Testament.

Testament: F***er.

Johnny: How did you survive?

April: Well, the Mayship is pretty big, so we huddled ourselves to the farthest most area away from the explosion.

Testament: Also considering that we were about a good 50 clicks away from the actual fading of the explosion.

Johnny: Well, nonetheless, I'm so relieved that you're so alive!

(Johnny hugs some of the Pirate girls and Testament)

Testament: I detest hugs!

Mutants: Aww...

Potemkin (crying): Seeing these types of things makes a tear form in your eye-socket, doesn't it? (his eye falls out)

Hood #4: Through all the skin-eating and organ-harvesting, we forgot about the love.

May (sad, walks up to Johnny): Johnny, um, I'm sorry I tried to, bite you, and kill you, and tried to eat your jugular. Can you ever forgive me?

Johnny: Aww; May, even though you're a hideous mutant whose skin is falling off, you're still like family to--

(Necro and Undine, just happened to burst out at the most inopportune time)

Necro (draws weapon): Now you all will die! (he grabs his bow, and sends energy blasts to kill all the mutants)

May: Wow... good thing you didn't kill me.

Undine: Oh May! If we didn't recognize you, we'd flash-fry you as well!

Johnny: OH CRAP, DIZZY! Where is she?

[Author's note: I highly emphasize my liking of the Bridget/Dizzy pairing]

Undine: She went off on her honeymoon with her new hubby.

Johnny: She's a nice girl, but has bad taste in men.

April and Testament: That Bridget person was a man!?

(Everyone laughs)

--

(Oh right... I forgot to tie up all loose ends in this chap; zoom into a bedroom, where Ky and Jam just finished 'doing it')

Jam: That was so wonderful, Ky. (door bell) Aw man, and I wanted another go.

Ky: I'll be right back. (kisses Jam on the cheek) Please wait for me.

Jam: Oh, okay.

(Ky comes down the stairs, wearing only a robe, when he opens the door, and he sees)

Sol: Hello.

Ky: SOL!? I THOUGHT I--

Sol: Killed me? Well, looks like your French plans failed! (draws Fireseal) Anything to say before I kill you?

Ky (French accent appearing out of nowhere): Zut alors! Zis is my Waterloo!

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Well... just wait...