Disclaimer: Are you really going to make me type out an endless list of all the things that I don't own in Harry Potter like Harry, Ron, Hermione, Malfoy, the Weasley's and every other aspect of it? No? Well, good. Hang on; I think I sort of did anyway. Oh well.

CHAPTER THREE

Hermione's P.O.V

You know, I just don't know what to do about Harry.

If Ron saw that sentence he'd laugh his head off, imagine, Hermione Granger not knowing what to do about something.

I have a lot of pressure put on me you know? It's really hard to be expected to be the best. I've worked so hard to get where I am I too. Ever since first year I've been top of the grade, showing those purebloods just what a muggle-born can do! I know I know, not all purebloods think like that; the Weasley's are a great example of a non prejudice pureblood family. But some, like the bloody Malfoy's just make life as a muggle-born so damn hard. And again, if Ron was ever to read this he'd be completely shocked at my choice of language. As much as I love Ron, he really keeps me on a short leash.

Anyway, back to Harry. I'm worried, no, that's an understatement. I'm really worried about him. He's always alone. And he never wants to talk to us. I believe that he thinks that we don't want him around, we being Ron and myself. I miss the old days so much. I miss sitting around the fire after classes and just talking or playing chess. I miss being so close to Harry, he was such wonderful company. No offence to Ron, but Harry was always a source of intelligent conversation. And even though he knew I wasn't really that interested in Quidditch that much he still made an effort to include me in his endless conversations with Ron about it.

As much as I hate to admit it I've always had a bit of a crush on Harry. At first it was a normal crush, you know, read all about the hero and fall deeply in awe of him. Then on the train to school I meet a scrawny little lost looking boy who turns out to be THE HARRY POTTER. I think I was taken with him right then and there, he looked so venerable, and he still does in my opinion. I don't have the type of crush that Ginny has on Harry. She still isn't past the whole hero thing. Actually, to be completely honest, I don't think I have a crush at all. I'm in love with him. Plain and simple. I've always been protective of him, but after the 3rd task in our 4th year, I realised that if I had lost him, I couldn't live. That sounds so melodramatic.

I am not going to talk about how much I love Harry anymore. I am going to focus on what I started to write about. Yes, Hermione, you must focus.

Right, I'm very confused. Over the years Harry has become much more of a mystery. That's not all though; he's become reclusive and depressed. I know he's cutting himself. You can see the scars on his wrists if you look closely enough. I think it's my fault partly. In 6th year I taught him how to perform a simple healing charm to heal minor cuts and bruises. It still leaves scars with the deeper cuts so that's why he's got the marks on his wrists. I hate thinking about this; it makes me feel so guilty. And the guilt burns inside of me. I really should confront Harry about it but I know he wouldn't tell me anything. You don't realise how much it hurts to admit that. He's drifted so far away from me that he wouldn't confide in me anymore. 

And you know what really gets to me? No one else has noticed! Harry has pulled himself so far away from everyone who cares about him that no one has noticed what's happening. They all think he's fine, just nervous about his upcoming fight with Voldemort. And as to that! How dare they think that they can just send him off to fight! And on his own too! It's absolutely disgusting! And what enrages me even more is that there is nothing that I can do about it. If Harry doesn't want to resist or say no, then I have no place to comment.

I was watching him the other night. Actually, I was supposed to be talking to Ron but my eyes kept drifting over to him. His face was screwed up with concentration and his dark eyebrows were knitted together. You wouldn't believe just how much Harry has changed physically in the last 3 or so years. I'm actually quite surprised, if you had seen Harry in his skinny days then looked at him now you would have trouble telling that it was the same boy. He's really shot up; he's about 6 foot now, maybe even taller. He shoulders have broadened and his chest has filled out. I don't think it was from Quidditch; even Quidditch couldn't change a person that much. His jaw line is lovely to look at; it's got a beautiful shape to it, a pleasant mix between round and square. Very manly, and very appealing. His hair is still as messy as ever though, but it suits him so well that Harry wouldn't be Harry without it. Most noticeable are his newly developed muscles. Oh dear, I sound like a giggling school girl, and my face has gone all red. I'll stop talking about how good Harry looks. If one was to read this one would think that I was dating Harry rather than Ron.

Harry has become a very intimidating figure. He has an aura of power about him. If I didn't know him so well, I'd hate to meet him in a dark alley. But he doesn't try to be like that. We all see the way he walks, with his shoulders hunched over and his face down. But still, you wouldn't dare to pick a fight with Harry. I've seen him when he's angry. One time last year Malfoy insulted his family, and he got so mad, his eyes were smouldering. He drew himself up and seemed to let down a barrier that was shielding his true powers and it was like a huge pressure bearing down on all of the people in the hallway at that time. And Malfoy's face! If I wasn't so terrified myself I would have laughed. But other than when he's angry like that or incredibly hurt, Harry doesn't really show emotion. His eyes are devoid of it. It's scary, he doesn't laugh anymore.

Right, well it's getting very late so I better put down my quill and go to sleep. Maybe I'll try to talk to Harry in the morning.

Well, goodbye for now my ever faithful diary.

Until I write again

~Hermione~