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CHAPTER FOUR

HARRY'S JOURNAL

I haven't been completely honest.

I'm a magus.

Not many people know this, actually, only Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall. Ron and Hermione don't know, even Mr and Mrs Weasley don't. I suppose that I had better explain. You see, it started on my 16th birthday; I was lying in bed trying to stay awake when I started to feel a burning sensation travelling down my spine. The next thing I knew, I was completely surrounded in a bright white light. Then everything went black. When I woke up I was in the hospital wing at Hogwarts with the headmaster bending over me. He smiled when he saw that I was awake and started to explain to me that I was a magus, the first in around 1000 years, since Godric Gryffindor in fact. He then went on to explain to me just what a magus was, and let me tell you, I was astonished. I now have the power to destroy the world in one blow, if I so chose. And if I thought that that was surprising, he began to explain just why I had the powers of a magus, it turns out that I am the only living descendant of Gryffindor. And of course at the end of my fifth year I found out that it was prophesised that either I would defeat Voldemort or he would defeat me. I don't see why Dumbledore couldn't have told me that when he told me about the prophecy. Maybe he thought that it would be too much at once. I mean, finding out that I'm the only one who can; not Dumbledore, me. And all I ever wanted was to be normal.   

I spent the rest of the summer at Hogwarts being taught how to contain my powers, to shield and guard them. Dumbledore says that I'm not allowed to tell anyone; even the ministry of magic can't know that I'm a magus. So now, everyday I have to make sure that my shields are up, so that no one can feel the pressure of my magus powers bearing down on them. I have slipped up a few times though. One time last year I was walking down the charms corridor when I heard Malfoy call out to me. I was so used to his comments that I just kept walking, then I felt something hit my shoulder. So I turned around only to see his pointy face sneering at me. I don't really remember exactly what he said; only that it was something about my parents. I felt my blood begin to boil and then I let part of my shields down. I must say, even though I hate having this responsibility shoved at me, I was highly amused at the expression on his face. Poor guy, he was scared shitless. But then again, so was everyone else in the hallway, including Hermione. Oh well, at least he left me alone for a while after that.

But just before, I had another encounter with Malfoy. I think there's something wrong with him. It's like he needs my permission to hate me. Maybe it's because I don't hate him, I think he feels that he can only hate me if I hate him. But I don't, so he tries everything to get me to.

I was walking past what I thought was an empty classroom when I heard noises coming from inside. So I stopped and slowly pushed open the door. Malfoy was inside and it looked like he had been crying. I stared at him for a few seconds before realising that I was doing so. When he finally noticed that I was there he sprung to his feet and came charging towards me.

"What the hell do you want Potter, your little friends leave you all alone so you had to come snooping around after me?" he yelled

I don't remember what I said but it seemed to infuriate him even more so he jumped at me. He pushed me to the ground and started to beat his fists into my chest. Now, I'm quite glad to say that being a Magus has had its advantages, like the fact that I am now much larger and stronger than any normal person. Because of this I was able to throw him off me. But he just kept coming back, finally I realised that he wasn't going to stop until I hit him back, so I did, again and again and again. By the time I was finished he was kneeling on the ground with various cuts and bruises. Usually I'm not a violent person, but he had just pushed me too far.

I stared down at him and said "Apologize"

He just looked at me with hate clearly showing in his eyes. "Tell me you hate me" he said.

"I can't" I replied.

"Why not? Scared of using such hard words Potter? I always knew you were weak" this would have sounded harsh if his voice was not shaking and his breathing was not laborious.

"No, I can't because I don't" I'm actually quite proud of how calm I was at that moment.

"Don't what? He questioned

"Hate you" I replied "I don't hate you"

"Why not?" he asked

"Because it's beneath me, now apologize"

"Not until you tell me you hate me"

"I told you that I can't"

"Fuck off Potter!"

"Nice call Malfoy, never heard that one before"

He leant forward and spat a mouthful of blood at my feet.

"That's what I think of your apology Potter, now fuck off"

"Your pathetic Malfoy" with that I turned and walked back to Gryffindor tower.

I made a detour to the prefect's bathroom to wash the blood off my knuckles. They were red and raw. I used the healing charm that Hermione had taught me some time last year, the same healing charm that I use on the cuts on my wrists. I bet if she knew I was using that charm to heal myself she'd feel really guilty for teaching it to me. But she doesn't, nobody does. I also healed the split lip Malfoy had given me.

After my bathroom stop I headed back up to the tower. Being Head Boy has its advantages too, like the fact that I get my own room. I lay down and reached under my bed. I pulled out my journal and started to recount exactly what had happened with Malfoy. As you've probably guessed by now, that's what I'm still doing.

I'm still confused though, and not only about the whole Malfoy thing. When I walked back through the portrait hole and into the common room, only Hermione was there. She said 'hello' and smiled at me but quickly buried her head back into the book she as reading. It's strange seeing her away from Ron's side. But that not the only strange thing; when I had just started to climb the stairs to my room the portrait hole swung open again admitting Ron. That's not unusual but what is is that Hermione didn't even notice, she was too busy staring in my direction with something that looked like longing. Unless of course I imagined it, which is highly possible, or more likely probable. But still, I'm really confused.

Oh well, I think I've rambled enough for today.

Until I write again

-Harry-

A/N: The next chapter will be up soon and it will be in Malfoy's point of view, so something a little bit different.

I also want to say get better to Ellie (Bobbit the Hobbit) and come back to school quick smart!