Chapter Seven
Heero reached the airfield he used for the practices. He went to one of the school's smaller shuttles, opened the door and sat in the control cabin. He just sat there, in the dark, he did not know why but he felt much better when there was no light and no noises to distract him.
Heero definitely needed no distractions right now. He had to think about too much. Was he happy with his life? Was he doing what his emotions were telling him to do? And, specially, now that he was going to become a father, how did he feel about that…He was, again, as confused as during the therapy. He felt too much and he did not like it. He much preferred having a clear head. Feelings just clouded your mind and prevented you from thinking straight.
The problem was that, in his situation, Heero did not have a choice. He had to sort out his feelings if he wanted to see clearly which path he was meant to follow.
Relena was pregnant. That was a fact. Heero liked facts for they left little room for doubts. She had also lied to him, no, not lied, she had hidden the truth from him. Why? Thinking carefully, he remembered that his attitude towards Relena, just before the whole Mars incident, had not been the best but, as he also remembered, he needed time. The same way that he needed time to think now.
His life had not been the best on ESUN. Not that he wanted to commiserate himself but, not knowing who your parents were, basically not having a background at all, being raised by an assassin and being trained since childhood to be the perfect soldier was not the best upbringing a boy could get. Looking at himself now though, he believed that he had done really well, he had his own, successful business and was married to a girl that was the closest thing he had had as a family, not counting Odin, of course.
Relena. What did she mean to him? Everything he guessed. She had given him hope. The hope for a better, safer future. The hope to make him believe that he could also be a human being. The thing he liked the most about her was the fact that she did not expect him to be perfect. She was impressed by something else that did not involve his strength or his skills as a soldier. She was simply impressed by the efforts he made to be just normal. He also liked the fact that, unlike everyone else, she was never afraid of him. Not openly anyway. He found that refreshing.
He had considered her some kind of angel that had come to save him. And, to be perfectly honest, the fact that she was also really good looking, also helped. He had felt this physical attraction toward her for a long time now. And, after having made love to her he understood that, unlike what he had thought before, it wasn't something that would pass with time. They had a kind of connection that he didn't have with anyone else. To think he had wanted to kill her made him want to hurt himself pretty seriously.
Heero tortured himself thinking that, if he had known that Relena was pregnant the first time, he would have done something about it and, she would have never ever put herself in such big danger. Heero was furious with her because of that. How could she had been so reckless? Cooperating in such dangerous mission while expecting a child, their child. Anything could have happened. Wait. Everything happened. She lost their baby. A baby Heero would never see. Heero was furious because in the space of a few hours he had to go through what she had had months to cope with. The joy of knowing about the baby. The worry about it. The sorrow of the loss. And the impotence and the anger for not having been able to do anything to prevent it.
For Heero, that overload of feelings was too much. He felt exhausted. Heero looked around himself and found himself almost laughing hysterically when he realised what he was looking for. There were no self destruction buttons in civilian shuttles…
Quatre could not stop thinking about what Trowa would do. His friend, when put under stress, was pretty much unpredictable. The Arabian man had been astonished when Trowa had told him about the girl.
He still remembered the conversation. Trowa had sounded very worried about the girl. Quatre was under the impression that, somehow Trowa felt guilty for the girl's situation. Trowa had not told him so directly but, Quatre had sensed that something was missing in the picture.
"Quatre? Hey Quatre are you listening to me?".
"Ah…sorry Dorothy…were you saying?" said Quatre startled remembering suddenly that he was speaking to his girlfriend through the videocom.
"Quatre…are you alright? It looks like you are millions of miles away from us…" commented Dorothy.
"No…well, yes…I was thinking about Trowa…" admitted Quatre with a sad voice.
"Ah…brilliant, here is me trying to plan our wedding and…you are thinking about a guy…" said Dorothy pretending to be offended.
"Ah…no…sweetie…is not like…" started saying Quatre only to be interrupted by Dorothy's laughter.
"Silly…I was kidding…in any case, if you are worried about Trowa, why don't you go L3 and check things out there? Maybe he needs a hand but does not want to ask for it…" said Dorothy trying to help.
"It's not that…in fact he has called me to ask for my advice but…I just told him to let go…the girl is married and, even if she's not, she's still living with that guy…I told him that if he really wants to do something, it has to be from far away…without a direct interference…I have already send him a computer with my database so he can do the research himself…for some reason, I think we should not get involved…this looks like a very private matter to me…better stay out of it…" explained Quatre.
"Guess you're right…in any case, Trowa knows that if he needs anything he can ask for help anytime…I hope he's alright…he's a nice guy…" said Dorothy.
"Ah, really…is that so?" said Quatre getting a bit jealous.
"Oh! Quatre…really, you're just a bit too paranoid…You should be a bit more confident with yourself…you're surprisingly insecure for someone as rich as you…All rich people I know are so arrogant and have egos the size of a whole colony…" commented Dorothy with a smirk.
"Sorry…I have to control that side of myself…I really don't like too much…is just that, when it comes to you…" defended himself.
"No…I actually like to see you're not Mr Perfect…but, do try to have a much higher degree of self esteem that's all…Now, pink or blue?" asked Dorothy.
"Pink or what?" asked Quatre confused.
"Pink or blue, the flowers, do you want them pink or blue? I need to know that so I can order the dresses for the bridesmaids…" replied Dorothy clearly closing the Trowa topic and starting with the wedding.
Ever since Quatre had proposed the same night he had declared his feelings for Dorothy, the girl had switched to full Wedding Planner mood and it was scary to see how much effort she put into it. Quatre was pleased though so he did not complained too much.
They just spent the rest of their conversation arranging details for what it would be one of the biggest social events of the year. After all, high society had been utterly disappointed of how low key Minister Peacecraft's 200 guests only wedding had been. This was the marriage of the head of the Winner empire and the only survivor of the Catalonia noble family. It had to be huge.
They spent the first ten minutes of the car ride in complete silence. Then Duo, unable to stay quiet for so long, asked Relena:
"How do you feel?".
"What? Well…not very well now…I'm nervous…" replied Relena confused by Duo's question.
"I think he means how does it feel to be pregnant…" explained Hilde joining the conversation.
"Ah…well, it's too soon to feel anything but…I will be feeling a bit sick later on and…after a while, when the baby will be a bit bigger, then I will feel it inside me. It's a pretty strange feeling, you know, knowing that something is growing inside you but…with time you learn to feel joy and you form a bond with the baby that, even if you lose it, like it happened to me, you just don't lose that bond. It will stay with you forever. I cannot explain it better with just words…I'm sorry…" Relena said looking at Hilde.
"I said it before, don't worry about me…I'm so happy to hear you're pregnant…Relena, how far were you when…I mean…" asked Hilde.
"Just passed the 13th week…It was no longer an embryo…biologically, it already was a human being…" said Relena feeling the old knot forming in her throat. She needed to talk about something else or else she would start crying again "In any case, I need to find Heero…he's got every reason to be mad with me…".
"How would you feel Duo? I mean you're a guy…" asked Hilde to her husband.
"I don't know…in any case, I cannot imagine how Heero's taken it. He's a really…I mean…" started Duo.
"Strange guy?" offered Relena.
"Well…Yes…I did not want to offend you…sorry…" apologised Duo.
"Don't worry, I know we are not Mr and Mrs Normality…" said Relena with a sad smile.
"Anyway, where do you think he's headed?" asked Duo.
"If I know him as much as I think I do…the only place he can be at is the school…, I've already asked the chauffer to take us there…" said Relena.
As soon as they arrived to the school, Relena asked Duo and Hilde to stay in the car. Although they had been really good friends to her, she needed to do this alone. Even her bodyguard had to stay behind. She walked inside the school glad that Heero had insisted and had given her a key. Looking around she couldn't see nor hear any signs of someone being there. She opened the door that led to the shuttle's hangars. Relena tried to adjust her eyes to the darkness of the place. She walked quickly through the shuttles parked outside the hangar feeling a bit uneasy. She should not be alone in a strange place in the dark. It could be dangerous, she knew it, but she ignored it.
"What are you doing here? Where's your bodyguard?" asked a very familiar monotone behind her back.
"I was looking for you" replied Relena turning around to face Heero. He was standing by one of the shuttle's door. He had probably seen her looking around for she had just passed in front of that shuttle.
"And your bodyguard? Do you ever worry about your safety? You should know better than wandering around unescorted in a dark open space…" said Heero reprimanding her.
"I'm sorry. Heero…I…" started saying Relena.
"I'm sorry too…" said Heero with the saddest tone she had ever heard.
"Why?" asked Relena.
"Because I did not protect you…I broke my promise…I promised that I would protect you and, my inability to understand my feelings for you distracted me from my chief mission. I had to protect you and I didn't so I'm partially responsible for the loss of our baby. I'm angry with you for not telling me about it but, I think I understand why you didn't…It's ironic that you didn't tell me thinking it would distract me from the mission but yet again you distracted me anyway and that made me fail my other mission, my most important mission…" said Heero stepping out of the shuttle and walking towards her stopping only a couple of steps away.
"Heero…I'm so sorry…I wanted to tell you but…I was afraid of what you would say…I thought you did not love me…I thought that…I just didn't want you to feel any duty towards the baby…I…I wanted you to marry me because of me…because you felt something for me…not for the baby's sake…now, I feel the same again…I don't want you to stay with me because you feel you have to…" said Relena.
"I don't think that is an option. I want to be with you. And…I promise that, this time, I will take care of you properly. There is no way I will fail the same mission twice. I promise…" said Heero walking towards Relena and, taking her in his arms, added "you're the most important thing I have in my life…I don't want to lose you…I don't want to lose any of you two…".
Relena was incredibly happy. This was the closest thing Heero had said to her to the three words she wanted to hear the most.
Another couple, from not too far away, observed the scene. Smiling at each other, decided to copy the other pair and hugged each other. Duo and Hilde did not know that destiny, being its usual cruel self, had not finished with Relena and Heero, a huge black cloud was creeping over their relationship willing to destroy their newborn happiness…
END OF CHAPTER SEVEN