!!!!

whoa… you guys…

erm…

I think I have to say some stuff (lol)… I *never* meant to say in anyway that I was unhappy with the total number of reviews that I have for CHAT; I am surprised and honored and slightly incredulous that that many people have enjoyed my story.

What I meant was that within the last three chapters or so, the number of people replying has dropped kinda drastically and I interpreted the drop (not the numbers themselves!) to mean that people were too busy to keep on reading or losing interest. Because "Chat" is posted at 3 or 4 other sites, I figured that if no one really cared whether or not it was posted at ff.net, then I could stop posting here.

I never meant to imply that I was ungrateful or review-hungry and I'm sorry if I made the impression. I just wanted to say that I'm kinda tired (lol) especially since this is my junior year and I'm taking 6 APs along with other extra-curricular activities. Judging from the response that I received… I guess you guys do read ;)

I'll be happy to continue posting "chat" here… I just wasn't sure if it was even being read anymore and so was deciding whether or not to cut ff.net out of distribution.

Once again, I'm sorry if it came off as though I was review hungry or something… it's not that at all. I was just wondering about the drop in general and interpreted it to be something else that what it turned out to be. Sorry!

-Jenn

Questions, Answers, Comments:

xanya: I'm a junior in high-school; thanks for the compliments… and you'll soon find the solution to the "Vaughn puzzle" ;)

Ashley: I don't know if you still want an answer to your question since I'll probably keep posting here but I also distribute "Chat" at SD-1, there are currently the first 3 chapters of it at CoverMe (they now only accept completed stories), and there are 3 chapters of it at AllAlias (I just joined :-D)

QueenAnne: thanks… I'm definitely blushing ;)

Jamie: thanks for understanding… I'm sorry I never answered your question, I must have forgotten to or something… I'm not sure if I know the answer myself but I'm just guessing that someone probably hit Syd over the head with something from behind to knock her out?

Liza: blushing AGAIN!!!

Nagenya: ahahahahha, don't worry about it ;) Sometimes a "good job" is all someone needs to have a good day :-D

SPOILER/TEASER for an *upcoming* chapter (NOT the next one… just a future one)

"RUN!"

And the voice shatters through everything until his vision is clear again and they're sprinting, cutting through the air and slicing the breeze. The bursts of color are a shock to his system- just as the feel of her fingers are around his arm, dragging him along.

He's out of shape and it's hard.

There's a vague muffle of sound coming at them from all sides, sound that doesn't even make sense to him anymore.

And there's the dull ache the throbs at him in his side, but he can't pay attention to that either.

He can only pay attention to her. Her touch, her gait... he can only stare at the feet in front of him. Ignore everything else.


But then there's a succession of sounds.

A single, ear-splitting shot through the air.

The dull thud of a body hitting the floor.



And then there was one.

And FINALLY: the chapter

Title: Chat
Author: Jenn
Chapter: 25
Chapter Title: Shoot the Moon
dedications: Reverie, Jamie, xanya, valley-girl2, Jen, Screech, Kris, Catherine (Blue Moon)


Shoot the Moon


"So what now?"

She turns her head to look at him, a question in her eyes. "What do you mean?"

He returns her look, meets her eyes with his, a smile threatening to ignite. "How are you going to be able to stay in the same cell with someone you hate?"

There's a soft thud as she turns away and leans her head back against the wall. "You know I don't hate you."

pauseofpuresilence

"I love you."

It's a burst of spontaneity, an instinct that he follows with an abandon that he didn't know he had. He wouldn't have dared say that to her a month ago. But maybe the truth is what he needs. What they both need.

Her eyes are closed, her head slightly shaking. "Vaughn, you know better than anyone else how I feel about this. This isn't the place."

But energy is running through his entire body now and he's kneeling in front of her, taking her hands in his, not letting her take them away. "Then what is? What is, Sydney? It's not in public, it's not in private, it's not in a damn cell in who-knows-where… Syd, the place doesn't matter. I love you everywhere."


She takes her hands from his forcefully, opens her eyes so that they comes crashing into his own green-eyed gaze. And her reply is so soft that he has to make sure he hears it at first. But as it goes on, it heightens in intensity and by the time she's done, her words are the only things he can hear. "Except in hospitals rooms? Except in hospital hallways? Except the Ops center and the warehouse and Olivera Street? Except in Naples and Paris and Moscow and Berlin? Except in every hotel room and bathroom and park bench that we ever met in?"

She takes a breath. "Don't try to touch me with pretty words, Vaughn. Not just because they almost work, not just because there are times when I want to believe you so bad that I'm willing to compromise everything I remember so that we can start again… but because they're not real."

He sits back and watches as she closes her eyes again, tiredness spreading throughout her face. "Sydney, they're real. After everything we've been though, everything we've sacrificed and gained and wept over and fought for… you're the only thing worth staying for in this life. And the only thing I would give your love up for… is your presence."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'll tell you." His eyes bore and melt into her own and she can hear his voice cracking with sorrow, with need, with a desperation that she hadn't been able to see before. He reclaims her hands in his, never breaking their gaze. "I'll tell you Sydney. Everything you want to know. Everything you need to know… every thing I have to tell you."

She's hit by the urgency of his brutal honesty, is unable to speak for a moment while she regains her composure.

And then she slowly nods.

"What I told you that night at your apartment was true," he looks at her again, "do you remember what I said?"

"That's where you're wrong, Syd. You think that I don't know… that I don't care. That because I hurt you, I must not feel anything at all. But Syd… what I did… it ruined my life as much as it hurt yours."

She heaves a little sigh and looks toward the ceiling. "You said that what you did… what you did to ruin my life ruined yours just as much."

It pains him to hear how wooden her voice sounds.

"It's like snippets. Fragments. Do you know what I mean?"

"Leaving you there in that room… it was the hardest thing that I ever had to do. The most selfish thing that I have ever had to do. Sydney, believe it or not, I need you. I need you like I need breath… the way that I need to have my heart keep pumping. To be able to see you everyday, to know that you're safe and within reach… even if I can't have you is essential to me. It's so ingrained, so deep within me that I don't even know if I can live without your smile and without your voice..."

"And… and you said that you needed me."

She can't help the feeling that enters her voice right then, can't help the sharp sting of a tear as she feels it rising.

"You said that just being able to see me every day and to know that I was safe was so important to you that you couldn't live without me."

He nods, gulping slightly.

"But you did. You have been. You left."

He holds her hands tightly between his. "No, Syd. You don't understand. I meant every word I said. Everything and more. I love you so much that my heart burns when I see you. So much that it breaks when I don't. And I can't help it or control it but God knows that if I could, I wouldn't. Because those feelings that I have… they tell me that I'm alive. And I can't believe that I'm blessed enough to feel them."

She wants to look away. Look away from the truth in his eyes, the pain in them.

But she can't.

"If you meant it… if you meant it, then why didn't you stay?"

He takes in a shuddering breath, the sheen of tears evident in his own eyes. "Because. Because I would rather be allowed to see you every day as your handler and know that you are safe and well and… and there than be sent somewhere where I could never see you again."

The words come out with a rush.

And it takes awhile for her wind to come back after it's been knocked out of her. "What?"

"I said-"

"- I know what you said. Tell me what you mean."

The tears are dangerously close to falling.

"They said… he said…
"Agent Vaughn, I just have one question"
… that he just had one question.
He looked up into the man's eyes. "Yes?"
And he told me that I had a choice.
"It's more of a choice than a question really. Just a simple choice. One word. That's all you have to say.""


Her eyes squint a little, looking at him. "You're… about to say something that's going to completely throw me into some shock. Something that's going to change everything. And it's going to make me forgive you and most likely love you again isn't it?"


He fights a little smile. "I hope so. But I'm not sure."


"What… what did he say?"


" "Sydney Bristow? Or Fleury?"
He asked me, you or Fleury."


"As in France?"

"Yeah."

Her brow furrows. "What does that mean?"


""What does that mean?"
That's what I asked him. And he proceeded to tell me about Pierre Lergot.
"It means Handler Michael Vaughn. Or Pierre Lergot. Age 35, married, no children, living in Fleury, France. Occupation: Highschool Professor. English."
"Married? Married to who?"
"You have your pick of five very lovely ladies.""


His jaw clenches at the memory of the five CIA Agents who had been listed to him as possible spouses.

He looks into her eyes. "I wasn't ever supposed to tell you."

His voice is soft.

And she has no response.

"I couldn't leave. I know that I should have… and I know that that makes me selfish. But I had to be selfish, Sydney. I can't even believe how much I need you… it's ridiculous for a person to need another person as much as I need you. But I have to see you everyday and I couldn't even stand the thought of you not knowing where I was- if I had left, if I had died… hurting you like that.

I'd rather have you hate me than to live not knowing."

"I wouldn't have believed it."

"I know. But I was hoping… I was hoping that if I did leave, that you would have moved on."

"I wouldn't have. I would have had faith. There is no rational thought when it comes down to things like these."

"I know. And you would have found me. Sooner or later, you would have found me living in a house with another wife, maybe a kid… I knew that you wouldn't believe me if I left. I knew you wouldn't believe me if I stayed and pretended that nothing had ever come between us. And I hoped that you wouldn't. Even while I was hoping that you would."

She's softly biting her bottom lip, her fingers reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear. "And why are you telling me now?"

"Because look at us, Sydney. Look at how much I'm hurting you, how much I'm hurting myself. It's not worth it. I love you too much to let you go… and even if they take me away- if they ever find us-," he looks around the cell walls with a muted breath, "at least you'll know why."











tbc...

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