Guilty Gear Specials
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I do not own the Guilty Gear series, nor do I own the Simpsons or their Halloween episodes.
You can't sue me, because I already own this fic! NYAH!
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(Here's episode ten-o: Axl's relaxing in a boat over a quiet serene lake, fishing rod in tow)
Axl: Now this is the life... Just relaxing on a little boat, in this great tranquil base of water, with only the worries of how to get back to my time, nagging in the back of my head. *happy sigh* (pissed) YOU STUPID FISH!! YOU WANT A PIECE OF LOW!? THEN BRING IT!!
(an eerie light soon illuminates itself over Axl; Axl looks up; it's a UFO)
Axl: Holy crap!
(A large crane drops itself down, and grabs Axl in the face)
Axl (muffled): Whut the!? OU!! (the crane loses grip on Brit boy) AUGH!! (hits water; crane dives in after him; now gets carried away) HELP ME!!!
(somewhere in the distance)
Baiken: What the hell was that?
Anji: Beats the Fujin out of me.
Chipp: Holy Zen!
(with Axl; he is being surrounded by two people)
Axl: Oh my God... Aliens... Don't eat me! I have a girlfriend in another time period! EAT HER!
That Man: Calm yourself. We are not here to devour people. My name is That Man. And this is my assistant, Raven.
Raven: Hello.
Axl: Oh, I get it. If you want to probe me, then (starts pulling down pants) at least I won't complain.
Raven: AUGH! STOP!!
That Man: For the first time in my life, I'm actually being damaged physically and mentally!
Axl: Oh, so you're not the probing variety?
That Man: Dear God, NO!
Axl (sighing): Phew! That's a relief! (puts pants back on) So, why did you kidnap me?
Raven: We kidnapped you because we want you to take us to your leader!
Axl (confused): Of which place? You have to be more specific than that, you know.
That Man: … Silence!!!
Axl (lifting an eyebrow): So?
Raven: Take us to the leader of the place where technology thrives!
Axl: Well, that would obviously be the new President Potemkin of Zepp.
That Man: Then Zepp will be our target point!
Axl: But, he might not be the president anymore. Because the crazy Dr. Faust is actually planning to run against Potemkin, for the purposes of making more effective medical technologies!
Raven: Ah, an election. This ought to be fun.
That Man: Does this 'Faust' reside in Zepp?
Axl: I think so.
That Man: LET'S ROLL!!!
Raven: BOOYAH!!
(they crash the UFO into the street; Faust just happens to walk by)
Faust: Ayah!? What's this?
(a crane grabs Faust; Faust gets dragged inside; the UFO takes off once again, this time crashing in front of a house. The large crane conveniently rings the doorbell)
Potemkin (from inside): Now wait right here, class. I must answer the door. (opens the door) Now how can I--AUUUUUUUGH!! (gets captured; UFO flies off)
Student A: Does this mean that class is cancelled?
Student B: Guess so.
Eddie: HELP ME!!! I NEED A NEW HOST!! (runs out of time; dies)
Student C: Oh, I can use this black!
(On the UFO)
Potemkin (in a really powerful container): What do you freaks want with us?
Faust: Most importantly, why is Axl here?
Axl: I honestly don't know.
That Man: Enough!
Raven: Now, our plans can begin!
(That Man presses a button, which fills each container with some liquid that puts them both to sleep)
Raven: Now, for phase two!
(Raven and That Man both stand next to the tubes, allowing a machine to be placed on their heads, slowly converting their cellular makeup to slowly become Potemkin and Faust fakes; Axl is hiding somewhere, seeing all this in terror)
Axl: Oh my God… Body-stealing… Politics… NUDE conspiracies!? This is terrible!
Raven (looks like Potemkin): What? You still here!
That Man (looks like Faust): Looks like we'll have to dispose of you!!
(A beam-looking thing comes down above Axl's head; it sprays
him with stuff)
Axl: AUGH!! What is this!?
That Man: Gin, cola, and sex! So no one will believe your story!
Raven (kicks Axl out of the UFO): And don't come back!!
(Axl screams whilst plummeting back onto the boat where he was abducted)
Axl: Whoa… (sounding mysterious) was that a dream? Perhaps a vision? No, it was real! OH RIGHT! THE ALIENS!
(Axl makes his way off the boat, and he runs his way into town; he also runs into his apartment that he shares with two fellow British men)
Venom: Well, I see that you're up already.
Bridget: Well, you know, I was up all night!
Venom: Let me guess: You were giving it to her?
Bridget (embarrassed; blushing): Venom, stop!
Venom: Oh, you were!
Bridget: God damn you, man! Cut it out!
Venom: You know I kid.
Bridget: Well, might as well make something to eat. What would you like?
Venom: I'm starting on the Assassin's diet, so I'll just have some French toast with light maple syrup with maybe a hinting of strawberry. (pointing out) But no powdered sugar! I'm an Assassin; I don't need any. Oh what the hell, I'll let myself go, I'll have some powdered sugar.
(Axl bursts through the door)
Axl: GUYS! There are aliens! Politically involved aliens! And they want to obtain Zepp's power and technology for unknown reasons!
Venom (smells Axl): Whoa! Yeah right, you alcohol-drenched sex hound!
Axl: Look! (points to the TV) That's them! The intergalactic bastards!
(It happens to be a presidential… uh… thing going on)
Raven: Well, it is time for you to know that if you ele--I mean, re-elect me as President of Zepp, then I will continue to make us the most powerful nation in the world!
(Crowd cheers)
That Man: But, if you elect me as President of Zepp, then with my medical prowess, we could end up saving the entire world, giving Zepp more respect! (sees that crowd is not reacting) AND POWER!
(Crowd cheers)
Some guy on TV: I find power sexy.
Axl: See!?
Bridget: Axl, I must say that you are the worst liar I've ever heard.
Venom: Indeed.
Axl: Well, I'll show you all wrong! I KNOW I'M RIGHT!! (runs off)
Dizzy (wearing nothing but bed sheets): *yawn* Good morning, my love. (looks at the table) Aww, you made breakfast. How sweet of you!
Bridget: It was nothing.
Venom: Hands off my toast, you harpy!
(With Axl, he's heading his ass over to a transport area where it will take him to Zepp; there, he already makes some terrible hardships)
Axl: No, I do not want an aisle seat!!
(And runs amok of some turbulence)
Axl: No, I did not want the kosher meal!
(Axl finally makes it to Zepp, and bursts into the crowd that is cheering for their "presidential candidates")
Axl: Good people! These are not the good and kind candidates you think they are! They're aliens! ALL OF THEM!
Random Bum: Yeah right!
Exodia: (sarcastic) And I'm a demon! Get off there, you bum!
Raven: Now, for defying us and wanting to stop us for no reason, I will destroy you, crazy person! LONG LIVE ZEPP!
(Raven does a mock Gigantor, and slams Axl into the wall)
Random Bum #2: Yeah Potemkin!!
Doctor: Hey! Faust is going to win!!
Random Bum #2: POTEMKIN!
Doctor: FAUST!!
(They beat the s*** out of each other.)
(much later)
Axl (wondering in the woods all by himself): Why won't anyone believe my crazy story? I'm so alone! Megumi, I miss you! I HATE THESE PEOPLE! (kicks something) OW! That hurt! (draws sickle and chains) I'LL KILL YOU!!
(When Axl strikes something, he hears a clang, and Axl finds the aliens' space ship.)
Axl: Wow! It was here all along! The aliens' spaceship! (enters to see Potemkin and Faust still in the position of living death) Don't worry fellows! I will save you valiantly! Though I wish I knew what that meant!
(Axl presses a button that releases them both out of living death)
Potemkin: What the!? Oh no… I'm I still here?
Faust: I would like to ask that same question as well. (looks at Axl) Oh, Axl. You chose to save us?
Axl: Duh! If I didn't, those other guys would end up taking over Zepp, and then even the world! (Axl presses a button that sends the ship flying)
Potemkin: You know what? Being confined in cryogenic sleep gave me something to think about.
Faust: Like what?
Potemkin: Well, I was thinking: couldn't we just work together, combining our power, technology, and medicine, to make the world a better place?
Faust: I like your style! But, that again will make us argue on who should be the president! I know we would be trying to work together, but who gets to act as the figurehead?
Potemkin (triumphant): We'll decide that later! AXL! Take us back to Zepp!
Faust: Let's scalpel some alien butt!
Axl: Way ahead of you guys! (Axl accidentally pushes a button that will fire Potemkin and Faust out)
Potemkin: OH NO!! (gets fired out; hits a lake)
Faust: YAMIIIIIIIIII--(gets fired out; gets eaten by a dragon)
Axl: Oh no! What have I done!? What am I doing!? WHAT MORE WILL I DO!? (hits a button that sends him soaring at high speeds) AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!
(In the main part of Zepp)
Raven: I have only given my true and honest word! This is why you must vote me, Ra--I mean, Potemkin!
(Crowd cheers)
That Man: I have no real way that I can counteract against my opponent's remark. Though, whether you vote for either of us, Zepp and the world will be doomed! DOOMED!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
(a spaceship comes thundering into the ground; Axl pops out of it and lands on his face, following with an ow!)
Axl: Good people! Look upon your beloved candidates! They are nothing (removes skin-type masks from Raven and That Man) but hideous aliens who are possibly reptilian!
(Crowd is in gasp)
Raven: It's true. We are aliens! We are not reptilian, but we are aliens!
That Man: But it doesn't matter! This is a two-party system! You have to vote for one of us!
(The Crowd mumbles amongst themselves, stating that it is a two-party system, instead of not wondering about, oh, say, just leaving.)
Sol: Well, I'm nominating myself as a third-party candidate!
Potemkin (the real one; still alive): And I, to be fourth!
That Man: Go ahead. Throw your vote away! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
(Two days pass. The result :)
Zeppian worker: All hail, President… (surprised and astounded) SOL!?
Sol (jumping up; all happy like in a giddy and/or CLAMP anime): YES!!!
That Man: Well, I'm surprised.
(What happened when Sol became president of Zepp? Well, he didn't want it in the first place and just nominated himself just to stop the aliens. So he gave the presidency back to Potemkin, under the condition that, for one day, he'll, uh… maim all the French people, British people, and Gears out there)
Venom: Well, this is certainly a fly in the ointment.
Ky: What's that supposed to mean, anyway!?
Axl: Don't look at me! I voted for Raven!
(Sol jumps out of a nearby garbage can and…)
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Director: Well, that was another great batch! This time, we'll try to include the less important characters like the Japanese and Chipp, and maybe I'll even tone down on my pairing love. But either way, the next season of Guilty Gear Halloween Specials will be, AWSUMA POWAA!
Chipp: Holy Zen!
Axl: I'm burnt…
Ky: I like jam…
Testament: Keeping it real, my home-beef.
Venom: That's just wrong.