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Enjoy chapter three!

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After my encounter with Vaughn I am feeling rather indifferent to my current situation. It didn't really matter where I was – I felt numb for the rest of the afternoon.

My afternoon was filled with more medical tests and my first of many psych evaluations. Dr. Meadowbrook, a psychologist I don't remember from before, met with me for an hour, watching me as I took a short test. The test was much like the one I took when I first entered SD-6, asking questions aimed at revealing my loyalties and mental state. The doctor spent the last half of our session asking me about my reactions to people and things since waking up in Hong Kong and where I thought I had been the past two years. Having nothing to hide, I answered honestly, not caring if my feelings of betrayal with regard to Vaughn came right out into the open. What were they going to do, fire me for harboring feelings from two years ago, I had bitterly asked the psychologist.

Now, here I am again, home sweet home, happy to be alone with my thoughts. I am beat, is it possible to suffer from jetlag when you have no idea how long you were somewhere or what time zone you are used to living in? I sure don't know the answer to that.

I guess my tiredness shouldn't come as a big surprise when I think about all I have been through in the past couple days. They told me that tomorrow I have physical testing – endurance, skill/defense testing, strength measurement – to see if I have maintained my physical abilities in my absence. I don't feel any weaker or different than I used to which is surprising because I find it hard to believe that Sloane would have had me working out if he was holding me. I actually laugh out loud when I think of myself running circles for exercise inside a cell much like this one.

"What are you laughing at?" Will's voice calls from outside my cell. I hadn't even heard him come in – I guess maybe my abilities have lessened, or become dulled.

"Oh, just a funny image of myself exercising in a 10 by 10 cell," I smile. "Just ignore me, my mind isn't quite normal right now."

"That's okay, it's just good to hear your laugh," Will motions to be let into the cell and once inside comes and sits next to me on the bed. I notice his right arm is hidden behind his back. "I brought you a present."

"A bubble bath? You shouldn't have."

"Good guess, but you are wrong, my friend," Will grins as he pulls out a take-out container and a delicious aroma reaches my nose. "Penne with pesto, pine nuts and sun-dried tomatoes – your favorite."

I can't even stop a silly grin from creeping onto my face, "Garlic bread?"

"Absolutely – what would pasta be without garlic bread?"

"You didn't make this yourself, did you?"

"Syd, I'm hurt, are you questioning my cooking skills?"

"Please, Will," I lift one eyebrow in his direction, "You have issues with cereal."

"One time," Will laughs, "One time I was out of milk and thought that powdered milk and water would work."

"Uh huh, whatever," I bump his shoulder with mine. "So, it's all right with the powers that be for me to eat this?"

"Yes, I mean, I did have to write a 12-page analysis on the effects of carbohydrate overload on a person enclosed in a small space. It turns out there are none."

"Great, give me my food," for the first time since, well, since I don't remember, I am feeling something that resembles happy. Happy to have one friend that hasn't changed and has seemed to survive the side-effects of being involved in my life with little or no damage. Will is still Will, happy to please his friends and ready with a joke in even the shittiest situations.

"Thanks, Will," I try talking through a mouthful of pasta.

"Ever the lady… you are very welcome, I feel like it is the least I could do. Vaughn is working on getting you a new mattress."

"Gee, maybe if I complain about the floor I can get some carpeting in here. Or, a halogen lamp instead of the fluorescent bulbs – they are hell on my complexion." Will frowns and I continue, "Sorry, I think I am getting a little loopy. I certainly appreciate the food."

"It wasn't easy for him, Syd," Will's voice changes tones to one more suitably somber.

"Yes, and I will not forget to thank him for the mattress, I really do appreciate it."

"No, not the mattress, though the CIA certainly doesn't place a huge importance on stocking new mattresses for their holding cells. I meant, that your being gone wasn't easy for him. He blamed himself for your being gone and couldn't come to grips with the idea that you weren't coming back. For the first year his life revolved around tracking your mom and following any lead that had the smell of Sloane about it. Finding you was his sole reason for living but he wasn't really living. He slept a few hours a night and ate meals behind his desk or standing up in his kitchen, Weiss and I were gradually able to get him to play basketball with us or a game of hockey and eventually he started going out for beers with us. He was relentless in his pursuit but even he knew he couldn't keep it up – his life would have been lost along with yours. He had to keep living, Syd."

I take a deep breath, swallowing thoroughly pulverized bite of food in my mouth. "So, what do you want me to say?"

"You don't have to say anything but I would like you to cut him some slack. Giving up his fight for you was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do and after all was said and done he's not the same person he was before; giving up came with a big price tag, Vaughn's not a quitter but we couldn't let him kill himself." Will pauses to let his words sink in. "I know it seems unfair of me to ask anything of you considering what you have been through, but your life wasn't the only one affected by this whole thing. No doubt, you got the short end of the stick but the rest of us aren't really hanging onto the long end either."

I can't even begin to formulate a sentence at this point so I simply nod my head and take another bite of my meal, though I seem to have lost my appetite.

"Don't be mad at me, Syd, I'm just trying to look out for both of you."

"I'm not mad, Will; I don't know what I am. Can we just not talk about this right now, I'm too tired to even think, let alone feel," I take Will's left hand in my right one and give it a small squeeze.

Will and I chat for another ten minutes or so until his pager goes off, it's Marie. "Go and call her, I'll be all right. I really should get some sleep, who knows how many miles they will have me run tomorrow."

"Okay, sleep well, Syd," Will takes the food dish out of my hand and presses a kiss into my temple. "Don't forget to brush your teeth, your breath really smells now."

"Har, har," I mock glare at him, "Thanks for the food. Will I see you tomorrow?"

"You can count on it," Will stands at the door, looking back at me. "G'night, Syd."

"Good night, Will," I say as I swing my legs up on the bed, it doesn't look like I will be benefiting from a new mattress tonight. Will talks down the hall and the gate opening is the last thing I hear before I drift off.

*          *          *

Vaughn comes into my room, fresh from the shower and smelling of soap and something else, I think it's Francie's face scrub. I giggle.

"What are you laughing at," he asks as stands at the foot of the bed.

"Oh nothing, I just didn't know you were into exfoliating."

"What are you talking about," he starts to protest but then I can see it dawns on him what I mean, "Hey, it said it was for sensitive skin prone to break outs and I almost got a zit last week worrying about you on that mission, you just can't be too careful. Besides, I noticed last week that you were smelling distinctly like my aftershave."

"I can't help it if I want to remember you during the day and put a little of your aftershave on my wrist so I could smell it and think of you," I smile sweetly at the gorgeous man in front of me as I rise up and scoot towards the edge of the bed.

"Awww, aren't you sweet?"

"I don't know about that, Vaughn," I say coyly as I reach for him, skimming my fingertips over his stomach and up over his shoulders. "Right now I don't feel so sweet."

A rumble comes from the back of Vaughn's throat as I pull myself up, flush with his body.

"Come to bed," I whisper in his ear and start a trail of small kisses that leads me to his mouth, stopping there briefly before continuing on to his other ear. Finally he touches me, his hands tugging against my back, bringing me even closer to him. Then I feel him moving, one knee coming up onto the bed, pushing me back to where I was before until we are lying side-by-side, legs tangled together. Our kisses are sweet, seemingly innocent while our hands do the dirty work, teasing each other with feathering touches.

He brings a hand up to my cheek, deepening the kiss, tongues now fully engaged. And just as my mind starts to go hazy, he pulls away. It takes me a second to open my eyes and when I do I find him staring at me, his thumb drawing circles on my chin.

"God, I love you."

I wake with a start and realize that someone is sitting on my bed, a familiar hand is stroking my cheek. But I know it was the sound of his voice and not his touch that has woken me up.

"Vaughn?" The hand stops moving and pulls away, instantly my skin feels cold. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?"

"I brought you a mattress," Vaughn's voice his husky, like he has been crying, but I can't see his face as the lights are all out aside from those in the hall and since his back is facing the hall, his face is further shadowed. "And it's not really the middle of the night, it's only eleven. They said that you went to bed at eight-thirty."

"Oh, guy, I haven't gone to bed that early since elementary school," I laugh at myself. "Still, eleven is pretty late to be at work, shouldn't you be at home, with…"

Vaughn cuts me off, "She's out of town until tomorrow, at a wedding."

I realize then, that that is probably where he was called back from. "I'm sorry, Vaughn, you should be there with her."

"No, it's all right," Vaughn shrugs, "She's with her friends and probably partying like a mad woman. She knows very well how demanding my job is – don't worry about it. So, you want to try out this mattress?"

His last sentence actually makes me laugh out loud, but my laughter is quickly cut short when Vaughn turns his head and I can see tears glistening on his cheeks from the light outside my cell. I quickly get off my bed and sit on the mattress on the floor in front of me. It is a nice mattress, I think it even has a pillow-top.

"Vaughn, this is not your standard CIA-issue mattress."

"Yeah, well, it seemed that the CIA was fresh out of suitable mattresses so I went out and did a little shopping," Vaughn shrugs again, standing up to pull my current bed off its pedestal. "Want to help me get the new one in place?"

"Sure," I start to stand but lose my balance and fall back on my butt. Vaughn offers his hand to help me up and I take up, feeling my heart jump as I feel his fingers close around mine. But Vaughn is all business and drops my hand as soon is it is obvious that I am steady on my feet. He might be unaffected but my heart is pounding in my chest.

Together we lift the mattress up and into place. Vaughn reaches into a bag on the floor next to him and pulls out new sheets and a blanket – one that is not of the scratchy, wool variety.

"Vaughn, this is too much, I can't imagine the CIA springing for all this for me."

"Well, they didn't but your dad and I did. We thought as long as you have to be here you might as well be comfortable."

"Vaughn, thank you," my voice cracks as I continue. "Thank you for being nice to me even though you have every reason to be mad and hate me. Even though I am upset about all this, I'm sorry to take it out on you."

"It's all right, Syd, you have the right to be upset and to question everything. You just hit some raw nerves this afternoon," Vaughn takes a step towards me. "We were, and still are, both exhausted – emotionally and physically – we are in a situation out of our control."

I single tear has found its way onto my cheek and Vaughn reaches up to brush it away before it has a chance to fall any further – my face, unlike his, is completely illuminated by the lights in the hall. I stand there, not moving, unsure of my feelings and wanting to keep my emotions in check.

"Sleep tight, Syd." Vaughn picks up the empty bag and kicks the old mattress over against the opposite wall.

I raise my hand and wave, knowing my voice cannot be trusted. Wearily I plop down onto my new bed, not bothering to arrange the new sheets over the mattress and instead pull the blanket around my body, creating a tight cocoon around myself.

Tomorrow is another day.

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Thanks for reading – chapter four soon to come!